Avery vs. "Fatso" tonight

It's been an eventful month for Avery the unsavory. It started out with Avery's bizarre but absorbing interview with ESPN tart Rachel Nichols where the super-pest hilariously criticized the NHL's marketing (or lack thereof) and spoke of his troubled youth (dominated by stealing dolls from his babysitters and other telltale sign of latent child self-abuse).



Next came Avery's somewhat anti-climactic return to Madison Square Garden. Despite receiving a heavy dose of boos, it was really just another day at the office for Avery as he pestered the Rangers and the Stars won because of Mike Modano's GWG.

Still, Avery might need riot gear tonight as he pays visit to his nemesis Martin Brodeur and the New Jersey Devils. You may remember Avery's windshield-wiper maneuver from last year's playoffs - it was such a diabolical move that they often-listless powers that be in the NHL immediately passed "The Avery Rule."

(That became the name of one of my fantasy hockey teams, BTW.)

Say what you want about Avery's tactics ... they clearly got into Brodeur's head. So much so that the normally charming goaltender refused to shake Avery's hand once the series was over. He also may have used Avery's "fatso" remark as motivation to increase his aerobic routine over the off-season.

The question is not whether or not Avery will get booed mercilessly by the crowd in Newark, but rather if someone will throw a pair of windshield wipers at him. Never a dull moment with the former Mr. Elisha Cuthbert, is there?

Maybe the Fans Won't Even Notice

The Devils waived Vitaly Vishnevski today. The big Russian was terrible last season, accumulating the worst +/- on the Devils despite only playing 15 minutes a game. Still, he has a reasonable cap hit (2 years left at $1.8 million) and he's a left-handed shot. He's basically a better Denis Gauthier and could help out on the penalty kill. The Kings would still need a defenseman to play on the power play, though.

Ducks' fans, any thoughts on Vitaly?

Ducks Gameday—Ever Dance with the Devil in the Pale Moonlight?

Anaheim Ducks (29-22-7, t-3rd in west) at New Jersey Devils (30-20-4, 5th in east)

Today is not only Scott Niedermayer's first game in New Jersey since he left in 2004. It's also Anaheim's first game in New Jersey since the cup finals 2003, game 7. My anger and bitterness towards the Devils has subsided since that day, but I still mourn for guys like Adam Oates and Steve Thomas. But still, I have to remind myself. Suppose the Ducks had won that G7 in Jersey. Would they have let Kariya go? Would Burke and Carlyle been brought aboard? Would Scott Niedermayer have signed with the Ducks, and would they have Chris Pronger?

It was a bitter pill to swallow, no doubt, but in a grander scheme, maybe it was a necessary lump. I'm plenty happy with the team that we've got today, and you have to think things could be very, very different had the miracle Mighty Ducks won that stupid G7 in Jersey.

Anyway, since it's so darn difficult to keep track of irrelevant conferences, Jeremy from Devils Daily contacted me to do a Q&A exchange, similar to what I've done with Senators and Sabres bloggers in the past. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten his answers back, but I will insert them as soon as I get them, and will link up to my responses at some point, too.

In the meantime, feel free to respond to any of these questions, or ask something else if you like.

[EDIT 1, 9:30 am: Steve Lepore from Kukla's Korner has e-mailed me an informed set of responses, which I'll put in blue below. If I get Jeremy's, I'll add them too.]

1. First off, why not tell me a bit about the New Jersey blueline--it looks a lot different than what I saw back in 2003. I'm familiar enough with Vishnevski and Colin White, but who are these other guys logging the defenseman minutes, and what do they contribute?

[SL] Well, White and University of Minnesota d-man Paul Martin have led this defense, they have done a yeoman's job in leading the way for this club. Marty is the reason we're in a playoff race, but Martin and White have been terrific on the backline supporting him. The rest of the backline is a hodgepodge group. Vishnevski and Rachunek have been a waste of time to many Devils fans, but are merely mediocre to me. Mike Mottau has been a nearly Brian Rafalski-level revelation on defense. Remember how we found Rafalski? It's eerily similar to Lou Lamoriello discovering Mottau. He's played 25 Minutes on some nights! He kills penalties, and is steady on the d-line. Johnny Oduya is hated by the hundreds of thousands of Devils fans, but he is leading us in +/- at +13. He has not been nearly as bad as anyone says, but he's gotta calm down. He puts way too much pressure on himself. Larry Robinson has proved his weight in gold with the work he's done with this defense.

