Ducks Gameday—Still waiting for scorers to score

Anaheim Ducks (1-5-0, 15th in west) at Toronto Maple Leafs (1-2-2, t-11th in east)
When's the last time you looked longingly at Toronto's record?
(I wasn't asking you, Kings fans.)

Yeah, sometimes I'm lazy enough for a good google image search, so sue me (note to Disney: please don't sue me).

Not too much from me today, as I didn't even get to watch the Carolina outing, but I did want to revisit a post I wrote way back in June that explored the notion of Brian Burke taking a Maple Leafs GM job next summer. I really made two points: (1) Brian Burke has gotten lucky at times, in particular with his acquisitions of Niedermayer, Pronger, and Selanne, and (2) I was fine with Burke leaving, as there is a fairly open roster next year for a replacement GM to work with.

Of course, that latter point isn't looking so strong these days, as the three biggest contracts Burke has locked the Ducks into are:

R. Getzlaf, 6 gp, 0-1-1, -5 — 5 years, $26.625 million
C. Perry, 6 gp, 0-1-1, -4, — 5 years, $26.625 million
C. Kunitz, 6 gp, 0-0-0, -5 — 4 years, $14.9 million

So, using some ridiculous pro-rating math, thus far it's looking like the Ducks will pay some $68.15 million for this trio of forwards to score a combined 0 goals and 137 assists in 1,148 games played. That's just under $500,000 per assist, and I don't even want to mention the combined -888.

Of course, that's all pretty silly math, but the reality remains: the forwards on the Ducks with one or less points on the season are Getzlaf, Perry, Kunitz, Selanne, Morrison, and Parros. And the only thing that separates Parros from this group is (a) he's been on the ice for more goals-for (3) than the other five, (b) he has yet to be on the ice for a goal-against, and (c) he's had less than half the ice time of any of them.

I'll mention again the bizarre scoring structure: the top two lines have scored 1 goal, the bottom two lines have scored 8, and the defense has scored 4. When exactly is Carlyle going to shuffle things up?

Prediction: Technically, somebody's getting a second "W" tonight. Ducks 4, Leafs 1. Goals by Kunitz, Scotty, Pahlsson, and Parros. Ron Wilson catches Teemu with another illegal stickblade. Make sure to check out Pension Plan Puppets, Battle of Ontario, and Down Goes Brown for your Toronto perspectives.

[9 am edit -- Our good buddy Michael Dell, who hosts the LCS Radio Show where both Chen and I recently made guest appearances, was so inspired by our 80s TV devotion that he made a list of the NHL's A-Team. A pretty good list, but I still prefer my casting.]

Positivity! Go Ducks.

Ducks Gameday—If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them…

Round Three, Game Five: (2) Anaheim Ducks at (1) Detroit Red Wings
(Series tied 2-2, JavaGeek ‘odds’: DET 56%)

The Ducks find themselves in the same position as Calgary and San Jose did in rounds one and two: a series tied 2-2 going back to Detroit for a best-of-three. How did those previous two teams fare?

• The Flames proceeded to lose both G5 and G6, outscored by a combined 7-2.
• The Sharks proceeded to lose both G5 and G6, outscored by a combined 6-1.

They both got steamrolled. Yikes.

Well, I think the Ducks can take some pointers from a squad that’s quite used to winning when the chips are down and the stakes are high—the A-Team. The Ducks, like the A-Team, will need solid contributions from four of its key members if they want to win one more in Detroit. If I'm Stephen J. Cannell, here's how I'd cast this episode:

Scott Niedermayer—John “Hannibal” Smith:
Hannibal is the determined leader of the A-Team, the mastermind of all their high-risk maneuvers. He carries supreme cockiness and poise no matter the situation, and is an escape artist to boot. Scott’s play has been up-and-down all this series, but he’s kept his composure and has brought confidence to an aggressive blueline. He’s played more postseason minutes than any other Duck, and brings an offensive element to all situations. Scott's definitely a proven winner; I could have sworn after his OT goal in G2 I heard a faint, “I love it when a plan comes together!”

