Versus released their schedule for the upcoming season and once again California gets screwed. The Kings don't have a game, Anaheim is on once, and San Jose plays 3 times. The entire state of California is on Versus as much as the New York Islanders. I guess this is good for me because it means I get Bob and Jimmy more often, but still.
Not to be confused with Deadspin's Sports Human of the Year contest, shockingly won by Barbaro in a come from behind tour de force in 2006, Versus kicked off election season early launching CamPain 08. Thirty two athletes will battle amongst the viewing public in a virtual toughman contest to decide "which athlete best represents a lifetime of determination, competition, domination and tradition".
The initial list of nominees sans any write-in candidates is a little unusual. Recently "un-retired" Packers quarterback Brett Farve gets the nod over legendary players like Jack Lambert, Lawrence Taylor, or Dick Butkus. San Francisco 49'ers safety Ronnie Lott was righfully included in the top 32. Despite amputating part of his left pinky after it was crushed in a hit, Lott helped the Niners win four Superbowls and eight division titles. The Bay Area Sports Hall of Fame inductee regularly used the crowd to gauge how big one of his pancake tackles was. If fans responded with a chorus of "ooooooh's", he knew it was a monster "oooh hit".
Looking past the base jumpers, rock climbers, bmx riders, Iditarod mushers, and free divers, boxing is well represented with Mike Tyson, Muhammad Ali, and Archie Moore. Good selections all, but the true ironmen of the sport heralded the transition between the no holds barred London Prize Ring rules to the modern day gloved Marquess of Queensberry rules. Several title fights edged into the 40-50 round category, where a fight was won only by a knockout or another fighter quitting on the stool. It gives "toughest athlete" a whole new meaning. Lou Gehrig and Jackie Robinson are two old school baseball nominees, and they are really the only baseball players you could include in a toughest athlete list. Modern baseball players are out for several weeks with finger sprains or sore abs. Old baseball players did not even have abs they had guts, and they were fueled with beer and hot dogs. Jack Hamilton is another ball player included on account of a fastball he took square in the face. Waking up in an ambulance en route to the hospital after taking a baseball to the head is never a fun experience, trust me.
The NHL is also well represented, with Gordie Howe, Maurice Richard and Bob Probert earning nominations. Versus notes Howe's unique double edged talent as one of the league's best scorers and most feared competitors. One ref described the sound of his 1959 pummeling of Rangers goon Lou Fontinato, "Never in my life have I heard anything like it, like the sound of chopping wood. Thwack! Then all of a sudden Louie’s breathing out of his cheekbone." Take a second to wipe that image from your memory. The Rocket Maurice Richard, namesake of the league's goal scoring trophy, also was described knocking out a Ranger goon twice, once after he regained conciousness. Toughness to Versus appears to be flattening New York Rangers, can't argue with that.
Far and away the leading favorite from the NHL, and possibly a leading favorite out of the initial 32 nominees, is former Detroit Red Wing and Chicago Blackhawk enforcer Bob Probert. The Windsor, Ontario native's career resume is littered with the remnants of the NHL's most intimidating and feared players. Probert engaged in several of the NHL's most classic fights with the likes of Tie Domi, Georges Laraque, Marty McSorley, Donald Brashear, Stu Grimson, Joey Kocur and Dave Semenko to name a few. He flattened Colorado's 6-foot-5 240-pound Scott Parker on home ice. He pummeled the "Grim Reaper" Stu Grimson 6 seconds into the Anaheim Ducks first game to introduce a new generation of fans riding the wave of interest in the Mighty Ducks film series. In addition to his enforcer skillset, Probert was far from a liability when on the ice. He provided a physical edge that opened up room for skilled players, while contributing 163 goals and 384 points in 935 games played.
Bob Probert entertains his fans, Probert laments NHL changes - London Free Press.
Probert also watches a lot of hockey and can only shake his head at how the game has changed. It's fast and exciting, but Probert thinks there are too few hits and too many penalties called. "Imagine a penalty call in overtime of the Stanley Cup. That was unheard of."
He also thinks the league still needs enforcers to protect their teammates. If he was playing, there'd be heck to pay for some of the cheap shots players are getting away with, Probert said. "I'd be out there fighting before those guys left the ice."
The 1,800lb horned beast was referred to as "The World's Most Dangerous Bull." His specialty was delivering life-threatening head butts to riders. After one unsuccessful ride, Tuff Hedeman's face needed reconstructive surgery. Later that year when Hedeman drew Bodacious again, he opted not to ride him.
-Did anyone else think it was weird that they had a "NHL Young Guns" feature during tonight's hilarious NHL Awards ceremony and of the 3 California teams they showed... Corey Perry. Really? Perry? Not Getzlaf, who is the same age and way better? Not Kopitar, Brown, O'Sullivan? Hell, not even Milan Michalek? Seems weird to me. Oh, I'm sorry, you were busy showing 10 clips of Carey Price and not even one of Jonathan Toews or Patrick Kane, I'll shut up now. (Did they? I didn't think I saw one.)
