Underwhelmed to put it mildly with Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin at the tank. Thornton and Marleau turned in a dominant performance defensively as well as offensively, and Marleau and Setoguchi were really exploding on the back check to chase down plays. More photos and notes from the game here. Detroit returns tonight.
Greg Wyshynski of Yahoo!'s Puck Daddy blog passes along the rumor that the Pittsburgh Penguins offered the Kings Evgeni Malkin for the #2 pick and Mike Cammalleri. There's no way that happens, right? I mean, it's from Bruce Garrioch from the Ottawa Sun, who I guess is retarded, and plus where do the Penguins benefit from that trade? If the Kings were going to trade for Malkin, I would have thought have thought they would have to add a few more picks or Oscar Moller or something. And the Kings... well, the Kings would have Frolov-Malkin and Kopitar-Brown as their top 2 lines... no, it's not going to happen.
You know why I would love this trade though? Because the Pensblog would blow the fuck up and it would be awesome. Too bad this trade isn't happening.
But still, it'd be pretty cool... no, dammit, not happening. But I mean...
Update: And now Helene Elliot has an article with Lombardi where he says he's probably not going to trade the pick. I haven't been this confused since Mulholland Drive.
Kuklas Korner has a piece today on soon-to-be-UFA Ryan Malone and how Columbus might trade for his rights Philadelphia-style in order to get a pre-July-1st negotiating window:
An NHL source said that Malone has been low-balled twice by the Penguins and is ready to leave July 1 as an unrestricted free agent. Malone’s rights could be traded before that day, of course, and the Blue Jackets are a likely destination.Now this is a move that puzzled me when Philadelphia did it last summer with the Nashville Predators (Hartnell and Timonen), and it's a move that puzzles me still today. For certain, I can understand Nashville's and Pittsburgh's motivation -- why lose a player for nothing July 1st if some team is willing to pay assets mid-June? As for the other parties, I really fail to see what the benefits are for Ryan Malone or the Columbus Blue Jackets.
The source said the Penguins have already made the Blue Jackets an offer for Malone’s rights.
| Malone will sign before July 1st | Malone won't sign until July 1st | |
|---|---|---|
CBJ will offer the highest bid | CBJ loses a draft pick unnecessarily | CBJ loses a draft pick unnecessarily |
CBJ will not offer the highest bid | Malone loses salary unnecessarily | CBJ loses Malone, both sides are indifferent to the trade |
Detroit Free Press art director Rick Nease sent this Stanley Cup box office poster parody to the Sports Designer blog. "Extinction is just a goal away", a truely inspired tagline.
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette designer Ben Howard was responsible for this Indiana Jones-Sidney Crosby takeoff. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is one of the most bizarre sequels ever to come out of Hollywood. Steven Spielberg and George Lucas wanted to make a sequel to the X-Files and National Treasure, but with Harrison Ford and the Indiana Jones franchise they made Crystal Skull instead. 124 minutes of my life I will never get back.
Movie equivalent for the Sharks failed Stanley Cup run this season: Aguirre, the Wrath of God. The 1972 film written and directed by eccentric filmmaker Werner Herzog featured Spanish conquistadores in a brutal and grueling quest down the untamed Amazon river in search of the legendary city of gold. The quest does not turn out well, and many of the soliders end up on a raft floating aimlessly towards nowhere.
Nominate your films for the Ducks and Kings seasons in the comments.
[Update] We Bleed Teal noted earlier that Ryane Clowe was a "monster" in front of the net against Calgary. A Cloweverfield monster.
The Detroit Red Wings are better than the Dallas Stars. That's fact. You can talk about motivation, heart, and all that other stuff*, but the Red Wings are better at the sport of hockey than the Dallas Stars. 4 of the 5 best players in the series play for the Red Wings (Turco being the lone Star). The Red Wings had a goal differential of +73, by far the best of any team in the regular season. Their goaltenders made the fewest saves of any team, meaning the Red Wings were excellent at controlling the play. Plus, they simply do not take penalties (best in the league; Stars were 20th.) It's not that the Stars aren't good at what they do, it's just that the Red Wings have quietly been one of the most dominant teams the league has seen since... well, the last Red Wings team.
Is Chris Chelios about to kiss Zetterberg? I bet that happens to Henrik all the time.
