Outsourcing: Cartoons from Sweden

If you recall, this past summer BoC had a brief series called Letters from Switzerland from our generous friend Markus (will it continue? only Markus knows for sure), where we received some overseas updates about some former NHLers. In that same spirit, I present a guest submission from reader Kyle J., a guy I can only assume hails from Sweden (to be completely honest, I'm not sure about this, but based on a few phrases of broken English I've corrected, I'm comfortable being presumptuous). Well, I'm never a guy to turn away free artwork, especially if it's potentially from Sweden!

I am, however, a guy who (for better or worse) will regularly publish e-mails I get.

Dear Earl Sleek.

I have been wanting to find a way to mix my passion for graphic arts and hockey together for a long time. I have finally figured out how. A Graphic Novel of Hockey(Comic book). However I would like to showcase them where people could see them. And reading your blog since the Season We Won the Cup I know that many people in fact read your blog. I have really enjoyed your cartoons. If you wouldn't mind letting me post these on BOC I would very much enjoy some feedback so I could start up on my own or possibly work together on some.

Thanks

BOC Reader of you and Rudy,
Ducks Fan and Hockey enthusiast,
and Fellow Artista,
Kyle J.

Just take a look at the awesomeness below, inspired by last week's Ducks win against the Toronto Maple Leafs (featuring an ill-advised goaltender switch by Ron Wilson for the shootout):


Quite literally the best artwork this blog has ever seen.
(Click image to enlarge.)
I don't even know where to start. The Terminator version of Nik Antropov is killer, the classic Ron Wilson media staredown is spot-on, and I want to run and hide from that George Parros glare. Basically, Kyle, I give this a hearty standing ovation. Outstanding.

One of my side goals here at BoC is to semi-legitimize the notion of internet cartooning, even though I'm pretty much just a hack. Well, fellow hacks, the bar may have just been raised, and I'm pretty excited to see that. Plus, now with Switzerland and Sweden on the BoC contribution list, I can't wait to see what our German or Finnish readers will do to top this.

[1:15 pm edit -- Oh boy did I blow this one. I've now been informed that Kyle J. is from Southern California, not Sweden. Well, this won't be the last fact-checking error that Sleek will ever make, but it is a doozy. Also, a new version of the picture was submitted with "Foliage" instead of "Foilage". Sorry for the mix-up, KJ.]

Go Ducks.

How hot is Carlyle's seat?

[11:30 am Sleek edit -- Guest art by commenter Julian.
I don't even know how you managed to find a smiling Carlyle picture, but nicely done!]
Hockey blogging giant Spector named Randy Carlyle among the five head coaches most likely to get shit-canned. Sure, the Ducks started the season like a fart on a first date, but how thin is the ice for Carlyle?

It's hard for me to tell how much of the Ducks' recent greatness could be attributed to the rarely smiling former Norris trophy winner.

Was Carlyle a master tactician or a bus driver? Is he a genius with a mildly hilarious balding Caesar 'do or a fraud whose firing might be one of the last marks of the Brian Burke era?

Letters from Switzerland, Part II

Introductory Side Note: We all here at Battle of California would like to extend a hearty congratulations to our fellow contributor Mike Chen, who watched as his own blog exploded a few weeks ago, but then turned that into a mega-opportunity with Kukla's Korner Emporium. He's joining the heavyweights: Kukla, the Chief, and Alanah, plus new additions Bethany, Forechecker, Red and Black, SensHobo, Goal Line Report, and Puck Stops Here, and should provide a good California perspective on all things hockey. Don't forget us little guys, Mike! We'll always think of you every time the Sharks fire their head coach.

Actually, Chen makes for a nice segue for this post, because it was in the second installment of his All-Time Sharks Team where he said this (while discussing centerman Sergei Markarov):

Side note #2: Todd Elik, the second-leading scorer on that squad, put up a whopping 98 points in 53 games for an Austrian team in the 2006-2007 season at age 40, beating out much younger former NHLer Tavis Hanson.

