SUPER BIG NEWS (Let's call it SBN for short)

Yup, that's right. Some big-ass news.

Battle of California is moving to a new home. http://www.battleofcali.com/ (an SBN blog)-- though this link won't work until later today, I think. Once our new site is active, I'll add the link up above, but this does represent the final post of the blogspot site we've inhabited for some 2 1/2 years. That's right, we're selling out.

I guess the first topic to talk about is why we're moving over to SBN, and the answer is pretty much because James Mirtle asked. He's the guy who started this blog back in the day when I had no idea how to start a blog; more or less he's the reason this blog exists. Plus in the two years I've been monitoring blog traffic, roughly 10% of our traffic has come straight from his site, now at From the Rink. Mirtle has been amassing a set of team-specific bloggers to cover the 30 teams at SBN, and it's a pretty cool vision, one I'm willing to support...in spirit.

That's right. I went there.
You see, this is actually where we are letting Mirtle down, as he was originally hoping we could fill his Ducks and Kings vacancies. But I was pretty insistent on keeping our multi-team multi-author Voltron unit together -- as a blogger, I'm way too in love with the BoC dynamic. I'm very interested in the takes of Sharks and Kings fans, it turns out I enjoy writing for both Ducks haters and Ducks fans, and I'm also too lazy to carry a blog on my own.

We've arranged things to hopefully stay exactly as they are -- PJ will still be at Sharkspage, Mike Chen will still be at Kukla's Korner, James O'Brien will still cross-post at Cycle like the Sedins, and I'll still try to do a weekly cartoon at NHL FanHouse -- the way we interacted with BoC yesterday will hopefully be the way we interact with BoC tomorrow.

I'll apologize now for new bookmarks, new hyperlinks, new RSS feeds, new logins, and any other technical nonsense we'll run into because of this (which will all be entirely my fault -- the tech dudes at SBN have been kick-ass), but hopefully it's not too much a pain for anybody. There's some cool new functionality at SBN -- you can post your own FanPost or FanShot content, for one -- plus with the aforementioned kick-ass tech team, I think we'll find some benefit in the move. I do want to say though -- after two and a half years, I don't have anything bad to say about blogspot. They hosted our shit for free for years, and we'll keep this site as-is for as long as they continue that service. We are also in the process of migrating our archives over to SBN, though (one of the reasons we're not live just yet), just in case blogspot turns into a back-stabbing whore.


The last two years of blogspot traffic.
I'll update this post when the new site is fully active, but for now, while we're still just talking about it, it feels appropriate to give a little thanks. Thanks first and foremost to the commenters and fellow bloggers that gave our little website some legs -- you guys are awesome, and hopefully will continue to interact with our SBN posts with the same wit and insight as before. Also, thanks to the Ducks, Kings, Sharks, and Stars for never taking our asses to court. I don't think we've done anything terrible towards our teams, but with NHL politics, you never can quite tell. And finally, thanks to the NHL media's east coast bias -- without it, we may have never found anything in common to develop a collective perspective.

So, that's BoC's Super Big News (SBN). Feel free to react in the comments here or comments at SBN once we're up and active. Betrayed? Excited? Worried? Confused? Good, so are we.

Go BoC.

Ducks Gameday—The Avery Impact

Anaheim Ducks (14-9-3, 3rd in west) at Chicago Blackhawks (10-6-6, t-7th in west)
How much will this post cost me in karma dollars?

Instead of talking up this Chicago rematch, I'm going to throw my two rambly cents in on the Avery suspension. I don't like it.

Now don't get me wrong; there's a lot to dislike about Avery, including this recent set of inflammatory remarks, but you have to recognize Avery for what he is -- a sensationalist media creation. Over the years, reporters have glorified his personality and encouraged his bad boy behavior (which I can understand -- NHLers are generally too boring for newsstands). And that's the thing -- I do believe Avery's statements were intended more to feed the hungry media than they were to hurt Dion Phaneuf / Elisha Cuthbert's feelings. He was doing what he was expected to do -- agitate and entertain -- and more or less in the manner that he was trained to do.

It wasn't out of line with the media characterization that was built up over his career, nor with the persona that the Stars signed last summer. I dunno, it's like giving a dog a treat for coming inside six days a week but then beating it for doing so on Sunday -- maybe there was a vague line that was crossed, but I don't think Avery thought he was "detrimental to the League". If anything, he was promoting the league in the best way he knew how.

Sure, it's not normally acceptable behavior to be calling out players for their love lives, and we can debate the shock value of the words "sloppy seconds" compared to other word choices, but it's not as if this elephant wasn't already in the room -- Avery did manage to get himself in trouble without naming a single name. In a practical sense, Avery took a topic that dozens of hockey writers have already made crude jokes about and then shockingly made one himself.

In short, Avery was Avery, and the NHL suspended him for it without any strong precedent. As an isolated incident involving a rival team, I probably don't care about this that much, but I do worry about where it leads. We're already in a period where player interviews are purposefully bland and carefully measured, and while Avery is certainly not the model of ideal media interaction, he was different from the robotic mold and punished because of it. Going forward I think the NHL should probably publish a list of do-not-discuss guidelines -- it's a sham that they can't define a social barrier until after it's been crossed. Even so, as I point out in the cartoon, I suspect we'll see even less personality in front of a microphone from players in the future, and that general insincerity will probably be another barrier between the players and the fans, and that's sort of a shame.

Sean Avery is no hero, and I don't mean to present him as even a likeable figure, but it's really tough for me to see the rationale for the league's suspension. I think it's a dangerous path to discourage personality in front of the microphone without any specific guidelines, and we're probably in for a blander NHL as a result (though in fairness, we were probably in for that anyway). Anyways, I'm open to being convinced -- feel free to agree or disagree or add your own two cents in the comments.

And now to the part where Sleek gets suspended:

------------------------------------
Listen, I love Canada. It's just when it comes to Battle of Ontario teams hiring head coaches and general managers, they really seem to have fallen in love with Anaheim's sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about.