Prediction: I think I'm going to have to break James' heart and go with the Red Wings fairly easily... 5 games? Sorry guys, but Sweden>Finland at hockey.
Whoo boy, tonight's pun-based headline was brought to you by Chris Berman's intern-destroying rant.
Anyway, I hate to admit this (since I write about the Stars and the Pacific Division), but the Penguins have always been my favorite team. That's right. I grew up in East Rutherford, NJ (where the Devils used to play before Barry Melrose insulted Newark) but wasn't about to root for those trap-happy-soul-sucking Devils. So I latched onto Lemieux, Jagr and Co. and the rest is history you don't care about.
So, like I was saying...the Penguins beat the Kings tonight, 4-2 (including a goal by Jordan Staal, otherwise known as Rudy Kelly's BFF) and it was all-Malkin. He had 2 goals and an assist, and barely missed a hat trick at the end of the game.
In case you've been living under a rock/ignoring Gary Bettman's squeals of terror, Sidney Crosby injured his ankle and has missed 9 games already. Many people panicked and a few experts said that it could be a blessing in disguise for his teammates to develop without a Hart trophy winner.
And that's just what happened with Malkin, who is absolutely on fire. While fellow Russian/the guy who was picked before him Alex Ovechkin is being bathed in David Amber Q & A's and franchise-crippling contracts, Malkin is matching his countrymen stride for stride.
He's still a few points behind Ovechkin, but Malkin scored a dizzying 28 points in his last 16 games. Even better, he's kept the Pens afloat while Crosby is rehabbing and Ty freakin' Conklin is in net. In 9 games without Crosby, Malkin's scored 17 points including 7 goals and the Pens have gone a respectable 5-2-2. Sure, Alex O has the Caps fighting for the top spot in his division too, but I'd venture to say the Atlantic is a touch better than the Southeast.
It's enough to at least give Malkin a piece of that Ovechkin hype.
(Coming up tomorrow: ANOTHER really bad pun, this time involving the Stars and Olli Jokinen! Plus I might add a little meat to some of the Malkin analysis in the next couple days. Maybe)
LA Kings (6-3-1 in last 10) @ Pittsburgh Penguins (30-19-5, 1st in pussies out with high ankle sprains)
10:00 PST, FSN West (It's criminal to make the Kings play that early)
Near the beginning of the year, the degenerates over at Pensblog asked me to write a season preview for them. Naturally I did, because I’m a fool and will work for free. The resulting post was probably my favorite of the year (which you can tell because everyone in the comments either hated it or ignored it), so I thought it’d be a good idea to take a look at that post and see where I went wrong with the Kings this season. (Remember, I thought the Kings would finish in 8th this season. I’m stupid.) Open up the other post and read it side-by-side for full effect. What's that? You're not going through all that just to read a stupid joke hockey blog? Quit being lazy, you bastard!
#1 Young Forwards. I was pretty spot-on with this one (although I wasn't exactly going out on a limb). I predicted that Brown and O’Sullivan would break out this season, but I also said Mike Cammalleri was a good sleeper pick because he would average a point-a-game. Whoops! I’ll give myself this one.
The future... oh shit.#2 Jack Johnson. I have to admit, I was completely wrong on Jack Johnson. I thought he’d run around hitting people and miss assignments, but surprisingly he’s been playing within himself. Sure, Bad Jack comes out every once in a while, but for the most part he's been very impressive. I was wrong on this one, but in a good way.
#3 New Additions. I’m not sure how to grade this one; I admitted that that Handzus was coming off an injury and curbed my prediction by saying, “If Handzus can come back from a knee injury…” but I expected him to be a little better than this. I think the free agent I’m personally disappointed in has been Tom Preissing. I just didn’t think he’d be our 5th defenseman this season. Maybe his worth shows up a little better when he’s on a winning team. The biggest fuck up I committed was not even mentioning that we signed Kyle Calder. I was wrong on this one.
#4 Lubo. Whoops. I still don’t quite know what to think of Lubo’s season. He definitely hasn’t been the Lubo of old, but there are still little flashes of brilliance that make me think he’s just having a bad year. The Kings’ biggest priority in the off-season should be getting a solid defensive defenseman to pair with Lubo. And for God’s sake, let him shoot on the power play! I was wrong on Lubo… this season.
