Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Guest Post: Sharks Time Capsule #2

(Here's another shitty post from Megalodon. I don't have the heart to tell him that he sucks at writing, so try and humor him in the comments. He tries so hard!)

In the Battle of California, the Sharks are the odd team out. Aside from their obvious geographic isolation, a number of other factors set the team apart, such as:

1. Their age. The team is not the respected older sibling or the over-achieving youngster. They are the forgotten middle child, working hard and doing the best they can, doomed to always be overlooked in favor of their older or younger brethren.

2. Their town. Los Angeles has a million things going on aside from the Kings, including the Lakers, Dodgers, and of course, their awesome football team whose name escapes me. Anaheim has Disneyland and the Angels (I think - although I must admit their name confuses me a bit). San Jose has the Sharks and...uh...well...a decent public-transit system? An airport? Jeez - wikipedia, help me out here.

"San Jose is the third-largest city in California, and the tenth-largest in the United States."

Okay, that's kind of impressive. I didn't know that. Got anything else?

"It is the county seat of Santa Clara County."

Nope. Anything better?

"By the 1990s, San Jose's location within the booming local technology industry earned the city the nickname Capital of Silicon Valley."

That smacks of a nickname that the city gave itself, so that's no good.

Holy crap, check out what they have to say about sports:

"San Jose has had previous attempts to draw teams from Major League Baseball, the NFL and the NBA by offering stadium deals or attracting relocating sports teams. In 1991 the San Francisco Giants baseball team nearly closed the deal to play in San Jose. [citation needed] In 1997 the Golden State Warriors basketball team after playing some games in the HP Pavilion nearly moved to San Jose. [citation needed] Neighboring Santa Clara recently announced (2006) a new stadium deal will break ground and be completed by 2009, as the new home of the San Francisco 49ers football team. [citation needed] San Jose may also soon house the practice facilities for the Oakland Raiders."

Well that's just sad. Like I said, San Jose doesn't have a lot going on aside from the Sharks - unlike the cities where the Ducks and the Kings play. Again, the Sharks are the outsiders.

3. Their logo. For some reason, the Sharks are the only team that actually depicts their mascot in their logo. The Kings have a crown (which is admittedly way better than an actual king, as we will see later in this post) and the Ducks have the word Ducks (great work, guys!), but the Sharks have an actual shark.

There are many other things that I could go into that set the Sharks apart from the other two California teams, but I would like to close by examining one difference that marks the Sharks as a FAR superior organization to either the Ducks or the Kings.

This final difference requires us to set our Way-Back machine to 1996, when the Kings and the Ducks did something that the Sharks didn't do. They did something terrible - something disgusting - something that should go down in history as a crime against the NHL and the human race. The mere fact that the Sharks DIDN'T follow the other California teams is reason enough to celebrate San Jose's independent, if lonely, ways.

What was this awful undertaking that the Kings and the Ducks shared? Be warned - the following images may cause dizziness and vomiting, and should not be viewed by anyone with eyes.

Oh god! What the hell is that thing?

Oh no! There's another one!

There. You've seen them - you can't un-see them. I would like to submit these images as proof of San Jose's dominance of the Battle of California for all time, regardless of how any games played actually turn out.


spade-in-victorhell said...

thanx...assmunch...i had already blacked out those ridculous 3rd jersy's from my memory bank....

I remember we won a game wearing them and teemu said somthing like.."we wanted to look as cute as our jersy's"...o gawd...what a nightmare...

doctorgonzzzo said...

you would have a valid point if the sharks didnt currently have the ugliest jerseys since anything worn in Arizona (baseball and hockey) pre 2006.

Earl Sleek said...

I would like to submit these images as proof of San Jose's dominance of the Battle of California for all time, regardless of how any games played actually turn out.

You probably should have written this post pre-orange. :)

spade-in-victorhell said...

beside the stupid cartoon duck how much different does the dux third jersy look from the sharks jersy of today?....your sawying wow u look funny while your wearing an orange laden clown suit

RudyKelly said...

The king in that jersey looks the antagonist in a really gay version of Sir Gaiwan and the Green Knight.

Ian said...

I always expected Prince Valiant to show up on the back of that sweater. Both Prince Valiant and the Kings of that era, no matter how much you paid attention to them, were just bewildering.

And, to put it all in perspective, I'm no big fan of the orange highlights, but just look at those things. Look at them! There is no God....

Megalodon said...

Yeah, right, the Sharks new jerseys are just TERRIBLE compared to those. The Sharks players could make jerseys out of things they found in the garbage and look better than either of those jerseys.

Seriously, people. I was nervous about the orange, but it's hardly noticeable. Unlike the giant super-hero cartoon duck or the weird-ass floating king face thing.

And did somebody really ask me to IGNORE the cartoon duck on that jersey?

Earl Sleek said...

Yeah, right, the Sharks new jerseys are just TERRIBLE compared to those.

Well, it's not so much that we're making a 2007 vs. 1996 comparison (I think you've got the market cornered there).

It's more like a "Look at how far we've come since 1996," and "Oof. You've regressed."

Megalodon said...

I don't know - I guess I'm alone in liking the new jerseys? Maybe I was just so terrified they would be all orange that I'm still blinded by relief.

The nhllogos.blogspot guy liked them a lot, I think. Does he count as an expert?

Patty (in Dallas) said...

...and of course, their awesome football team whose name escapes me

It's funny that L.A. has no football team, but I truly wish Dallas had no football team.

Interchangeable Parts said...

Thanks, Rudy. I had somehow managed to avoid those Kings sweaters -- no, wait, those don't deserve that term -- "jerseys". Up until now. And, as you said, I can't un-see them. I think you just ruined my life. My entire life.

Interchangeable Parts said...

And by "Rudy" I totally meant Megolodon. Sorry, buddy.

doctorgonzzzo said...

Its not just the orange, but the NHL HITZ style logo. It would be better to have Mike Ricci's mug on the front.

Megalodon said...

No problem, I get mistaken for Rudy all the time. Like this one time by the police looking for a guy who had been pestering all the dogs in the neighborhood, dressing them up in costumes, that sort of thing.

I would be in favor of a jersey with a picture of Mike Ricci in the style of the floating King head.