Have you ever heard of Todd Elik? I'll have to admit; I hadn't heard of the guy, but then again I'm a guy who started following hockey in the latter half of the 90s. Elik is a former King and a former Shark (and heck, even a former North Star), so he certainly fits the BoC theme, and our good buddy Markus has sent us an Elik-themed installment of "Where are they now? (In Switzerland.)" If you recall from his earlier Josef Marha update, our pal Markus is an overseas Ducks fan who's brushing up on his English while we brush up on our understanding of former NHLers in Switzerland. It's a win-win. As before, I've gone through and fixed a few things here and there for readability, but my aim is to keep things as real as possible.

As I mentioned, I've never heard of Elik, so this might be mostly for you Shark fans. Still, based on Markus' account below, he certainly sounds like a guy I could heartily root for. Here's Markus:


Enjoy a few seasons in the country of
chocolate, watches, and the alps
Part 2: Todd Elik
And no, it’s not Sweden, folks!
He reminds me of a gangster in an old Hollywood movie. Big, scary, with a scar on his cheek. And after seeing him, nobody would be surprised if he actually were involved in organized crime.

But let’s go back a few years, as it was a hard and long road to Europe. Elik was never drafted, and his junior coach made it clear to his team how bleak their future really was. “When you’re done with the last year of junior hockey, two or three of you will make it to the NHL, half of you are gonna work at a gas station and the rest will live on welfare.”

Todd was one of the 3 lucky ones…he played in over 500 NHL games over 8 seasons with the Kings, Sharks, North Stars, Oilers, Blues and Bruins. His best season was 93-94, when Elik led the Sharks in assists and was the 2nd best scorer behind Sergei Makarov. But he lost a step in the following years, and as he spent more and more time in the AHL, he decided to leave his last team, the Bruins, and joined a team in the south of Switzerland, the HC Lugano.


The decision between Boston and Lugano wasn’t that hard for Todd…
Nobody in Switzerland could have expected that this player would turn out to be one of the most special players the Swiss league has ever seen. One night Dr. Jekyll, one night Mr. Hyde. His stats his first season: 39 games, 66 points, 222 PIM!

Giving opposing fans a beating, showing his fans the finger, cursing and attacking referees, starting a team brawl...he was immediately the ultimate bad boy of Swiss hockey!


How do you like my new nail polish?
But he was better than all other players in the league, and he knew it! Often, he told rookie to carry his water bottle from the dressing room to the ice, or made them bring him other stuff. And it was once, and only once, that a rookie refused to do so…the next morning, the rookie came to the practice only to realize that Elik had used his skate as a toilet.

Another night, Elik went to a local pub, demolished most of it, took out a few thousand dollars, and gave it to the owner with the words “Sorry, that’s for the trouble we caused…” Todd Elik at his best.


2 minutes?! 2 minutes?! I deserve at least 5!!!
Despite these escapades, he will always be remembered for one game in 1999. Game 7, Chur vs. Langnau (Elik’s team at the time). The loser gets relegated, the winner stays in the league.

Elik had hit a visiting fan in the stands with his stick in game 5, and should have been suspended for 2 games. But Langnau’s appeal against the suspension was approved and he was cleared to play.

Before the puck was dropped, Elik went to the nervous referee and told him: “Don’t worry…I won’t cause you any problems…today, I’ll play hockey.” The start is a disaster for Langnau, trailing 2-0 after a few minutes. After the 2nd goal, Elik takes over the game with one of the most brilliant efforts Swiss hockey fans have seen in ages. Elik scores one goal himself and assists on all 6 other goals! 7 points were and still are a record for points in one game. And despite finishing at the bottom of the standings with his team, Elik earned MVP honors that season. He single-handedly kept Langnau in the league.

