7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens Fantasy Hockey Players

POGS ... Surely one of the most chilling chapters of American history

When I began putting this post together, I actually imagined it could fit reasonably in one post. If/once you browse through these excessive articles, you'll agree that was a theory fit for The No Spin Zone.*

Anyhooters, I decided to break this mammoth thing down as such: the Cliff Notes version is here in this post...but for those of you who prefer specifics over theory, I have links to a very early version of a blog I'm working on.

(Expect the occasional bit of shameless self-promotion on that in the coming weeks/months/years. Please excuse some of the typos as I wrote that thing in one fatigue induced sitting)

Naturally, this is still a huge post and there's some pretty simple rules here. At the same time, I'm confident if you keep these things in mind and a Cheat Sheet with you ... you probably won't suck too bad.

With all that, here's "Seven Habits of Highly Effective - and Lowly Laid - Fantasy Hockey Mangers" (and their corresponding links)

1. (and this is huge) Know your categories

This shouldn't be difficult, but man oh man is it crucial. For one thing, there's categories that make or break some players.

The dark horse PIM guy is Phoenix's Daniel Carcillo. He could be had very late in many not so savvy drafts. And although he actually has some respectable offensive skills, it must be known that he's probably only worthwhile in a league with PIM.

Seriously, 300+ PIM. That's craziness.

For a rarer stat like faceoff wins, take a look at which wingers get FW ... and do yourself a favor and draft Rod the Bod. Sure, he looks like Joe Camel - but that can just give you the incentive to re-name your team "the Cameltoes."

(You know, if you're a douche)

But the most important thing to consider with categories is Goalies. If your league has anywhere near a 50-50 split in offensive stats and goalie stats, it's better to pay premium prices for the Jiggy-Brodeur-Nabokov's instead of rolling the dice with Bryzgalovs.

Otherwise, the general rule is to get offense first and goaltending in the middle rounds. (Although I usually go for a premium goalie and a sleeper to be honest)

2. Know who's injured

Nothing hurts your team - but most importantly, makes you look like kind of an idiot - more than picking a guy who was recently injured.

Havlat and the IR - like a bizarro world peanut butter and chocolate.

The best sources are news sites such as TSN, ESPN and so forth. Of course, the blogosphere can provide you answers too(albeit in our patented scatter-brained way).

3. Think economics - scarcity rules (aka Centers are a dime a dozen)

Judging supply and demand can allow you to get more of your favorite choices than you might think. As a general rule, high scoring wingers, power forwards and elite defensemen are the rarest commodities in fantasy hockey.

In my three drafts, my first picks were Alex Ovechkin (#1 pick) and Henrik Zetterberg (twice, late picks). I even had the dilemma of Joe Thornton vs. Z, but chose Hank because of his position - and, let's be honest, he DOES look like Jared Leto.

Even though I think Jumbo Joe might put up more points and is less injury prone, I chose Z because there just aren't many high level LW. The gamble paid off as I was able to get Olli Jokinen and Ryan Getzlaf later on in the draft.

Again, every league is different, so consult rule #1.

4. It's good to be cold hearted, with a mercenary instinct.

Todd Bertuzzi is a piece of shit. But I draft him EVERY year. It's like some awful tradition. Think Thanksgiving Dinner for the Jackson family.

5. Still, being a mushy fan is OK - in the later rounds, at least. Sometimes.

Nothing's more groan inducing than a homer who runs out of players he/she knows and starts picking bit players from their favorite team. (Seriously, someone picked Jeff fucking Halpern!!!)

But as much of a handicap as that can be, it actually can accomplish two goals: 1) getting you a late round steal and b) giving you just that much more rooting interest.

Think of rules 4 and 5 as something of a Yin and Yang.

6. Get yourself a Cheat Sheet or two

The Yahoo! drafts can be a high pressure situation with its 1:30 countdown clock. Sure, you could probably draft a solid team with Yahoo's snazzy interface, but its rankings are good but not perfect.

For instance, it greatly underrates guys such as Joe Sakic and Teemu Selanne because of injuries.

Unless you're in a BoC draft, guys like S. Niedermayer, Marleau and Selanne are steals

If you use/read nothing else, the Cheat Sheet I put together is the most useful thing of all. The links there have rankings for goalies and an overall top 100 from a fantasy expert who actually knows what he's doing. It is HIGHLY recommended.

In fact, here it is again in case you have some sort of scrolling disease.

7. Ultimately, it's still your choice

It's not clear how well this post will be received, but if a lot of people follow this advice and lose I expect some bitching. In writing this, a sobering thought came to me:

There probably was an expert (possibly expertS) who recommended POGS as an investment.