Ron Wilson, Craig Hartsburg, Bryan Murray, and Brian Burke --
That pretty much spans the entirety of Anaheim's history right there.
Prediction: Last Friday the Ducks and Hawks skated to a 1-0 game in Anaheim, so I suspect Hiller might get the start tonight, but there's no real wrong answer in net right now. The Ducks do need to start scoring some goals, though, so let's say Ducks 5, Hawks 3. Goals by Getzlaf x2, S. Niedermayer, Pahlsson, and Perry.

Go Ducks.

Earl Takes a Request

Tim Sassone, Chicago Beat Writer, November 25:

Is it being a little too greedy to think the Hawks can go 6-0 on this road trip? Wednesday's game in San Jose won't be easy, but the Sharks can be beat and the Hawks almost did it last week at the United Center. The Hawks led 5-4 going to the third period then took a couple dumb penalties and wound up losing 6-5. It's on to Anaheim Friday and the Ducks aren't anywhere near as good as they were when they won the Stanley Cup. The Hawks close the trip Saturday at Los Angeles against an improved, but nothing special Kings team.

Rudy Kelly, BoC Blogger, November 29:

The Blackhawks have lost both California games (against San Jose and Anaheim) this weekend. Let's make it one more so Earl has to bust out the ol' rape graphic again.

Well, apologies for the absence this week, but with siblings in town for Turkey Day, I was away from the computer for a bit -- but I've had myself a great week. I was even in Row B for Friday's game against the Blackhawks, and had great seats to see Wild Wing trip over some carpeting thanks to his duckbill-obstructed view. It was a pretty fun afternoon and a decent 1-0 game, and it's not hard to see why Blackhawks fans are excited this year -- this looks like a top-eight roster and once a goalie gets moved there's even salary room for improvement. Still, I'm not sure they're ready to call for sweeps just yet on the west coast swing; those are rare even for the great teams since the lockout (see comment #2 in this post), and there's always plenty of legit excuses -- miles, time zones, often back-to-backs, home refereeing, and the fact that SJ is killing all visitors this year. Whatever, the dude called the BoC road trip out and crapped out hard, and will get what he deserves.

San Jose Sharks 3, Chicago Blackhawks 2 (OT)
Anaheim Ducks 1, Chicago Blackhawks 0
Los Angeles Kings 5, Chicago Blackhawks 2
Battle of California 9, Sweep-Talking Blackhawks 4


Modified from the State Rape cartoon that started it all.
Go Ducks (and sure, Kings and Sharks too when it makes for a good graphic).

Brian Burke Week Part III: Nothing but shout-outs

Time to take a break from my normally scheduled Burke Week -- tomorrow I'll get to the positive GM lessons we can learn from the Burke. Today instead I'm just going to toss a few links and call it a day (partially because I feel bad just tossing these at the end of a long post; mostly because I'm lazy).

First off, in keeping with Burke-themed tradition, I was a guest again on The Rink Podcast this week to talk about what the Burke departure means for Anaheim. I'm the first of three guests in a virtual All-Star Game of blog guests -- Steve Lepore of Puck the Media also talks about Versus ratings, and Alanah McGinley of Canucks and Beyond talks about Roberto Luongo's shutout streak. Not my strongest work, but then again, podcasting ain't my forte.

Secondly, I wanted to give an update on the guy sometimes known as Kyle J and sometimes known as "the Swede" -- our mysterious comic book contributor here at BoC (Episode 1: Toronto, Episode II: Detroit). Well since his BoC debut, Comic Book Guy has taken the new name "Good Kyle", and has started his own multi-faceted blog: Good Kyle Versus Evil Kyle. I've added the link under "Hockey + Cartoons = Awesome", even though hockey cartoons seems to be a small portion of what that blog is offering. Good Kyle assures me that there's more hockey-themed artwork coming, though, and sent this image as a token of good positivity:

Why so sad?
And lastly and leastly, I also stayed Burke-themed on today's PuckToon. It was a rush-job, no doubt, but I'm not dissatisfied with the result. Enjoy!

Bobby Ryan = Positivity! Go Ducks.

Ducks Gameday—Texasperation

Dallas Stars (4-6-2, t-12th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (9-5-1, 2nd in west)
Can the Stars re-discover the success they left here last spring?

I can't really tell you what's going wrong with the Dallas Stars this season, as I have yet to even watch a single game. Still, the spreadsheets will tell you, you don't have to look much past the 50 goals allowed in just 12 games. To put that in perspective, the Philadelphia Flyers currently lead the league in goal-scoring at 3.67 goals-per-game (excludes shootouts). The Stars are giving up goals at a rate of 4.17 goals-per-game, half a goal higher than any team can manage offensively.

There's probably plenty of culprits -- Avery and Brunnstrom not adequately replacing Hagman and Miettinen, the absence of Sergei Zubov (who I think returns to the team tonight, along with Mark Parrish), and of course the guy between the pipes.

Marty Turkey. 4.34 GAA, .837 Sv%.
Still, it's still a young season, and it's certainly possible the Stars work a Ducks-style turnaround. It might not even be that bad a time for the Stars to visit Anaheim and San Jose, where they eliminated the BoC last spring. It's going to be important that the Ducks and Sharks avoid thinking too much about revenge in these first meetings, though; the way to really hurt the Stars is to send them home without a win.

The Stars are 3-1 this year when allowing 3 goals or fewer; that's a good winning percentage for that cutoff, though certainly an embarrassingly low number of instances. One other strange sidenote about tonight's game: the Stars for some reason will become the last team this season to play an opponent from their own division. I guess that's one thing a Stars fan can take solace in: there's still time to make plenty of noise in the Pacific.

* * *

I'll be at tonight's game, enjoying my own version of the "Rinkside View" from the Row B seats, look for me in my lucky green shirt. I'll be with my dad and his friends, so it will probably be a muted version of Drinky Sleek, but feel free to say hi if you see me.

Prediction: Ducks 4, Stars 2. Goals by Perry, Scotty, Pahlsson, and Travis "the Omen" Moen.

Go Ducks.

