The Kings are Disappointing

The Kings played two games this weekend and scored 1 goal. That sucks. I know the Kings are better this season with this new "defense" thing (some people spell it with a "c," I don't know why) but holy Christ is it boring. Say what you want about last year, but at least the Kings were scoring some fucking goals, man. Can't I just see Kopitar say fuck it and spend the whole game in front of his own blue line? Just once? And I know I keep saying it, but the Kings' bottom 6 is completely fucked. I don't know what the hell is going on with those guys but the 3rd line is posting the following Times on Ice:

Ivanans (3:36)-Handzus (16:36)-Simmonds (8:53)

Handzus is playing good minutes but they're kind of scattered and I doubt he really knows when he's getting used next. And if Ivanans is only going to play 4 minutes, why not just sit him? His playing time is as annoying as that chick who keeps bothering me.* The Kings are calling up John Zeiler and I have to imagine he'll skate in Ivanans' stead next game, which is great because he's the one player I find less effective than Ivanans.

The Kings are weird right now.

*Look, all I'm saying is that she's the one getting the abortion so I don't see why I have to pay for half of it.**

**Too far? I think that was too far.

Dean Lombardi is Stupid/Dean Lombardi is a Genius

The Kings signed defenseman Matt Greeene to a 5-year deal worth about $2.95 million dollars, ensuring that they'll always be able to balance out all their good puck-moving defensemen with a guy that couldn't handle the puck if you taped it to his stick. This is a weird deal. I've liked what I've seen from Matt Greene so far and he could very well be worth this kind of contract, but why give it to him now? Why not wait until the end of the season and see how Greene holds up? Apparently if Patrick O'Sullivan wanted a big deal from the Kings he should have gotten hurt for most of last season.


The Kings are hoping Matt Greene will eventually become just like Sean O'Donnell was on the Ducks, a solid defensive defenseman that can skate on a primary shutdown line with Jack Johnson while also chipping in 3+ minutes on the penalty kill. The name thrown around for Greene when he was with the Oiler was Jason Smith and that doesn't seem that unreasonable. Still, Greene is a long way away from proving he's actually capable of that. I mean, he's capable of that on a poor defensive team like the Kings, but is he capable of that on a playoff team? Maybe, but nobody knows yet. Now, we have seen that the market for defensemen that don't fuck up is pretty lucrative, so if Greene pans out then the Kings are going to make out okay. But that's the problem; at best, the Kings make out okay. There's no possibility that this deal is going to work out great. It's either just okay or terrible. It's a pretty big risk to take.

***

Michal Handzus, hockey god? The oft-mocked and ridiculed center has been making all the assholes (read: me) that made fun of him last season look like idiots. It's only 4 games but Handzus looks like an honest to God bad ass out there. He had a great chip-in goal while driving to the net (something I dont' think happened last season) and made a beautiful dangle and shot to win the game last night in overtime. The Frolov-Handzus-Simmonds line actually managed to win the battle with Eric Staal's line and Frolov didn't even create a goal. I've made my fun of Handzus in the past (he looks like Matt Stone from South Park... dammit, did it again!) but if he can play like this all season then the Kings are looking in good shape.

Wayne Simmonds also looked great last night, as he was basically the only Kings' player that could get the puck deep into Carolina's zone. He also set up the first goal of the game with his physical play. I imagine that's not the last time we'll see that.

***

Jarret Stoll's line looked like shit last night, especially when the Kings moved Patrick O'Sullivan (who was awesome again) up to Kopitar's wing and moved Matt Moulson down. I still think the Kings need Ted Purcell back up to help create offensive chances for that line, otherwise teams are just going to key in on Kopitar. A Moulson-Stoll-Purcell line isn't that bad and could serve as a secondary scoring or stopping line.

***

Kyle Quincey played 21 minutes last night and I didn't really notice. That's good.

Kings Make Final Cuts

The Kings have made their final cuts of training camp. The big winners were Wayne Simmonds, Oscar Moller and Erik Ersberg. Simmonds and Moller were expected to come up, get a pat on the head and then travel to their respective minor league teams but both were highly praised all camp and definitely earned this opportunity. I think Moller will play with Kopitar, but he may get slotted alongside Frolov and Stoll. Or Simmonds could. Who the fuck knows. Ersberg ended up beating out Jonathan Quick for the back-up job, which was to be expected. It's more important for Quick to play at this time and Ersberg can hold place until one of the young guys demands attention.

The big loser at training camp was Ted Purcell, who was shockingly sent down to Manchester. I guess the Kings felt the rest of his game needed rounding out (or maybe they wanted him to practice left wing, since the Kings currently have a logjam on the right side), but it still has to be a pretty big blow to him. Hopefully he takes it the right way and continues to improve.

The Kings ended up keeping only 22 players. If you're an optimist, you assume this is because Patrick O'Sullivan is on the verge of signing. If you're a pessimist, you assume this is because John Zeiler is about to come off the DL. Also, the injuries to Cliche, Clune, and Zeiler put the Kings over the cap. I think. I don't think anyone really knows.

The Chances of Oscar Moller and Wayne Simmonds

One interesting aspect of this whole Patrick O'Sullivan holdout thing is that it opens up one more spot on the roster for a little while. If O'Sullivan were to wait another couple weeks to sign, he'd probably miss the first few games while he got in game shape. In the meantime, prospects Oscar Moller and Wayne Simmonds have impressed in training camp, leading some to wonder if they can earn a spot. In reality, it was extremely unlikely they were going to beat out someone like Ted Purcell or Kyle Calder, but with O'Sullivan gone they may have a chance to stay up and get in a few games.

You need to clear that puck or we'll all gonna die!

Oscar Moller is the more skilled of the two and has more hockey sense; though small, Moller is pretty tenacious and works well in the corners. Also, he looks like Captain America from Generation Kill. Last night Moller scored a goal and 2 assists in only 12 minutes of action. The problem with Moller is that he's a little small and probably couldn't hang for a full NHL season quite yet, but the Kings may decide to keep him up for the 10-game limit before sending him back to Chilliwack of the WHL.

Feel the rhythm/feel the rhyme/get on up/it's ass-kicking time!

Wayne Simmonds, on the other hand, is what my roommate in college would call a CAB (Cool Ass Brother).* Simmonds probably doesn't have the hockey sense to hang in the NHL, but he does not quit and would definitely make an impact for the Kings. Plus, the crowd would fall in love with him in about .4 seconds because he's cool and I'm already in love with him because he looks like the main guy from Cool Runnings. (In my head he's starring in a real life sequel.) He had a goal, a fight, and a game misconduct last night in Kansas City. Simmonds will be headed to Manchester this season to work on his defense and to get bigger, but he could end up staying if the Kings replace O'Sullivan's minutes with a current roster player. I have to admit, I really want to give Simmonds a shot because I think he has earned it.

*I'd stumble over my words and then whisper that he's African-Canadian.

What's that old saying, when someone closes a door they open a window? That doesn't make sense, because why would you close a door and then immediately open a window and what if you have a cat, but it works for the Kings' purposes. The Kings seem to have gotten lucky with Moller and Simmonds and they could use O'Sullivan's holdout as an opportunity to reward them for their hard work.

Also, Jarret Stoll had 3 hooking penalties last night. Uh oh.