Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

The Fatuous Four

The Kings Madness competition is now down to its final four. There have been upsets, buzzer beaters and heartbreak so far, but now it's serious, folks. Here are my original predictions and here are the final match-ups:

Wayne Gretzky


Luc Robitaille

Holy shit. This is basically the Western Conference Finals, because whoever wins is pretty much guaranteed to win the whole thing. I mean, you have the world's greatest hockey player versus "Lucky" Luc Robitaille. Here's the way I see it:

Wayne Gretzky is The Great One. He's so far above Luc Robitaille in terms of hockey ability it's ridiculous. But, he doesn't belong to the Kings. He doesn't belong to the Oilers.* He belongs to hockey fans everywhere. Gretzky gave us 8 great years, but that wasn't unique to us; he gave that to fans of hockey everywhere. I mean, last year Columbus fans gave Gretzky a standing ovation at the NHL draft. It's ridiculous and foolhardy for Kings' fans to try and claim him for themselves.

Luc Robitaille, on the other hand, is a great player who completely belongs to the Kings. He was drafted, groomed, and celebrated by Los Angeles. He owns the Kings all-time scoring record is staying with the team after his playing career ended. More importantly (at least to me), he was never really the same when he was with another team. He gets traded to Pittsburgh and then New York and puts up a high of 69 points in 3 seasons; then he comes back to LA and puts up 74, 74, and 88 point seasons in consecutive years. He goes to Detroit and wins a Cup, but then he comes back to LA and has a renaissance. Plus, Luc has a way better personality and is far more fun than Gretzky. You wouldn't vote for Luke Skywalker over Han Solo, would you? Wayne Gretzky is hockey, but Luc Robitaille is the Los Angeles Kings.

*Gretzky's Hall of Fame display has his Edmonton and Team Canada jerseys hung up, proudly displayed. His Kings jersey? On the ground, wrapped up so you only see his name on the jersey and not the Kings crest. Oh, Canada.

Rob Blake


Anze Kopitar

What the hell? This is like if George Mason and Davidson both made it to the Final Four. Hold on, I need to talk to Kings fans. If you're not one, skip this.

C'mon guys, the Kings have 41 years of history and you vote for the guy who has been on the team for 2 years? That's stupid. Blake is acceptable, since he's the only King to win a Norris Trophy, but Kopitar? Maybe one day, but it's retarded for him to get this far. He was in the same division as Marcel Dionne, for God's sakes! Who did he lose to anyway... Marty McSorley? And in the Elite Eight you voted for Dustin Brown over Rogie Vachon??? And you voted for Kopitar over Kelly Hrudey????????????? God you guys are idiots. How are we supposed to brag about how we are an actual team to Anaheim and San Jose if you guys are going to only pick players that have been around for the past 15 years? At least fake like you care about the past. You're embarrassing me.

So, in conclusion, I think it should go like this: Robitaille wins over Gretzky (with all due respect), Bowlby beats Kopitar, Luc wins the whole thing. Afterwards, the Kings start showing mandatory history films before games.

Edit: Fuck, Ovechkin tied Robitaille's record last night. Well, now you better vote for him just to make him feel better.


KMS2 said...

I could give a shit about this competition. The only thing I want the Kings to focus on and promote is winning games. Fuck this "King Madness" crap.

RK, is that seriously the best picture of Stacia you could find? I'm a straight gal, but I have no problem admitting that she is HOT and should definitely be a big factor in Robitaille overthrowing Gretzky. And plus, she seems way more wholesome than Janet Jones.

Ashish said...


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Earl Sleek said...

Ashish--I'm the guy you probably should be talking to on "widgets", but also know that I am a techno-idiot who gets very scared by the term.

If you can e-mail me at earlsleek@gmail.com and convince me that this development is both easy and useful, I'm usually a pushover.

Ian said...

Sounds like spam to me, Earl. OMG, a content widget? Like, you can see content, in a box? Get out!

The only thing that would enhance this site's interaction and reader experience more would be a scratch-n-sniff widget.

Earl Sleek said...

Yeah, I later saw the same comment at Battle of Alberta, so at least this spammer's got good taste.

The only widget I think that I'd like to some degree (and maybe it can only be offered by Blogger) would be a slideshow-like box that just rotated images that have ever been included on this site's posts. I like some of the old graphics and cartoons, and it might be nice to have a good trip through memory lane, with maybe the possibility that clicking on a passing image would take you to its original post.

So, Avinash or anyone else, got something like that?

Bryan said...

Pretty pathetic Kings fans. How McSorley got anywhere in the bracket is ridiculous. Were people not around in 93 for the stick incident. Do they not remember the whole McSorley/Pittsburg fiasco. I mean McSorley's high point as a King was when he beat the crap out of Gilmour. Sad indeed.

RudyKelly said...

kms2, I had trouble finding one of her that wasn't from the 90s. I also had trouble finding one of Janet that wasn't from the 80s. I'd go with Shawna, personally, but that's just me. Pretty much all hockey wives are hot though, except for Scott Niedermayer's wife.

Bryan, he elbowed Gilmour and then brutalized Wendell Clark. You have to admit, that is a helluva high point. Think about it like this: who would win in a fan popularity contest, Steve Rucchin or George Parros?

CKim said...

Are people completely unaware of Brandi Blake?

chris in torrance said...

I'm alright with Anze's success in the brackets. I'll bet if the Capitals (a team very similar to the Kings with moments of greatness, but no real success) did a bracket, Alexander Ovechkin would do well too. I'm willing to bet Sidney Crosby would do well in a Penguins bracket and that's a team that has had success and some great players.

I knew Marty would do well too. I remember the Forum days when the entire crowd would stand and chant "MARTY, MARTY, MARTY" after he beat the shit out of someone.

I also agree with most everyone else that I'd like to see Luc win it.

Earl Sleek said...

Hold on, I need to talk to Kings fans. If you're not one, skip this.

And thus, the most skipped-over paragraph in BoC history.

RudyKelly said...

Sometimes I feel a little down that I (as Kings blogger) probably have the lowest fanbase of the 3 BoC teams.

Then I go read Letsgokings.com.

Then I whistle a little tune.