Courtesy of the fine people at ducks-hockey.com, here is a video collection of 19 George Parros fights from the 2007-08 season. A little pre-game reseach prior to Thursday's ANA-SJ home opener.
Parros vs. Thornton 9/30/07 Parros vs. Boogaard 10/14/07 Parros vs. Fedoruk 10/20/07 Parros vs. King 10/23/07 Peters vs. Parros 12/05/07 Peters vs. Parros -Round 2- 12/05/07 Parros vs. Koci 12/07/07 Parros vs. Shelley 12/10/07 Parros vs. Davison 12/18/07 Parker vs. Parros 12/19/07 Belak vs. Parros 1/9/08 Parros vs. Ivanans 1/24/08 Parros vs. King 2/1/08 Parros vs. Cote 2/2/08 Parros vs. Orr 2/7/08 Parros vs. Downey 2/10/08 Godard vs. Parros 2/17/08 King vs. Parros 2/22/08 Parros vs. Shelley 3/21/08
To help save the planet, I am re-using an image from Christmas 2006.
I know I've lost some momentum on this Anaheim Sometimes-Mighty Ducks of Anaheim project, but I'm down to my last spot to fill. I've got the rest of the roster penciled together for an unveiling next week, though it's still not too late to convince me on your votes in for:
#1 Center: Rucchin, Oates, Fedorov, McDonald, or Getzlaf.
#5 and #6 Defensemen: Two of Dollas, Karpa, Mironov, Salei, Havelid, Vishnevski, Carney, Ozolinsh, Beauchemin, O'Donnell, or Schneider.
Backup Goaltender: Hebert, Shtalenkov, Gerber, Bryzgalov, or Hiller.
Today we fill my last open spot: Enforcer.
Throughout its franchise history, Anaheim has relied on an element of pure muscle, for a few reasons: to compensate for its sissy team name, to draw more lackluster fans in SoCal, and for traditional on-ice reasons (protecting and generating space for superstars). I don't suppose that reserving a slot for an enforcer makes Anaheim's All-Time team necessarily better on paper, but I think it does do a service to all those punch-monkeys who have stood up for the Ducks over the years. Also, my all-time team (penciled-in version) is looking quite soft thus far; I can probably count the career fighting majors among my forwards on one hand.
In terms of the skillset I'm looking for, it's pretty simple: Popularity, Fighting Ability, and Regular Shifts (in that order of importance). I've put together a list of twelve candidates which is by no means exhaustive (feel free to write in anyone I've missed), sorted by penalty minutes per game. I won't profile these guys (frankly, I don't remember them all), but this list should help jog Ducks fans' memories.
Questions to consider: Who on this list was most likely to get fans on their feet? Who on this list would be scariest to fight against? Who on this list showed the best hockey sense aside from fighting? And then the real question: All that considered, who deserves the Enforcer spot on the Anaheim Sometimes-Mighty Ducks of Anaheim? Whether you're a Ducks fan or not, I'll take your votes and justifications in the comments.
Not to be confused with Deadspin's Sports Human of the Year contest, shockingly won by Barbaro in a come from behind tour de force in 2006, Versus kicked off election season early launching CamPain 08. Thirty two athletes will battle amongst the viewing public in a virtual toughman contest to decide "which athlete best represents a lifetime of determination, competition, domination and tradition".
The initial list of nominees sans any write-in candidates is a little unusual. Recently "un-retired" Packers quarterback Brett Farve gets the nod over legendary players like Jack Lambert, Lawrence Taylor, or Dick Butkus. San Francisco 49'ers safety Ronnie Lott was righfully included in the top 32. Despite amputating part of his left pinky after it was crushed in a hit, Lott helped the Niners win four Superbowls and eight division titles. The Bay Area Sports Hall of Fame inductee regularly used the crowd to gauge how big one of his pancake tackles was. If fans responded with a chorus of "ooooooh's", he knew it was a monster "oooh hit".