Kings Gameday: Getting Our Positivity Back

LA Kings (3-6-2) vs. Florida Panthers (4-6-1)

7:30 PST, Fox Sports West


In the war for Southern California, we all know who is good and who is evil: the Kings are good, and the Ducks are evil. Not like really evil or anything, more like Saturday morning cartoon evil.* Recently, the Ducks trio of terror (Corey Perry, Teemu Selanne, and Ryan Getzlaf) were all mired in slumps, probably brought on by all the sand in their vaginas. The Kings' good players (Kopitar, O'Sullivan, Frolov and Brown), meanwhile, were continuing being their wonderful selves, picking up about a point a game. The dichotomy was best shown in the Kings' 6-3 win over the Ducks, where the courageous Kings combined for 6 points to the Ducks' 1.

*Teemu is Shredder, Ryan Getzlaf & Corey Perry are Bebop & Rocksteady. I guess that means Kopitar is Leonardo, Brown is Michaelangelo, O'Sullivan is Rafael and Frolov is obviously Donatello. Oh, and I get to be Usagi Yojimbo!

Earl Sleek (artist's rendering)

This was obviously unacceptable to Earl Sleek, who is kind of like Krang. He stumbled upon the key to success in the NHL: Positivity. Positivity is the lifeblood of a hockey player and the Ducks were missing it since their game is based on Negativity. So, like any great villain, it's obvious that Earl Sleek has stolen the Kings' Positivity, resulting in piss-poor play from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Kings since. Consider this: the first 6 games of the season, the Kings' combined for 19 points while the Ducks had only 3; since then, the Kings have only 5 points in 5 games while the Ducks have an unbelievable 46 points. The Kings must get their Positivity back. And I think only I can do it.

Wish me luck.

I'm headed into dark territory now, armed only with my trusty bowstaff and my Positivity. And my gun. I'm going to get the Kings' Positivity back for their game against Florida tonight. It'll be a tough road; Anaheim is pretty far from me and the roads are really confusing, but I'll get there if I have to die trying. Watch the game tonight: if O'Sullivan, Frolov, Brown and Kopitar are their usual selves, then Earl Sleek is probably dead and the world is saved. Otherwise...

Prediction: Kings win, 7-3. Goals by Kopitar (x3), Brown (x2), Frolov and O'Sullivan. Goodbye, Earl.

Ducks keep on climbing, but Helene has her doubts

Well here's something I thought I'd never live long enough to see: an Anaheim Duck atop the league leaderboard?! Congratulations to Getzlaf, Perry, and Selanne for continuing their offensive surge, including a combined 4 goals and 2 assists against the injury-depleted Blues last night.

The Sharks should probably beat up the Blues again tonight, especially with Paul Kariya leaving last night's game in the second period with an ever-vague lower-body injury.

The Ducks' 8-0-1 record within their last nine games has pulled the team briefly, at least, within three points of the league-leading Sharks. While the Ducks have played at least two more games than 28 NHL teams, it's still brought them up to the third-highest point total in the league, which is the subject of today's PuckToon.

It's still difficult to tell you how good these Anaheim Ducks are or can be, but one thing is true: they are winning games in a lot of different ways, and are becoming awfully difficult to beat. Whether they can keep pace with the hard-charging Sharks remains to be seen, but at least the Pacific is no longer the one-team race it was two weeks ago.

* * *

Brian Kamenetzky of SportsHubLA (link added under L.A. Kings) contacted me yesterday to publicize his latest podcast interview with L.A. Times hockey journalist-legend Helene Elliott. How awesome is it, btw, that Brian's interview schedule moves directly from Rudy Kelly to Helene Elliott -- that's opposite ends of the spectrum of SoCal hockey coverage right there.

Anyways, I gave it a listen last night, and told Brian I'd publicize the interview here. Generally, I don't have very strong feelings about Helene Elliott, but it's nice to hear that she's an actual person. Most of the interview is centered around the Ducks' troubled start and subsequent turnaround (plus more Sundin nonsense), but they touch on the Kings and the Sharks as well. For the most part, she stays pretty realistic about each team's chances, and doesn't sound like a strong believer in any of them.

I can't really fault her for her frank approach; she's a journalist, after all, but Positivity, Helene! As we've seen on this blog in this early 08-09 season, sometimes that can make all the difference.

Go Ducks.

Ducks Gameday—Mysterious Origin Comics, Part II

St. Louis Blues (5-5-0, t-10th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (8-5-1, 3rd in west)
Yeah, I was yelling "Blue-urns".

Well, another moderately-deserved two points snatched in L.A. last night, but I'll tell you -- the 2nd and 4th lines looked pretty outmatched through most of the night. Brendan Morrison is still struggling to produce, though I still don't mind his overall positional play, but I also think that Teemu's not fighting through enough checks, and Todd Marchant hasn't carried a scoring line since ever.

But hey, today's a new day and a new opponent -- the St. Louis Blues. Fun Fact: Did you know that St. Louis is in the Central Division, home of the Detroit Red Wings? Yeah, of course you knew that, but I'm horrible at segues.

But now that we're talking about Detroit, our friend, now mysteriously known as "The Swede" (though tireless research has revealed he doesn't live in Sweden), has produced another comic book masterpiece, this time focused on last week's encounter with the Red Wings. Now presented in thrilling two-part format!

Red Wings at Ducks, Oct. 29, 2008:

(click on either image to enlarge)
Overall: brilliant, but I especially like the look of the middle panel on the second page. Fantastic storyline progression, and it just looks damn cool. And I miss Brad May already.

* * *

More internet slutting guest appearances: I'm still not very comfortable in front of an imaginary microphone, but I was a guest on another podcast yesterday afternoon before the Kings game -- The Rink Podcast Episode Six with Tom Luongo and James "Tapeleg" Grailian. We talked a bit about the Ducks and Sundin rumors (I'm not in until the final third), plus there will be a full-length bonus interview sometime later this week. Let's hear it for thrilling two-part formats!