2. One of the big stories last spring was the late-season coaching changes by the Devils -- with four games to go (as I recall), Lou inserted himself behind the bench, and this summer gave the reigns to current coach Brent Sutter. Compared to last year, what are the strengths that Sutter brings to the coaching position? And how likely is it that Sutter gets to finish his existing coaching contract?

[SL] Sutter has been no-nonsense with this club. He's made everyone accountable. He's been loud and in charge. The problem with Julien was that the inmates were running the asylum. I think this is the guy that Lou saw and said "He's the guy". Not just to take over the coaching job, to replace Lou when he (God forbid) hangs it up in a few years.

3. One thing that the Ducks and Devils have in common -- they were both ripped off in last year's Selke Trophy voting, with clearly the worst choice Rod Brind'Amour using name recognition to his advantage (you can see my post about it here). It's a bit tragic, in that Pahlsson particularly opened some eyes in the playoffs, but now it seems that both Pahlsson and Pandolfo have been too injured to get another nomination this year. As a Devils fan, how much does it bother you that Brindy took home the trophy he didn't deserve, and do you think Selke voters will ever get a better handle on what they are voting for?

[SL] Well, considering I didn't remember it 'till you mentioned it...Pandolfo and Madden have deserved a golden ticket for years for their defensive play. Pandolfo's injury was a big blow to this club, especially since he was our leading scorer at the time, sadly. Selke voters are probably worse than Emmy voters. That's why a Red Wing or Brind'Amour will win it again this year.

4. As for this season, aside from the obvious pick Brodeur, who's been the Devils' most valuable player? Who has been the best value on their current-year contract? And if you could remove one existing contract from the New Jersey salary roster right now, who would it be?

[SL] It's seriously Brodeur, Earl. He makes $5 Million a year. Other than him, probably Zach Parise for MVP, and Mike Mottau for best value, as he's under $1 Million a year. I would take Dainius Zubrus and his 6 year, $24 Million deal off the cap, easy.

5. This will be the Ducks' first visit back to New Jersey since G7 in 2003, a very heartbreaking day from a Ducks fan's perspective. What's your best memory about that series or that cup run, and where does it rank among all of NJ's championships? Feel free to gloat; with Anaheim's recent cup win, we've gained a bit more perspective (and thick skin) about that 7th-game kick to the nuts.

[SL] I remember it, probably because it happened closest to tonight. It's really our 3rd best championship in my opinion (Sorry Earl). The Game 7 in Ottawa, Jeff Friesen's performance, Jamie Langenbrunner's cementing his place in Devil history, Marty getting ROBBED of the Conn Smythe (3 Shutouts in a series!). But yeah, I still remember a lot more about the '95 and '00 runs, but by no means is it less special. It is easily the loudest the Continental Airlines Arena has EVER been.

Prediction: I'll leave the same answer I left to answer Jeremy's questions. Ducks 2, Devils 1. Goals by Pahlsson and Rob Niedermayer, the two skaters remaining from 2003. Even though Giguere might be motivated to play, I'd expect to see Jonas Hiller tonight. Jiggy played last night, and will probably want to go Sunday in Detroit.

Go Ducks.

Kings Gameday: A Few Questions

LA Kings (Still not good) @ New Jersey Devils (28-20-3, 6th in Eastern Conference)

4:00 PST, FSN West

Where the hell is Ted Purcell?

Okay, so they bring him up for a few games and he plays well, they send him back down and he's the star of the All-Star Game... and then they keep him down so Brian Willise can play?  I hope there's some ulterior motive to this (like a trade), otherwise I'm going to pull a Michael Douglas in Falling Down and make them call up Purcell at gunpoint.  (Maybe get some breakfast too.)

