15 Reasons the Kings Won't Sign Glenn Murray

1) Dustin Brown is 23 years old and scored more goals than Murray had points last season. He plays right wing.

2) Ted Purcell is 22 years old and was the AHL rookie of the year last season. He plays right wing.

3) Brad Richardson is 23 years old and is incredibly fast and a solid penalty killer. He plays right wing.

4) Derek Armstrong is 35 years old and is the eldest member of the team. He had more points than Glen Murray last season. He will probably play right wing on the 4th line and has a game that translates well to that role.

5) Oscar Moller is 19 years old and could potentially break into the line-up this season or next. He plays right wing.

6) Wayne Simmonds is 19 years old and will probably slot into the right wing either this season or next in a bottom-six role.

7) We already traded away Glen Murray once.

8) He's a terrible skater.

9) He doesn't play defense.

10) He can't kill penalties.

11) Glen Murray curiously fell off a cliff when that one big guy left Boston.

12) He probably voted for Andrew over Elvis on Greatest American Dog.*

13) The Kings already have Kopitar, Brown, Frolov, Boyle, O'Sullivan, and Stoll set on the power play, the one area where Murray has a modicum of value.

14) He's 36 years-old.

15) Thurs., March 29, 2007:

"I liked Glen Murray when he was on the Kings and I’m sure he’s a pleasant enough guy, but I’d rather eat a baby than have him on the Kings for the next two years."


*Seriously, that was fucking horse shit. Bella Starlet is obviously retarded and Laurie cheated with Andrew (yeah, it's perfectly fine to open a giant fucking hole in the hoop, that's not illegal at all), but Elvis loses? Sure, he fucked up a little because David sucks ass and wouldn't take him off the leash, but he rocked the little cross thing. And Laurie fucking sucks for ratting out Elvis for biting a few dogs. I hope she dies of gonorrhea and burns in hell. Fuck!

A Little Something to Cheer Us All Up

Things have been rough today, what with Lubo getting traded and Dan Cloutier being the worst person in the entire world and all. So, to cheer us up, I present to you a delicious and completely plausible rumor from Boston.com:

Mathieu Schneider

for...

FOR...

wait for it....

Glen Murray!!!!

Because why wouldn't the Ducks want to trade their talented offensive defenseman (39 points last year) for a broken-down forward (30 points last year) with little-to-no value outside of his shot? Because, dumbshit, the Ducks would get salary relief! To the tune of $1.51 million dollars! How could you pass this up?!? I need to stop yelling!

My favorite part of the article is when he claims that obtaining Murray would help replace the hole left by Todd Bertuzzi. Because it's true, Glen Murray would do an excellent job replacing Todd Bertuzzi because he's old, slow, and overpaid.

I would literally rather trade Mathieu Schneider for air than for Glen Murray. If were Brian Burke, I'd rather shoot Mathieu Schneider into the Sun and break Jonas Hiller's fingers with a claw hammer than trade for Glen Murray. Glen Murray has negative value. He is more damaging to a team's playoff chances than this blog is to my chances of getting laid. If any team is trading for Glen Murray, there better be a pretty low draft pick coming along with him. To paraphrase Jeffrey Ross, I wouldn't trade for Glen Murray with Anaheim's dick.

Kings Gameday: Just Another Game…

Los Angeles Kings (26-37-14, 13^th in West) vs. Vancouver Canucks (46-23-7, 3^rd in West)

7:30 PST, FSN West

(Quick note: there are two great posts below mine that were just posted today, so read those first. I’ll wait.)

Is anything important supposed to happen today? I don’t think so…

Anyway, the Kings play the Vancouver Canucks tonight in a game that they’ll probably lose. I’m at the point in the season where I don’t even care if they win or lose anymore as long as the young guys play well. Marc Crawford tried putting Kopitar on a line with Folov and Cammalleri. I like it, if for no other reason than it’s nice seeing the Kings’ 3 best forwards playing together. Patrick O’Sullivan has been playing the center position on the other line with Brown, and I like that too. He seems a lot more comfortable when he’s allowed to get the puck in space rather than having to dig it out of the corners. That could change the Kings’ priorities in the off-season if O’Sullivan can show that he's capable of playing center in the NHL.

Meanwhile, Sean Burke is terrible. His “attempt” to stop Patrick Marleau’s breakaway on Tuesday was one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever seen. His balance is terrible on breakaways, to the point where he can’t even get his leg extended to his glove side. I wasn’t even mad, though; I just felt sorry for him. No 40 year-old man should have to put up with this. The only person more humiliated then him was probably Mathieu Garon, who thought, “This guy’s playing ahead of me? Sacre Bleu!” (See, because he’s French-Canadian…)

At the head office, the NHL is apparently upset with GM Dean Lombardi for shenanigans he pulled while pursuing defenseman Joe Piskula. Apparently, Lombardi put in a clause in Piskula’s contract that gave him $25,000 for his 1^st, 3^rd, and 5^th games played. The NHL isn’t happy because they think it sets a precedent where performance bonuses aren’t earned, but instead used to secretly give young players more money. Personally, I like the move. I’m sure Lombardi was looking over the CBA while he was a scout for the Flyers and noticed this loophole. Why not give it a shot? Even if the deal is voided, the Kings still have an inside track on Piskula since he's already here. Lombardi has shown before that he’s not afraid to try different ideas, like when he planned on “trading” LaBarbera to the Flyers and then picking him back up off waivers before the NHL nixed that idea. His scheme was sneaky, but it’s nevertheless pretty cool and I’m glad the Kings had the GM who thought of it first.

In other news, Yahoo! is reporting that the Kings might be interested in Glen Murray and the 4 million a year for 2 years left on his contract. That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, and the rumor was probably started by someone in Boston’s organization hoping that the Kings are idiots, but it still makes me uncomfortable. If Glen Murray doesn’t come along with Joe Thornton, I want nothing to do with him. Glen Murray had one year where he scored 92 points; other than that season, his career high is 62. And now he’s 34 and projected to hit 49 points this season. Oh, and he's out for the season with a groin injury. I liked Glen Murray when he was on the Kings and I’m sure he’s a pleasant enough guy, but I’d rather eat a baby than have him on the Kings for the next two years.

Dear God, no!

Prediction: The Kings will lose and I’ll head out for some meat tenderizer.

(Oh, and I won’t be posting anything until Monday, unless I decide to post something tomorrow. I’m sure all my loyal reader are disappointed, but fear not; if the Kings get scored on Sunday against the Sharks and you hear a distant “Fuck!” being carried by the wind, know that I am with you.)