John Zeiler Breaks Foote, Will Miss 3 Games

John Zeiler is dumb. If you watch the video, Adam Foote looks back behind him twice and sees Zeiler coming at him, and you can see him assume that there's no way Zeiler is going to hit him because it would clearly be boarding. Foote is so positive in this assumption that he doesn't try to protect himself at all. You could even argue that Foote was daring Zeiler to board him. And that's what Zeiler did. He plowed in and boarded the fuck out of Adam Foote. I know some people say that Foote deserved it, or that it's an unfair advantage for a defenseman if a forward can't be aggressive when getting the puck, but the NHL has made clear that if you hit a guy in the back and he hits the boards with his face then you are getting a penalty. John Zeiler hit Foote in the numbers, Foote hit the boards with his face, Zeiler got a penalty. Sounds fair. I only wish Zeiler had gotten the death penalty instead. Well, not the death penalty, that's a little far; maybe a 10-year sentence in federal "pound me in the ass" prison. That sounds about right.

Ducks Gameday—Burke Week #5: Finale

Colorado Avalanche (9-10-0, t-12th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (11-8-3, t-4th in west)


Ah, we finally arrive at the conclusary installment of Burke Week, a five-day gander back at the Anaheim legacy of Brian Burke.

Part I: Defending three "bad" Burke moves that I don't think were that bad.
Part II: Criticizing three Burke moves that I don't think get enough flak.
Part III: Nothing but shout-outs.
Part IV: What I like about Burke the roster-builder.

And now we arrive at Part V: Scattered final thoughts, where I squeeze everything I've missed into a final post for the series. We'll start with some counterpoint: Two things that I didn't like about Burke the roster-builder.

Regret One: Europe, Where Art Thou?

Since Brian Burke's second year in Anaheim, there has been a fairly rigid three-player maximum on players from Europe -- Teemu Selanne from Finland, Sammy Pahlsson from Sweden, and the back-up goalie (first Ilya Bryzgalov from Russia, now Jonas Hiller from Switzerland), but before Burke arrived, Anaheim used to be a melting pot. Burke rid the team of Vitaly Vishnevski (Russia), Ruslan Salei (Belarus), Niclas Havelid (Sweden), Sandis Ozolinsh (Latvia), Petr Sykora (Czech Republic), Sergei Fedorov (Russia), and Ladislav Smid (Czech Republic), among others. Think about this: in 2003 the Ducks went to the Stanley Cup Finals with zero Canadians on their blueline. In 2007 the Ducks won the Stanley Cup with zero non-Canadians on their blueline.

It became very clear over Burke's tenure what sort of player he was building around -- skilled or not, he wanted North American skaters in nearly every roster slot. Now I don't want to attack this mindset too badly -- you can still make an impressive team from mostly one continent. However, one only had to look at the success of Swedish forwards on Detroit or the Finnish forwards on Dallas (or really, the European contribution to any team's success) to see that Burke's one-continent focus was biased against plenty of world-class talent.

It's one reason that I'm not upset to see Brian Burke leave -- he certainly did very good work while he was here, but I don't think too many years of Europe-phobia is good for an NHL franchise. By artificially limiting the available talent pool, the Ducks seemingly ignored a source for creativity and puck control -- and I think that they would be well-served to reintroduce that intercontinental element into their post-Burke philosophy. I just hope that Bob Murray has an open mind to the contributions of overseas players; I think it's an element the Ducks have been missing.

Regret Two: How Bad is Burke at the Entry Draft?

I don't follow prospects that well, so I can't really tell you how much more barren Anaheim's prospect pool is compared to when Burke arrived, but I assume it's been rather depleted. One of the problems, I assume, is Brian Burke's draft record, which will have to be judged in future years, but based on reputation and what I have seen looks unimpressive thus far.

I guess the indicting argument against Burke's draft record is that I believe Bobby Ryan and Brett Festerling represent the only players that Burke has drafted that have tasted NHL ice, and Ryan was selected in a high-expectation slot (2nd overall, one spot behind Sidney Crosby). I'm definitely not an expert here, but I'd expect that a draft-savvier GM would have accumulated more NHL-ready players by now (though granted, a lot of Anaheim's top picks were sent to Edmonton in the Pronger deal). I think it's premature for any hard criticism here (and a lot may be based on Bobby Ryan alone), but so far, it's tough to spot where Burke's draft record has served the Ducks very much.

Of course, there is a flipside to this criticism, which is that Burke has demonstrated that it's possible to build teams almost entirely outside of the draft -- the 2007 cup squad had very few players who were actually drafted by Anaheim (I believe Getzlaf, Perry, and Bryzgalov). Also, with Dave McNab finding lots of talent outside the draft (Anaheim's undrafted talent includes Andy McDonald, Dustin Penner, Chris Kunitz, Ryan Shannon, Ryan Carter, and Jonas Hiller), perhaps the importance of the draft is overstated. Still, the entry draft is a definite source to replenish talent, and it may prove that Burke's draft mediocrity hampers the Ducks in the near future.

But let's not overlook the upside.

I don't want to end Burke Week on all sour notes, though. Even with his drawbacks, Burke did transform the team's image from a Disney sidestory into one of the west's top teams. Burke became a source for franchise legitimacy -- I don't know if the team lands a Scott Niedermayer or a Chris Pronger without the presence of Brian Burke, and I don't know if a Mathieu Schneider or a Brendan Morrison even seriously considers the franchise as a signing option. Burke had the clout to trade away a high-priced Sergei Fedorov and a high-priced Mathieu Schneider for spare parts, and the bravery to stand behind moves like the waiving of Ilya Bryzgalov.