Looking past the base jumpers, rock climbers, bmx riders, Iditarod mushers, and free divers, boxing is well represented with Mike Tyson, Muhammad Ali, and Archie Moore. Good selections all, but the true ironmen of the sport heralded the transition between the no holds barred London Prize Ring rules to the modern day gloved Marquess of Queensberry rules. Several title fights edged into the 40-50 round category, where a fight was won only by a knockout or another fighter quitting on the stool. It gives "toughest athlete" a whole new meaning. Lou Gehrig and Jackie Robinson are two old school baseball nominees, and they are really the only baseball players you could include in a toughest athlete list. Modern baseball players are out for several weeks with finger sprains or sore abs. Old baseball players did not even have abs they had guts, and they were fueled with beer and hot dogs. Jack Hamilton is another ball player included on account of a fastball he took square in the face. Waking up in an ambulance en route to the hospital after taking a baseball to the head is never a fun experience, trust me.
The NHL is also well represented, with Gordie Howe, Maurice Richard and Bob Probert earning nominations. Versus notes Howe's unique double edged talent as one of the league's best scorers and most feared competitors. One ref described the sound of his 1959 pummeling of Rangers goon Lou Fontinato, "Never in my life have I heard anything like it, like the sound of chopping wood. Thwack! Then all of a sudden Louie’s breathing out of his cheekbone." Take a second to wipe that image from your memory. The Rocket Maurice Richard, namesake of the league's goal scoring trophy, also was described knocking out a Ranger goon twice, once after he regained conciousness. Toughness to Versus appears to be flattening New York Rangers, can't argue with that.
Far and away the leading favorite from the NHL, and possibly a leading favorite out of the initial 32 nominees, is former Detroit Red Wing and Chicago Blackhawk enforcer Bob Probert. The Windsor, Ontario native's career resume is littered with the remnants of the NHL's most intimidating and feared players. Probert engaged in several of the NHL's most classic fights with the likes of Tie Domi, Georges Laraque, Marty McSorley, Donald Brashear, Stu Grimson, Joey Kocur and Dave Semenko to name a few. He flattened Colorado's 6-foot-5 240-pound Scott Parker on home ice. He pummeled the "Grim Reaper" Stu Grimson 6 seconds into the Anaheim Ducks first game to introduce a new generation of fans riding the wave of interest in the Mighty Ducks film series. In addition to his enforcer skillset, Probert was far from a liability when on the ice. He provided a physical edge that opened up room for skilled players, while contributing 163 goals and 384 points in 935 games played.
Probert also watches a lot of hockey and can only shake his head at how the game has changed. It's fast and exciting, but Probert thinks there are too few hits and too many penalties called. "Imagine a penalty call in overtime of the Stanley Cup. That was unheard of."
He also thinks the league still needs enforcers to protect their teammates. If he was playing, there'd be heck to pay for some of the cheap shots players are getting away with, Probert said. "I'd be out there fighting before those guys left the ice."
My dark horse pick for CamPain 08 is big wave surfer Laird Hamilton. Many only know of Hamilton from his AMEX commerical, his marriage to Gabrielle Reece, or some of his unusual expirimentations with kite boarding or paddle surfing. Hamilton is also one of the pioneers of modern big wave tow-in surfing. With many of the largest breaks traveling at speeds too fast for paddle in sufing, Hamilton has taken tow-in surfing to new levels and is widely regarded as the top big wave surfer in the world. On August 17, 2000 at the Teahupo'o Reef in Tahiti, Hamilton dropped into what many consider the world's thickest wave resulting in an iconic Surfer Magazine cover known around the world. Laird Hamilton has also surfed monster 50+ foot waves at the legendary Hawaiin break Pe'ahi (Jaws), which along with Half Moon Bay's Mavericks is considered one of the most dangerous surfing locations in the world.
It is one thing to engage in a 12 round title fight, to ride a bike over several mountain ranges or lineup against an NFL O-lineman for the better part of an afternoon. It is an entirely different thing to catch a wave the size of a 7-story or 8-story house moving at 30+ miles an hour, then trying to cut hard to avoid a mountain of whitewater that can make you a permanent part of the reef below. Auto racing talking head Jeremy Clarkson described Formula 1 racers as not having the part of the brain that registers fear when describing how modern race car drivers approach a difficult section of a course (such as the corkscrew at Laguna Seca). When a normal person would break, or fear for their life approaching a 300 foot elevation change and two quick turns at almost 200 mph, a race car driver does not.