But his career in Switzerland ended 3 years ago, as he and his coach (Mike Posma) were charged with drunk driving after a game in the playoffs. And honestly, we would have been disappointed if Elik had kept his mouth shut. Elik insulted the police so much that he was charged with defamation of a police officer.


Elik: Hey, can I call you asshole?
Officer: No, that’s an insult.
Elik: OK, can I call an asshole “police officer” then?
Officer: I don’t see a problem with that.
Elik: OK, Police officer…
The next season, he signed a contract with a team from the Austrian league, where he is still playing…and it looks like he can still play the game…when he wants to!



------------------------------------
Nicely done, Markus.

Go Ducks.

Letters from Switzerland, Part I

(Author's note: we at BoC sometimes like to pretend we get letters from Switzerland and creatively write some shaky English to make a semi-comedic point. This is not one of those times; I'm totally serial.)

I'm often amazed how big this internet thing really is. Late last night I had a note dropped in my inbox from a Ducks fan from Switzerland:

Hi Earl

Just had a very good laugh when I was reading your Ducks Special on the pens blog...that nickname story is funny :D

Well...I'm starting my studies for a Master degree next year...in english. And because I still don't feel that comfortable with the english language, I need to practice it a bit...so I thought some writing would do me good.

Would you publish a short article if I wrote something? Can't really guarantee you a high level of grammar or a wide vocabulary...so you would definitely have to correct my text! (Just that you know that it's not an easy job for you as well) :)

My idea: "Your NHL days are over? Come over to snowy Switzerland" and write how some former Ducks (Sean Hill, Caron, Marha, Chouinard and Mowers are currently here) are doing...hope to include a few pictures, to make if funnier (or is it more funny?).

Let me know...I'm not in a hurry :D

Markus

Needless to say, this was too big an opportunity to pass up. I'm always ready to post reader submissions, especially ones from outsider perspectives. So I wrote back a lengthy version of "Sure, go nuts" before going to bed, and this morning I got this. Per Markus' instructions, I've done a little bit of proofreading, but probably not as much as I should have; there's a ton of charm in idioms-gone-wrong. Enjoy!

Well...hi all :) This is my first submission (it could very well be my last) for BoC. I’m starting a master course in english next year, and as a native german speaker, I thought I could mix the inevitable (improve my english skills) with pleasure (the Ducks). Hope you enjoy the read...

Enjoy a few seasons in the country of chocolate, watches, and the alpsPart 1: Josef Marha
And no, it’s not Sweden, folks!

7 goals in 12 NHL games – Ducks fans thought they might have found their new 2nd line center when Josef Marha scored 7 goals along with 4 assists in the last 12 games of the 97-98 season. But apparently, Marha spent more time sipping excellent czech beer than working out, as the start of the next season did not work out as planned. After just 10 games (with one lone assist) with the Ducks and some more games in the AHL, Marha was traded to the Blackhawks.

But it took another 2 years until Josef decided that 40 games a season, the alps, short road trips and a salary close to the NHL minimum were better than what he had overseas and signed a contract with the HC Davos in Switzerland (which is the former Club of Jonas Hiller).


He immediately regretted his decision after seeing the jersey.
The Swiss League, unlike the NHL, allows a maximum of 4 foreign players per game. As a result, foreign players are often pure Scorers (Todd Elik, Simon Gamache, Alexandre Daigle) or offensive defenders (Petteri Nummelin). The signing of Marha, not really known for his goalscoring, would turn out as a bonanza for Davos all the same. [Sleek note: there's no way I'm changing that sentence!]

Marha quickly turned into the favorite player of his new coach, Arno del Curto: "He never complains, puts the team above himself and adapts quickly to a new situation due to his intelligence on and off the ice. He does the little things which are so important for the team but are not recognized outside the rink. My respect for him is huge."

And Marha did not only give 100% on the ice. Back in 2003, the Davos Hockey Club was in financial troubles, and a forced relegation lurked. When the management asked the players to take a paycut to keep the club in the league, Marha was one of the first players to accept a lower salary.