So, remember, if you consider yourself a John McCain-ian Maverick, then bring your turkeyneck down to the draft in whatever way you want. This is a free country, so don't blame me if you end up with Markus Naslund.

The full guide can be seen here. Hope you guys find this helpful...


*-This, in my mind, might be the most politically correct way to refer to something as "retarded."

Draft like the pros, Part III

Just like last year, and the year before, I participated again in James Mirtle's super-deep Blogger Invitational fantasy draft this past weekend, one that includes a huge list of blogger know-it-alls. Dr. Mirtle, Matt of BoA, Puck Daddy, the Forechecker, Spector, Chris! of CiO, Kent of Five Hole Fanatics, Japers Rink, Pension Plan Puppets, Islanders Army, and even PJ of Sharkspage all took 2 1/2 hours of our Saturdays to prove once again the nerdly depth of our hockey knowledge.

All told, it was 18 teams each drafting 20 players -- a grand total of 360, 60% of the NHL's available positions. And if you think that's deep, this year represents a step backwards! The previous two years, this league has been played with 20 teams. On a general level, though, the rules are the same as before (head-to-head):

Positions: C x3, LW x2, RW x2, F x2, D x4, Util, G x2, BN x4, IR x4
Categories: G, A, +/-, PIM, PPG, PPA, GWG, SOG, W, GAA, SV, SV%, SHO

There are a few twists, though. One, it cost me money this year, which theoretically I could win back, but I'm not banking on that. Two, it promises to cost me money next year, too, because I'm allowed to keep two players for next year's team. Personally I feel like I'm a shell of a fantasy player; I managed to go this whole offseason without even seeing a fantasy guide. Still, without revealing too much about "who was available", here's how I managed this year, with some draft notes below:

Rd - Pick - Player
1 - 4 - Evgeni Malkin, C PIT
2 - 33 - Thomas Vanek, LW BUF
3 - 40 - Ryan Miller, G BUF
4 - 69 - Peter Mueller, C PHX
5 - 76 - Simon Gagne, LW PHI
6 - 105 - Teemu Selanne, RW ANA
7 - 112 - Manny Legace, G STL
8 - 141 - Drew Stafford, RW BUF
9 - 148 - Chris Kunitz, LW ANA
10 - 177 - Jiri Hudler, RW DET
11 - 184 - Jason Labarbera, G LAK
12 - 213 - Sergei Samsonov, LW CAR
13 - 220 - Joni Pitkanen, D CAR
14 - 249 - Brendan Morrison, C ANA
15 - 256 - Douglas Murray, D SJS
16 - 285 - Devin Setoguchi, RW SJS
17 - 292 - Shane O'Brien, D TBL
18 - 321 - Loui Eriksson, LW DAL
19 - 328 - Nathan Gerbe, C BUF
20 - 357 - Steve Montador, D ANA

C - Malkin, Mueller, Morrison, Gerbe
LW - Vanek, Gagne, Kunitz, Samsonov, Eriksson
RW - Selanne, Stafford, Hudler, Setoguchi
D - Pitkanen, Murray, O'Brien, Montador
G - Miller, Legace, Labarbera

One thing to stress about this league is the scarcity and importance of goaltenders. Each year some team realizes too late that goaltending decides a lot of standings points in this league, and with "saves" as a category, the need for starters is pretty critical (though it's only a 2 GP minimum). If you do the math, 18 teams means there's not enough starters in the league so that each team can get two. While my trio of Miller, Legace, and Labarbera may not seem overwhelming, the fact that it may represent three starters could prove huge for the Battlebots.

In terms of forwards, Mirtle's league has enough F and Util spots that it's not too important to worry about specific Yahoo! positions -- as long as there is some balance among the positions it's not too hard to get nearly everyone's GP in. Still, I tried to keep a focus of getting many of my scorers from the east, even though it's a conference I don't follow very well. I just went on the basic tenet that goals are easier to score in the east, and hoped for the best. I got a few light remarks on my picks of Simon Gagne and Drew Stafford, and probably I deserve them, but overall I was happy that none of my picks were openly mocked.

I went awfully light on defensemen, as I tend to do in this league (my first year I only drafted three defensemen). I think at the rate that players disappear off this draft board, it's better to focus picks on goaltending and scoring forwards, but we'll see. I can say that I wasn't the only person to wait until the 13th round to select a defenseman. I should point out that a lot of this advice pertains specifically to this league: in general I still value goaltending very highly but I'm more liberal picking defensemen. And generally in Yahoo! leagues I do pay more attention to LW/RW/C distinctions.