Would you trade Brad Stuart?

I'm pretty sure Blake and Nagy are both gone, but I'm not sure about Brad Stuart.  On the plus side, he plays fairly good defense and, along with Frolov, has given us a 2nd power play unit that can do some damage.  On the minus side, he gives up the puck at the worst possible time; also, he has bleach blonde hair.  (What is this, 1999?)  I'm not sure.  If we could sign him to a longer deal for less money then he's making now, I'd do it.  If he's going to want $3.5 million again next year or even more, then I say we trade him.

Where the hell is Mike Cammalleri?

Okay, so he hurt his ribs in a "fight" (read: slap contest) on December 26th.  I haven't heard shit about him since.  Where the hell is he?  One of my crazy friends thinks Cammy is delaying his return on purpose to get back at the team for winning his arbitration hearing.  My crazy friend ate paint chips as a kid, I think.  Come to think of it...

Where the hell is Ladislav Nagy, too?

He's been on the IR since January 19th with a sore neck.  What the fuck?  This isn't football, asshole, your neck can be sore when it's broken.  Why does he need to turn his neck anyway, so he can watch the other team take his errant pass down to score?  What the hell, people?

This isn't a question, but...

When I was 13, I was playing in a hockey tournament.  The other team had a power play and their point man took a shot that I couldn't see because I was screened.  The guy in front of me jumped out of the way right when the shot was taken and I saw the puck coming right at my head.  I ducked, instinctively, and the puck went in.  My coach was furious and went off on me after the game, telling me my job was to stop the puck and if I wasn't going to do it then he'd find someone who will.  To this day, my dad won't let me forget about it.

I was 13.

Prediction: As noted earlier by our excellent guest columnist, the Devils are missing Jay Pandolfo and have been struggling to score recently.  They do, however, have Martin Brodeur.  Still, I think the Kings win with their newfound defensive play, 3-2.  Goals by Brown, Armstrong, and Stuart.

Guest post: The Devil's Advocate

Our good buddy, Steve Lepore from Kukla's Korner, is a Devils fan with a strong sense of sharing. In anticipation of tomorrow's matchup with Rudy's Kings, he's sent along a preview from the Satanic point-of-view. I've thrown in a cartoon because it's what I do, plus I had some free time between Anaheim goal celebrations (sigh).

Here's Steve:

You know, it's not often a February game against the Kings is a must-win for an Eastern Conference team...or any game against the Kings for any team, for that matter. But the Devils, who have lost three straight at home, are coming off a loss to the Rangers tonight where it seemed they were the better club for most of the tilt, and probably need a victory over the 30th out of 30 Kings to keep this current stretch from going from bad to ridiculously bad.

The Devils are without star checker Jay Pandolfo, so the Devils may have trouble stopping the young Los Angeles attack. I will admit, I'm eager to see what Kopitar and Ko. can do against this someone patchwork New Jersey defense. Of course, Marty Brodeur is still there, and in case you Los Angelinos haven't seen him in a while...he's still kinda good. Marty loves to take on great offensive players he doesn't get to see often, so he'll be up for the challenge from Kopitar, Frolov, Brown, etc.

Offensively (Yes, the Devils have an offense), New Jersey is led by the awesome Zach Parise, with 19 goals. Patrik Elias floats in and out of consciousness (a la Jagr) with his 7 Year, $42 Million contract. Jamie Langenbrunner, Travis Zajac, Dainius Zubrus, Brian Gionta, and John Madden all chip in when they want to. The Devils are a maddening offensive team, but they seem to come up big on the scoreboard after getting beaten pretty bad. And believe me, any night you lose to the Rangers is getting beaten more than "pretty bad".

I'm looking forward to it. There's a shot tomorrow's game sells out, which every Western Conference fan will use as proof that even Devils fans want to see more teams from the west. Perhaps it could be that it's only the Devils 3rd Saturday home game of the season? For example:

- Devils vs. Phoenix, Saturday, December 15th, 1:00 PM, attendance: 16,636
- Devils vs. Dallas, Wednesday, November 28th, 7:00 PM, attendance: 13,665

So there. Anyway, should be fun. Enjoy!

