Cue "Taps"

WOW. Someone just played Panic's entrance music. If things looked bad for the Stars just a few days ago, now the team is pondering meteor shower insurance. Rudy posted the news but if you have anti-scroll disease, Brenden Morrow is out for the season.

The Stars are effectively "fixed." As in they've been de-balled.

With Marty Turco having a mini-meltdown and Brad Richards giving weepy interviews in emo shirts, trading away Jussi Jokinen and Mike Smith is looking closer to Bochenski for Versteeg these days. Honestly, Richards had enough positive moments in the playoffs that he gained a ... sort of flattering nickname in the "Five Dollar Shake." No Pulp Fiction jokes for him now, though. Although perhaps a "do I LOOK like a bitch?" might work.

So, with chicken little getting on the first trip to DFW Airport, I thought it might be fun to look at the different ways this mess can shake out:

1. The put-your-head-between-your-legs-and-pray approach

The plane's losing cabin pressure. Oxygen masks just popped out over your head. Babies are crying. Virgins are tearing off each others clothes and all you can do is prepare for a fiery grave.


In the Stars case, they are hoping the after-life includes one of the top two draft picks. There seems to be some hockey nerd slap fights over who's going to be the number one pick, but it's pretty hard to imagine John Tavares suffering an Angelo Esposito-type fate (or Aaron Rogers type fate, for you hockey borderliners). But even if Tavares suffers from a Fannie Mae-ish drop in stock, the Stars could benefit from getting the next big hype machine (Tavares) or Victor Hedman, Sweden's answer to Zdeno Chara.

Let's face it, kids, Smokin' Sergei Zubov is aging as hastily as Meg Ryan (seriously, what butcher of a plastic surgeon made her lips into couch cushions?). Turco's struggles are well documented, but even if he rights the ship he's not exactly a young man either. And the Stars' offense is anchored by really old players (Modano) and guys who are hovering around the dreaded 30-zone (Morrow, Mike Ribeiro). (Oh, and of course douche bags like Sean Avery)

In other words, this might be the perfect time for the Stars to have a free fall to a high-end pick. Dallas doesn't have NHL draft savants like Detroit so those perpetual playoff runs and future mortgaging trades make it tough to bring in high-end offensive talent. The defense has some guys who still have a chance to be good again, but no Jack Johnson, no Erik Johnson or any other future franchise D guy not named Johnson.

So maybe the Stars can pull a San Antonio Spurs - a team that hovered around good for years, had one atrocious year and ended up with Tim Duncan. Just sayin'.

2. Us against the world?

Something tells me that Linda Cohn and Co. left the Stars bandwagon in a ditch somewhere in podunkia. Allowing awful end of the period goals, taking stupid penalties and generally shitting the bed means that the Stars can go back to being way under the radar.

Could that be a good formula for a rebound? Stranger things have happened and Morrow, despite his playoff heroics, was struggling too this season. *Shrug*

3. Liquidation time!!! Clearance sale!!! All underperforming players must GO!

Never hurts to dream.

Then again, the Stars COULD go apeshit and go into full-on rebuild mode. After all, the economy is shit and the crowds will get sparser by the meltdown. Carrying an expensive losing roster might not be feasible with the economy getting gang raped. And if nothing else, the Stars have some big contracts and big names who could actually have decent trade value.

Turco might not exactly be at his most valuable level, but he has a huge contract. Who knows ... maybe a miracle could happen and they could move him for Jason Spezza.

WOW! This is fun! Making up completely unsubstantiated rumors is almost as fan as playing Gears of War 2!

In all seriousness, the Stars could look to shop players (kinda doubt Turco will go anywhere though). Zubov is a high-skill, high-age guy who could be a splendid trading deadline candidate. Richards might be too expensive, but he's still a very talented player. Ribeiro is a tool and an injury faking douche. This is undeniable. But he's also been a point per game player. He actually was really good in the playoffs and didn't writhe around on the ice like an asshole last year.

Would there be anyone crazy enough to take Avery off their hands?

If there's anything the NHL has shown me, it's that stupid trades and free agent signings happen all the time. It would be nice if the Stars came out on the winning end this year.

-------------------------------------------------------

So, those seem to be the three paths the Stars can take. Without bias or any "research" to get in the way of my opinions. Hope you enjoyed it.

What's eating the Dallas Stars?

The Dallas Stars are stumbling worse than a fat chick after 15 tequila shots. Seriously, tonight's loss to the Chicago Blackhawks (6-3) was ugly. The lowlight was Kris Versteeg's goal on Turco, in which the Stars made the talented rookie look like the second coming of ... well, Jonathan Toews.

(My internet connection has been Turco-like in its consistency, but I'll keep an eye out for Versteeg's goal. Link it in the comments/edit this post if you find it before me.)