But the task is not always easy for the defensive center. Playing on the first line with two former first round picks Alexandre Daigle and Michel Riesen one night, then with two 18-year old rookies in the 4th line the other night needs a lot of adaption. "The younger players really look up to Josef as a role model in our team. He makes everyone on his line better and executes instructions to a hair." [ :) ]

During the lockout-season 04-05, Marha showed that he could take an offensive role as well when placed beside skilled players. And with Joe Thornton, Rick Nash and Niklas Hagman boosting the offense of the HCD, Marha blossomed offensively with 40 points in 44 regular season games and more importantly, the OT game-winner in game 5 of the finals.


But for his coach, this was only an extra. "As long as he works so well defensively, I would keep him in the team even if he would finish the season with zero points."

And most of the fans of the HC Davos would probably agree...


Josef Marha and Jonas Hiller celebrate sweet Swiss success!
That blue cup/cone/trophy, by the way, looks awesome.
So that's Markus' first entry, and he's right -- I totally remember being high on Marha after that 7-goals-in-12-games end of the season. Who knew he'd ultimately find a heroic role in Switzerland? I didn't really do too much correcting in the piece (a couple spelling errors, and did you know that the Swiss use double-commas to start quotations?). I definitely will post more former-player reports if Markus is willing -- any reader requests?

As I said in the beginning, though, it's quite amazing how wide-reaching this internet is. That there's Ducks fans in Switzerland makes me damn proud.

------------------------------------------
As a bonus, Markus has also created this beauty: The Ultimate Duck.


My photoshopping skills suddenly feel weaker.
Per Markus, there are seven players that he's blended together make up this warrior. I don't even know the full listing, but who can you spot?

Guest Post: The Kings Don't Want Your Detritus

(Alexander Dubcek is a Kings fan and a filthy commie. Here's his take on rumor mongers and the shitty trade proposals they shit out. Shit.)


Dear Rest of the NHL Universe,

Hi. You've probably forgotten about us. I can't blame you. We haven't done anything to warrant your attention in a few years, except when you pause for a moment to ponder the lottery (which we always manage to screw up one way or another).

It's easy to make a joke of hockey in L.A. (Just look at our abysmal record over the past, oh, forty-one years.) Kevin Lowe takes a potshot at the Ducks, but no one notices the Kings. We're too pathetic to be called pathetic. You can't be arsed to expend the effort to belittle us, even though Kings fans might more fairly be called "pathetic" for shelling out big bucks to turn out in droves (more than 94 percent of capacity) for the train wreck known as the Brian Willsie Experience and the Kevin Dallman Project.

Not that I'm complaining. We're a sufficiently self-hating bunch that we can bemoan and belittle our own foibles without any outside help, thank you very much.

No, the bigger problem comes on those rare occasions when folks from hockey "hotbeds" and "traditional" markets actually try to say something about us.

Plenty of rumors get bandied about in the offseason, some of which even involve the Kings. It's about the only time we register on the radar of media types outside L.A. But Canadian writers, East Coast writers and commenters all around the league don't bother to do their homework on reporting these rumors. (Is it too much to ask to check out Rich Hammond's site to check your crackpot theory?)

So we get things like the New York Post speculating Sean Avery could re-sign with the Kings with Marc Crawford canned. (Never mind that Dean Lombardi, who put Avery on "double secret probation" at the beginning of Avery's last season in L.A., is still calling the shots as GM.) Or all the wild "Malkin to L.A." rumors before the draft (a great move for a team sorely in need of defense, rather than offense).

And now, the new one making the rounds, a threesome involving Ottawa, Chicago and the Kings, a rumor in which every Ottawa hack is indulging in their wettest dreams of prying away our best players for a pu pu platter of bad contracts. Here are some of the rumors Ottawa fans keep throwing around as if they're plausible deals that would send Martin Gerber (not good enough to start on three different Stanley Cup Finals squads) and some bags of pucks to the Kings:

"But I am hearing Kopitar and a prospect is from the Kings."