* * *

And lastly, I will put a proper post together sometime later for the Duck nominees, but I wouldn't fret too much about who is or isn't on the NHL All-Star Ballot. If you recall last year, I believe seven of the twelve popularly-elected starters actually showed up to the event, so it's not very meaningful anyways. Plus the vote is probably in boring one-part format, how lame.

Prediction: Maybe all Brendan Morrison needs is an encounter with Teemu's two favorite linemates, Andy McDonald and Paul Kariya, just to see how the Finn prefers to receive his passes. Ducks win, 3-2, in a thrilling two-part game (I dunno, let's say a pane of glass shatters midway through). Goals by Getzlaf, Pahlsson, and Montador.

Go Ducks.

Outsourcing: Cartoons from Sweden

If you recall, this past summer BoC had a brief series called Letters from Switzerland from our generous friend Markus (will it continue? only Markus knows for sure), where we received some overseas updates about some former NHLers. In that same spirit, I present a guest submission from reader Kyle J., a guy I can only assume hails from Sweden (to be completely honest, I'm not sure about this, but based on a few phrases of broken English I've corrected, I'm comfortable being presumptuous). Well, I'm never a guy to turn away free artwork, especially if it's potentially from Sweden!

I am, however, a guy who (for better or worse) will regularly publish e-mails I get.

Dear Earl Sleek.

I have been wanting to find a way to mix my passion for graphic arts and hockey together for a long time. I have finally figured out how. A Graphic Novel of Hockey(Comic book). However I would like to showcase them where people could see them. And reading your blog since the Season We Won the Cup I know that many people in fact read your blog. I have really enjoyed your cartoons. If you wouldn't mind letting me post these on BOC I would very much enjoy some feedback so I could start up on my own or possibly work together on some.

Thanks

BOC Reader of you and Rudy,
Ducks Fan and Hockey enthusiast,
and Fellow Artista,
Kyle J.

Just take a look at the awesomeness below, inspired by last week's Ducks win against the Toronto Maple Leafs (featuring an ill-advised goaltender switch by Ron Wilson for the shootout):


Quite literally the best artwork this blog has ever seen.
(Click image to enlarge.)
I don't even know where to start. The Terminator version of Nik Antropov is killer, the classic Ron Wilson media staredown is spot-on, and I want to run and hide from that George Parros glare. Basically, Kyle, I give this a hearty standing ovation. Outstanding.

One of my side goals here at BoC is to semi-legitimize the notion of internet cartooning, even though I'm pretty much just a hack. Well, fellow hacks, the bar may have just been raised, and I'm pretty excited to see that. Plus, now with Switzerland and Sweden on the BoC contribution list, I can't wait to see what our German or Finnish readers will do to top this.

[1:15 pm edit -- Oh boy did I blow this one. I've now been informed that Kyle J. is from Southern California, not Sweden. Well, this won't be the last fact-checking error that Sleek will ever make, but it is a doozy. Also, a new version of the picture was submitted with "Foliage" instead of "Foilage". Sorry for the mix-up, KJ.]

Go Ducks.

Ducks Gameday—The importance of a good dentist

Detroit Red Wings (7-1-1, 2nd in west) at Anaheim Ducks (5-5-0, t-5th in west)
Ah, it's never felt so good to be back at .500

Well, I don't know if it was a lucky mix of positivity and poetry (Poetrivity!), but somehow the Ducks pulled off a nice 4-game sweep on their road trip, to nicely recover from their 0-4 season start. There's still plenty of things to improve on for the Ducks, but I'm still at the point that I care more that they are getting points than worrying too much about how they're getting them. Suffice to say that it was a fortunate road trip (really? only the third time ever a team has swept eastern Canada?), and it was extremely helpful to score the first two goals in each of the first three games.

But probably the one event on the road trip that probably shouldn't be overlooked was Ryan Getzlaf's trip to the dentist. Getzlaf had a virus removed from his gum that kept him out of the game in Toronto, but apparently the virus was adversely affecting more than just his inner mouth -- his entire forward line showed improvement once the infection was removed from the lineup. Here's the top line's very-much-improved stats from the road trip:

C. Perry 4 gp, 2g-5a-7p, +4
R. Getzlaf 3 gp, 3g-2a-5p, +4
C. Kunitz 4 gp, 1g-4a-5p, +2
Recall that in the six games prior to that dental visit, that trio combined for 18 gp, 0g-2a-2p, -14.


I can only assume this resembles Getzlaf before and after his dental visit.
It certainly mirrors the top line's performance since that pivotal event.
I don't want to seem overly presumptuous, but perhaps it's time to schedule Brendan Morrison for a teeth-cleaning. Ten games in, and he's got 0g-1a-1p and a -5. Just sayin'.

------------------------------
Meanwhile, the Red Wings come into town with a 5-game win streak of their own, thanks to Denis Gauthier's questionable decision-making. Like Anaheim, Detroit's win streak seems a bit illusory as well -- three of the five wins have come in OT/SO, and over the streak they've allowed 3.6 goals per game, which is definitely uncharacteristic.

Here's one stat that definitely differentiates Detroit's win streak from Anaheim's, though. In 5 wins, the Red Wings have outshot their opponents by a margin of 41.2 to 29.8. In 4 wins, the Ducks have been outshot by their opponents by a margin of 25.5 to 37.8. Detroit's also 5-0 on the road this season, and the Ducks haven't won a home game that I haven't attended, so hopefully this battle of the last two cup champions provokes some inspired play from the web-footed ones.

Prediction: Nevertheless, the Ducks pull it out. Ducks 4, Wings 2. Goals by the two-time Wing killers -- the fabulous Niedermayers, Pahlsson, and Pronger. For your Red Wings angles, make sure to hit up Abel to Yzerman, Winging It In Motown, On the Wings, and HockeytownTodd.

[9:30 am edit -- I've just been informed that the Chief over at A2Y will be running a live blog over at his site tonight, and I've agreed to join in the comments there to take my lumps like a good Ducks fan should. Feel free to join in, defend Pronger's elbows, and enjoy a hearty laugh at the persistence of 18-month-old injury excuses.]