#5 Goaltending. This is another one where I was wrong in a good way. Cloutier got hurt early so we haven’t yet been subjected to him, while Labarbera has been good enough for the Kings this season. I was wrong on this one, although to be fair it was more just a joke one more than anything.
So overall I was wrong on Lubo, Cammalleri, and the impact of Handzus. I also didn't mention it, but Blake played much worse than I thought he would coming off the hip injury at the beginning of the season. Does that translate to 7 spots in the standings? No, but then again, I obviously had emotional interest in having the Kings make the playoffs. I don't know, though, I don't think I was off by that much. (I was probably off by the Roethlisberger thing more than anything else.) I think the Kings' recent play is much more indicative of their abilities than their play in December. Oh well, we’ve been playing well lately and I expect Labarbera will play this game too, setting Cloutier up to play against
***
It'll be interesting to see how Crawford does the lines today. Brown's back, so one would assume he'd line up in his eternal spot alongside Kopitar, but Frolov had 5 points in the 2 games Brown missed in that very spot. I'd be interested to see what Brown could do lined up with Boyle and Cammalleri; last year he played great when Kopitar was out because he had the opportunity to carry the puck up the ice. Of course, I wouldn't mind seeing Frolov reunited with Cammy, so either way...
***
You should have made the "Y" and "U" yellow too, dipshit.
This is the first time the Kings are playing the Penguins this season, but I’m already really fucking sick of them. Jesus, how many times have they been on Versus this season? Why bother showing the vastly superior Western Conference when you can show a bunch of jackasses in yellow jerseys skate through living traffic cones for 60 minutes? Hopefully the Kings can get some exposure as they kick their
Anze Kopitar: 51 points
Jordan Staal: 18 points
Prediction: Kings win, 5-3. Goals by Brown (x2), Frolov, Preissing, and Johnson. The highlight on ESPN will consist of a brief showing of Malkin’s goal and then they’ll spend 45 minutes talking about Roger Clemens.
I’ve got to do a two-in-one special for these games, as I’ll be out of town this weekend. I’ll say up front that I’m giving the Ducks a lot of slack this week—between injuries and silly schedules it probably won’t pay off to expect too much for the start of the year. Case in point, the Ducks play their fourth game already after the shortest summer in the league; meanwhile their next two opponents will be just starting their seasons tonight.
Pittsburgh Penguins (7-4-0, 8th in East) at Anaheim Ducks (10-0-4, 1st in West)
Ladies, make sure you leave a can of pepper spray in the shower, ‘cause Sidney Crosby’s comin’ to town, and he has lost all sense of personal space. He and the rest of Pittsburgh’s baby geniuses and their 4-1 road record are comin’ to Honda Center to try to take two points from stingy Anaheim.
Key stat: This will be Anaheim’s 11th game out of 15 playing against an opponent who missed last year’s playoffs. Thus far the Ducks are 8-0-2 in this scenario, outscoring opponents 32-20.
Crazily enough, this is Pittsburgh’s first [edit: second] game against Anaheim since December 15, 2002, in a game that featured four current Ducks and zero current Penguins. J.S. Giguere stopped 19 shots and Andy McDonald had two goals in a 5-0 win. Stan Chistov played for Anaheim and Ian Moran played for Pittsburgh (though neither of them has suited up for Anaheim yet this year).
As such, Anaheim and Pittsburgh don’t have too much history to draw on, except on the matter of the 2005 draft, where down to the wire Pittsburgh won the Crosby-lottery-ball pick ahead of Anaheim. At any rate, the team’s leading scorers and probably its featured matchup:
Sidney Crosby (18 pts. in 11 games) and Evgeni Malkin (11 pts. in 7 games).
Chris Pronger (13 pts. in 14 games) and Scott Niedermayer (12 pts. in 14 games).
Prediction: 4-2 Anaheim. Penner, Perry, Pronger, and Pahlsson put pucks past the Pittsburgh Penguins’ poor phenom.
I'm working on a much bigger heckling guide that should come out (relatively) soon. But for now, whet your appetites with the one I geared toward Dallas fans (sort of) in The North Texas Daily. It appeared in the October 4th edition, if you're wondering.