"If the Kings are giving up Kopitar and a prospect they better be getting something serious in return and if they aren't lets cut Chicago out of the mix and just get Kopitar..."

""I can't see them moving Kopitar either. Frolov maybe???"

""Spezza to the Kings from the Sens. Vermette and Neil plus a pick to the Hawks. Prospect plus pick to the Kings from the Hawks. Kopitar from the Kings to the Sens. Barker and Khabibulin from Chicago.

"Ottawa gets loaded somehow. Chicago unloads salary and gets some good player value in return. Spezza's 7 mil contract helps LA get closer to the cap and also gives them a potential superstar talent in return plus they get a prospect and pick out of it too."

"To LA: G Khabibulin D Barker

To Chi: C Vermette RW Neil

To Ott: C Anze Kopitar"

"I could see...

To LA: Meszaros Vermette 1st Round Pick (Ottawa)

To Chicago Neil Gerber

To Ottawa Khabibulin Kopitar Barker"

And, well, it just goes on from there. Supposedly Ottawa's a good hockey market (being the capital of Canadia and all), but clearly good hockey market does not equal fan base with a clue.

So, please, Ottawa, Edmonton, New York, and all other parts north and east of L.A. -- if you're just going to pull these rumors out of your ass, do us a favor and keep ignoring us.

To paraphrase an old axiom: If you don't have anything intelligent to say, you shouldn't say anything at all.

***

Why do we as fans hate bad trade proposals so much? It could be that we're just offended by the sheer stupidity of them, or we're upset at the lack of respect the player on our team receives, but I don't think that quite explains it. I think I get upset because I am presented with a world where the Kings don't have that player. That's okay when it's someone like Armstrong or Preissing, but when it's someone like Johnson I get scared. I'm scared because I'm confronted with the reality that someone like Kopitar or Brown or Robitaille or Hrudey will not be a King forever, that time will pass and that someday they'll be gone. I know Kopitar won't be on the Kings forever, but I don't want to think about it for the same reason I don't think about my parents' deaths. It's legitimately terrifying to me, and I cannot help but react violently to it. Rationally, I know these trade proposals are all bullshit and they wouldn't happen in a million years, but that irrational lizard part of my brain can't help but respond. I avoid sites like HockeyBuzz not because they're retarded (and they are), but because if I read them I'd probably suffer a stroke within the week. It's easier for me to just say, "Fuck you!" than actually consider the proposal and its consequences. So, fuck you, I guess.

Special Guest Post: Marcel Goc

As most of you are aware, Marcel Goc writes for the San Jose Sharks website. His blog is, in a word, amazing. My pal Megalodon was able to convince Marcel to write a special post for you people here at Battle of California. Ladies and gentlemen, Marcel Goc.


Hello again and welcome to my blog. My name is Marcel. I hope you enjoy it.

I have been in Germany for the summer. It is nice to be home. California has nice weather but every day is the same. In Germany we have seasons, which I miss sometimes. But sunshine is nice too.

Many changes have happened for the team in the past few weeks! I haven't been paying much attention, but my good friend Christian Ehrhoff told me that he has re-signed with the team for three years. That is good. He is also from Germany, which is where I am from too.


I have been playing a lot of chess. I can usually beat my grandfather most of the time. He has a weak brain. He is 96.

My agent handles all the business stuff for me. He told me that we are going to do something called "arbitration." He said that means I will get more money. I do not really care. As long as I have hockey, chess, and SOCOM, I am fine. I would like to get into the lineup more though. I am a good player. I am definitely better than Jody Shelley, who has a name like a woman. He has a weak brain.

In Germany every July we have a big summer festival. It is kind of like July 4th in America, but instead of fireworks we throw stones in the air. When someone gets hit with a stone it is a sign of good luck for the year. It is lots of fun, especially for the children.