Laird Hamilton has a similar brain abnormality. When riding waves the size of small office buildings, he genuinely looks like he is enjoying the moment. Other big wave surfers have said that Hamilton is capable of making adjustments on some of these gigantic waves that no other individual could. Each time he drops in on another wave he displays a "lifetime of determination, competition, domination and tradition" like no other athlete.
Make your selection for toughest athlete at Versus CamPain 2008 or make a write-in nomination here, or view the the original "campain ad" and listen to the debate here. Voting for Round 1 ends August 1st. No voting for yourself George Parros.
[Update] The Versus MMA youtube channel has this camPAIN08 video clip featuring several mixed martial arts athletes worthy of consideration. Rickson Gracie, Fedor Emelianenko, Dan Henderson, Randy Couture are not on the initial list of 32 Toughest Athlete nominees, but Sacramento's Urijah Faber is. Faber is the WEC's Featherweight Champion. What makes Faber worthy of consideration you say? This interview where he describes fighting off a large mob of Balinese criminals by himself. Why won't Faber win the Toughest Athlete title? Because he went to Davis. War Chico State!
[Update2] Trying to follow in Barbaro's footsteps, Bodacious has garnered .4% of the vote in the "Bull" category. For some reason I do not think there will be a new model of Lamborghini named after this entrant.
The 1,800lb horned beast was referred to as "The World's Most Dangerous Bull." His specialty was delivering life-threatening head butts to riders. After one unsuccessful ride, Tuff Hedeman's face needed reconstructive surgery. Later that year when Hedeman drew Bodacious again, he opted not to ride him.
World's Toughest Athlete, World's Most Dangerous Bull, that is just splitting hairs. Bodacious gets my vote. The last professional bull rider to try to ride Bodacious donned a hockey mask and had both of his eye sockets fractured. No one ever tried to ride him again. Bull 1, Pros 0.
Two years ago, the Anaheim Ducks won the Stanley Cup thanks to George Parros' moustache and Brad May's right fist. Since then, the other teams in the Pacific have gathered their own eclectic mix of goons, ruffians and whelps to combat the OC menace. Last year the Pacific was the best division in hockey and this year I think it'll be the fightingest. Since there's not much going on these days, I thought it'd be fun to take a look at the fighting prospects of the teams in the Pacific, broken down by role. Be warned: these are my fight roles and they're complicated and more than a little insane, so try to keep up.
Goons: George Parros, Raitis Ivanans, Jody Shelley, Brian McGratton
Goons are guys who play about 5-7 minutes a game and don't really have an impact. They'll skate around and hit someone, get knocked down and then square off with a fellow goon to give the masses a little excitement. It's awesome. Every team has a goon except Dallas, who have a couple of tweeners to do their dirty work. The Kings have the best enforcer because Raitis Ivanans is 1) the best hockey player of the group, and 2) Ivanans isn't keeping someone good out of the line-up like everyone else. Brian McGratton is the new guy in Phoenix and I imagine he'll fight a lot in the beginning. Jody Shelley sucks.
Tweeners: Brad May, Krys Barch, Brad Winchester, Craig Weller, BJ Crombeen, Chris Kunitz
Tweeners are like goons but smaller and better at hockey (though still not good). They fight well and usually beat up on lesser fighters. Brad May pretty much sets the standard for tweeners in the NHL, as he can fight any weight class and do some damage with hooks and slashes as well. Barch and Winchester teamed up to fill the role in Dallas, although I'm not sure if they're going to make the team. Crombeen might take their slot next year and he's pretty fucking crazy. Scott Thornton did fill this slot for the Kings, but he retired. Brian Boyle will probably try to take that role next year.