Basically, no matter his flaws and strengths, Burke was a high-profile GM and hockey personality, and he added relevance to the Anaheim Ducks. His coming to SoCal legitimized the franchise and fixed its focus on winning, and without that, the team's fortunes could have gone in a very different direction -- probably one without a Stanley Cup. There's definitely been some baggage to Brian Burke, but the upside has been pretty spectacular.

What I'll miss most about Brian Burke:
What I'll miss least about Brian Burke:

The answer to both of these is his mouth, which has definitely been a regular source for amusement, but also has diverted many of my blogging man-hours to defending the guy's often-malicious quotes. For better or worse, there is no topic in hockey that Brian Burke is too timid to discuss, usually with the spirit of antagonism. There's no doubt that I'm going to miss that mouth -- it sure beats the usual media-timidness that most hockey personalities have, but I won't lie. It's also going to be nice to have a little less controversy coming from the GM's mouth, as well.

Entertaining quotes occasionally do come at a price, not only in terms of franchise perception but also with burnt bridges as well. Anyone want to put an over/under on the number of months before we see another Anaheim-Edmonton trade?

A classic example of Burke's mouth making headlines.
Bottom Line: Overall, I'm a huge Burke supporter, even though over Burke Week I've split my positives and negatives pretty evenly. The upsides to having a strong-willed GM far outweigh the drawbacks (though it's important to remember those, as well). As a Ducks blogger, I've never had much desire to interview Ducks players (though nobody's really given me any opportunity) -- generally, I am disgusted enough with bland cliches that I don't think I'd do very well in that setting. That said, I would have loved to have an opportunity to interview Brian Burke -- even though the interview would have been generally awful (I'd probably conduct it at a bar and wouldn't write or record anything), I imagine shooting the shit with Burke would be ten times as entertaining as doing the same with any player.

Ultimately, Burke built a Stanley Cup Champion team in Anaheim, and nothing should take away from that. We'll miss you, Burkie, and wish you limited success in Toronto/wherever.

--------------------------------------------
So that's the scattered last chapter of my Burke Week -- I definitely had a lot to say about the guy and what he did in Anaheim. For the comments, what's your final analysis? What grade would you give Brian Burke for his GM job in Anaheim, and how much do you think he will be missed? Any final thoughts are welcome in the comments.

Prediction: Ducks win 4-2. Goals by Ryan, Getzlaf, Pahlsson, and Pronger.

Go Ducks.

The Verdict on the Kings' 3rd Jersey

Who has his arms raised and loves scoring goals? This guy.

-Drew, check out Stastny's face.
-What... oh my God.

Gotta admit, it looks pretty sharp. I hate the crest but the jerseys look pretty amazing while the action is going on. My favorite part are the socks, to be honest. If they put the crown from the regular jerseys on the front, I could see these jerseys becoming full-time. What do you guys think?

***Damn, no hand in this one either.

-John Zeiler should be shot into the Sun.

-Jarret Stoll should have about 30 goals by now.

-Drew Doughty played 29 minutes last night.

-When is Kopitar going to create a goal for himself?

Kings Gameday: Seize the Day

LA Kings (8-8-2) vs. Colorado Avalanche (8-10)

7:30 PST, Fox Sports West


The Stars have imploded and just lost their best player. The Coyotes haven't sparked offensively and their youth hasn't quite lived up to the height so far. The Ducks look to be rounding into shape after a slow start but aren't quite the dominant team they've been in years past. The Sharks... well, the Sharks are amazing. But after them, there isn't a team that has really made its mark in the Pacific Division. Why not the Kings? They're sitting at .500 right now despite losing their best defenseman in the 2nd game of the season. Their top scorers from last year have underperformed, their goaltending in the first 10 games of the season was subpar, and they just now put together a legitimate top scoring line. And yet they're right there. The Kings have a legitimate shot to make the playoffs, assuming the Stars continue to fall apart and need to use the next month to build up points before they spend the 2nd half of the season on the road. Let's start today.

Prediction: Kings lose, 4-1. Goal by John Zeiler. Fuck these guys.

Kings Gameday: His First Name Should be Lance

Los Angeles Kings (2-2) vs. Colorado Avalanche (2-3)

7:30 PST, FSN West


Brian Boyle is 24 years old. While others from his draft class are firmly established NHL players by now (Dustin Brown and Patrick O'Sullivan, for example), Boyle is still struggling to find his place in the league. Boyle doesn't have the speed or the hands to really become a top offensive player so the plan was to get him used to playing in a bottom role. The Kings only played him about 9 minutes a game in preseason in hopes that he could adjust and use his body more. The Kings hoped that Boyle join forces with Derek Armstrong and Raitis Ivanans to become a terror to opposing teams.

Instead, Boyle's line has been embarrassing and Boyle has accrued a -4 rating in 3 games. That's awful when you consider that Boyle has been playing sheltered minutes and he's only played in home games so far. I think the problem isn't that Boyle isn't using his body like the Kings have asked; the problem is that he doesn't know when it's appropriate. Being physical in hockey isn't just about being able to knock a guy down, it's about being able to knock a guy down and affecting the play. Boyle seems uncomfortable out there because he is playing a completely new role. I think he'll figure it out, because Boyle is a solid player, but right now he needs to either get sent down to Manchester or given a new role on the team.

***

Do you ever wonder why Earl doesn't let anyone write about the Coyotes on this site? This is why.

