Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Sleek forgets to include heroism in Bettman art

On Tuesday, Puck Daddy Greg Wyshynski (the Darth Vader of hockey bloggers) started a Bettman-themed Art Contest, dedicated to portraying Gary Bettman (the Jar-Jar Binks of NHL commissioners) in a heroic light, and he's already put up some early submissions, as have a few bloggers. Of course this is a movement I can enthusiastically support (I figure that I'm some sort of Threepio unit in this analogy), as I endorse all forms of cheesy internet art.

Darth Wyshwhatshisname then followed it up with a threatening e-mail: If you don't enter this contest, I will find you and kick you. And with that, this droid went to work. I jotted ideas down for most of a Tatooine workday, then sped home in my landcruiser to get Photoshoppin' (would you believe I still have yet to try the actual tool Photoshop? Here's Sleek's makeshift method.).

As the post title suggests, though, I strayed from the heroic theme. Instead, I followed this thought process:

Hero -> Protagonist -> Title Character -> Movie Poster -> Movie Poster Pun

and really focused on that last leap. In fact, I should have entered a contest called "Gary Bettman Cheesy Movie Poster Puns that don't use the obvious Batman link", where I easily could have taken third place. I guess I should add that I wasn't fully motivated to win Greg's contest; PJ sends me free Versus-themed shit already. It may turn out I end up getting kicked more because of this post, but if you love cheesy Gary poster puns like I do, enjoy these entries; but then consult a doctor:

Entries One and Two:

Not too heroic, I guess. Maybe praising Gary is beyond my abilities.

Bonus Non-Entry:

Even worse. I didn't even end up submitting this one, as:
a) it clearly went against the heroism theme,
b) it didn't turn out looking as good as the other ones, and
c) I haven't ever seen this show, so I didn't know what sort of joke to add to the pun.


Entry Three:

I do like this one. It has a nice charm and a nice built-in story.
Gary meets Salary. Gary caps Salary. Salary cheats Cap. Gary moves to Kansas City.

So, commenters, any good Bettman poster puns I missed? You don't have to draw them or anything, but 25 Mike Chen bonus points if you describe a loose story. Heroism is optional.

14 comments:

brokeyard said...

uhh... you missed the pretty obvious one, considering what is out in theaters now.

Bettman Begins

Markus said...

lol...

use this: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3956904704/tt0800116, replace the eye with half of bettmans head and text: he has the power to lock you out :D

Earl Sleek said...

Bettman Begins

Oh, I was avoiding that one like the plague. The one thing about the timing of Greg's contest, I bet he gets about 300 Batman-themed submissions. It's the "gimme".

Earl Sleek said...

Oh, and I should add that I did drag my ass down to the theater for the Dark Knight. Pretty good time (and a pretty packed theater for a Wednesday night).

I've been licking my lip Ledger-style ever since.

Ingmar "W" Bergman said...

Sir. You are awesome. How do you come up with all this crap? I'd love to know.

Any news with the Mural in your garage?

Earl Sleek said...

Sir. You are awesome. How do you come up with all this crap? I'd love to know.

Bad puns has been a lifelong hobby of mine. I dunno, all it takes is oodles of free time and a wayward brain.

Any news with the Mural in your garage?

Sadly, the garage wall has remained largely untouched and unfinished since it was documented nearly two years ago (part 1, part 2).

Maybe even sadder is that we're going through the first stages of selling that Redondo condo where the mural resides, and sometime in the next month I think the whole thing will be white-washed.

Still, it's not all tragedy. We'll always have the memories, and pretty soon I'll be moving to a new place with a blank garage wall, and who knows where that might lead?

Earl Sleek said...

I should add, also, that even though you've buried it, I really liked your heroic Bettman art too, Bergman.

Nicely done.

Ingmar "W" Bergman said...

Wow! When Harry Met Salary? They just keep coming.

That must be one of THE best things you've ever done. And you've done a lot of good things.

Effin hilarious.

The whole Draft Picks post wasn't meant to be seen just yet.

Remember to take pictures of the Mural, never forget it.

brokeyard said...

How about a picture of Spongebob's pet snail, Gary? Put Bettman's face on it or something.

Ingmar "W" Bergman said...

I know I'm kinda stalking you right now, but I just had to do it...

Shit-eatin' grin and all.

mike w said...

Hilarious!

Forklift said...

Here is the one we use over at our place...

Earl Sleek said...

I know I'm kinda stalking you right now, but I just had to do it...

Shit-eatin' grin and all.


Holy hell, Bergman wins. That is fucking awesome.

Forklift, yours is really good too, but I've got a huge soft spot for the A-Team.

Forklift said...

the A-Team smokes our stuff. Keep in mind, we are a Blackhawks blog, and as a result, are a little rusty at actually being competitive.

(we'll actually have another episode of LITB up this week)