-You have to think that Gary Bettman was hoping at least one English-speaking player won an award. Thank God for Vinny Lecavalier.
-When did Adam Graves turn into fucking Edward Scissorhands? I thought he was going to turn Cammi Granato's hair into a lawn figure.
-I knew chemo could make your hair fall out but I had no idea it could turn you into a mole. Hey Jason, it's called the Sun; you should hang out.
-Holy fuck are these the worst award ceremonies ever. I love hockey, and I love making fun of people, but I don't think I can get through this. They should have livened things up a bit by hitting Red Kelly in the face with a pie while screaming, "T-t-today, Junior!" Fuck this, I'm watching Monk. Look, he's afraid to touch things! Oh Monk, your zany ways make me feel better about my miserable life.
It's good that the Stars won today, but damn if I didn't realize that the game would be on at 1:30 ET. Silly little me, I thought the networks and NHL might develop consistency or predictability in their broadcast schedule. Silly little me.
Honestly, when I slept like a college student today (till frickin' 3 p.m.), I thought I would feel guilty for wasting my day. But instead I feel angry that I missed a spirited showing from the Stars.
Ultimately, it's my fault for missing the game today. But would it be too much to ask that the TV schedules be a little bit less erratic? Last weekend, the games went from NBC in the mid-afternoon to Versus in the normal 7:30 ET time slot. Then it up and changed again.
On the bright side, the Stars are back in the series (or at least earned some respect). It sure would have been a nice thing to see...
Philadelphia-Washington went to overtime tonight on Versus. That's okay, I wanted to watch the Sharks game but I'll settle for overtime hockey. Once the 1st overtime period ended, I fully expected Versus to switch immediately over to the San Jose game in order to maximize their hockey watching coverage.
What do they do instead? They:
Go to commercial
Show highlights from 2 other games
Go to commercial
Show 2 minutes of the San Jose game
Go to commercial
Show the Anaheim final (haha!)
Go to a pre-period report for Washington-Philadelphia (like we haven't spent 4 periods watching them)
Showed the 2nd overtime
That's not how you do it, Versus. You're retarded.
Anaheim Ducks (27-20-6, 4th in west) at Minnesota Wild (28-19-3, 5th in west)
First off, tip of the hat to Steve Lepore from KK for offering this info: tonight's Versus telecast will be called by John Ahlers, John Vanbiesbrouck, and Jack Edwards. I remember when I first heard about Ahlers, the Ducks' regular play-by-play guy, getting a Versus gig. Somebody had started a thread at a Ducks messageboards in all caps: "AHLERS ON VERSUS!!!"
When I first saw the thread title, I thought, "Hey, that's really cool. I never pay attention to the AHL because it's never televised down here. Finally, some AHLers on Versus!" Boy was I suckered.
Born and raised in California, I am the first too admit I don't know what cold is. I am the idiot who wears ski jackets and ski pants while travelling to the East Coast. What do I know about cold you ask? I watch Packers games in the snow and shiver while sitting in a 70 degree house. What do our boys encounter in the first game out of the All-Star break? -24 degrees F are you kidding me? This short 2 game Alberta road trip before coming back to the tank for 6 in a row at home. This game being on Versus we have to endure announcers that are not our beloved Randy and Drew. Tonight we get John Forslund, Daryl Reaugh and Bob Harwood calling tonight's game for Versus. (Thanks to Steve Lepore at Kukla's Korner for the info.)
No word on if McLaren is back from his knee surgery a week ago. Coming off 2 wins I would guess Ron Wilson would stick with his lineup from last week as he rarely changes the lineup after a win. Hopefully Cheech can keep up his strong play and it will rub off on Marleau.
The Montreal Canadiens are clubbing the Boston Bruins like baby seals at the moment, up 6-1, and it got me thinking about Versus coverage once again. I know that the NHL looks at
He keeps his analysis pretty simple, yet he’s clever when compared to John Madden and people of his “no shit” ilk. And besides, there aren’t many NHL announcers who make references to Napoleon Bonaparte.
It's funny timing that Rudy Kelly rightfully called for Marc Crawford's heavily jelled head; you see, I had something of a vision today. And, sadly, instead of stumbling on time travel or something sweet like that, I instead think of puzzling and corny sports analogies.
But, at least I'm willing to share my gift/curse with the masses. So here goes:
Marc Crawford needs to acknowledge the fact that he's the NHL's equivalent of former Dallas Cowboys coach and current halftime show star Jimmy Johnson. It will be good for him, good for the NHL's tragically inept Versus coverage and it would certainly help the Los Angeles Kings. A strange thing happened, though, when I started think about Marc Crawford's striking similarities between Jimmy Johnson.