NHL offers new support hotline

New York (AP) - Have you been unjustly fired from your job?

Have you done everything asked or expected of you, and without warning been given the ol' pink slip?

Have you found yourself suddenly replaced by an underling or even replaced by your boss himself, as if you were not even a necessary contributor in a corporate system?

Sometimes life throws you a tough break like that; it can be demeaning and discouraging, and often there is nowhere to direct your resulting anger: "Why? What did I do wrong? Am I just not good enough?"

The NHL, ever sympathetic to its money-spending fans, has decided to respond with its new Canned! Hotline.

For a small fee, you can listen to real people who can tell even worse stories about workplace injustice. People who excelled in their position but found themselves suddenly exiled. People who were fired after only 40 days, never having a chance to prove themselves.

Your problems will feel slight in comparison, and you'll be much more adjusted to your crappy unemployment situation.

Call now!

(Note: For a slightly larger fee, they will also listen to your sob story.)

Sharks vs Devils Battle of California photos

The Sharks downed the New Jersey Devils 2-0 in a tight defensive game at HP Pavilion on Saturday night. For more photos and a brief recap, visit sharkspage.com. Tough road trip for the Devils, 4 games on the West Coast in 6 nights. New Jersey has lost the first three in a row to Phoenix, Anaheim and San Jose, each by a 2-goal margin.

The Kings vs New Jersey will be broadcast on Versus tonight at 7PM.

Ducks Gameday—NJ Dreamsmashers

New Jersey Devils (12-7-1, 7th in East) at Anaheim Ducks (15-2-6, 1st in West)

Today’s afternoon tilt is a rematch of the ever-painful 2003 cup finals, where my 2nd favorite team decided to become my 30th favorite team all in the course of 7 “home-team-wins-them-all” playoff games.

This will be the Devils’ 2nd trip to Anaheim since that series (and first since Nov. 2003), while the Ducks have never been back to NJ to avenge their G7 loss. (Of course, only three current Ducks really have anything to avenge—only J.S. Giguere, Sammy Pahlsson, and Rob Niedermayer remain from that ’03 squad). Incidentally, this will be the first time Scott Niedermayer ever plays against the Devils.

Of course, there’s lots left to hate from the Devils’ side of the ledger: Marty Brodeur, who shut out the Ducks in 3 out of the 4 Jersey games. Mike Rupp, who scored the G7 winner. Scott Gomez, Patrik Elias, Sergei Brylin, Jamie Langenbrunner, John Madden, Jay Pandolfo, Brian Rafalski and Colin White.

These are the 4th and 6th best teams this year in terms of preventing shots and preventing goals this year, so stock up on the Tryptophan, get cozy on the couch, and go Ducks!

Prediction: Ducks 3, Devils 2 (OT). Pahlsson, Rob Niedermayer, and Stumpy Thomas with the winner.

Top regular season teams, calendar year 2006

With the Sharks and Stars starting the season with lofty 5-1 records, the Ducks will need two points tonight against the Red Wings to keep pace with the Pacific Division leaders.

And as much as I like bashing Detroit, you gotta hand it to them, they are a regular season monster, weak Central Division or not. Here is a listing of the best regular-season records (.600 and above) since January 1, 2006:

Team	GP	W-L-O	Win%	GF/G	GA/G	Dif/G
Detroit	49	35-8-6	.776	3.55	2.33	1.22
New Jersey	48	33-11-4	.729	2.92	2.40	0.52
Dallas	51	34-12-5	.716	2.92	2.51	0.41
San Jose	51	33-12-6	.706	3.43	2.67	0.76
Buffalo	49	32-13-4	.694	3.61	2.73	0.88
Anaheim	49	29-12-8	.673	3.24	2.65	0.59
Carolina	51	31-15-5	.657	3.31	3.06	0.25
Atlanta	49	29-17-3	.622	3.35	2.94	0.41

Ever since last year, when the NHL adopted its division-heavy schedule, there’s been a lot of talk about “What’s the toughest division in hockey?” Frankly, I’m not that concerned about it; I think it’s generally a mechanism to make fans feel better about where their team sits in the overall standings.

