Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Avery, the unsavory

Be careful what you sign for, Golden Brett

Apologies for the lateness on yesterday's big BoC signing (today: Rob Blake...HAHAHA) Sean Avery. Not since Mike Ribeiro signed a contract extension have I been so compelled to break this thing down in a "Good News - Bad News" format.

Bad News

The term is four years. Sure, Avery is not especially old and four years isn't exactly a Wade Redden/Ryan Malone/Alexei Yashin type prison term. But for years, the name Avery has been synonymous with instability (along with scandal and boiling hatred). In an ideal world, Avery would be on a perpetual Teemu Selanne plan of 1-year contracts.

Good News

The Stars were already a tough team to play against, but Avery gives the Stars the potential to have four borderline power forwards. Avery and Steve Ott serve the purpose of distracting the opposing team with borderline hits, face washes (and in the case of Avery) a whole lot of irritating yapping. Add them to former Selke winner Jere Lehtinen and garbage goal expert Brendan Morrow and you have a very, very nice collection of sandpaper guys.

Bad News

The Stars have little to no cap room remaining, so that $4 million per year won't be going to a guy who can put some pucks in the net. Honestly, the Stars would be lucky to squeeze 20 goals per year out of that thick-skulled fashionisto.

Good News

In some ways, he's a one of a kind combination of versatility, acidic douchey-ness, moderate offensive ability and solid defense. He's even got a slight bit of Claude Lemieux in him, with 5 goals and 12 points in 18 career playoff games.

When Claude Lemieux is your ceiling, you're not exactly "standing on the shoulders of giants."

The verdict:

Avery isn't quite the "missing ingredient" but he's an interesting addition. His versatility will be useful since the Stars have a couple injury-prone forwards. Really, he could be a good fit with every line. He could help give Morrow and Ribeiro some valuable space. He could give Brad Richards and Loui E a big body and crease crasher to go along with two dipsy do dunkeroos.* He could even center a line with Steve Ott and thus allow Mike Modano to skate alongside Richards.

Of course, he has an incredibly high chance of getting injured for huge chunks of his contract. And an incredibly high probability of getting kicked out of Mike Cuban's private box. It seems almost certain that he'll infuriate a Dallas debutante.

He might just be what he is: an injury prone player with a 20-goal ceiling and a penchant for suspensions, stupidity and bad penalties.

But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.

* - Scientific term via Dick Vitale.


Earl Sleek said...

I'll tell you one thing I've been wondering, related to the Stars' signing.

With Hull, Avery, and Ott joining forces in Dallas, and Bertuzzi jettisoned out of Anaheim, are the Ducks the most despicable team in the Pacific Division anymore? (probably this questions directed at non-Ducks, non-Stars fans)

I generally think I like the signing from Dallas' perspective, though. As you note, there's a fair amount of questions, but he's a versatile enough player that it does provide a lot of lineup options. Still, with Mittens and Hagman out the door, will Avery's offense be enough to offset?

We shall see.

Mike in OC said...

As much as I hate to see us face Avery, I am glad Antti Miettinen is not with Dallas anymore. I worried every shift that guy skated against us.

jamestobrien said...

You know, Sleek, I forgot to point out the interesting probability that Todd Bertuzzi could be this year's Eric Lindros: a disgraced player who might just be out of chances.

Could it actually be possible that Bertuzzi might be jobless? Hard to imagine.

But it would be hilarious.

Earl Sleek said...

It would be hilarious, but I think he finds employment.

He's certainly not worth a $4-M gamble, but if he's on the cheap, there's no reason not to give him a try. And considering he's already going to pocket $2.7-M over the next two years, I don't expect he'd cost very much for the next Bert-gambler.

I kind of expect him to go to the Rangers, actually, now that they've put money into Naslund. It would be silly if they could hook up a Naslund-Morrison-Bert West Coast Express on the east coast.

jamestobrien said...

HAHAHA, Naslund-Bertuzzi reunited. That would be comical.

The Rangers are such pieces of shit.

It's funny that, for a year or two there, it seemed like Glenn Sather became un-retarded. So much for that.

Ken said...

Yea Big Bert will find work somewhere. I have a feeling in Florida or somewhere like that, desperate.

la patineuse said...

I don't think Florida will make the same mistake twice. Although it would be less costly than it was the last go round; the last time it cost them Luongo---this time it's only money. Ha!

In regards to Avery, as a Ducks fan I say: Boooooo. Avery is back in the Pacific. Blech, blech, blech. On the other hand, I also say: Yeaaaa!!! At least he's not with the Ducks. I, for one, would like the Ducks to shed the "most hated" label. Being the bad boys of the NHL was fun for a while, but it gets old.