Go Ducks.

BoC Gameday—Technically, somebody's getting a "W" tonight

Anaheim Ducks (0-2-0, last in west) at Los Angeles Kings (0-2-0, last in west)
Battle of the Basement

Sorry I've been a bit invisible the last couple of days; I've been steering clear of the blog, mainly because of the frustrating play of the Anaheim Ducks. It's not just that they're 0-2 that bothers me (only once in franchise history have the Ducks started 2-0), but it's the manner in which games are being lost that really sucks.

It's a pattern that dates back to the Dallas series last spring, and I've put a table together that lists the last seven times an opponent has broken a tie against the Ducks. All seven times the Ducks also allowed the next goal for a 2-goal deficit, and in six of seven times the lead was extended to 3 goals, on average less than 20 minutes later.

Game	Time Elapsed Until Deficit Extends to 2	Time Elapsed Until Deficit Extends to 3
G1 v DAL	6:09	12:33
G2 v DAL	15:00
G2 v DAL	0:55	8:49
G4 @ DAL	32:22	40:38
G6 @ DAL	15:32	17:46
G1 @ SJS	4:12	20:20
G2 v PHX	10:11	17:16
Last Seven 1-goal Deficits	7 of 7 12:03 avg	6 of 7 19:34 avg

Now I realize not all BoC readers enjoy deciphering time-elapsed-deficit data tables, so I've also illustrated the problem (using both Duck logos!):


"When you're done chewing off my right leg, please help yourself to the left.
And don't forget the tasty throat!"
So the Ducks need to solve two problems:

• Don't turn one-goal deficits into three-goal deficits. This isn't even an option; if this doesn't get fixed immediately I'll pre-order a Tavares jersey. The Ducks have made it entirely too easy to extend leads, either by overfilling the penalty box or by allowing odd-man rushes. They need some goddamn composure, really.



• Don't fall behind so often; put more emphasis on leading. You have to go back 18 games in the Ducks' schedule to find a game where the Ducks had a lead and didn't win the game. Granted, it's not a theory that's getting tested a lot lately, but it does seem to be the easy fundamental to focus on at this point.

Basically, the Ducks need to stop shitting the bed. Two games in, and the Ducks have scored three goals -- one each from Rob Niedermayer, Ryan Carter, and George Parros -- all scored while the Ducks trailed by 3. That trio of forwards looks to blow out its 13 combined goals from last year, but if anyone who was actually projected to score goals could put the puck in the net, that might help things considerably. So far, Nabokov and Bryzgalov have picked up fairly easy wins, way too reminiscent of the easy wins that the Ducks gave Turco last spring.

As for the 0-2 Kings, Rudy can probably better fill you in, but their problem might be as simple as "let's stop playing the Sharks".

Prediction: Who really can say with this club? Ducks 3, Kings 1. Goals by Klee, Pahlsson, and Pahlsson.

Seriously, Go Ducks.

BoC Gameday—What Scares Me About Your Team

Anaheim Ducks (t-1st in west) at San Jose Sharks (t-1st in west)
Winner of tonight’s game is on top of the west!

Ah, the beauty of a new NHL season afoot, and what better way to kick it off than with a good ol’ Battle of California (competitive version)? Yeah, I know there were some "counting" games already played in Europe, and Ducks/Sharks is the only game on tonight's schedule without some version of national coverage, but I can’t care. Because tonight is Ducks-Sharks, one of my favorite matchups since the lockout. It's a measuring-stick game, a pride game, and an awesome way to start the NHL season (assuming the Sharks have paid their electricity bill this year).

To open this set of Gamedays and this NHL season, Mike Chen and I devised a little cross-state exercise. You know Mike, of course, from Battle of California, though I heard he has some side gig too. Anyways, instead of rehashing our own previews again, we instead decided to write about the opposition this time with three answers to: "What Scares Me About Your Team", a nice outsider's perspective to start the new year.

What Scares Sleek about this year's Sharks:

1. Joe Thornton plus offensive defensemen means trouble

The last three seasons, the highest scoring San Jose blueliners have been Craig Rivet 07/08 (74 gp, 35 pts), Matt Carle 06/07 (77 gp, 42 pts), and Tom Preissing 05/06 (74 gp, 43 pts). In each case, it's a career scoring high—none of them have demonstrated tremendous scoring ability away from Jumbo Joe. The lack of a true offensive talent on the blueline has been the Sharks' Achilles Heel, their missing ingredient in a sense. Finally at the end of last year the Sharks inserted an actual offensive defenseman – Brian Campbell – and the results were stellar. In 20 gp, Campbell recorded 19 points, and while that 78-point-season pace might not have been sustainable for a full year, it still showed the potential of using a creative talent behind San Jose’s glut of forwards.

Bring in Dan Boyle, and to a lesser extent Rob Blake. Boyle is a guy who’s already registered a 63-point season and two 53-point years, so he’s shown the ability to play well with top talent in Tampa. I haven’t watched a ton of Lightning games, so I can’t say for sure, but if Jumbo Joe is able to bring out a career year out of the Sharks’ new blueline threat, San Jose threatens to be a Pacific monster this year.

2. Red Wing motivational tactics

I’ve been reading some of new coach Todd McLellan’s motivational quotes over at the Seagate Broadcaster’s Blog, and his overall message has me worried. Not so much the “I don’t just want a hockey player, I want an ingredient” bit; other than some cannibalistic overtones that message is pretty routine. But how about this McLellan gem? “At this point in the season, the words ‘Stanley Cup’ aren’t part of the vocabulary.” First off, McLellan, I don’t think that’s very fair to Marcel Goc, who doesn’t have a very wide vocabulary to begin with. You’re going to take away two of his possibly twenty cohesive words?

But all kidding aside, I think McLellan seems to be doing the right things as a new coach for what’s been a tremendously successful team. He’s making the players better understand their roles for the team’s success, and is making sure that the short-term details that contribute to winning don’t get lost in the long-term goal. Of course, media quotes and on-ice performance can often be two different things, so I’ll reserve judgment, but I have to imagine the Sharks will be well-prepared for opening night.