However, if you were to make that judgment, what would it be based on?
a) The best team from the division (a Central argument)?
b) The worst team from the division (a Northwest argument)?
c) The most dominant teams (a Pacific argument)?

Let’s hear it, people: what is the toughest division in hockey and why?

Heckling guide - lite

I'm working on a much bigger heckling guide that should come out (relatively) soon. But for now, whet your appetites with the one I geared toward Dallas fans (sort of) in The North Texas Daily. It appeared in the October 4th edition, if you're wondering.

Note: Because of space limitations, teams including the Kings were taken out. In the full-on Heckling Guide, expect "Full House" jokes aplenty. Or at least one.

NHL heckling guide

Since the baseball playoffs started last night, people might miss the flowing mullet sneaking past the radar. The NHL is back in action tonight after a surprising comeback last season.

You don't have to be a hockey expert to enjoy a Stars game - after all, it is about a 45-minute drive and nosebleed tickets often go for around $10 a piece. This guide can help you heckle several teams coming to Dallas this season.
For teams that come more than once, their first appearance is listed in parentheses.

New Jersey Devils (Saturday)
The Devils and Stars play each other in the Stars' home opener, so the atmosphere should be close to playoff-level. And considering the fact that the Stars never make it past the second round anymore, you might want to breathe it in for as long as you can.

Vancouver Canucks (Oct. 23)
Last year, the Canucks were more fun to heckle. Not only did the team trade outright villain Todd Bertuzzi this summer, it also fired coach Marc Crawford, owner of one of the funniest haircuts in the NHL. Double bummer.

Detroit Red Wings (Oct. 27)
Do you hate old people? Then bring a walker to the AAC when the Red Wings come to town and heckle 44-year-old defenseman Chris Chelios.

St. Louis Blues (Nov. 1)
Keith Tkachuk made headlines last year when he came to training camp well overweight. The posters and jokes just write themselves, but if you need a hint, call him "Ka-chunk."

Nashville Predators (Nov. 22)
Many fans will remember former Star Jason Arnott for getting thrown out of a 2006 game against the Avalanche with a face full of blood.

Minnesota Wild (Dec. 2)
Jacques Lemaire's wicked comb over used to be the only thing interesting about this team. It beefed up its offense, so now it might be worth watching. Not to take anything away from Lemaire's comb over.

San Jose Sharks (Dec. 4)
Joe Thornton is the NHL's version of Peyton Manning. It's a guilty pleasure to watch him crumble under pressure in the playoffs.

Phoenix Coyotes (Dec. 6)
The Coyotes are the latest home of perennial loudmouth Jeremy Roenick, infamous in the Dallas area for injuring Modano and then promptly getting his jaw broken by former Star Derian Hatcher.

New York Rangers (Dec. 14)
If you have a mullet wig, put it on when the Rangers come to town. The team's biggest star, Jaromir Jagr, once sported one of the most legendary mullets in the history of the NHL.

Anaheim Ducks (Jan. 11)
The Ducks are giving hockey fans everywhere a reason to snicker, and this time around, it's not because of Emilio Estevez jokes. Chris Pronger's wife is the NHL's answer to Yoko Ono. Heckling him should be worth the price of a $10 nosebleed ticket.

Pittsburgh Penguins (Jan. 26)
Sidney Crosby might be the closest thing to the next Wayne Gretzky. Let's hope that is without the whole Mafia gambling scandal.

Offseason cartoons: The Atlantic Division

More on the ill-fated series of cartooning the NHL Teams:

Previously: Pacific, Northwest, Central

And now, to the good ol' Atlantic Division, who will be visiting the Pacific this year. We haven't seen these teams since before the lockout.
From left to right, the Pittsburgh Penguin, the New York Thousand Islander, the New Jersey Devil, the New York Power Ranger, and the poor Philadelphia Flyer, who of course is undergoing the rigorous airline screening procedure we are all starting to know and love.

Oh, the humanity.