It's easy to blame everything on Turco, but it's obvious that this isn't all his fault. Honestly, it's really hard to pin the tail on this blame donkey.* Could it be that, after being unappreciated and hard working for all these years, the Stars relaxed once it started to believe its press clippings? Did Turco morph into Dan Cloutier? Can they find a way to blame Sean Avery?

* - Ever wondered what it looks like to die in print? Wonder no longer ...

ANYWAY, it's getting harder and harder to stick to the "don't panic, it's still early" plan. Really, at this point the Stars can only hope for a dreary #8 seed and an absolute shellacking by the Red Wings or Sharks. The Pacific Division is off in the distance and the NHL doesn't use Mario Kart's "don't make loser kids sad, let them inexplicably go from 12th to 1st place" logic so they might as well kiss that goodbye.

How fucked is this team? Is it time to admit that the Stars just need to cut their losses and get into the Tavares sweepstakes? Do they even have their first round draft pick this year???


What a disaster. So, what now?

Kings Gameday: Marty Turco is a Rube, Sean Avery is a Hump

LA Kings vs. Dallas Stars

7:30 PST, Fox Sports Prime Ticket, Yahoo!





Marty Turco, ladies and gentlemen.

Do you guys remember when Patrick Marleau scored on his own net in overtime against the Sharks? I think he tried to stickhandle it and ended up shooting it right in. I was at the game in Anaheim and when Marleau scored I looked over at Meg and he had his head in his hands. It was hilarious.

***

Icethetics (which I imagine is Sean Avery's favorite blog) has a new picture of the Kings' third jersey logo. Meh, we'll see how it looks on the jersey. At least it doesn't have purple.

***

Sean Avery is a douche bag. Seriously, I can forgive a lot of things, but being bad teammate to a young player isn't one of them. I would hope Brown would crush Avery tonight but the reality is that Avery probably wouldn't have the puck long enough to get hit. I'm sure he'll goad Gauthier or someone like that into a fight and mask the fact that he took 2 bad penalties earlier in the game. Therein lies the essence of Sean Avery.

Prediction: Kings win, 4-1. Goals by O'Donnell, Harrold, Simmonds and Ersberg.

Ducks Gameday—Texasperation

Dallas Stars (4-6-2, t-12th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (9-5-1, 2nd in west)
Can the Stars re-discover the success they left here last spring?

I can't really tell you what's going wrong with the Dallas Stars this season, as I have yet to even watch a single game. Still, the spreadsheets will tell you, you don't have to look much past the 50 goals allowed in just 12 games. To put that in perspective, the Philadelphia Flyers currently lead the league in goal-scoring at 3.67 goals-per-game (excludes shootouts). The Stars are giving up goals at a rate of 4.17 goals-per-game, half a goal higher than any team can manage offensively.

There's probably plenty of culprits -- Avery and Brunnstrom not adequately replacing Hagman and Miettinen, the absence of Sergei Zubov (who I think returns to the team tonight, along with Mark Parrish), and of course the guy between the pipes.

Marty Turkey. 4.34 GAA, .837 Sv%.
Still, it's still a young season, and it's certainly possible the Stars work a Ducks-style turnaround. It might not even be that bad a time for the Stars to visit Anaheim and San Jose, where they eliminated the BoC last spring. It's going to be important that the Ducks and Sharks avoid thinking too much about revenge in these first meetings, though; the way to really hurt the Stars is to send them home without a win.

The Stars are 3-1 this year when allowing 3 goals or fewer; that's a good winning percentage for that cutoff, though certainly an embarrassingly low number of instances. One other strange sidenote about tonight's game: the Stars for some reason will become the last team this season to play an opponent from their own division. I guess that's one thing a Stars fan can take solace in: there's still time to make plenty of noise in the Pacific.

* * *

I'll be at tonight's game, enjoying my own version of the "Rinkside View" from the Row B seats, look for me in my lucky green shirt. I'll be with my dad and his friends, so it will probably be a muted version of Drinky Sleek, but feel free to say hi if you see me.

Prediction: Ducks 4, Stars 2. Goals by Perry, Scotty, Pahlsson, and Travis "the Omen" Moen.

Go Ducks.

Marty Turco's bizarro world: good playoffs, bad regular season?

Not pictured: beach ball

It's been a rough start to the season for the Dallas Stars and no one is feeling the brunt more than Marty Turco. Many thought that this would be a big year for Turco considering the departure of more than capable backup turned beleaguered starter Mike Smith and the exorcising of many a playoff demon.

That has not been the case, so the Stars are calling in Andy Moog to try to work out the kinks.

And the kinks, well ... they've been kinky.*

*Kill me. Don't think about it, just murder me.

In nine games, Turco managed three wins and six loses (four in regulation). He's had a save percentage of 90 percent twice with one other game over 85 percent. He had three games in the low-80s and three disastrous games in which his save percentage was in the 70s.

So, looking inside the numbers 2/3 of Turco's starts would have really pissed off John Tortorella with a couple fitting in the ex-Lightning coach's disdainful 75% club. The season is young, but this is a large enough sample to at least generate concern. Not panic, mind you, but a generous helping of concern.