Teemu Selanne—Templeton “Faceman” Peck:
Faceman is an expert at scamming whatever the A-Team needs, especially in tight and desperate situations. He’s a sneak, a thief, and an opportunist. Teemu’s got that deceptive ability to get opportunities behind defenders and cash in on his chances; his ability to produce while being covered will be key. Teemu picked up two power-play helpers in G4 (he only had one in the 13 previous playoff games), so perhaps his offense is waking up; the Ducks might consider leaving an "A" on his jersey for G5. Plus it is really funny when he takes a shot to his pretty-boy face.

Sammy Pahlsson—H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock
Murdock is the institutionalized pilot for the A-Team, providing both relief and support to the squad. Though he is quite insane, in key situations he still manages to be right where the team needs him. Pahlsson is the odd-yet-reliable forward for the Ducks, skating against the top opposition offense in order to buy easier-minute time for his teammates. He’s crazy enough not to be intimidated, and is persistent enough to drive his opponents mad, as well.

Chris Pronger—B.A. Baracus
The violent-tempered muscle for the group, B.A. provides the extra edge in any scrap the A-Team gets themselves into. He’s tough and stubborn, and also provides the metal-armor-welding that keeps the team safe. Pronger’s already shown he's capable of angry violence, but aside from the loose temper, he has also provided the team’s strength; Detroit has yet to score an even-strength goal or a power-play goal with Pronger on the ice in this series. Pronger's going to have to find a way to bring the muscle in G5 without the rage.


"I love it when a plan comes together!"
Prediction: Ducks 4, Red Wings 2. Goals by the A-Team.

Go Ducks.

Ducks Gameday—Pahlsson is god! (part ii)

Round Two, Game Four: (2) Anaheim Ducks at (3) Vancouver Canucks
(ANA leads series 2-1, JavaGeek ‘odds’: ANA 77%)

Occasional readers to this blog should know that I carry an unhealthy amount of admiration man-crush for Sammy Pahlsson, the Ducks' stopper-line center and, if there were any justice, Selke-award winner.

But did you know that opponents have not scored a power play goal against Pahlsson in more than six weeks?!!

Seriously. Read it again. The last NHLer (and I use that term loosely) to score a PP goal against Pahlsson was Rob Blake! Back on March 18th, in Game 73 of the season.

It's unbelievable, but in the 17+ games since then, Pahlsson has played 80 penalty-killing minutes (53% of Anaheim's time, including 3-on-5s) without surrendering a single power play goal.

And remember, this isn't just killing penalties for a disciplined team; the Ducks consistently have been among the most penalized teams in the regular season as well as the playoffs. This playoff year, the Ducks have spent some 68 minutes on the power play and 87 minutes shorthanded, yet Anaheim's power play is still outscoring its opponents' power play 9-3.

Doug Weight chooses the key player for Anaheim's postseason:

"It's easy to pick [Scott] Niedermayer and [Chris] Pronger because of how great they are and their respective résumés, stats and ice time they put in. But if you're looking for a player who can set a tone for a series, it's [Samuel] Pahlsson.

"I like him because he's an in-your-face kind of player. He's 6 feet, over 200 pounds. He's one of the most underrated checkers in the league. He's like Sean Avery, but without the physicality. He comes at you at an angle, never allowing you to get open ice. … He reminds me a lot of Guy Carbonneau. [Pahlsson] shadows and frustrates the opponent's best player. He's on them like glue."

Did I mention he's playing this year for $650k? And that he has as many points this playoff year as the Niedermayer brothers combined? Go get 'em, Sammy!

(More Pahlsson love: Pahlsson is god!, Pahlsson for Smythe!, Ode to Pahlsson)
------------------------------
Other than Pahlsson, there are only two Duck players born outside of North America: crazy Russian goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov and the Finnish Flash Teemu Selanne.

Teemu thus far has been pretty well-checked in the playoffs, particularly on the power play. Of the 9 power play goals the Ducks have scored, he has been on the ice for only 2 of them, and assisted on only 1, despite leading all Anaheim forwards in PP ice time.

I really shouldn't be that critical, though. He has been going against the regular season's #1 and #2 penalty-killing teams, and they certainly should be keying on him and his league-leading 25 power play goals. And Teemu is still getting it done at even strength; his 4 even-strength points and +2 are both team-leading.