***

The Avalanche have averaged 4 goals for and 3.8 goals against so far this season. Ruggedly handsome Joe Sakic and just plain rugged Paul Stastny each have a goal and 7 assists this season, but the numbers I like to see are these:

Andrew Raycroft- 2 GP, 3.00 GAA, .875 SV%
Peter Budaj- 3 GP, 4.38 GAA, .824 SV%

I bet Sakic hates both of those guys. Peter Budaj is getting the start tonight.

Prediction: Kings win, 8-6. Goals by Kopitar (x3), Handzus (x2), Frolov, Simmonds and Moller. Peter Budaj and Andrew Raycroft are "accidentally" left in LA after the game.

Kings Preseason Gameday: Fury Can't Freeze

LA Kings vs Colorado Avalanche (in Vegas)

7:00 PST

The Kings are participating in Frozen Fury against the Colorado Avalanche in Las Vegas, NV tonight. Connie is at the game and said she'd have some stuff up for it, so that's something to look for. Also, rumor has it that Dustin Brown has been named the Kings' new captain. Yea?

The Kings still need another defenseman to keep them from getting embarrassed and to get them above the cap by the start of the season. With Schneider now out of the picture, does anybody know some options besides Kyle McLaren, who sucks and is terrible and who sucks?


Update: Here's a clip of Monarchs tough Kevin Westgarth fighting Scott Parker. You should mute the clip before you watch it because there's a lot of retarded yelling.



The fact that Parker gets knocked down by Westgarth and then congratulates him is terrifying to me; although, to be fair, if I saw Scott Parker making a sandwich I'd probably shit myself. I'm a nervous guy.

There were a bunch of fights last night: Westgarth got in 2, Boyle got in one (I guess Adam Foote jumped in while Boyle was fighting Darcy Tucker and got ejected), and Wayne Simmonds got in one and was then ejected for taping his hands. He should have worn foil.

Brian Willsie Will Not Die

Brian Willsie signs a one-year deal with the Colorado Avalanche. Man, wouldn't it be awesome if he fought Ivanans?

Vendetta 2: Rating Revenge in the West

Franchise All-Time Playoff Records

Rk	Franchise	Playoff Record	Win Pct.
1.	Edmonton	152 – 99 – 0	.606
2.	Anaheim	44 – 29 – 0	.603
3.	Montreal	393 – 266 – 8	.595
4.	NY Islanders	134 – 106 – 0	.558
5.	New Jersey / Colorado	117 – 96 – 0	.549

You have to be impressed with the Ducks' position here, especially considering the franchise lost 11 of its first 15 playoff games. Still, in amassing such a franchise record (the bulk of which has happened since 2003), a lot of toes get stepped on along the way.

Last year around this time, I put a post together called “V for Vendetta—Who’s the hungriest for roast Duck this spring?”, where I looked at four western conference playoff participants that had particularly vengeful incentive to eliminate the Ducks. Of those four, Minnesota and Detroit both got that sweet opportunity to eliminate Anaheim but failed, making them probably even more motivated this time around.

This year I’m just going to include all the possible WC opponents in this discussion, and try to rank their appetite to topple the postseason Ducks (aside from the usual incentive in dethroning the champs), with the main focus being on playoffs past. Some have stronger cases for revenge than others, but of all the choices, who has been hurt most by the Ducks in the past? Here's my ranking:

1. Minnesota Wild
Series losses to Anaheim: 2003 round 3 (4-0), 2007 Round 1 (4-1)

Poor, poor Wild. Twice in their franchise history they have made the playoffs; twice they have been eliminated by the Ducks. In 2003, they ran into J.S. Giguere at the crescendo of his Conn Smythe glory, who held the scrappy Wild to one goal over a four-game sweep. Unheard of. It took the Wild four years to recover and qualify again, only to go up against the hated Ducks a second time. This time, Giguere sat out (family issues), and backup Ilya Bryzgalov took over. The series was tight, but Anaheim won the first three games each by a single goal, and by then things were pretty much settled. Add in a suckerpunch by Brad May, and another Giguere win, and I think the Wild probably would enjoy a Duck execution more than anybody.

From the archives: Now I'm going to hell for sure, Remembering history so I'm not doomed to repeat it

2. Detroit Red Wings
Series Losses to Anaheim: 2003 Round 1 (4-0), 2007 Round 3 (4-2)

Of all the western teams in this year's playoffs, only Detroit has had the previous pleasure of eliminating Anaheim, though those series wins (both sweeps) came in the late 90s. The tables have turned, however, since Giguere singlehandedly swept the defending champions in the opening round of 2003, a harsh blow to a proud franchise. Last spring the Wings had a different sort of heartbreak; they led G5 in a tied series 1-0 leading into the final minute of regulation, and Scott Niedermayer's fluky goal and Teemu Selanne's fluky OT breakaway proved the difference. I think the Wild edge the Wings on this ranking because they have no other postseason successes to dwell upon, but the Wings are damn close. Anaheim likely cost them two Stanley Cups.

From the Archives: Off for the weekend, Obligatory gloat post, A history lesson

3. Calgary Flames
Series Losses to Anaheim: 2006 Round 1 (4-3)

Calgary was a story of a Flames opportunity lost, but also of a Ducks team coming together in front of a crazy Russian netminder. Calgary had built a 3-2 series lead largely on the suddenly human goaltending of J.S. Giguere, and midway through G5 Carlyle threw in Bryzgalov. Between that and rookie Frenchie Beauchemin pummeling posterchild Jarome Iginla, the Ducks got what they needed to squeak a G6 win before silencing the Red Mile in a dominant G7. I had trouble ranking 3-5 on this list, but I think that stunned silence puts Calgary on top of the only-eliminated-once group.