It started off, as much of my humor often does, with weak humor related to a certain characteristic. In this case, it was the comical nature of these guys' hairstyles. Indeed, the most often-used punchline for both coaches involves Dippity Do.
But the analogy goes deeper than that. Look, I'm not saying Crawford will become the next Don Cherry, I'm just saying he'd be a good replacement for Versus's current breathing hair joke, Brian "unironic mullet" Engblom.
This might venture into the realm of insanity. Thought an earnest warning was in order...
How the early 90s Cowboys were the late-90s Colorado Avalanche, or "why booze and cough medicine don't mix."
Marc Crawford as Jimmy Johnson
They both have the aforementioned hair. Both are known for handling the egos of superstars. And...
Bob Hartley as Barry Switzer
Both also left behind coaches who won championships, some might say based simply on the fact that they inherited the previous coach's star players. Some might say a charismatic, trained ape could do their jobs. Starting to make sense, now eh? (No, then drink some NyQuil and leave me alone)
Troy Aikman as Joe Sakic
The soft-spoken, very likable leader who sticks with the same franchise until the bitter end and is slightly under-appreciated. All Sakic needs is 5 more concussions and a public obsession with WingStop and we've got a perfect match.
Peter Forsberg as Michael Irvin
I struggled for a bit to make the other two triplets fit, and then I felt like an idiot: of course Foppa equals Irvin. I mean, shit...who else is going to be the fucking Playmaker? Plus, they both have that gritty "willing to go down the middle" attitude and an injury history in Philadelphia.
If only Irvin was a Swede without a spleen and Foppa got caught with groupies and drugs.
Oh well, close enough right?
Patrick Roy as Emmitt Smith
Years ago, I would have assumed that Smith was too normal to be associated with the best goalie of the last 25 years. Then I saw the ties he was wearing on ESPN. Now I can totally imagine Smith mocking Thurman Thomas by saying, "I can't hear you...my SuperBowl rings are plugging my ears."
Beyond odd-ball tendencies, the two are an obvious match because they both won 3 championships and broke the all-time records for their given positions.
God, the similarities are everywhere: their greatest competition always came in the form of the conference championships rather than the big games (The San Francisco 49ers = Detroit Red Wings/Dallas Stars); their teams were magnets for bandwagon hoppers...the list goes on and on.
Of course, there are a few hard sells.
Ray Bourque as Deion Sanders
OK, so they were both huge pickups who went after championships once they left bad teams. And, yes, the two defensive players were known as much for their scoring prowess as they were for defense.
But, uh, I kinda doubt anyone will call Bourque "Neon."
Still, Marc Crawford should look over this analogy as resounding proof that he will find a loving, comfortable home in a TV studio. And hockey fans will be happy too.
As long as Howie Long is not involved.
The NHL has plenty of issues to deal with, as you can see from its current NHLPA fiasco, but there's one serious problem everyone can agree on (aside from canning Gerry Bettman). The NHL needs to improve its television coverage. And the easiest way to do that (at least for hardcore fans) seems deceptively simple: broadcast the best games possible.
I'm not the first person who has complained about the NHL's national coverage and the Versus television schedule.
(The latest example came in bashing NBC's choices, in ESPN.com's "TGIF," which is basically the once per week hockey version of their excellent NBA Daily Dime)
But in the interest of being proactive, I have a solution: why don't they just steal the NFL's Sunday Night Football scheme? In case you missed it, the NFL got tired of having irrelevant Monday Night Football games late in the season during times when playoff spots were up for grabs. So, they decided that toward the end of the year, they would be able to switch out a crappy Sunday night game for an interesting one (since Sunday became Monday...it's unnecessarily complicated).
So instead of seeing Brett Favre blindly chuck interceptions and the Oakland Raiders suck on national television, fans were able to view relevant games instead. At least more often.
Now, I'm not going to pretend I know whether or not this is "economically feasible" for the NHL. But in a league that needs ratings so badly, which game would you have rather seen tonight? Colorado beating Boston 2-0 in a game that is quite likely to have no bearing on the playoffs, or a 5-4 shootout thriller between the Penguins and Senators, a game that might be a preview for a first round playoff matchup?
(And with all due respect to the elegance of Joe Sakic and the ridiculous height of Zdeno Chara, I'll take Crosby-Malkin-Staal vs. Spezza-Heatley-Alf every time. Especially when we saw both the Bruins and Avs play on TV in the last two weeks.)
Since the money gods didn't allow me to buy NHL Center Ice this season, could I at least get some good games in the 1-2 non-Stars games I can watch each week?
The people who choose the Versus schedule don't have to be prophets. Just give the channel the opportunity to put the best teams on a national scale.