Still, kudos to Chris Pronger for giving his annual 'superstar wake-up call' by high-sticking Teemu right below his right eye in G2. If you recall last year, Pronger challenged Ryan Smyth by knocking half his teeth out; this is no doubt a similar effort to toughen up Selanne for the playoff grind.------------------------------
Sure I know that the scrappy Canucks could very well win tonight's game or even win this series—any team willing to sacrifice in front of a monster goalie is capable of that (see also: 2003 Mighty Ducks). But this is really a chance for the Duck to press its webbed foot across the orca's throat and lay its deathgrip on this series, and I think the boys got it in 'em.

Ain’t that right, Señor Baracus?

"¡Claro que sí, sucka!"
Prediction: Ducks 5, Canucks 3. A veritable explosion of goals. Duck goals by Perry, Kunitz x2, Pahlsson, and Shannon.

Go Ducks.

Ducks Gameday—Canucks logo: Separated at birth?

Round Two, Game Three: (2) Anaheim Ducks at (3) Vancouver Canucks
(series tied 1-1, JavaGeek ‘odds’: ANA 57%)

Sorry, I thought when I started this 'separated at birth' theme with the Wild’s logo, it could be a regular feature. But when a logo is so obviously an killer whale, I can only do so much. If you want, you can vote in the comments, or offer a better alternative.

The Yankee Canuck posted a nice Hannibal Smith reference for his G2 post, but I refuse to be out-A-Teamed in this seven game series, so:



"I pity the fool who, uh, quack quack jibber jabber!"
The Canucks wanted a better result in G2, and even though it took a game-and-a-half, they got it. Time for the Ducks to respond. Vancouver will certainly be a different playing environment than the kick-back Honda Center, but this is essentially the same Ducks team that earned road splits or better in Calgary, Colorado, Edmonton, and Minnesota. They have dealt with hostile road crowds before; let's hope it can happen again.

Prediction: Ducks 4, Canucks 2. Goals by Selanne x2, Pahlsson, and Pronger.

Go Ducks.

Ducks Gameday—Two-for-one special, eh?

Thursday: Anaheim Ducks (11-0-4, 1st in west) at Vancouver Canucks (8-7-1, 7th in west)
Friday: Anaheim Ducks (12-0-4, 1st in west) at Calgary Flames (5-7-2, 11th in west)

The Ducks are off to Western Canada, to face Vancouver (the only Northwest Division team Anaheim has never faced in the postseason) and Calgary (who wishes that description applied to them). Edmonton was going to be on the road trip also, but Lauren Pronger wouldn’t hear of it.

Remember that earlier this week the 11-2 Dallas Stars tried their hand at this Vancouver-and-Calgary gauntlet, and came away with but 2 goals scored over 2 regulation losses. These are turning into pretty stingy places to play. (The Sharks, though, won in both buildings scoring a combined 10 goals in the process.)

And while it may appear on the surface that the Ducks don’t have much at stake in these games, here’s a few items to keep the boys interested.

For one, there’s this “record” that Anaheim is set to “break”—the 1984-85 Edmonton Oilers began their season with a 15-game unbeaten streak (12-0-3), that the Ducks have asterisked their way into (with one OT loss). Whatever. I mean, who really cares about the consecutiveness of it all? Being an excellent team has very little to do with never losing; in fact it probably has a lot to do with how you respond to losing, which I await with strange eagerness.

Also, I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before, but I have placed one Ducks bet this year, with Temujin, an agitator from West Coast Chaos, and it centers squarely around Ducks vs. Canucks. Nothing will get settled tonight, but whichever team gets the most points from the four regular-season matchups will determine the winner of one choice-of-the-internet t-shirt or hat or something.

But then again, that’s nothing like this bet. Luongo’s record, by the way, is 8-6.

Prediction: Anaheim 5, Vancouver 3. Giguere gets the win. Goals by O’Brien, O’Donnell, Oates, Ozolinsh, and Olausson.