From the Archives: Avian flu indeed, Round-by-round Bryzgalove

4. Colorado Avalanche
Series Losses to the Ducks: 2006 Round 2 (4-0)

This series was a mini-Minny sweep; the Avs were dominated by the charging Ducks from the drop of the first puck, even playing without J.S. Giguere and rookie Corey Perry. Really, the momentum built up at the end of the Calgary series carried into G1 and G2 shutout victories, and Colorado was reeling after that. Their best effort came in G3, but Joffrey Lupul had his night of nights, scoring four goals including the OT winner. This marked the first time since the Avs had moved to Colorado that they had failed to take at least two games in a series.

From the Archives: Fun facts about sweeping the Avs

5. Dallas Stars
Series Losses to the Ducks: 2003 Round 2 (4-2)

I can't believe it's been five years since the last series that featured two Pacific Division teams, but it's likely this could be revisited in the first round this spring. Dallas was the top seed in the west that spring, and seemed quite determined to not suffer the same fate as Detroit. Their issue was that they were vulnerable to late-game heroics. In all six games of the series, the Stars were tied or had the lead with 2 minutes to go in regulation, yet still managed to lose four of them. All four Anaheim winning goals came on their last shot on net.

From the Archives: A look back at the '03 playoffs

6. Vancouver Canucks
Series Losses to the Ducks: 2007 Round 2 (4-1)

Vancouver might not have the heartbreaking story of contenders 1-5, but it's compelling nonetheless. The Canucks were riding their young goaltender in his first playoff year similar to how the Ducks had done in 2003, and found themselves down 2-1 in the series. They managed to score the first two goals in G4 in Vancouver, seemingly ready to even the series, but then managed to lose that lead. It was a crushing ending for the Canucks, as the series-winning OT goal occurred when Roberto Luongo got more interested in refereeing than netminding, and I'm sure Vancouver would like another chance to eliminate the Ducks and their Stompy Captain.

From the Archives: Welcome to SoCal, Roberto, Marine biologists discover a new disease

7. San Jose Sharks
No playoff history with Anaheim

It's amazing; Sharks fans might think they're gunning for us, but they're one of the few teams that can only base their hatred on regular season matchups. Well, I guess there's two things playoff-related that they can hate the Ducks for: (1) Pronger eliminated the Sharks in the 2nd round of '06, and (2) Two years in a row, SJ blew a 2nd round series lead and failed to get a matchup against Anaheim. This second one may be a source for Shark-anger; while other teams failed against the Ducks, San Jose blew it before even getting to that matchup.

8. Nashville Predators
No playoff history with Anaheim

I don't know why Nashville would hate the Ducks, unless they naturally associate the Ducks with their postseason nemesis, the Sharks, because of geography. If anything, Preds fans might enjoy the fact that the Ducks twice eliminated the Red Wings, but I'm just guessing.

Honorable mentions:
These teams won't be making an appearance in the western playoffs, but you bet they'd like to kill the Ducks as well.

Edmonton Oilers: The Oilers are the only team in the west to have a perfect series record against Anaheim, and yet their hatred is palpable, mostly having to do with off-ice confrontations (the Pronger trade and the Penner signing, and all the Burke-Lowe name-calling that ensued). The Oilers won't qualify this year, but they'll be solidly rooting for a Duck elimination this spring, and not just to protect their postseason winning percentage; they've also got a draft pick that depends on how Anaheim finishes.

Ottawa Senators: This seems pretty obvious to me. The Senators were thoroughly steamrolled in front of a multinational audience in last spring's cup finals, and would desperately like a do-over. It was a tough fall from glory for a team that had easily waltzed through the eastern playoffs, and even attending this year's regular season matchup, you could see the pent-up frustration.

Los Angeles Kings: When Anaheim lifted the cup, a part of every Kings fan's soul died. It has to be tough: 40 years of cup frustration, only to see the new BoC sibling make it look so darn easy, while the Kings sit around the NHL cellar. The Ducks and Kings have never qualified for the postseason in the same year, so it's tough to know where L.A. ranks on this list, but I think it's fair to say that they'd love a shot at eliminating Anaheim, probably more than teams that have faced the Ducks and lost. Irrelevance has its emotional cost as well.

So there you have it. It's a long list of teams with a lot of good recent-history reasons to want revenge on Anaheim, and my attempt to rank their previous playoff nightmares. What do you think? Is it worse to blow a series lead or to get swept? Who's had it the worst?

More likely than not, some team from the west is going to get the satisfaction of dethroning the Ducks; which opponent wants it the most? Let's hear your rankings in the comments.

Western Conference Regulation Record Grid

I've been meaning to put together a stats table to show all the potential western conference playoff participants, similar to the tables I built last year, and here it is. This table shows regulation records (the record at the end of 60 minutes) for the top ten teams in the west playing against the top ten teams in the west, all carrying some level of playoff aspiration. I've turned that regulation record into a winning percentage, and included GF and GA stats as well (note: GF and GA do include OT goals, mostly because I'm lazy). Basically, you can pick a team along the left column and follow it across to see how that team has fared against each of the nine potential future opponents, to see where a particular match-up seems favorable or not.