The Kings need a prayer. The Ducks need to continue revitalizing their offense and to stop taking moronic penalties. The Sharks need to keep it up.

The Stars? They need to play better defense, but more than anything else, they need their all-world goaltender back. Maybe Moog can find him.

Random Pacific Questions: Who Has the Best Goalie?

He looks like the dog at the end of those Honda Element commercials. "Hey, what's going on back there?" ...I'm not good at captions.

The Kings, right? No? Okay, someone else then.

Marty Turco- 62 GP, 32 wins, 24.9 shots/game, 2.31 GAA, .909 SV%

Ilya Bryzgalov- 64 GP, 38 wins, 28.6 shots/game, 2.44 GAA, .920 SV%

Jean-Sebastien Giguere- 58 GP, 35 wins, 26 shots/game, 2.12 GAA, .922 SV%

Evgeni Nabokov- 77 GP, 46 wins, 23.4 shots/game, 2.14 GAA, .910 SV%


I'd put it Bryzgalov-Giguere-Nabokov-Turco, but that's just me. Giguere has the best numbers but he didn't play nearly as much as the others, while Nabokov has relatively weak numbers but played a ton. I didn't realize Turco had a subpar season (by his standards) last year, but then he picked it up in the post-season while Giguere faltered. Say it with me, folks: clutch doesn't exist.

I'll be very interested to see how JS Giguere, Evgeni Nabokov and Marty Turco react to next season. All three are getting into their 30's all three have carried their teams the last few years. The Ducks are in pretty good shape if Giguere misses more time next year because Jonas Hiller is a bad man, but the other two have question marks behind their starters. I imagine Nabby will take a few more games off as Dmitri Patzold and Thomas Greiss mature and it'll work because their San Jose goaltenders, but the Stars don't really have anyone currently with the team or in the pipeline to fill Turco's shoes. Could this be the year those three start to fall off? God I hope so.

The Dallas Stars star in: Vertigoal

What the Dallas Stars saw in place of Chris Osgood

When you're down 2-0 it can be hard to look on the bright side, but the Stars had to take a little something from tonight's closely played game. Marty Turco was both feisty and fantastic, as he's doing what he has to: punish the Red Wings for crashing his crease so that he doesn't get interfered with on a backbreaking powerplay goal.

I was unable to do a pre-game post, but I'm kind of glad because it would have been soaked in too-soon panic. But it's funny that my plan was to try to evoke the ghost of Battlin' Billy Smith. Low and behold, Smith's name was brought up as Turco was going semi-ballistic on Holmstrom and others. (Whichever Red Wing embellished in the second period Turco trip should get the gold medal for diving. He seriously looked like he got shot out of a frickin' cannon.)

Being down 2-0 is pretty terrible, but the Stars should keep the NBA playoffs in mind and remember that they can turn this series around with some clutch home wins. They now know that they can skate with the Wings, so they need to get it done (and for the love of God, get it on the net).

After an entertaining but still heartbreaking game 2 loss, it's time to play a little game of Good News/Bad News.

Good News

The Stars powerplay looked pretty good and featured a nice powerplay goal by Robo-das.

Bad News

The Red Wings powerplay scored another goal, making it four on the series. And their other powerplays looked pretty scary. Basically, when the puck goes to Nicklas Lidstrom, every Stars fan's sphincter gets uncomfortably tight.

Good News

Mike Ribeiro was fantastic in this game. He was able to stickhandle past Red Wings defenders all. game. long.

Bad News

On McRib's two breakaways, Osgood closed the 5 hole faster than a cocktease and made it look easy. And Ribeiro might get suspended on top of all that.

Good News

The Stars were able to create plenty of scoring chances in the beginning of the game.

Bad News

When the Red Wings decided to shut the game down, the Stars were basically buried in the third period.

Good News

2-0 is always hard to come back from, but I don't think the Stars are completely dead just yet.

Really Bad News

It was so obvious the Red Wings were going to win this game, the writing of this post began in the middle of the third period.

And I never doubted it. So that can't be good. My pre-series prediction was busted purchasing smack by an undercover cop shortly after the game.

Not sure if this will make anyone feel any better, but maybe you can distract yourself with this Vertigo-inspired music video by my favorite band from the state of California, Faith No More.

Breaking down the Stars - Wings Part 1: the next round of Goalie H-O-R-S-E

Before I get into any of my pre-series buffoonery, the YouTube Gods demand that I embed the two jaw dropping saves of that epic 4 OT game:

OK, now that I've got that out of my system, lemme do my best to breakdown the Stars-Wings series. Since there's an agonizingly long break (Thursday? RAAUGH I can't wait that long!!!) between games, I figure I might as well breakdown the bejesus out of this series. So I'll chop it up into a few digestible chunks, starting with the netminders:

Marty Turco vs. Chris Osgood/the rotting corpse of Dominik Hasek

If this were just NHL '08 (why can't everything in life be NHL '08, honestly?) then it would be an easy call to choose Marty Turco. And although Turco has had his catcallers and doubters when it comes to big game performances, few goalies in the history of the NHL have received more semi-unfair abuse than Chris Osgood.

