Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Friday, July 25, 2008

15 Reasons the Kings Won't Sign Glenn Murray


1) Dustin Brown is 23 years old and scored more goals than Murray had points last season. He plays right wing.

2) Ted Purcell is 22 years old and was the AHL rookie of the year last season. He plays right wing.

3) Brad Richardson is 23 years old and is incredibly fast and a solid penalty killer. He plays right wing.

4) Derek Armstrong is 35 years old and is the eldest member of the team. He had more points than Glen Murray last season. He will probably play right wing on the 4th line and has a game that translates well to that role.

5) Oscar Moller is 19 years old and could potentially break into the line-up this season or next. He plays right wing.

6) Wayne Simmonds is 19 years old and will probably slot into the right wing either this season or next in a bottom-six role.

7) We already traded away Glen Murray once.

8) He's a terrible skater.

9) He doesn't play defense.

10) He can't kill penalties.

11) Glen Murray curiously fell off a cliff when that one big guy left Boston.

12) He probably voted for Andrew over Elvis on Greatest American Dog.*

13) The Kings already have Kopitar, Brown, Frolov, Boyle, O'Sullivan, and Stoll set on the power play, the one area where Murray has a modicum of value.

14) He's 36 years-old.

15) Thurs., March 29, 2007:

"I liked Glen Murray when he was on the Kings and I’m sure he’s a pleasant enough guy, but I’d rather eat a baby than have him on the Kings for the next two years."


*Seriously, that was fucking horse shit. Bella Starlet is obviously retarded and Laurie cheated with Andrew (yeah, it's perfectly fine to open a giant fucking hole in the hoop, that's not illegal at all), but Elvis loses? Sure, he fucked up a little because David sucks ass and wouldn't take him off the leash, but he rocked the little cross thing. And Laurie fucking sucks for ratting out Elvis for biting a few dogs. I hope she dies of gonorrhea and burns in hell. Fuck!

10 comments:

Alexander Dubcek said...

You beat around the bush but never actually said the most obvious one: Glen Murray sucks.

Also, have you seen the HF thread on Kopitar vs. Spezza. It's funny to see how snippy the Ottawa fan base when people suggest Kopitar is better than Spezza. They're probably just pissed because the rumored threesome had Kopitar landing in Chicago instead of Ottawa.

And Earl might enjoy it (beyond laughing at the whiny Sens fans) if only for bringing us the novel stat of points per 10 minutes of ice time. They could have at least given us a more humorous random statistic like "average second period assists in Thursday night games in arenas named after a beverage."

RudyKelly said...

Better now or in 5 years? Now it's Spezza, in 5 years it'll probably be Kopitar.

Nut said...

Spezza isnt better than Kopitar. Hes a Joe Jeneau (sp?)/Adam Oates i.e. one dimenional player

RudyKelly said...

Yeah, but it's a helluva dimension.

Nut said...

we're talking about his smooching prowess, right?

Ken said...

"And Laurie fucking sucks for ratting out Elvis for biting a few dogs. I hope she dies of gonorrhea and burns in hell. Fuck!"

Remind me to never get on your bad side Rudy.

Glen Murrary does suck, with my luck the Ducks will sign him.

Doogie2K said...

And Earl might enjoy it (beyond laughing at the whiny Sens fans) if only for bringing us the novel stat of points per 10 minutes of ice time.

It's an odd way of expressing it, but the Oilers blog crowd has been using situational stat rates for years, as a way of accounting for the effect of ice time and situation on raw point totals ("counting numbers").

Anonymous said...

Would you rather eat a human baby? Because if you would rather eat a baby cow or baby sheep it sounds much less serious.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you 100% Rudy! There is no way Laurie and Andrew should still be there...Laurie can't compete legitimately she has to cheat and sell out her teammates...I hope she stays in the dog house for the rest of the competition...but they can let Andrew in the house...it's not his fault.

We'll miss you Elvis!!

By the way, who cares about Glenn Murray?

brokeyard said...

Remind me to never get on your bad side Rudy.

Don't worry, I think his bad side is what's giving his enemies gonorrhea, but you should be able to recognize and avoid it in time.