3. Jonathan Goddamn Cheechoo

Yes, I know that Cheechoo is coming off his worst offensive campaign since his rookie year, and his preseason performance still has some Sharks fans worried, but that doesn’t make things less scary on my end. Cheechoo is the very definition of streaky – even in his good seasons he got hot and cold very fast. I wrote a post in the latter part of the 06-07 season that pointed that out: “4 goals in 2 games against the Ducks, which was preceded by a seven game goalless streak, that followed a 5 goals in 7 game stretch, that followed a 1 goal in 9 games slump, and well, you get the picture.” Also revealed in that post was the trend that Cheechoo scored at a much higher rate against the Ducks and Kings than against any other opponent.

The Sharks figure to have a very good team this season even if Cheechoo has another off year. However, if he gets anywhere near his pre-injury form, the Sharks will be awfully tough to keep up with in the standings this season. I guess my main hope is that Coach McLellan finds Cheechoo to be a very tasty ingredient and eats him, but that probably violates the CBA.

And now, heeeere's Mike Chen!

What Scares Mike Chen about this year's Ducks

1. The Complete Mighty Ducks

Picture this. You sit down and you really want to have a kick-ass marathon of the Mighty Ducks movie trilogy. You've got your shiny Mighty Ducks DVD and your old VHS copy of D3: The Mighty Ducks, but you don't own the second movie and you can't afford the gas to drive to Best Buy and pick it up. But halfway through your viewing of D3, a buddy calls and says that D2 is on the Disney channel RIGHT NOW so turn the channel immediately. That convoluted movie-viewing experience is kinda like what happened to the Ducks last season without Scott "My Captain C, Damn It!" Niedermayer and Teemu Selanne to start the season.

You take those guys out of the mix, add in some bad broadcast-on-cable-TV replacements like Todd Bertuzzi and Doug Weight and it's just a chemistry experiment gone awry. And while Scotty N played well upon his return, you could sense that something wasn't quite right with last season's Ducks, even from all the way up in the Bay Area. So now Brian Burke's guys have no off-ice distractions, Corey Perry and Ryan Getzlaf are a year older, and the Norris Twins get a full 82 games together. Yeah, that's not good.

2. Brendan Morrison

Oh, stop laughing. I'm not talking Brendan Morrison by himself, I'm looking at what Brendan Morrison could possibly do for the rest of the team. Morrison's a playmaker. Teemu Selanne's a goal scorer. Goal scorers need playmakers to make them even better (see: Cheechoo, Jonathan). If Morrison clicks with Selanne in an Andy McDonald-minus-the-freakish-neck-muscles kind of way, that gives the Ducks two pretty strong forward lines. We know Perry and Getzlaf will get their points but what about secondary scoring?

Last season, I don't think I was the only person who laughed when Burke signed on Todd Bertuzzi's diminished scoring abilities. We know that Selanne still has it but if Teemu's got a partner that can actually dish him the puck, he becomes that much more of a threat. Teams with one scoring line don't usually accomplish much (hello Vancouver), but when you start spreading that around, that's when the proverbial shiznit hits the fan.

3. Pronger/Niedermayer

You could say that this point is an extension of the first one, but that one was really more about off-ice distractions and general roster discombobulation. This is about having two Norris-quality defensemen who can handle 30+ minutes a night, play special teams, send out a great outlet pass, and shut down the opposition's top scorer. With all due respect to the Detroit blueline, there's simply no team that can match what Anaheim can do -- that is, have one Norris-candidate on the ice at all times.

Put it this way -- the old adage of line matching doesn't work if you have either a healthy Pronger or Niedermayer on the ice. You can't try to avoid the shutdown defenseman because they're both capable of it. Hell, stick me out there with my limited beer-league skills and I'd still probably be a +30 for the year (Burkie, I'm a free agent and I'll sign for the league minimum). This combination scared me when Pronger first came to Anaheim and it still scares me today. And it's just not fair.

So that's our takes, looking trepidly at some of the new aspects of the opposing team. How about you, readers? What in particular this year scares you about facing either of these teams? Feel free to leave your own answers (even if you aren't a Ducks or Sharks fan) in the comments.

Prediction: Ducks 3, Sharks 1. Goals by Perry, Pahlsson, and Morrison. Just like in the Ducks opener of the 06-07 season, though, Rob Blake actually scores Corey Perry's goal. Adds Mike Chen, "By the way, Sleek's watching the game on Tivo so everyone text him 'Pronger broke his leg' intermittently."

Update 10:01: Mike sneaks in a prediction too: Sharks 4, Ducks 2. Goals by Marleau, Boyle, Roenick, and an empty netter by Grier. And soft crying in the rafters from Jeff Friesen.

p.s. I posted a PuckToon today that mixes metaphors about strange cap-motivated roster moves made throughout the Pacific Division. Enjoy!

[9:30 am edit -- even more Sleek guest appearances on the ol' internet! In addition to posting on James O'Brien's new blog, I was also a guest on the LCS Hockey Radio Show last night. I haven't even heard the whole thing, but feel free to give it a listen as we push through some technical difficulties, I hurriedly mis-describe Patrick O'Sullivan as "a poor man's Brian Rolston", and I pull a correct Caspian Sea trivia answer out of my ass.]

Go Ducks.

Finished!

Whew! Sleek's been a busy guy lately, not only contributing to BoC's regular reporting brilliance, but doing Pacific Division previews for AOL Fanhouse as well. Today that whole stint got finished up -- my Sharks preview will run later this morning, finishing off my previewing duties there. I can't say that there's anything too brilliant in these previews (I get awfully wishy-washy when it comes to predicting things), but I did draw a cartoon for each team -- that's something, at least.

Anyways, I figured I'd link them all here, not only for convenient clicking but also just as an excuse for my recent busy streak.

• Los Angeles Kings


• Phoenix Coyotes


• Dallas Stars


• Anaheim Ducks


• San Jose Sharks

So there you have it. I've managed to write all five without picking a winner of the Pacific; who do you figure has the best shot at it? Comments are open.