Note: I know that Osgood let up an infamous goal back in the mid-90s, one of those career-defining gaffes. But I cannot remember what team it was against and YouTube seems to only have positive Osgood clips. But then I realized that Osgood would live on in YouTube immortality for the Roy fight, not that gaffe:

*Sigh* Simpler times. Scott Burnside did a solid little breakdown of the series on ESPN:

"Osgood leads the league with a 1.52 goals-against average and a third-best .937 save percentage. Turco has a 1.73 GAA and .929 save percentage."

But there are some disturbing statistics that Burnside overlooked, and they paint an interesting picture that makes you wonder if the Red Wings are in Turco's head. Stars fans might want to burn their eyes or at least look away from the screen at these disturbing statistics:

"The former University of Michigan star is 2-10-5 lifetime against the Red Wings, which includes an 0-7-2 record in Detroit, where he has posted a 3.38 goals-against average and awful .882 save percentage."

Yikes. Still, there's no doubt that Turco is on Old Man Momentum's speed dial this year. Breaking the Stars' single playoff game record with 61 saves is the icing on his playoff redemption sundae.

No doubt about it, Chris Osgood has been putting up bananas numbers all year. But it's difficult to tell how much of that is chalked up to the luxury that is roving supercomputer on skates Nicklas Lidstrom making the right play basically every moment he's on the ice (not to mention the benefits of playing behind Mike Babbock's brilliant puck possession system). Still, Osgood is an experienced, solid goalie who won't lose the game/pull a Carey Price for his typically superior team.

Check out Osgood's scouting report (which includes an uncalled for potshot "has always had trouble with long shots") and see his expansive playoff experience. And you never know when the man with the Slinky Spine might come back from the dead again.

It's difficult to hate Osgood, especially considering the abuse he's faced over the years, but Turco has to be the pick as the top goalie in this series. Turco's world-class ability to play the puck gives a lot of teams fits and it might just be a skill that grants the Stars an occasional reprieve from the Red Wings collective hockey IQ.

It also doesn't hurt that he's had two tough series to really get his swagger back, while the Wings absolutely annihilated an Avalanche team that, let's face it, probably didn't deserve to be in the second round. Sometimes an easy series can be poison for a great team's rhythm.

There's basically two ways this goalie matchup can go: either both guys will have zero margin of error (good) or Turco will have to conjure the ghost of 2003 J.S. Giguere simply to keep the Stars from getting destroyed (bad). If it's more of the coin-flip-it's-anybody's-game variety, the Stars just might have a chance to make a few octopus-chucking hands clammy.

But this is the scariest, smartest Red Wings team since well before the lockout.

Goaltending Advantage: Stars.

Marathong

I knew the Stars wouldn't make it through a single playoff year without at least one ridiculous game that would make Jaromir Jagr lose 8 lbs. I'm writing this during the intermission after the Third OT and it might be a while until I could get much more up, so here's a few dopey observations to warm your hockey logs (good God look at what three OTs will do to my already horrid punnery).

ANYWAY...

Evgeni Nabokov's first OT save was artful to say the least. Definite save-of-the-year material when you consider the importance and paper thin margin of error. But just as I was about to bring out the annointing oils, Marty Turco made an awesome throwback kick save. (1,000 Monopoly dollars to whoever can link me the YouTube clips on those bad boys)

Anyway, after those two saves I decided that Turco and Nabokov must be engaged in some form of Goalie H-O-R-S-E. By my unofficial count, Turco's on H-O-R-S at this point.

• Mike Ribeiro's hesitation during a tense moment definitely solidified the time-honored shooting cliche of having too much time in front of the goalie.

• If multiple scoring chances would dictate an OT GWG and the Stars win, Brad Richards would probably deserve the goal because he's had a million close calls in this game.

• Am I wrong in thinking that Jeremy Roenick bares a striking resemblance to cooky kindred spirit Willem Dafoe? I'd certainly cast him in the lead role in the JR Story.

There's just no honor online

It'd be nice to have a Stars-Sharks preview up, but I got off work at 10 p.m. and am unable to put together a steady stream of thoughts (so instead I'll direct my energy to things I don't need to think about: Joe Thornton and NHL 08).

For the record, I'm half-drunk.