I am confused about one thing. When I look at the Sharks website roster, my name is not there. Did my name get taken off because of this "arbitration"? That makes me sad.

Well, I had better go now. Christian Ehrhoff is coming over and we are going to play SOCOM. I can usually beat him because he doesn't know how to concentrate. He has a weak brain.

Guest Post: Sharks Time Capsule #2

(Here's another shitty post from Megalodon. I don't have the heart to tell him that he sucks at writing, so try and humor him in the comments. He tries so hard!)

In the Battle of California, the Sharks are the odd team out. Aside from their obvious geographic isolation, a number of other factors set the team apart, such as:

1. Their age. The team is not the respected older sibling or the over-achieving youngster. They are the forgotten middle child, working hard and doing the best they can, doomed to always be overlooked in favor of their older or younger brethren.

2. Their town. Los Angeles has a million things going on aside from the Kings, including the Lakers, Dodgers, and of course, their awesome football team whose name escapes me. Anaheim has Disneyland and the Angels (I think - although I must admit their name confuses me a bit). San Jose has the Sharks and...uh...well...a decent public-transit system? An airport? Jeez - wikipedia, help me out here.

"San Jose is the third-largest city in California, and the tenth-largest in the United States."

Okay, that's kind of impressive. I didn't know that. Got anything else?

"It is the county seat of Santa Clara County."

Nope. Anything better?

"By the 1990s, San Jose's location within the booming local technology industry earned the city the nickname Capital of Silicon Valley."

That smacks of a nickname that the city gave itself, so that's no good.

Holy crap, check out what they have to say about sports:

"San Jose has had previous attempts to draw teams from Major League Baseball, the NFL and the NBA by offering stadium deals or attracting relocating sports teams. In 1991 the San Francisco Giants baseball team nearly closed the deal to play in San Jose. ^{[citation needed]} In 1997 the Golden State Warriors basketball team after playing some games in the HP Pavilion nearly moved to San Jose. ^{[citation needed]} Neighboring Santa Clara recently announced (2006) a new stadium deal will break ground and be completed by 2009, as the new home of the San Francisco 49ers football team. ^{[citation needed]} San Jose may also soon house the practice facilities for the Oakland Raiders."

Well that's just sad. Like I said, San Jose doesn't have a lot going on aside from the Sharks - unlike the cities where the Ducks and the Kings play. Again, the Sharks are the outsiders.


3. Their logo. For some reason, the Sharks are the only team that actually depicts their mascot in their logo. The Kings have a crown (which is admittedly way better than an actual king, as we will see later in this post) and the Ducks have the word Ducks (great work, guys!), but the Sharks have an actual shark.


There are many other things that I could go into that set the Sharks apart from the other two California teams, but I would like to close by examining one difference that marks the Sharks as a FAR superior organization to either the Ducks or the Kings.

This final difference requires us to set our Way-Back machine to 1996, when the Kings and the Ducks did something that the Sharks didn't do. They did something terrible - something disgusting - something that should go down in history as a crime against the NHL and the human race. The mere fact that the Sharks DIDN'T follow the other California teams is reason enough to celebrate San Jose's independent, if lonely, ways.

What was this awful undertaking that the Kings and the Ducks shared? Be warned - the following images may cause dizziness and vomiting, and should not be viewed by anyone with eyes.

Oh god! What the hell is that thing?

Oh no! There's another one!

There. You've seen them - you can't un-see them. I would like to submit these images as proof of San Jose's dominance of the Battle of California for all time, regardless of how any games played actually turn out.

Guest Post: Sharks Time Capsule #1

By Megalodon


In 2001, the San Jose Sharks' AHL affiliate, the Kentucky Thoroughblades (worst name EVER!) were moved to Cleveland, Ohio. Once there, the team name was changed to the Cleveland Barons, to reflect the now-defunct AHL team that had existed in the city from 1937-1973.