Avengers: Douglas Murray (of Sweden), Matt Greene, Sean O'Donnell, Brendan Morrow
Avengers and tweeners are similar, in that they're both light heavyweights, but the difference is that the primary role of an avenger is usually hockey-related, not goon-related. Avengers fight when a teammate has been wronged and usually kick ass. Doug Murray excelled at this last year, often coming to the aid of any teammate that had his knee messed with. (Doug Murray hates it when people get kneed.) Matt Greene comes in to fill the role for the Kings this season, while Sean O'Donnell will continue fighting in defense of his teammates in Anaheim. Brendan Morrow is excellent at this role, but he's probably too good a hockey player to fight too much. Phoenix had two players that defended their teammates last year, Nick Boynton and Keith Ballard, but they both left in the Jokinen trade. Someone is going to have to step in and fill that void for them. Criag Rivet also protected San Jose last year, but he's gone now so they can have Rob Blake shoot 9,000 feet wide of the net.
Punching bags are sacrificial lambs. When someone on their team does something that goes against the code, these men are usually sent out to get their asses kicked in order to end the retaliation. They'll fight anyone and usually lose, but at least the important players on the team are spared. Todd "Ow my face!" Fedoruk is the standard in punching bags, but every team besides the Kings and the Stars have one on their team. Brian Sutherby probably doesn't belong here because he usually starts fights; he just kind of sucks at it.
Pests: Danny Carcillo, Sean Avery, Steve Ott, Corey Perry(?)
These guys are like goons except they usually skate a regular shift. Their job isn't primarily fighting, it's more annoying-related. Lots of stick work, lots of trash talk. They are usually held accountable sooner or later, fighting mostly each other or avengers. Danny Carcillo is the cream of the Pest crop because he's fucking insane and will fight anyone. Avery and Ott will form a dynamic duo of douche baggery in Dallas, making up for Dallas' lack of a straight Goon. Corey Perry isn't so much a pest because he's good at hockey, but he's a little bitch nonetheless so he goes here.
So that pretty much runs down the people you're going to see fighting in the Pacific. Overall, the Ducks still have the best fighters in the division, but the Stars have a variety of people to throw out there if things get crazy. The Kings and Sharks are basically only avengers and 1 goon each, while the Coyotes have two goons, big and small. The Pacific Division is shaping up to be the fightingest division in hockey next year and it's going to be awesome.
Save for one entry from 2007, vote for your favorite photo on Battle of California this season. There is Marc Edouard Vlasic giving George Parros flying lessons, Craig Rivet pounding Ryan Carter into jiblets part 1 and 2 (do Ducks have giblets?), and Dustin Penner meets ice-ice wins. Unfortunately 2007-08 was a relatively Pronger-Perry free photographic output.
On the front page of ESPN.com, there's a new article about goons and the people who love them. I liked it, but I was a little confused by the top image. Among the "goons" that men love are photos of Bobby Hull, Joe Nieuwendyk, and Jonathan Cheechoo. It's obvious they chose the pictures because 2 of them were bloodied and 1 is missing his teeth, but isn't it a little disingenuous? Both Nieuwendyk and Cheechoo have been in a grand total of 4 fights (2 a piece). I don't know about the number of fights Bobby Hull was in (do I count the ones with his wife?), but the first thing you think of when you think "Bobby Hull" isn't fighting. To show pictures of men who were injured by sticks and pucks to try and give the impression that hockey fighting results in copious amounts of blood and tooth loss (and it can, but not that often), is incredibly misleading.
(There's also a picture of Marty McSorley talking shit to Matt Norstrom, which tripped me out. I thought for a second they were on the same team.)
In other news, Rick Nash has been named to the cover of NHL 2K9. Runner-up? A player who deserved it.
If this hockey thing doesn't work out, there's always "Evil Henchman."