---------------------------------------And Calgary, well, they are a Bizarro-Edmonton. Whereas the Ducks acquired the Oilers’ best player this summer (improvement by addition), somehow Calgary managed to acquire Anaheim’s worst player, Jeff Friesen (improvement by subtraction). As I said at the time, there’s only one way to make peace with Mr. Freeze, to take a deep breath, and say as calmly as you can, “That’s OK, Jeff. Save it for game seven.” Friesen (who may be hurt), by the way, is my entry into Mike Chen’s “Crappy Player pool”, and his underwhelming one assist is propelling me to an early lead.

Of course, the larger issue in Calgary probably remains “revenge for Game Seven”, in which a young Russian shut out the punchless Flames and a young Frenchman took down a punchless Jarome Iginla, disrupting the postseason Battle of Alberta. Of course, then Edmonton took revenge on SJ to disrupt the first-ever postseason Battle of California, and I kind of forget what happened after that.

Prediction: Anaheim 4, Calgary 1. Bryzgalov (who has started each 2nd game of a back-to-back so far this year) re-stymies the Flames, while McDonald, Moen, Marchant, and Moran make Miikka mad.
---------------------------------------Oh yeah, and tonight is round three of the Battle of California:
Round 1: in Anaheim, Ducks 4, Kings 3
Round 2: in L.A., Ducks 3, Kings 2 (SO)
Round 3: in L.A., Sharks at Kings
---------------------------------------Side note: You know, I blabber on from time to time about the Oiler blogs, but really, there’s a lot to like in Canuckville also, from a variety of angles: Canucks Op Ed, Jes Gőlbez, Orland Kurtenblog, (my hero) Tom Benjamin, Waiting for Stanley, Canucks Hockey Blog, Stick in Rink, and the master of statistical magic, Hockey Numbers. (Read them now before they get despondent!)

For Cowtown, you have Matt “the voice of reason” Fenwick, the boys at Hello Hockey Fans / Five Hole Fanatics, and double d(ion). (Go console them out of their despondency!)

Stupidity on my Garage Wall, Part 2

Here’s pretty much the other highlights from my garage wall, this time (mostly) non-hockey-related.
From top left spiraling clockwise, we have:
a) Crab playing goalie
b) Spiderman vs. Juggernaut
c) Mario and Yoshi (no, not THAT Mario)
d) Magneto
e) Hannibal Smith
f) Optimus Prime and a Prius-based Autobot
g) Korean Ninja Turtle
h) Cookie Monster
i) Disco Stu
j) Abraham Lincoln riding an AT-AT

As I mentioned before, this really become a “dead” project once the lockout ended, but should a revival kick in, I’ll keep you all posted.

On a side note, my roommate picked up NHL 07 for the PS2 yesterday, and here’s my initial reaction: YAWN. The only thing that appears to have happened is that every action from NHL 06 has been assigned to a new controller button. Also, for some unknown reason, it takes about 5 times as long to simulate a season. I’ll write a fuller review later, but my initial advice from about one hour’s worth of gameplay—don’t buy it. You’d be better served to randomize your controller settings from NHL 06; just as confusing and just as rewarding.

Plus NHL 06 has the NHL ’94 emulator, whereas NHL 07 compensates by simply offering a shorter main menu.

A note from the Russian Mafia

Our friend Earl Sleek has allowed us this forum (as fellow Vishnevski fans) to help settle a grievance.

One of our key promising assets, Evgeni Malkin, has mysteriously disappeared from his team's training camp in Finland.

This only a week after signing a one-year deal to play for our dear Metallurg Magnitogorsk team!

Here is a photograph of the defector with what we believe to be four of his accomplices.

We do not have much information on these four suspects, but the big guy on the right kept grumbling about "How did I get to Finland, sucka?!"

Should you spot any of these men, or have any helpful information, please leave a note for us in the comments.

Peace out,

The Russian Mafia

Upping the bar with Ingmar

There’s no really good way to explain how I got to this point, but suffice to say that Ingmar Bergman and I independently have some sort of A-Team fetish to go along with our hockey fandom.

Well, the devious Swede thought he could take this mutual monkey business to the next level, by designing an A-Team jersey in my honor.