I will just add a general note that it's very cool to do a Yahoo! draft with Puck Daddy, and not only for his mid-draft banter. It's actually quite hilarious to have a Yahoo! employee, who has nothing to do with the fantasy technology at all, to yell at when things go wrong. Also, you can give him stupid orders. "Puck Daddy, tell the boys upstairs to give Peter Mueller LW eligibility, pronto!"

Anyways, I'm always a sucker for the BoC. I ended up with 4 Ducks, 2 Sharks, a King, a Star, and a Coyote. That brings my 3-year Mirtle draft total to 12 Ducks, 10 Sharks, 10 Kings, 2 Stars, and 2 Coyotes. I don't claim to be any master draft schemer (O'Brien's here for that), but it has landed me a 4th and an 8th finish out of a mean 20 the last two years. Oh yeah, that reminds me, here's PJ's team:

Rd - Pick - Player
1 - 2 - Evgeni Nabokov, G SJS
2 - 34 - Brian Rafalski, D DET
3 - 38 - Ilya Bryzgalov, G PHX
4 - 71 - Dan Boyle, D SJS
5 - 74 - Patrick Marleau, C SJS
6 - 107 - Ryane Clowe, LW SJS
7 - 110 - Dustin Brown, RW LAK
8 - 143 - Marco Sturm, LW BOS
9 - 147 - Jochen Hecht, C BUF
10 - 179 - Radim Vrbata, RW TBL
11 - 182 - Tomas Holmstrom, RW DET
12 - 215 - Tobias Enstrom, D ATL
13 - 218 - Nikolai Khabibulin, G CHI
14 - 251 - Matt Cullen, C CAR
15 - 254 - Christian Ehrhoff, D SJS
16 - 287 - Jonas Hiller, G ANA
17 - 290 - Niklas Hagman, LW TOR
18 - 323 - James Wisniewski, D CHI
19 - 327 - Brooks Laich, C WSH
20 - 359 - Steve Sullivan, RW NSH

C - Marleau, Hecht, Cullen, Laich
LW - Clowe, Sturm, Hagman
RW - Brown, Vrbata, Holmstrom, Sullivan
D - Rafalski, Boyle, Enstrom, Ehrhoff, Wisniewski
G - Nabokov, Bryzgalov, Khabibulin, Hiller

Now there's some BoC pride (whoa, and some pride for crazy Russian goalies, too!). Way to go, PJ.

A banner month for fake hockey

It's been a while since I posted on the 'ol BoC, but things are cranking up now. You know when the beauty of the NHL season is about to shine upon us when people start drafting fantasy hockey teams and the annual video games come out.

Tune in soon as I examine: is NHL 09 the best hockey video game ever? (Not certain if I'll get a definitive answer on that but I definitely think it's the most addictive NHL game ever)

Warning: do not play if you plan on being productive with your time

Anyway, I thought I should make note of my intensely BoC leaning fantasy hockey team in the first draft I've done this year.* Here's the Pacific Division guys who made my roster, with super duper in-parenthesis asides for no extra charge:

Ducks:
J.S. Giguere (expect a HUGE year without Breezy stealing a bunch of starts and the team not dealing with as much drama)
Chris Pronger (get those PIMs but don't get suspended Stompy!!!)
Scott Niedermayer (got him way late because of his semi-retirement 2007-08 stats)
Corey Perry (I really wanted Ryan Getzlaf, but I guess Corey flopping Perry'll do)

Sharks:
Evgeni Nabokov (couldn't choose between Jiggy and Nabby so I got 'em both)
Dan Boyle (seriously, my defense is frickin' stacked: Pronger - Niedermayer - Boyle - Wade Redden - Jay contract year Bouwmeester)
Milan Michalek (it would be pretty sweet if he'd finally have that Joe Thornton osmosis/Sergei Samsonov effect this year)

Sadly, no Stars, Kings or 'Yotes (although don't tell anyone, but I might pickup Phillippe Boucher if he looks healthy this year). But 7 of my 24 players are in the BoC. That's a lot of eggs in one BoC basket!

Oh, and the real justification for this post:

Fantasy Hockey Gary Bettman:

And with the 8th pick in round 24, The Avery Rule selects....

Todd Bertuzzi!!!!

Big Bert did not take well to being selected last overall in a 24-round draft

* By the way, this league had spots for the usual (C, LW, RW, D, G) as well as Wingers - Forwards AND Utility spots...I drafted 24 fucking players in this behemoth!!! Thank goodness for the Yahoo! Live Draft timer, btw - had no idea what I got myself into. Always read league settings kids.

Also, I dig the new yahoo draft setup, but I fear this will help some of the idiots in the league I always have with my old college buddies. I guess that's it for the days of getting Teemu Selanne type guys in the 10th round (sad panda face).