Inside the Kings has 2 awesome posts about Kevin Westgarth, the enforcer for the Manchester Monarchs (AHL). He's a Princeton graduate and has long hair... who does that remind me of? The first link is a couple videos from his fights (I recommend the Boulerice fight), and the second is a pretty enlightening interview on the method behind fighting. It's pretty interesting, even if you're not a Kings fan. Here's an excerpt (bolding mine):
Question: So is hockey fighting a science, a skill or a bit of both? Westgarth: I think it is definitely both. There is definitely a lot of technique to it. In a big way it is almost a mindset. It is just something where you have to overcome that fear of being hit. I'm always honored when a younger guy is going to come up and ask me for advice about it. We had some guys come up this year out of college and they asked me for some pointers, and we'd go through some stuff where you are just holding on and working on balance. But honestly the most important thing that anyone can learn is that it doesn't hurt to get hit. That is the biggest thing to get over, because if you get tapped and you get hit you can't freak out. You just have to get through it.
That is pretty awesome. I doubt Westgarth will make the team next year since we have Ivanans locked up for 2 more years, but one of the two could be used as trade bait. Or maybe the Kings can just say, "Fuck it," next year and put Westgarth and Ivanans around Brian Boyle and try to intimidate their way to victory. Either way, it's nice to know we have someone ready to protect our guys if anything happens to Raitis.
(Busy day here at BoC, so make sure you check out Earl's gameday post below. It's got analysis, or some shit like that. Whatever, analysts say you can't drink at 9 in the morning, so what do they know?)
Los Angeles Kings (11-16-2) vs.Vancouver Canucks (16-10-3)
7:30 PST, FSN West
Yeah, yeah, the Kings can’t beat Phoenix, whatever.I haven’t been worrying about it too much; instead, I’ve been considering that we might be living in the Golden Age of enforcers in the Pacific division. Every team has someone awesome who can fight, and each guy has a little something about him that makes him significantly cooler than the average hockey player.Look:
I think Parros is making that kid uncomfortable. Look how he's leaning away.
George Parros, Anaheim Ducks.The legacy of this guy is overblown, but there’s a reason people liked him in the first place.Moustache.Princeton degree.Long, wild hair.Comically bad balance.Likes Night Ranger, which is kind of like an even gayer version of Nelson.It’s kinda bandwagon now, but George Parros is still a pretty awesome guy.
Don't bite his face, Raitis! Bad Raitis!
Raitis Ivanans, Los Angeles Kings.Raitis Ivanans took a Rob Blake slap shot to the face and did not get knocked out.He didn’t even fall down.He’s like Colossus if Colossus couldn’t turn into metal.I’d be afraid to talk to him, lest I somehow offend him and wake up trying to pick my teeth out of my crap.He can’t fight right now, but don’t worry, he’s making notes.He’ll be back.
"Did you hit his knees? You mother fucker!"
Douglas Fucking Murray, San Jose Sharks.I’ve been a fan of Dog Murray before he realized he needed to fight for his food, but he’s taken his awesomeness to a whole new level.Douglas Fucking Murray (as Meg pointed out, that sounds like two guys are having sex) owns a company, is Swedish, has a cool nickname (“Crankshaft”), and is unique because he doesn’t go around looking for fights.Dog Murray generally fights when one of his teammates has been wronged, usually when someone goes after their knees (Dog Murray HATES it when people go after knees).He’s a noble guy, and I dig that.
I'm half-expecting him to pull out a gun any second.
Danny Carcillo, Phoenix Coyotes.I don’t know much about this guy, other than he’s smaller than anyone else on this list and that he’s a fucking lunatic.Seriously, I’ve watched Sean Avery, and this guy makes Sean Avery look like Jari Kurri.He belongs on the plane in Con Air, not on the ice.He may never fight any of the other big boys on this list, but I imagine he would in a heartbeat.Get this man some therapy.
The Rifle, unloading on a Red Wing.
Brad Winchester, Dallas Stars.I almost didn’t put this guy on the list since he’s not really as cool as the other guys, but I needed him to finish the list.Plus, his name is Brad Winchester.I can’t hear his name without blurting out, “Awesome!”Winchester.That’s his last name.Even better, his nickname is “The Rifle.”I would give either nut for the opportunity to be nicknamed “The Rifle.”He could be a florist and I bet he’d be the baddest assed florist in the world.Work with blood orchids, or something.
So yeah, we're doin' pretty well in terms of enforcers. Who would you guys want on your team?