(Click on image to enlarge)
Some takeaway notes, briefly:

• From the Ducks' perspective, I'm not a huge believer on what this table tells us. A lot of the games used in creating this table were played without Niedermayer and Selanne at first, then Pronger and Perry later. It's tough to draw any hard conclusions on how a more complete team would have fared over the course of a season. Still, it's worth noting that the Ducks have the worst offense of any of these teams (against this opposition), and that even though the Ducks don't rate that well against their likely first round opponent in the Dallas Stars, it's still better than their regular season performance against Minnesota or Vancouver.



• As for winners from this table, it's hard not to like Detroit, San Jose, and Dallas, the three teams that show winning regulation records against the best of the west. Of the three, Detroit dominates the other two, though, and has strong records against nearly all other contenders (except Anaheim and perhaps Nashville). Perhaps Detroit's two main hopes should be that some other team eliminates the Ducks and somehow the Predators avoid finishing eighth, but generally, they've played this field very well.



• Among the teams still fighting for a spot, Calgary probably really wants the sixth seed the most, and Colorado wants to avoid falling to eighth the most. Vancouver appears to be in some trouble; even if they do qualify for the postseason they project to go up against a first round opponent that's dominated them during the regular season.

Anyway, I know that today's supposed to be all pranks and merriment, but I thought I'd throw out a statistical glance at the coming postseason. Read into it what you will (and I'll take any responses in the comments), but I think it offers a quick glance at what opponents each team finds more or less desirable for the prolonged fight to the cup finals. Once the standings gets a little more locked in, I'll delve a bit more into the emotional side; I'm quite new at this "defending" gig, and in that sense, it's a playoff year like I've never experienced before.

Until then, Go Ducks.

Ducks Gameday—The politics of power plays

Anaheim Ducks (38-24-7, 4th in west) at Colorado Avalanche (35-26-6, t-7th in west)

Whenever the Ducks beat an "elite" team these days, it seems the referee critics come out of the woodwork, and I'm not just referring to Bryan Murray. Here's a good example from a Sens blogger, who decided that now that Ottawa was losing games, it was an opportune time to blame referees for destroying hockey, or something to that effect. I'm not going to get too carried away with that piece (I only skimmed it), other than to say this: You cannot gain a sympathetic ear from me by complaining about refereeing after a loss. It's way too common, it's way too kneejerk, and it's way too whiny. Yes, there's blown calls and bad calls and phantom calls and inconsistency, but if you want to take up a fix-hockey cause, timing is critical. Complain after a win. Or better yet, after several wins. Make me believe that you care about the on-ice product and not the game result. If losses are your only impetus, then guess what? You're not improving anything; you're whining.

That's why it was so unexpectedly refreshing to read Dean Brown's blog entry after the Duck-Sen matchup (found via Kukla's). Brown is an Ottawa broadcaster, one whom you might expect the usual boo-hoo story from, but that is not the case. In fact, for most Duck fans, I consider his entry to be a must-read. It describes rather well an aspect I've believed about the Ducks and their penalties but never really voiced: Anaheim is taking advantage of Power Play Politics. PP Politics isn't a new feature of hockey, really, but it has gained more prominence since the lockout and the addition of new penalties.

Let me explain. In hockey, there are several penalties that have to be called. Let's call those the "hard penalties". Pucks over the glass, serious high-sticks or boards, blatant too-many-men, that sort of stuff. Referees need to call hard penalties or else they'd be accused of being blind or bought. Well below that level are softer penalties: sticks in a guy's skate, contact with a goaltender, iffy hits away from the puck, etc. Here's where things are a bit negotiable: penalties could be called in those situations, or they could be overlooked. So long as some of them get called, they remain penalties, but to call them all would be impractical. It would be impossible to play any real hockey, and the game would be reduced to power play parades and blowout scores.

So a referee is given the unenviable task of (a) calling a game by an increasingly rigid penalty book, yet (b) not deciding the game's outcome. This contradiction is the origin of Power Play Politics, how a modern referee can call both hard and soft penalties while remaining outcome-neutral. The bargaining chips for the referee are the soft calls—when and where those infractions get called can help re-establish neutrality.

The rules of PP Politics aren't exact rules, but a set of considerations: A team that is leading should be penalized more often than one that is trailing, especially late in a game. If one team has enjoyed a string of power plays, the next call should likely to go against them. There should be more scrutiny for players on the power play than the ones killing penalties.

When it comes to soft penalties, a political referee will reinforce his neutrality whenever he can. It's human nature, but even more than that, it fulfills a job description.

Dean Brown has caught onto that, and I think on some nights, he's certainly right. The Ducks can get so penalty-heavy that a ref feels obligated to scrutinize the opposition instead, and the Ducks end up with more leeway as a result. However, it's not all roses: with reputation can come a price. There are many games where referees are tough on Anaheim; they don't feel the need to remain penalty-neutral for the notoriously dirty Ducks. Also, it is worth noting that the strategy of playing dirty has a pretty high risk; it only can be successful if the team plays a dominant game on special teams and at even strength. Consider: in a five-game series against the Wild, Minnesota enjoyed 18:10 more power play time than the Ducks did, and in a six-game series against Detroit, the Wings had 19:34 more power play time than Anaheim. As much as we can say that dirty teams get benefit of PP Politics, there's still going to be stretches where games will have to be won despite huge discrepancies in man-advantage time (and I didn't mention 5-on-3s, which were also heavily skewed).