The old Cleveland Barons logo looked like this:


Hey look! It was already Sharks colors, pretty much. Convenient, right? But obviously the logo was a little out-dated, and needed a redesign. The question was, what new image could incorporate elements of the Sharks brand while still retaining the class and charm of the traditional logo? Would they use San Jose's color scheme more extensively, or perhaps go subtler, changing the font or adding a hint of a Shark fin somewhere to the Baron's outfit?


BOOM:


Take that, subtlety! Is that a Shark AND a Baron? Damn straight it is. Problem solved - we've got our new logo! Not only will this guy eat you alive, but he won't even lose his monocle while he does it. Then he'll tip his hat to your shredded corpse before swimming off to attend regattas and grand cotillions. (Ed. note: First use of "cotillion" in a post about hockey ever? I sure hope so.)

According to Wikipedia, the Shark in the Barons logo was originally designed as a possible alternate logo for San Jose (yeah, right) and then they just stuck some baron clothes on it with photoshop or something. Sweet. Good work, guys.

I wish all NHL teams would do stuff like this with their affiliates; these bastard hybrid logos would be some of the greatest ever. The Portland Duck-Pirates? The Norfolk Lightning-Admirals*? The Bridgeport Islander-Sound Tigers? (Wait, did I do that right? What the hell is a sound tiger?)

Sadly, the Barons moved to Worcester in 2006, and became simply the Worcester Sharks, who apparently are still using the Sharks' old logo and jersey design. So I guess the Baron-Shark hybrid is gone forever...but I can still have high hopes for the Chicago Thrasher-Wolves!




* - Wait, the AHL has two teams named the Admirals - Norfolk AND Milwaukee? Lame.

"Who are we? The Wildcats! Who are we going to beat? The Wildcats!"

Guest Post: Orange Rhymes With Sucks

My roommate, who goes by Megalodon (oddly enough, that's not a nom de plume; that's his real name), is a Sharks fan. Like all Sharks fans, he's smart, socially awkward, and very, very smug. He's been worried about the Sharks' new jerseys lately, and since I'm sure you're tired of reading my 8,000 word screeds about the Kings' 3rd liners, I told him to write something up. Here's what he came up with:


As a loyal Sharks fan in exile deep in DucKing territory, the image of my home team is very important to me. I have many fond memories of riding the train from my home town in the Bay Area to the arena for a game. Amidst the normal assortment of train riders – college students, drunks, and guys who just got out of prison for robbing a bank and don’t want to buy a knife from another guy on the train (long story) – were a few good souls proudly displaying their chosen uniform - teal. Since the Sharks let go of their original jerseys (which, no debate, sucked ass), they’ve had an edgy, stylish look that has served them well. Every game in San Jose the arena is a sea of cool (in temperature and in awesomeness) colors: teal, silver, and black. They had an identity and a color-scheme that stood out in the league, and I loved it.

I’m not here to complain about the new logo. It’s fine. It’s a mean Shark biting a stick, so they kept the spirit of the original. What does concern me, however, are all the rumors that have been going around about the new jerseys making a much bigger deal of something that’s thankfully been a minor part of Sharks history thus far – orange. The Sharks have always had a touch of orange in their logo, and the updated version emphasized it a little bit, which was fine. It’s never been on their jerseys before, and so orange and me got along fine. I was ready to dismiss the rumors about the new orange jersey until I saw pictures of the Sharks players at last weekend’s pacific division tournament:





They’re wearing the old uniforms, but the pants and gloves they’ll use this season. Do you see what I see? Did your heart just sink out of your ass? Yeah, me too. There’s an awful lot of ORANGE on those accessories. So much orange that it would look quite strange if there wasn’t a good amount of it on the new jerseys.

I am anxious. I am nauseous. I am filled with fear and loathing.

Color-wise, the team will still stand out from the pack - just like the dude at the party with the lampshade on his head. If I do something drastic Monday when the team unveils the new jerseys, let this be a record of what drove me to it – the cursed color orange.

Bonus artist's conception of the new jerseys here!