Well, let me tell you something about Mr. Sleek: when it comes to monkey business, he’s always got another level.

Templeton “Faceman” Peck, RW
Ht: 6’0 Wt: 185 Shoots: L
-Originally drafted by the U.S. Army (Vietnam division) in the 2nd round of the 1965 draft
-Defected to the A-Team during the 1972 offseason
-Lady Byng award nominee, 1983 - present

Scouting Report: Peck is a quick winger who lacks in size, but more than makes up for it with cunning and charisma. Originally raised in a Los Angeles orphanage, Faceman's knack for smooth smart play has earned him a permanent spot on the A-Team’s top line.

Peck has been criticized severely for a Bertuzzi-like incident back in the Hanoi leagues (which he still maintains was a big misunderstanding), but he remains popular among the team’s mostly-underground fans.

Strengths: Faceman has the ability to scam the puck from even the most diligent stickhandlers, and can often skate undetected behind the opponent’s defense. He is a clutch performer, and can be very 'resourceful' in tight situations.

Weaknesses: Peck often gets distracted by women in the stands, and can be a bit of a complainer in the locker room. He has an aversion to being hit ‘in the face’, and fairly regularly shoots wide of his target.

Legendary Moment:

During the 1984 military playoffs, the A-Team found themselves down 4-2 after two periods in a climactic game seven. Colonel Decker led the opposing Army squad with a goal and two assists, and even told a between-period reporter that he had the A-Team “...right where I want ‘em.”

In the meantime, Templeton Peck was making good use of the intermission, convincing fans to 'upgrade' their seats to the opposite end of the arena as part of a promotional deal (another ‘Hannibal plan’). He also managed to scheme up enough lumber and paint for team enforcer B.A. Baracus to repaint the board ads and move the team benches over to the penalty box side. The organist, meanwhile, played a ‘building’ theme to help productivity.

Just as the whole coordinated effort was finished, the Army and the rest of the A-Team returned for the 3rd period. Thirty seconds into the frame, Decker tossed a blueline shot that skipped past A-Team goalie H.M. Murdock, who appeared distracted by his invisible dog Billy. Decker skated confidently by the A-Team bench, proclaiming in front of the crowd “You’re mine now, Smith.”

Moments later, the Army scored again. And again. It wasn’t until the 8th consecutive goal, scored at about the 15:00 mark, that Decker finally looked over and saw Peck and Hannibal Smith on the A-Team bench, lighting up cigars and laughing. The scam had worked; the Army had been scoring into their own net the whole period, making the score 10-4 A-Team.

The A-Team foiled Decker and his goons on their way to the second of five straight Stephen J. Cannell Cups. Decker was later retired in favor of center “Bull” Fullbright, but that would prove unsuccessful as well.

Memorable Peckism: "Hannibal, I don't like it when you get that look. Don't you smile at me... that's not even a real smile! It's just a bunch of teeth playing with my mind! "


OK, Bergman (or whoever else is interested), who’s your favorite member of the Hockey A-Team?

Pre-Game Jitters

"Hold me, Teemu. I'm scared."

I'll tell ya, these last few days have been nutty. I go from hopelessly optimistic to brutally realistic in a matter of moments. Guinness will definitely help me in this regard.

Some useless stats that help confuse the issue. Throw them out the window as soon as you read them.

The Ducks are 0-4 in Game Fives, but 4-0 in Game Sixes and 2-1 in Game Sevens. Most of that has come within the past 2 playoff runs.

J.S. Giguere, thanks to the Wild, has his best numbers in the Western Conference Finals. In 17 periods he has played in the WCF, he has allowed goals in only 2 of them.

This is the Ducks 4th trip to the playoffs, and this we have been eliminated in every other round but this one.

So now that everything is properly jinxed, here's our symbol of hope (I did some web hunting).

"I pity da fool who, uh, quack quack jibber-jabber!"

I know it's lame, but be glad I didn't use this guy to rally around.

Up too late after a G2 loss

Um, this was supposed to be inspiring, but I think my favorite NHL team and my favorite TV show are now both tainted...

At any rate, the A Team always had better comebacks than the MD movies.