One thing I can say as a Ducks fan, this tendency for Anaheim to be shorthanded more than the opposition does teach a lesson about thick skin on penalty calls: I'm completely used to referee tendencies now. Seldom will you see me complaining about a specific call too much, because after a few years of dirty play, the Ducks have taught me the lesson: it's not good to be dependent on a referee in order to win games. Rather, the emphasis for Anaheim has been to win games regardless of referees. Well-called games or not, the key isn't so much to fixate on what should or shouldn't be a penalty, but rather to kill them off when they arise. And when shorthanded play occurs often enough, it emphasizes the need to produce at even strength.

And probably, that's the key. It's not that the Ducks are good because they play dirtier than anyone else. It's more that the Ducks are good in addition to being dirtier than anyone else, or even that they need to be really good in order to offset that feature. And even though I've grown accustomed to it, I wouldn't really complain if the Ducks cleaned up their act; there's been plenty of winning teams that didn't feature their penalty kill so prominently. I've rambled more than enough on this now; what are your thoughts? Is Anaheim strategic in their penalty prone play? Would Duck fans be disappointed if the team played more within the rules? How much of Anaheim's cup run is attributed to their penalty philosophy, or could the Ducks have won it all by playing "clean"? And if the Ducks decided to clean up their act, how long would it take for the reputation to disappear?

It's a challenging question, because most benefits are tough to quantify, whereas the cost of penalties is more evident. Still, your thoughts are welcome in the comments.

Prediction: Ducks 3, Avs 1. Goals by Weight, Pahlsson, and Bertuzzi. I again won't be free to watch this game, so let me know how it goes in the comments.

Go Ducks.

That's the Dan We All Know And Love

LA Kings (eff) @ Colorado Avalanche (33-26-6, 8th in West)

5:00 PST, FSN West

This is both your hilarious and heartbreaking picture of the day:

I bet Dan has sex with his grandmother.

I don't think this whole Dan Cloutier thing is going to work.  This isn't The Rookie.   Can we please just take him out back and put him out of his misery?  Meanwhile, let's go Ersberg!

Note:  There will be no gameday post tomorrow.  Why?  Go to hell, I don' have to answer to you.  I'll tell you what, you guys can be me for a day!  Simply follow these easy instructions:

1) Pick a random Kings player that has never done anything to anyone

2) Imply that he has had sex with his grandmother

3) Remember that he makes more money in 1 year than you ever will

4) Cry softly into your pillow

And you're done!

Prediction: Kings lose, 3-0.  Ivanans beats up that poser Scott Ian Parker.  

Joe Sakic vs Kim Jong Il

Joe Sakic and Kim Jong Il seperated at birth? Can you tell which one is a future Hall of Fame center and which one is Joe Sakic?

Sakic, who was activated off of the IR this weekend, will join retreads in trade deadline acquisition Adam Foote and recently un-retired Peter Forsberg. With Ryan Smyth looking to regain his form in front of the net, should the 9th place Avalanche be considered a dark horse candidate to shock the world and knock someone out of the first round?

Online Magic 8-ball says yes.

Ducks Gameday—Even strength bizarro stats

Colorado Avalanche (30-25-5, t-10th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (33-23-7, t-3rd in west)

The Ducks have gone 6-1 in the sevengames since Teemu's return, and have outscored opponents 23-11. Just for fun, let's take a look at the players' even-strength results over those seven games (pay attention, there's a surprise at the end):

Player	GP	ES Min.	PLUS/hr	MINUS/hr	DIFF/hr
C. Perry	7	98	+3.66	-0.00	+3.66
R. Getzlaf	7	102	+4.10	-0.59	+3.51
R. Niedermayer	7	86	+3.47	-0.69	+2.78
M. Schneider	7	115	+3.65	-1.04	+2.61
R. Carter	7	77	+3.92	-1.57	+2.35
T. Moen	3	27	+2.25	-0.00	+2.25
K. Huskins	7	82	+2.94	-0.74	+2.21
J. Giguere	6	274	+2.85	-0.66	+2.19
S. O’Donnell	7	83	+2.88	-0.72	+2.16
C. Pronger	7	114	+3.15	-1.05	+2.10
T. Marchant	7	87	+2.75	-0.69	+2.06
C. Kunitz	7	93	+3.23	-1.29	+1.94
D. Weight	3	36	+1.69	-0.00	+1.69
B. May	5	38	+3.17	-1.59	+1.59
F. Beauchemin	7	132	+2.27	-0.91	+1.36
T. Bertuzzi	7	91	+1.99	-0.66	+1.32
J. Hiller	1	47	+2.54	-1.27	+1.27
S. Niedermayer	7	120	+2.00	-1.00	+1.00
B. Sutherby	6	46	+1.32	-1.32	+0.00
G. Parros	7	48	+1.25	-1.25	+0.00
T. Selanne	7	83	+1.45	-2.17	-0.72
S. Pahlsson	4	47	+1.28	-2.57	-1.28

Whoa, I'm just as stunned as anybody. Selanne, last year's scoring leader, has the worst offensive numbers for anyone not named Sutherby, Parros, or Pahlsson, whereas Sammy, last year's Selke guy, has the worst defensive numbers of anyone?! Both Teemu and Sammy, of course, are coming off significant time off (plus both were dinged for the empty-netter against vs. Dallas), so expect these numbers to improve. But it did catch me off-guard; they have inspired better play than they've exhibited themselves. What the table doesn't tell you is that Teemu has the best power play rate on the team over those seven games, and that Pahlsson has the worst penalty kill rate on the team (he tends to get dinged for being the lone forward on 3-on-5s, though).

Who's benefitted the most from Selanne's return? I guess you have to say Ryan Carter. I don't know if Selanne's giving Carter some free pointers in practice, but after not scoring a goal in his first 27 games this season, Carter suddenly has 4 goals in the last 5 games.