P.S. You do know that I am not the only Pacific Division blogger who draws cartoons, right?

Explaining the finer points of hockey to a new generation of fans

I have no idea what I really want to say about the fact that the Ducks' owner, Henry Samueli, might or might not be going to jail. But in the meantime, here's a cartoon that might help explain things to younger fans.

Hell, I even did a PuckToon today also. Color me productive.

Go Ducks.

The Pensblog made me do it...again. Kings and Ducks previews

Yeah, nitpickers, this is the same cartoon from last year.
Happy fucking blog birthday, Pensblog! As a guy who focuses a lot on the western conference, it takes a little extra for an eastern blog to make a splash on my radar, but the Pensblog has been a force in the blogosphere for two years now. Their crass and angry style has taken the crass and angry city of Pittsburgh by storm, and there's probably not a team-focused blog out there with a bigger and meaner following. It's awesome.

Every night I fall asleep fearing three things -- getting in a pissing contest with a racehorse, getting in a racing contest with a racehorse, and getting in a photoshop war with Pensblog. They are that scary.

Anyways, just like last year, Pensblog invited 29 suckers to preview their teams, and Rudy and I managed to not get ourselves "Ron Wilson'd" from that invite list. We've been told that our previews are going up today -- BoC day at the Pensblog -- so once they are up I will add Rudy's link here and Earl's link here.

Enjoy 'em, and feel free to comment wherever.

Bad Puns III: The Sanford Mask Contest

Well, I may finally be out of the hockey-photoshop-contest woods. There were three nearly-simultaneous blogger-led contests out there, and as an avid supporter of web nonsense, I've now participated in all three. Here's my previous efforts towards Bettman heroism (Puck Daddy) and Gretzky negativity (The Pensblog).

And now we get to Curtis Sanford's mask, which is actually an official Canucks-sponsored contest, but has also received a side-push by Dr. Mirtle. Before we take a look at my offerings, I should note two things: (a) I'm not submitting any of these into the official contest, but if anyone feels like stealing, I won't protest. (b) As such, I've slacked a bit on production value here: I created a transparent mask template and mostly overlayed it on images. Most of these could use a touch-up.

Still, I'm not that upset with the outcomes. Let's take a tour, shall we?:

Submission #1: Playing Behind Luongo

Why not show off the reason why this helmet won't get any airtime?
Well, I'm not sure how well Sanford would enjoy wearing a Luongo-themed helmet, but at least it offers him an easy comeback: "You'd be benched, too!" I don't know if it's that clever, but hey, it's honest.

Submission #2: Learn Your Goalie History

The final version of this will feature a chalkboard so the save-differential can be updated.
Ah, yes. Ranford vs. Sanford. I picked saves as a category only because it offered a comically high number that could be updated throughout a Sanford-played game. Plus it offers a nice humble look at Sanford's paltry place in the history of goaltending.

Submission #3: Sanford's Labyrinth

Can you navigate your way to this guy's five-hole?
You know, it's kind of difficult coming up with good puns for the name "Sanford", given that I always avoid the most obvious choices (Sanford & Son, Stanford University). This pun is way half-assed, but perhaps the maze design can help confuse shooters. Also confusing? When Sanford gives you a root baby to help with your mother's childbirthing.

Submission #4: The Helmet About Nothing

A double-headed pun here: Sanfeld? Seinford?
On the other hand, I do really like this pun, but the design could have had a little more time put into it. I think this helmet should also have a little computer chip built into it, and whenever anything hits Sanford's mask, it could play the bass guitar Seinfeld theme. Whatever the design, I will say this: a bald Demitra makes for a fabulous Costanza.

For these last two designs, I have to give inspirational credit to fellow BoCer Mike Chen, who threw me a few bones on my quest for Sanford silliness:

Submission #5: Things Could Be Worse

Ah, a hockey photoshop classic.
"At least I'm not Cloutier." That really should be a positive mantra for all of us, and I think the message would resonate strongly with a memory-haunted Vancouver fanbase.

Submission #6: The Crawford Hair Helmet

This is just a prototype. The actual version would involve real hair.
And finally, another call-back to Vancouver's not-too-distant past. The Crawford Hair Helmet could allow the gelled-up hair-monster be a fixture on the Canucks bench once again. Of course, there'd probably be some debate about how much hair could be used; I'm quite sure the zero-fashion-sense competition committee would try to set some limits.

So there you have it. Six offerings with a wide range of brilliance, all that have roughly zero chance of making it to the big leagues (not unlike Sanford's chances of being a regular starter for Vancouver). Like 'em? Hate 'em? I don't care; at least I'm done with obligatory photoshops.

More Bad Puns: the Pensblog submissions

As I noted a week ago, it's hockey photoshop contest season, and today I'll show what I've done for the Pensblog's anti-Wayne movement. If you recall, their challenge was easy enough: "The task is simple, make photoshops that depict Wayne Gretzky in a negative way or just make fun of him."

Well, just like before when I had trouble making Gary Bettman look heroic, I'm similarly challenged in bringing out Wayne's negative side. So as usual, I just ignored the stated challenge and went back to what I'm good at: lame-ass puns. Let's take a look, shall we?

Submission #1

Rawr.
So I don't know if this is truly negative, though it does show off a bit of an angry side for Gretzky, and historically the T-Rex was pretty bad at avoiding extinction. It was actually kind of difficult to find pictures of "Angry Wayne" to put on this dinosaur's body. Strangely, the only angry shots I could find featured Gretzky the head coach. Ha ha, I wonder why.

Submission #2

Quite talented and yet quite inept.
OK, this might get a little more "on theme", though Rain Man has as many positive qualities as he does negative. Still, I think there's some parallels with Gretzky -- a sheltered upbringing, a superhuman talent, and a questionable grasp of reality. I don't know how well Brent Gretzky was able to exploit his brother's talents, though.