Now that we have that out of the way, a few things I need to say:

• After spending a week or so on X-Box Live with NHL '08 I have a lot of complaints, but let me keep it simple. I'm a Pittsburgh Penguins fan at heart, but seriously, there are just under 30 teams in the NHL. Does every fucking person have to use the Penguins? Seriously. It's getting fucking old. *That being said, playing online is the video game version of discovering fire. So, really, this is a minor complaint.*
  

• Of all the things I've ever posted on the BoC, calling Joe Thornton an underachiever is easily the last thing I ever thought would be received with ridicule/hatred. Especially since the same people who threw a shitfit over this flippant comment are the same people who make fun of Marty Turco for imploding in the playoffs after he posted three shutouts in a single series.
  

According to NHL.com, Joe Thornton managed a totally respectable and in no way questionable 45 points in 64 career playoff games with a -11. In other words, you can fill at least three 7-game series with the games where he didn't score a single point. Not to mention the fact that he barely ever hits anyone anymore, even though he's fucking huge. Do those stats deny the fact that he's great? No, but it sure doesn't fucking say he's awesome (in the playoffs, at least).

Still, it's pretty unfair to place such unreasonable expectations on a Hart Trophy winner who is paid more than $7 million per year.

Whatever.

• Oddly enough, the interesting thing about the Stars-Sharks series is that I can't see Dallas shutting Big Bird down. Expect at least some sort of preview tomorrow, although a fuller, thicker version might have to wait until the weekend...
  

BoC Gameday—Bedtime!

Anaheim Ducks (45-27-8, 3rd in west) at Los Angeles Kings (32-42-7, 15th in west)

I'm pretty excited, because yesterday I finally got my new laptop from my new job, and it's pretty slick. I haven't yet hooked it up to the scanner nor have I uploaded all my old spreadsheets, but I guess there's no rush so long as last year's cartoons keep applying again this year. From the archives:

Rudy has the game covered below; I can't say it's going to be that meaningful a game outside of the Kings' lottery position, and for the Ducks one last chance to play without Chris Pronger. Instead, I'll take a quick glance 2 games into the future for the Ducks, now that the top 5 seeds in the west are locked in (DET, SJS, MIN, ANA, DAL).


Round One: (4) Anaheim Ducks vs. (5) Dallas Stars
Here's three things to know about this series:

1. Are two Conn Smythe Trophies better than one? This series will feature three of the last four Smythe winners (in fact, three of the six still playing hockey today): J.S. Giguere (2003), Brad Richards (2004), and Scott Niedermayer (2007).

2. Long time no see. This series is the first Pacific vs. Pacific playoff series in five years, when these two teams met in the second round of 2003. Since then, the Ducks have won seven playoff series; the Stars have won none.

3. Is Turco vs. Giguere as big a mismatch as it seems? These two goaltenders made their playoff debuts in 2003, but have had quite different results thus far:

Playoff Stat	J.S. Giguere	Marty Turco
Career W – L	31 – 13	11 – 18
GAA, Sv%	1.96, 92.9%	2.21, 90.9%
OT Record	12 – 1	2 – 8
Seeds beaten*	1, 1, 2, 3, 4, 6	8
Seeds lost to*	2	3, 4, 7, 7

* only includes series where the goalie started every game
While this fact-gathering is fun, though, there's also plenty of reasons to be scared shitless of the Stars; they've owned the Ducks for much of this year's season series, mostly played without Zubov or Boucher. But I'll be covering those reasons in another post.

Prediction: Ducks 4, Stars Kings 2. Ducks do the Kings a lottery favor; goals by Selanne, Marchant, Pahlsson, and Huskins.

Go Ducks.

Have The Playoffs Started?

Or is Marty Turco imploding early this year?

Kings celebrate Thanksgiving early with roast Turco

Remember back to opening day after the lockout, October 5, 2005. The Kings build a first period 4-0 lead in Dallas, only to see the Stars score 5 consecutive goals to win in regulation.

My how times have changed. Cut to November 10, 2007. The Stars build a 4-0 late in the third period in Los Angeles. The Kings score 5 consecutive goals in a franchise record 5:07 to pull ahead, still allowing time for Modano to tie the game before Kopitar ends it 2:34 into overtime.

Here's the best part. With 7:15 left in the 3rd period and the score at 4-0, Marty Turco made his 28th straight save of the night. Incredibly, he didn't make another save the rest of the night; the next six Kings shots on goal went in.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (breath) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

So much for that...

I never thought it would happen, but it did. I got attached to the Dallas Stars.

The moment that Trevor "Seriously, I only score big goals. I don't score any other goals but big ones." Linden made it 2-1, I started feeling depressed. And when I saw American Hero Mike Modano with tears rolling down his pop-star shagging face, I got REALLY depressed.

All apologies for my lack of posting over this crucial Stars (near) comeback, but believe me, I was watching at the edge of my seat (which, by the way, is apparently far away from a computer).

For now, I'll leave you with a hodgepodge of thoughts. As far as future Stars posting, I'd like to do so, especially since Rudy Kelly is the Roberto Luongo to my Marty Turco when it comes to Kings posts.

(OK, maybe Luongo to Roman Cechmanek.)