Two things I'm in favor of: (1) Bertuzzi with Getzlaf and Perry, leaving Kunitz with Selanne. Bertuzzi's biggest problem is his refusal to shoot the puck, and it drives me nuts what chances he's been passing up in Selanne-created space. Kunitz has no such qualms about using open space, and should get better results regardless of centerman. (2) Brian Sutherby, especially on the penalty kill. I like to make fun of Sutherby (Finny's new boy), because it took him 25 games to get an assist, but it hasn't mattered too much. He's got good energy for that fourth line, and is used sparingly enough to be rested for shorthanded situations. I never thought anyone was going to cut into the Pahlsson-Rob-Moen-Marchant forward PK minutes this year, but both Sutherby and Carter have made a good case for themselves.

Anyways, as I noted before, I'll be in the Row B seats tonight, wearing my lucky green shirt and drinking with the locals. Feel free to stop by and say hi, or maybe it'd be easier to find me outside at intermission (non-Katella side).

Prediction: In both meetings thus far, the Ducks have come away with 2-1 victories, but I'm thinking tonight will be a wild one. Ducks 3, Avs 2. Goals by Schneider, Pahlsson, and the scoring machine Ryan Carter.

Go Ducks.

Ducks Gameday—A look back at the '03 playoffs

Dallas Stars (35-21-5, 2nd in west) at Anaheim Ducks (32-22-7, 3rd in west)

Three consecutive games against Detroit, Colorado, and Dallas means I get to talk about the (former) Big 3 of the west. Back in the late 90s, this schedule would probably mean three consecutive losses, but that was in a stretch where that Big 3 made eight straight cup finals (1995 - 2002) and were victorious in six of them. Frankly, that probably should have extended into 2003, as the Big 3 were the top seeds in the west, but the hockey gods were tired of that routine and gave the power of elimination to a certain J.S. Giguere.

During those '03 playoffs, I was nowhere near blogging, but I did have write a regular set of e-mails called "Ducks Hype", in which I chronicled some of the amazing statistics accumulated during that miracle run. It was a very small operation (the distribution list had three recipients), but I thought I'd pull some of those notes from the Dallas series just for nostalgia's sake.

April 28, 2003 (following game 2):

6-0. Against Detroit and Dallas. Detroit, who hadn't lost three games in a row all season, managed to lose four in a row to Anaheim (five, actually, if you count the last regular season matchup). Dallas, who lost just five games at home during the season (one to the Ducks, though), now is at 2-3 at home in the postseason. And now they sit in the same boat as Detroit, who was also fairly confused by their 0-2 deficit.

Consider:
1. Ten Ducks are in their first playoffs ever, including goaltender J.S. Giguere.
2. The Ducks scored their first powerplay goal of the postseason in G2, on their second 5-on-3 of the period, third of the series. Now they are 1 for 23.
3. The Ducks have been outshot in every game, a cumulated 171-120 from Detroit and 94-81 from Dallas. Combined, that's 265-201.
4. Sykora, their top goal scorer, now has but one goal (the 5-OT winner). Jason Krog, the fourth-line center, leads the team with three.
5. The Ducks have gotten zero goals from their defensemen.

Six wins, all by one goal. Four in overtime. Six different Ducks have game-winning goals. The Ducks have started 10 overtime periods (played a total of 132:43 of overtime total), been outshot in those overtimes 81-46, and Giguere has stopped every shot.

May 2, 2003 (following game 4):

No goaltender in the playoffs has faced as many shots on goal as J.S. Giguere, even though a half-dozen have played more games than Jiggy. Through eight games, Giguere has faced 325 shots, and given up 13 goals. Khabibulin in 10 games has seen 299 shots, the second-most, and has allowed twice as many goals (26). Although no goalie has seen as many shots as Giguere has, there are twelve goalies who have given up more goals.

How good is Jiggy's .960 save percentage? Consider this. Currently, Patrick Lalime is second in the league with a .940 save percentage (14 goals allowed on 232 shots). In order for him to get his save percentage up to .960, he would have to stop the next 118 shots on goal.

Lalime is also second in the league in Goals Against Average (Lalime: 1.48, Giguere: 1.27). In order for Lalime to lower his GAA to Jiggy's level, he would have to play almost 94 minutes of shutout hockey.

Lastly, although the Ducks do have a postseason record of 7-1, ironically they have spent more time trailing than leading in this postseason. They have played a total of 612:43, and they have spent 120:14 trailing vs. 118:58 leading. The reason for this discrepancy actually makes a little sense--since more than half their wins came in sudden-death overtime, they get credit for zero time with the lead.

May 7, 2003 (following game 6):

How can you say it's not magical? In all four Ducks wins against the Stars, they scored the game-winner on their final shot of the game.

How can you say it's not magical? In all six games of the series, the Stars were either tied or ahead with 2 minutes left in regulation.

In two series, then, the Ducks have won 8 one-goal games, and in 7 of those 8 wins, the game winner was after the 55-minute mark of the game.

As I reflect back, "magical" might be the right term to describe that playoff year. Even though it ended in G7 tragedy, I think that 2003 playoffs will remain the most special to me, as it really came out of nowhere and featured Anaheim's first toppling of the Big 3 dynasty. Nowadays, it isn't as big a deal; from 2003 to present, the Ducks have eliminated the Big 3 a total of four times, including two sweeps. Still, here's the question for Duck fans: which playoff year or playoff series was the most special for you?