Prediction: Kings win, 4-3. Goals by... I don't know, these things don't matter anyway. Sammy Pahlsson, with all 7 goals.
Like most Kings fans, I was pretty bummed when George Parros lost his job to Raitis Ivanans last year. I had grown to love our Princeton pugilist over the previous season in spite of his ineptitude and lack of balance and I doubted some Latvian could possibly replace him. I soon forgot all about Parros, though, when I saw this picture:
Dear God, is that his bicep???
I grew to appreciate Ivanans’ “skills” more and more as the season went on, and I am ultimately glad Parros is gone. There are 3 main reasons I think Ivanans is better than Parros:
1) Ivanans is a better fighter. Parros falls too much. I think that’s something everyone can agree on. Every Parros fight you’ll see will go as follows: Parros throws the other guy around, misses a punch and then falls down. Ivanans, on the other hand, is incredibly strong on his skates. (I think it’s because he’s 6’3” and weighs like 600 pounds.) The two fought once last season; it would have been a good fight, but Parros kept falling down. He’s like a grizzly bear trying to play hockey out there.
2) Ivanans is better at the sport of hockey. Of course, that’s like saying that he’s better looking than a platypus; well, yeah, everyone is. Parros trying to play hockey is one of the more ridiculous things I’ve ever seen. Last year, Parros had 1 goal in 32 games, and I’m pretty sure he was trying to punch someone at the time. Shouldn’t you accidentally get an assist in 32 games? I mean, he got outscored by J.S. Giguere! Ivanans is not a good hockey player, but he isn’t that slow and he can do some damage in front of the net. He had 8 points in 64 games; not good, but better than Parros.
You look ridiculous.
3) Ivanans is scarier. Parros is awesome, but I don’t think anyone is afraid of him. (Well, I guess Chaetophobics would be.) He’s an Ivy League grad with a ridiculous moustache; he’s not scary, he’s a foil from Revenge of the Nerds. Raitis Ivanans is from Latvia, and if my American education has taught me anything, it’s that people from Latvia are bloodthirsty monsters. The guy probably ate shoes growing up, you think he’s above gouging an eye? Look into his eyes when he’s out on the ice. I did once and I found out how I was going to die. (I now avoid the proctologist at all costs. I’m not really comfortable talking about it, actually.)
Ivanans, spotting a particularly tasty shoe.
Ivanans will probably play a little less than he did last year, but I still see him getting about 40 games and a bushel of penalty minutes. He and Scott Thornton are our only real fighting threats out there now and they’re going to have to protect the Kings’ best players from the barbarian horde over there in Anaheim. Parros is cool, but he’s ultimately just a gimmick; I’m happy with our enforcer.
Interesting advertisement from the Sharks marketing department. You might be a Sharks fan if... you like your beer fresh (check), your Pronger flat (check), you imitate a Latvian accent when you say 'Like Wall' (check), you have a pavlovian response to boo anything with the words 'Los Angeles' in it (check), you are still in denial and waiting for upcoming league nullification of Anaheim's "Mighty" Stanley Cup run (check).
But this advertisement makes one wonder, is the marketing department writing checks that the players on the ice can't cash? Mark Bell tried to flatten Shane O'Brien last season. Scott Parker did flatten George Parros with a 2-punch knockout. Ryane Clowe and Shawn Thornton unsuccessfully tried to flatten each other at the Honda Center regular season finale.
Throughout the intra-state rivalry, Chris Pronger remained relatively unflattened. Will it change this season? The San Jose Sharks marketing department believes so.
Hilarious archived footage, courtesy of HF Boards:
I wonder if Brian Burke has seen this video, and that's why he puts such a premium on enforcers (of course I mean legitimate fighters that can rumble without pulling their opponent's jersey over their own head).
Nice try, Scotty. Probably isn't the worst idea to start a fight with a guy named Valeri, but considering the result, I see why your gloves stay on a lot more these days.
Still, gotta love the emphatic dropkick at the end.
Merry Fist-mas day +1. Fight clip courtesey of Hockeyfights.com. Rumors that Earl Sleek was going to be an emergency replacement to backup Michael Wall were unfounded.