Anyway, here's the hodgepodge as promised:

• I'm not the first person to mention this, as 1310 The Ticket covered this base. But in case you didn't get access to the My 27 telecast of the Stars game, a considerable moment of announcer-based jinxing occurred. The channel featured a graphical overlay detailing Turco's crazy shutout streak, ignorantly looking past the fact that the Canucks were outshooting the Stars 12-1 at that point in the 2nd period . If that wasn't enough, Razor Reaugh just about put "the whammy" on Turco by saying that nothing short of an accident would allow a goal to squeak past Turco. In that same minute, Henrik Sedin "accidentally" scored a nice one-timer PP goal on Turco. Whoops.


• By my completely unscientific count, Luongo easily had 2 "You've-gotta-be-kidding me" saves per game in this series. His save on Stu Barnes in the 3rd period was outright astounding.


• Here's my "No Shit" observation: Turco wasn't at fault. In fact, Razor Reaugh and company were wise to point out an interesting fact about Turco's collegiate career: he was 9-2 in elimination games at the University of Michigan. Time to blame Tippett.


• Boucher was a disappointment in this series.


• Norstrom came as advertised: he was a very solid and (counter to my regular season observations) noticable defensive player. He drew a key penalty by taking the puck deep into the Canucks zone and did a great job throughout the series.


• So much for the resurrection of Markus Naslund. Two seasons ago, he was my first-round pick in a fantasy hockey draft. Now he'd be lucky to be my third LW. Naslund might be the last person in hockey to think that Todd Bertuzzi has anything to offer the world.


• Someone needs to introduce the Canucks to the front of the net. Or they should at least find a couple of North American scoring threats.

• Luongo or not, the New York Rangers are probably the only team in the second round that I'd rather face than the Canucks.


• People with time on your hands, please research this for me. Turco shut out the Canucks three times in this series. Has any team lost a playoff match where the goalie got 2 shutouts, let alone 3? Crazy.

Now, if you don't mind me I'm just going to cry take care of my itchy eyes.

Broken home

Wow. Last night's game was just a kick in the nuts.

Reading today's Dallas Morning News didn't exactly soothe anything either. The Turco-Tippett era seems downright jinxed. It's really just a matter of what we want to call it. The Newy Curse? Maybe the Belfour Hangover?

Just reading some of the quotes and statistics, it looks pretty bad for the how-the-hell-are-we-down-3-1 Stars.

• Six straight playoff loses at home. Maybe the Stars need a "reunion" with their old arena.
• Just a set of awful stats for Modano: 0 shots in Game 4. According to the DMN, he only spent 9 seconds on the ice during a 5-on-3 powerplay. He also vented his frustration regarding Tippett's system. I'd say this ranges from not-good to catastrophic.
• The Stars are 3-10 in the last three years of the playoffs. Yikes.

This year's choke job cannot be placed on everyone's favorite scapegoat in leg pads, Marty Turco. So far in 4 games, the Canucks have outscored the Stars 9-8 and managed to take a 3-1 lead back to Vancouver.

It all could be tied up if Mike Ribeiro's near-goal scooted a mere inch or two further before former Star Willie Mitchell propelled it from the net. It was one of those situations where I looked away to discuss the greatness of the goal (I think my exact words, after saying that Modano, Ribeiro and Co. needed to step their games up, were "Speak of the devil!") before watching in slack jawed horror that it didn't count. And it was a good call. Good lord.

It's strange. I've never really enjoyed watching the Stars until this season. Yet even though they've played oftentimes captivating hockey, it's the same old song and dance.

The Stars are an aging team and Turco's contract numbers are big. That being said, he's not at fault. Hell, he's only allowed 9 goals in the equivalent of 5 games (my expert math says that's a sub-2.00 GAA). Turco's the caliber of goalie that can keep the Stars in the playoff mix for years to come, so it's finally time to ask some uncomfortable questions.

The question, sadly, is about American Hero Mike Modano, former perennial Selke candidate Jere Lehtinen and even captain Brendan Morrow. These guys haven't produced those crucial points. You know a team's desperate when you find yourself missing Eric Lindros.

It's hard to argue with a team that seems mostly well-run and well-coached, but at some point this team has to make a deep playoff run or make some significant changes. I don't know how long they can wait, because the clock is ticking on Modano, Zubov and these Stars.

On that DMN spread, Modano said that this year's playoffs are starting to look a lot like last year. If this core group is worth keeping around, they'll at least make this thing interesting.

Three 1-goal losses show that they're not getting blown out of the water, but we'll see how much heart the Stars have come Thursday.

P.S. Here's a number to make Java Geek beam: the Stars missed the net 19 times in Game 4. Maybe Boothe Laser Eye Center, which advertises heavily in Dallas, needs to give the Stars a group discount for 20/20 vision. They're shooting like Happy Gilmores out there.