Submission #3

Aha! Finally some evil!
This one's sort of appealing to me: it's got a negative spin, a villainous overtone, and a built-in dose of hilarity. I like this pun-parallel, except for the fact that Wayne was successful in his takeover attempt (while the Brain is regularly frustrated in his).

So, what did I miss? Anybody have any good Gretzky puns they want to see made? My next project (barring any Ducks news) will be the ol' Sanford mask. Trust me, though, I'm betting it will be lame like Wayne.

'Tis the season for hockey photoshop contests

Wow. Well in the wake of Puck Daddy's wildly successful Gary Bettman Photoshop Contest (230 submissions, not even counting my own), I guess art contests have become the blogger rage to help cope with the dead days of August. Of course, as a hockey-photoshop fiend myself, I wholly endorse all creative endeavors in this field, so I'm here to highlight both of the current contests before even starting on my own entries.

Contest #1: The guy with the most free time in the NHL is seeking your help to design his goalie mask.

King of bloggers James Mirtle has this one covered, but Curtis Sanford, the Canucks' backup to Roberto Luongo, is having a team-sponsored contest for fans to design his mask. To put it in Ducks terms, Sanford is the modern-day version of Danny Sabourin, the guy who occasionally gets called in when Luongo has to take an overtime shit in a playoff elimination game.

The winner of the actual Canucks contest stands to have his art featured up to six times this season, but if you're clever enough, you might even get featured on Mirtle's site, which may represent more eyeballs. Or if you have no skills but want to suggest an idea, I'm certainly not above stealing. Or whatever, if you feel like doing a Duck, King, Shark, or Star design, we'll show 'em here.

Follow the Mirtle link above to find the mask template. Deadline is August 25th.

Contest #2: It's about time the best player in the history of hockey got taken down a notch, right?

If Mirtle's the King, these guys are the Joker. The Pensblog, sick and tired of all the Great One's infallability, have put together a simple challenge: "The task is simple, make photoshops that depict Wayne Gretzky in a negative way or just make fun of him."

And why not? If there's 230 heroic aspects of Gary Bettman, there's surely a million negative facets to Wayne Gretzky. There's no template required for this one, so have fun with that one, if you're photoshop-inclined. I'll warn you, though -- the photoshoppers reading The Pensblog are a sharp and talented bunch -- if you think you won't measure up, send 'em our way and we'll show 'em here too. Deadline is August 24th.

----------------------------
So now that I've promoted these contests, check back in nearer to the deadlines and I'll put together my "brains" and my "talent" and we'll see what emerges. Perhaps I'll get rushed and draw a combination-entry hockey helmet featuring the old lesbian telling Pronger's wife to get the fuck out of Edmonton. Or perhaps I'll just do a series of Gretzky movie posters.

Yeah, I know. Suspense sucks.

Go Ducks.

Moments in Archaeology: Sleek digs up a Relic

In the process of moving, I’ve had a chance to go through some of my old piles of junk, and as is usually the case in such undertakings, I have uncovered some real gems from the kid who would grow up to become Earl Sleek. Back before I had an internet alias or a blog to write on, I was still an emerging hockey nerd with a creative streak. Exhibit #1:

Medium: Ball-point pen on paper
Featuring top to bottom: Guy Hebert, Travis Green, Teemu Selanne, Marty McInnis, Stu Grimson, Paul Kariya, Fredrik Olausson, Steve Rucchin, Ruslan Salei, and Matt Cullen

Drawn: It wasn’t dated, but based on the players included I’d have to say 1998-99.

It's actually an impressive piece of work, something I'm not sure I'd have the patience to sit down and attempt these days. Also noteworthy: this had to be pretty soon after I became a hockey fan at all. Anyway, I got a real nostalgic kick out of finding this relic from my fan-girl past, and I figured long-time Ducks fans might enjoy it as well. I've got a few more deep-closet relics to share next week as well, but I think this one is the oldest and most impressive.

Just to keep this post interactive: Which non-Finnish player featured in this picture would fit best on the current Ducks roster? For this exercise, I am talking about the 1999 version of the player, not whatever washed-up version we'd see today.

Go Mighty Ducks.

Summer Resolutions

Ah, blessed summertime, when the days get long and hockeyless. How I loathe thee.

Still, I guess it's not all rotten. I've been furiously packing and preparing for my move to Irvine, which should get really underway next week. Once I get my head above water, though, I do have one project that I'd really like to get done. Really, it's been sitting on my plate for something like five months, and it's well overdue: a Battle of California t-shirt.

The ever-awesome guys at The Pensblog asked me back in February to draw up a t-shirt design to merchandise in their impressive Storeblog, and I lied and said, "For sure, right away!" Since then, I've sat down with a blank paper and pen quite a few times, fully intending to put a masterpiece together worthy of public display, but I keep coming away unsatisfied with the result. I mean, it's one thing to put together cheap cartoons for a free internet, but I guess I'm holding myself to a higher standard for product with an actual price tag.

Here's one of my recent efforts, which is probably close to what I'm imagining:

Whoops, forgot the Star.
Now I'm not exactly sure on how copyright rules work in a money-making* venture like t-shirt sales, but to be safe I'm hoping to fully create the whole thing -- no stealing from Bill and Ted or Itchy and Scratchy, for instance. I'm pretty sure Pensblog will allow more than one design, so I'm certainly open to concept ideas. What would you like to see a duck, a king, a shark, and a star doing on a BoC t-shirt? I'd love to hear some reader ideas, and I'll probably run some design ideas throughout the summer just to take a reader pulse.

* I'm not really planning on making any money, but there will be a cost.

So anyway, that's one thing to look forward to. On a different note, yesterday I made a brash, stupid, awesome decision (one that I haven't done anything towards and still might back out of). If my loose plan works out, I think I'm going to spend New Year's with my kid brother in Chicago, and then freeze my ass off at the Winter Classic at Wrigley. I'll keep you guys updated as this plan really gets developed (or scrapped), but for now, the loose plan is that myself, the lucky green shirt, and up to a dozen other layers of clothing are going.

And who knows? Maybe by then the green shirt will be replaced by a BoC t-shirt I can be proud of.