I Guess I Should Talk About This

Jack Johnson finally mother fucked someone.

There are a few murmurings that even though the hit was legal, maybe Johnson should have let up because Smyth was in a dangerous situation. That's reprehensibly retarded.* Ryan Smyth tried to jump past Johnson and Johnson put him into the boards; was Johnson supposed to notice the turnbuckle and then decide, "Oh, I don't want to hurt this noble hero, I'll give him a free pass?" Fuck no, Johnson buried Ryan Smyth because Smyth would have done the same thing to him. I'm sorry Smyth got hurt (I guess I have to say that), but that's what happens when you play his style of game.

***

I appreciate Ian Lapperierre's conduct in the aftermath of the incident. He didn't jump Johnson from behind or stick him in the ribs, he asked him, "Do you want to get it over with?" and allowed Johnson the chance to settle it like a man. I don't necessarily agree that Johnson needed to fight (since the hit was clean), but if you're going to get retribution, you do it like that.

I also liked how Rob Blake broke the two up before they fought. Again, I don't necessarily agree that he did it (let Johnson kick Laparierre's ass if he wants), but I appreciate the way he did it. Johnson is Blake's responsibility and it made me smile to see him come to his aid.

***

I always made fun of Ryan Smyth because he wears his helmet so loosely; I argued that he did it on purpose because he didn't like wearing a helmet and thought his hair looked cool when it was flying all over the place. Hopefully now he'll tighten that shit up so he doesn't crack his head. Also, he should get rhinoplasty. Not because of the hit, but just because his nose is fucking huge.

*It gives me no greater glee than to point out that it's mostly Canadians making that argument. I wonder what they'd be saying if a European had been hit like that.

Kings Gameday: That Seemed Pointless

LA Kings (Oof!) @ New York Islanders (24-21-6, 8th in Eastern Conference)

4:00 PST, FSN West

Last year the New York Islanders were fighting for the eighth and final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference. In order to secure that spot, they traded Robert Nilsson, Ryan O'Marra, and their first round draft pick to the Edmonton Oilers for Ryan Smyth. Smyth did help them get into the playoffs, scoring 15 points in his 18 games. The Islanders were defeated in the first round by the top-ranked Buffalo Sabres and then watched as Smyth signed a long-term deal with the Colorado Avalanche. This season, 22-year old Robert Nilsson has tallied 22 points with the Oilers, 20-year old Ryan O'Marra is playing in the AHL, and their first round draft pick (defenseman Alex Plante) is playing significant minutes for the Calgary Hitmen of the WHL. The Islanders? They're currently in 8th place, fighting for a playoff spot.

Whoops.

Now, my question to you is: what the fuck was the point of trading for Ryan Smyth? Did he promise to sign with the Islanders, only to renege? Because otherwise I honestly can't understand why they'd mortgage a good part of their future for the right to get their asses kicked by Buffalo. Anyone?


***



Of course, I should point out that the Kings did the exact same thing in 2006, trading Jeff Tambellini and Denis Grebeshkov to the Islanders for Mark Parrish and Brent Sopel in an attempt to make the playoffs. Parrish scored 8 points in 19 games for the Kings before signing with Minnesota in the off-season, while Sopel played admirably with the Kings for 2 seasons and then was traded last season for the draft pick that would eventually become Wayne Simmonds. Tambellini looks like a bust (he hasn't caught on in New York at the age of 23), while Grebeshkov is currently playing in Edmonton.

Whoops, Part II

The trade ended up not hurting the Kings (Simmonds could end up being the best player out of everyone), but that doesn't mean it was a good idea. I see the merits of a team like Detroit or Dallas making a deadline deal, but what's the point of making these deals just to get into the playoffs? Sure, they work occasionally (Edmonton in 2006), but most of the time it just ends up closing a team's window of opportunity too early.


(Wait, does me saying this reduce the number of suitors for Blake and Nagy? Umm, nevermind, the Rangers should definitely try to get Blake.)

***


I can't find the link now (someone want to help me out?) [SLEEK EDIT: Here ya go, pal.], but yesterday there was a Canadian columnist that proposed a bunch of trades he thinks should happen. Among them: Devin Setoguchi and a 1st round pick for Rob Blake and Ladislav Nagy. I would just like to say that I wholeheartedly support this trade. Make it happen, Doug!


Prediction: Have the Kings been playing good hockey lately? I actually think so. Kings win, 4-2. Goals by Frolov, Handzus, Blake and Brown.

OK, God, Now We're Even

Ryan Smyth is out 8 weeks with a broken ankle. It's nice to know that when you're a good person, good things will happen for you... or, well, at least bad things will happen to people you don't like. I may have to be stopped if Patrick Roy gets hit by a truck in the next few days.