Stars vs. Canucks: Yes, I AM trying to crash your dialup computer

3. Vancouver vs. 6. Dallas

Damn Scott Burnside. The guy covered a lot of the same bases I was going to, including using the phrase "The Nagy Factor." Dammit.

While Burnside did a great job with his preview, I figured the series could use a "Dr. Z" from Sports Illustrated-style breakdown. Of course, this will probably make me look an idiot.

Matchup #1: Canucks O vs. Stars D

Meet the Sedin twins. After the Canucks oddly drafted the twins with back-to-back picks, they quickly drew the mocking attention of anyone who loves to make fun of Gingers and twins [read: anyone who is neither a Ginger, nor a twin].

Is it me or is there an unspoken list of OK groups to discriminate against? To my knowledge, there are three key groups of people.

1. Too-tall-to-be-coordinated people such as George Muresan.

2. Poor, defenseless bald men [special kudos to bald-in-denial icons such as Hulk Hogan and Clippers center Chris Kaman - who to my disgust shaved his head]

3. And finally, awkward male twins.

I think it says something about our society. OK, that's not really true.

What was I talking about again? Oh, right...the Canucks under-powered offense v. the Stars clingy defense.

As Burnside beat me to saying, the Canucks certainly don't have a ton of offense beyond the puck cycling mania of the Sedin twins. It's kind of amazing that people were raving about the "package deal" possibility of Forsberg-Naslund, when the superior Swede duo was right under their nose. [At least when you consider Foppa's health issues and Naslund's decline]

Naslund is not quite the factor he used to be, and even in his gravy days the Canucks did little in the playoffs.

The Stars D might not have the same kind of muscle that the Canucks D does, but do you really need much beef against the dainty Canucks?

Edge: Stars D

Funny commercial edge: Sedin twins

Matchup #2: Stars O v. Canucks D

The Stars haven't exactly been the poster-children for the New NHL. This is my way of saying that they, for the most part, have the aesthetic drawing power of Wet T-Shirt contest between Rosie O'Donnell and John Goodman.

They did make things a little bit less agonizing by adding oomph in Ladislav Nagy and Mike Ribeiro, but that won't make people confuse them with the Buffalo Sabres.

The Stars O needs to continue their positive trend of being one of the best teams at coming back from deficits, but even more important, they need to protect Turco with the occasional early lead.

Sadly for the Stars, this is not very likely.

Edge: Canucks D

Matchup #3: Special teams

OK, I'll level with you on this one: I don't have a clue. The Canucks have a fantastic PK and so do the Stars. The Stars have a slightly better powerplay, with two defensemen in Boucher and Zubov who can light it up.

Slight Edge: Stars

Real Edge: Bloggers who research and use statistics

Matchup #4: Goaltending

On some level, I cannot help but think: Turco's a good goalie, right? Sooner or later, much like the Ottawa Senators, something has to go right. Right?

I mean, really, Turco was great at the All-Star game when he was mic'd up. You feel bad for the guy, especially since the Stars playoff seeding didn't always reflect the talent on their roster for the past few runs.

But man, Turco didn't get the hot chick hanging out with eyesore treatment with this one. With all that pressure on Turco not to choke, the sad fact is that he could stand on his head and still very likely be the inferior goalie.

Luongo is a playoff newbie, but with all the hype he's encountered over the years, who would have thought that the other guy would be on the hot seat?

Edge: Luongo gets the nod while the Stars suffocate Turco with "When will the other shoe drop?" talk.

Fearful prediction: I don't know why, but I can't help but pick the Stars 4-2, since a game 7 might make Turco implode. Pass the antacid.

Stars and the playoffs: what's changed and what hasn't

Whenever my friend and I discuss the Dallas Stars, there's almost always an early playoff exit-related punchline. The Stars seem to be a well-run franchise, but much like their old rivals in Detroit, they limp out of the postseason with their hands around their throats.

And looking at this year, there's the natural question: What makes you think that anything will be different?

Fresh Faces

1. Mike Ribeiro

I've already described Ribeiro's addition in glowing terms. That being said, the talented but enigmatic winger fits the well-worn Stars punchline: great before the games really matter.

Still, the nice thing is that Ribeiro doesn't need to be a Conn Smythe candidate for the Stars to be successful. If Ribeiro fits into a Doug Weight in Carolina type role for the playoffs, or hell, even a Cory Stillman in Carolina role then the Stars will greatly benefit.

Either way, he's going to have to show up for the playoffs. And not just with a bag full of golf clubs.

2. Ladislav Nagy

Some people are saying that Nagy has been a bust in Dallas, including respectable ESPN.com writer Scott Burnside. Statistically speaking, it's hard to disagree.

Still, I can only tell you what I've seen and felt from watching the occasional Stars telecast. And my immediate thought from watching Nagy was: "Wow, the Stars are borderline watchable now!"

He's not really a "force" and it's certainly possible that the Stars overpaid for him. That being said, every team needs guys who are natural scorers. That's the one thing the Stars have been missing over the years. They've had hardworking, likable guys from the top of their order in Brendan Morrow and Jere Lehtinen to elbow grease guys such as Stu Barnes.

