On Tuesday, Puck Daddy Greg Wyshynski (the Darth Vader of hockey bloggers) started a Bettman-themed Art Contest, dedicated to portraying Gary Bettman (the Jar-Jar Binks of NHL commissioners) in a heroic light, and he's already put up some early submissions, as have a few bloggers. Of course this is a movement I can enthusiastically support (I figure that I'm some sort of Threepio unit in this analogy), as I endorse all forms of cheesy internet art.
Darth Wyshwhatshisname then followed it up with a threatening e-mail: If you don't enter this contest, I will find you and kick you. And with that, this droid went to work. I jotted ideas down for most of a Tatooine workday, then sped home in my landcruiser to get Photoshoppin' (would you believe I still have yet to try the actual tool Photoshop? Here's Sleek's makeshift method.).
As the post title suggests, though, I strayed from the heroic theme. Instead, I followed this thought process:
and really focused on that last leap. In fact, I should have entered a contest called "Gary Bettman Cheesy Movie Poster Puns that don't use the obvious Batman link", where I easily could have taken third place. I guess I should add that I wasn't fully motivated to win Greg's contest; PJ sends me free Versus-themed shit already. It may turn out I end up getting kicked more because of this post, but if you love cheesy Gary poster puns like I do, enjoy these entries; but then consult a doctor:
Not too heroic, I guess. Maybe praising Gary is beyond my abilities.
Even worse. I didn't even end up submitting this one, as:
a) it clearly went against the heroism theme,
b) it didn't turn out looking as good as the other ones, and
c) I haven't ever seen this show, so I didn't know what sort of joke to add to the pun.
I do like this one. It has a nice charm and a nice built-in story.
Gary meets Salary. Gary caps Salary. Salary cheats Cap. Gary moves to Kansas City.
So, commenters, any good Bettman poster puns I missed? You don't have to draw them or anything, but 25 Mike Chen bonus points if you describe a loose story. Heroism is optional.