I Hate Ryan Smyth

"I want you to get this fuck where he breathes! I want you to find this nancy-boy Eliot Ness, I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS ASHES!"
-Al Capone, The Untouchables

I hate Ryan Smyth. He's Exhibit A for why the whole concept of "being tough" is completely fucked in the NHL. Everyone acts like he's some sort of noble beast for standing in front of the next and being ugly, but he wears a flak jacket. A fucking flak jacket. You know, a jacket that stops flak. The thing is meant to stop shards of metal from embedding into someone's flesh, I'm pretty sure it'll stop a cross-check or a puck. So no, he's not tough. He's a cheap-shotting little bitch and I fucking hate him. What kind of a man refuses to sign a contract for a team, forces a trade, and then has the fucking cojones to cry when he goes back. At least Chris Pronger didn't try to pretend like he was the victim, you nosed bastard. That's another thing: Smyth looks like... you know in Beetle Juice, where Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin have to get into the afterworld so they pull their faces out about three feet? Or Pyramid Head in Silent Hill. That's what Smyth looks like. Fuck him.

In case you didn't see it tonight, Jason Labarbera had to leave the game because he got speared by Smyth. Smyth came in and dug his stick into "Nolte," then fell on top of it until it broke after Blake barely touched him. (What the hell, Blake? Cross check him in the back of the head, what are you doing?) It was a bullshit play, and for it he deserves to die. I don't understand why a play like that would be a 5-minute major if it had been Blake on top of the puck but it gets nothing when it's a goalie. I'm biased because I'm both a Kings fan and a goalie, but the 7th cirle of Hell is reserved for guys who hit a goalie after he's covered the puck. Labarbera was completely exposed and unable to defend himself, and Smyth knew it. After that play, I didn't care at all about the rest of the game; I just wanted to see Ryan Smyth buried. I wanted Raitis Ivanans to pick him up by the feet and throw him clear out of the rink. I wanted him... well, I wanted him dead. I'm not one to call for a boarding, but I'm officially calling for a boarding. Congratulations, Ryan Smyth: in a league with Sean Avery, Corey Perry, and Derek Armstrong, you are now my least favorite player in the NHL. Die.

Ducks Gameday—Oil catch Ducks Prongerless once again

Edmonton Oilers (30-31-6, 11th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (40-17-11, 3rd in west)

Exclusive X-Ray of Pronger’s Foot (UPDATED):

• Yes, it appears that the evil Oil-traitor Chris Pronger has gone and injured his big toe during some off-ice workout. He was interviewed during the Phoenix telecast to emphatically tell us that he did not drop anything on his foot—he only drops trade demands, dammit! This will be the second straight time Prongs is missing an Edmonton matchup, and predictably enough, the Ducks are 2-0 with Pronger and 0-1 without.
  
• Pronger leads the Ducks in the scoring against the Oil with 4 assists in just 2 games. Getzlaf, SNieds, and Ketchup are all also point-a-game vs. EDM this year.
  
• I don’t have much to say about the sad departure of Ryan Smyth, other than I think he’s an elite player who improves the players around him, and Kevin Lowe should have bit the bullet and signed the guy. Like Lupul and Smid before them, Nilsson and O’Marra are going to start with an awful weight on their necks—they’ll be eyed closely as the “trade return”.
  
• Covered in Oil and its commenters put together a great set of haiku and other assorted verse in a terrific post. Here was my submission, an acrostic trio of haiku:
  
  

  R eal classy, K. Lowe,
  Y ou held out ‘til 2:40,
  A uctions are for wimps!
  
  N o worries, K. Lowe,
  S ell the notion that you’re poor—
  M arket rate my ass!
  
  Y oung Mr. Nilsson,
  T his team needs some heart and soul,
  (H urting Joffrey helps).
  

• The Blues did both teams a favor last night by beating the Stars in regulation. Not only did it pad Anaheim’s Pacific cushion, but it also moved Edmonton up a notch on the summer entry draft board.
  
• Since Smyth’s departure, Edmonton been outscored 15-3 on a four-loss homestand, and though I haven’t kept up, it seems their young blueline is also pretty banged-up, which is akin to breaking a man’s crutch. When the Ducks had a busted-up blueline, they became the Anaheim Sucks, so maybe this graphic is appropriate for tonight's Edmonton squad.

I forget where on the internet I stole this pic, so claim it if it’s yours!
Prediction: Ducks 4, Oilers 2. Goals by Getzlaf, Selanne x2, and Pahlsson.