These players are great for character and timely goals, but Nagy and Ribeiro are two guys that make it look easy. It's true that the playoffs are a time where pretty goals evaporate, but the Stars were severely lacking that finesse game outside of American Hero Mike Modano.

3. Mattias Norstrom

So far, this trade reminds me of a lot of the pre-lockout small market salary dumps, even if L.A. isn't exactly a small-market. It captures that spirit because, on a gut level, it seems like the trade hurt the Kings more than it helped the Stars.

I've watched some Stars games, and I can't lie: I never really notice him. He's never put up many points and that hasn't changed in Dallas. He's averaging around 18-20 minutes a game, so he's apparently not irrelevant. The real place the Norstrom trade will be a boon or bust will be in playoffs.

Oddly enough, that makes his add opposite from the previous two. While Rib and Nagy are potential playoff ghosts, Norstrom's the type of defensive stalwart that can make a big difference in three OT slugfests.

4. Mike Smith

Smith shouldn't be a big factor, but in the ham handed tradition of playoff previews, I am forced to point out any possible parallels to last year's big stories. So if Marty Turco has another playoff flameout, it is an extremely remote possibility - EXTREMELY REMOTE - that Smith could be "this year's Cam Ward." Or Ty Conklin. [Although he's a much better puckhandler, if not for anything than the fact that he gets to watch Turco in practice].

He's a solid enough goalie, but this scenario is even less likely than Turco resurrecting the spirit of Cup Run Giguere.

Minuses

1. Jason Arnott

Some people thought that losing Arnott would hurt the Stars dearly, but I've always categorized him as just another interchangeable Devils Cup era forward. Some nights he wears a crimson mask and seems like a force of nature. But just as often he is not a factor.

For some reason, I just don't really like him so maybe that clouds my opinion.

2. Bill Guerin

While Arnott wasn't worth the money, the Guerin era in Dallas was simply cursed. It's too harsh to say that his success depended solely on Jumbo Joe, but that didn't keep him from being a disappointment. And, OK, his success did have a thing or do with Big Bird.

He's one of those guys that could come back to haunt Dallas, though. Or maybe he's another Devils Cup era forward of questionable merit.

3. Ed Belfour

OK, I know he left a long time ago, but are you going to argue with my decision to run the FUBU jersey arrest photo? Better not.

Still, all of these changes - both plus and minus - are not as important as answering the biggest question:

Will Marty Turco have another shaky playoff run?

Marty and Peyton

OK, I know that the Dallas Stars aren't technically part of the Battle of California, but let's face it, the Pacific Division is basically BoC + Dallas + Gretzky.

Anyway, two Saturdays ago (I know, I know) I was able to take in an extraordinary game at the American Airlines Center between the soon-to-be KC Masterpiece (the Penguins) and the aforementioned Stars.

It was an absolutely fantastic game, with a heavy dosage of Penguin fans, lively end-to-end competition, an outstanding overtime period and a SO win for the tentative Penguins.

As I watched the upstart Penguins sneak by the crippled Stars, I realized something. The Dallas Stars certainly will not take the Pacific Division this year, but I hate to say it: this might be their best chance in years to go deep into the playoffs.

Would I bet my house on Marty Turco and Co. to drink Shiner Bock out of Lord Stanley's Cup? Well, not quite. But then again, I would not have wagered on Peyton Elmer Fudd Manning to do it either, and look what happened. Ugh.

Marty Turco is the Manning of NHL goalies.

The parallels are horrifying. They both appear poised in front of a TV camera, although Turco settles for local Comcast spots and lovable mic-ups on barely viewed All-Star Games while Manning mugs for just about everything other than urinal cakes. Their regular season stats are gaudy: Manning holds the single season TD record and Turco (briefly) had the best pre-WWII GAA before Kipper stole it from him.

And then, as we all know, the bottom falls out once the games start to count. Manning always crapped the bed against Tom Brady, the Red Sox always lost to the Yankees and Turco sucks in the playoffs.

But with Manning "getting the monkey off of his back," maybe we should look at a few other similarities between the two. Much like Manning, Turco will finally go into the playoffs as an outright underdog. And much like Manning, Turco's supporting cast is deceptively good.

Sure, the Stars are a #6 seed, but they've done that with Mike Modano, Sergei Zubov and Brendan Morrow missing significant amounts of playing time. If Morrow can round into shape come playoff time (he's tentatively expected to come back in March), the Stars might be the type of sleeping giant that could dismantle a No. 3 seed (especially the paper thin Canucks) and make a certain probable No. 2 seed very nervous.

Turco with as little pressure as possible, a hardworking offense and a very solid defense. It might just take the easiest-to-ignore Stars team to finally win in the playoffs again. Hey, if it worked for Peyton and his wildcard Colts, it could work for anyone.