Note: Because of space limitations, teams including the Kings were taken out. In the full-on Heckling Guide, expect "Full House" jokes aplenty. Or at least one.
NHL heckling guide
Since the baseball playoffs started last night, people might miss the flowing mullet sneaking past the radar. The NHL is back in action tonight after a surprising comeback last season.
You don't have to be a hockey expert to enjoy a Stars game - after all, it is about a 45-minute drive and nosebleed tickets often go for around $10 a piece. This guide can help you heckle several teams coming to Dallas this season.
For teams that come more than once, their first appearance is listed in parentheses.
New Jersey Devils (Saturday)
The Devils and Stars play each other in the Stars' home opener, so the atmosphere should be close to playoff-level. And considering the fact that the Stars never make it past the second round anymore, you might want to breathe it in for as long as you can.
Vancouver Canucks (Oct. 23)
Last year, the Canucks were more fun to heckle. Not only did the team trade outright villain Todd Bertuzzi this summer, it also fired coach Marc Crawford, owner of one of the funniest haircuts in the NHL. Double bummer.
Detroit Red Wings (Oct. 27)
Do you hate old people? Then bring a walker to the AAC when the Red Wings come to town and heckle 44-year-old defenseman Chris Chelios.
St. Louis Blues (Nov. 1)
Keith Tkachuk made headlines last year when he came to training camp well overweight. The posters and jokes just write themselves, but if you need a hint, call him "Ka-chunk."
Nashville Predators (Nov. 22)
Many fans will remember former Star Jason Arnott for getting thrown out of a 2006 game against the Avalanche with a face full of blood.
Minnesota Wild (Dec. 2)
Jacques Lemaire's wicked comb over used to be the only thing interesting about this team. It beefed up its offense, so now it might be worth watching. Not to take anything away from Lemaire's comb over.
San Jose Sharks (Dec. 4)
Joe Thornton is the NHL's version of Peyton Manning. It's a guilty pleasure to watch him crumble under pressure in the playoffs.
Phoenix Coyotes (Dec. 6)
The Coyotes are the latest home of perennial loudmouth Jeremy Roenick, infamous in the Dallas area for injuring Modano and then promptly getting his jaw broken by former Star Derian Hatcher.
New York Rangers (Dec. 14)
If you have a mullet wig, put it on when the Rangers come to town. The team's biggest star, Jaromir Jagr, once sported one of the most legendary mullets in the history of the NHL.
Anaheim Ducks (Jan. 11)
The Ducks are giving hockey fans everywhere a reason to snicker, and this time around, it's not because of Emilio Estevez jokes. Chris Pronger's wife is the NHL's answer to Yoko Ono. Heckling him should be worth the price of a $10 nosebleed ticket.
Pittsburgh Penguins (Jan. 26)
Sidney Crosby might be the closest thing to the next Wayne Gretzky. Let's hope that is without the whole Mafia gambling scandal.
More on the ill-fated series of cartooning the NHL Teams:
Previously: Pacific, Northwest, Central
And now, to the good ol' Atlantic Division, who will be visiting the Pacific this year. We haven't seen these teams since before the lockout.
From left to right, the Pittsburgh Penguin, the New York Thousand Islander, the New Jersey Devil, the New York Power Ranger, and the poor Philadelphia Flyer, who of course is undergoing the rigorous airline screening procedure we are all starting to know and love.
Oh, the humanity.
Apparently, Penguins fans have no idea what they're getting with Nils Ekman. Here's some of the comments from the TSN message board.
Good trade for the pens, not too often you can pick up a 50-60 pt forward thats one of the top defensive forwards in the league.If you watched the Sharks last season, you'd have noticed that Ekman's PK time started at a reasonable rate (mainly because he was playing well with Alyn McCauley) to nearly disappearing completely. Sorry Pens fans, Mr. Ekman may be nice to fans and may have no eyebrows, but he certainly isn't a Selke candidate. Nor is he a gritty player, though he manages to throw about one hit every 15 games or so.
NICE!!!! I hope he is the grit on the Crosby line. Only because I have him and Crosby in a keeper pool. Great defensive player though.
Great pickup for the pens.. this guy could score 30 on sid's line as well as play a key role defensively.