Prediction: The Ducks have edged out the Red Wings and Avalanche; why not make it a Big 3 sweep? Ducks 3, Stars 2. Goals by Perry, Pahlsson, and Pronger.

Go Ducks.

Ducks Gameday—Warning: Dangerous Karma Ahead

Anaheim Ducks (31-22-7, t-3rd in west) at Colorado Avalanche (30-21-5, 6th in west)

The scene is set February 1st, COL @ DET: Late in the 2nd period of a scoreless game, Milan Hejduk puts a puck past Dominik Hasek, but the goal is disallowed for goalie interference. Here's Bill at A2Y:

Scott Hannan was pushed. Brett Lebda did it. I saw it. Dominik Hasek dove. I didn’t see that but I can assume it. Hejduk’s goal should have counted, but it didn’t. And all of that made me smile last night, and still warms me this morning. Somewhere in Denver the 6 remaining Dive fans angrily switched back to the Oxygen Channel, convinced the world is against them.

And we laughed at them.

The Chief then proceeds to rip on some Avalanche complaints (good fun, that), including this prescient beauty:

“If the roles were reversed Detroit would have gotten the benefit or at least a review.” ...Please. Really? How many times (even though the call’s not reviewable) has Holmstrom been shafted in similar circumstances this year?

Forward to February 10, ANA @ DET: Late in the 3rd period trailing by a goal, Nicklas Lidstrom rifles a puck past J.S. Giguere, but the goal is disallowed for a very questionable case of Holmstrom interference. Here's Matt at On the Wings:

I’m a firm believer in the idea that profanity should only be used sparingly and in times of extreme emotion. Otherwise it loses its shock value. I’ve been pissed off enough before to use language I would otherwise not use on this site, but I have so far refrained from doing so. Not this time, however.

I’m in frank agreement with the fans at Joe Louis Arena: Dan O’Halleran’s call on Nick Lidstrom’s goal was bullshit.

Now Matt is certainly not alone in his sentiment (he was just the most eloquent), and I don't intend to pick on any of these bloggers for any reactions (I quite agree with all of them); they've just put in the legwork to set up the karmic imbalance for this post.

It's true. The referees hosed the Red Wings on Sunday, just like they hosed the Avalanche the week before. And yes, it is a tragedy that in such a low-scoring league such bad calls can go unchallenged especially in crucial moments of a marquee game. But really, this is a story about what goes around, comes around. The Red Wings got a referee's favor at the expense of the Avs, but a week later got their comeuppance at the hand of the Ducks. And if there's any truth in the karmic cycle, the Ducks should have an important goal disallowed tonight in Denver. The circle would be complete and karmic balance would be restored, all in a neat little three-game package.

I guess fortunately for me, life's generally not that fair, or at least not that tidy. It's more likely that the Ducks get awarded a questionable goal tonight instead.

Speaking of unfair, how did I not hear about the NHL's new movie endeavor? I hear the film's a tragedy, but it's critically acclaimed and everything!


OK, I guess I'm the asshole.
Prediction: The Ducks are playing this game Weightlessly; Dig-Doug has gone home early with a shoulder strain, so I'd guess the Ducks play the same lineup as we saw in Detroit. I don't really mind Pahlsson centering Selanne; for sure it's two individuals playing with different mindsets, but Teemu's in a no-lose situation. If he scores, fantastic, and if he doesn't, it's just because he's one point behind Kariya for the franchise scoring lead and wants to set a record in front of the home fans. I've probably angered too many hockey gods in this post to predict a win, so Ducks 2, Avs 3. Goals by Kunitz, Pahlsson, and Selanne's goal gets arbitrarily disallowed.

Go Ducks.

Sharks-Avalanche photos

Here are a few photos from the Colorado Avalanche 3-1 win over the San Jose Sharks last night at HP Pavilion. The Avalanche came out on fire, and it took a period and a half for the Sharks to match that intensity. Jose Theodore came up big in the final 40 minutes. With Sakic, Stastny and Ryan Smyth injured, Colorado received solid play with goals by Ben Guite, TJ Hensick, and Jeff Finger. Marek Svatos and Jaroslav Hlinka also provided consistent pressure.

More notes and photos will be up on Sharkspage soon.

Marc Crawford = Jimmy Johnson: an analogy for the ages

It's funny timing that Rudy Kelly rightfully called for Marc Crawford's heavily jelled head; you see, I had something of a vision today. And, sadly, instead of stumbling on time travel or something sweet like that, I instead think of puzzling and corny sports analogies.

But, at least I'm willing to share my gift/curse with the masses. So here goes:

Marc Crawford needs to acknowledge the fact that he's the NHL's equivalent of former Dallas Cowboys coach and current halftime show star Jimmy Johnson. It will be good for him, good for the NHL's tragically inept Versus coverage and it would certainly help the Los Angeles Kings. A strange thing happened, though, when I started think about Marc Crawford's striking similarities between Jimmy Johnson.

It started off, as much of my humor often does, with weak humor related to a certain characteristic. In this case, it was the comical nature of these guys' hairstyles. Indeed, the most often-used punchline for both coaches involves Dippity Do.

But the analogy goes deeper than that. Look, I'm not saying Crawford will become the next Don Cherry, I'm just saying he'd be a good replacement for Versus's current breathing hair joke, Brian "unironic mullet" Engblom.

This might venture into the realm of insanity. Thought an earnest warning was in order...

How the early 90s Cowboys were the late-90s Colorado Avalanche, or "why booze and cough medicine don't mix."

Marc Crawford as Jimmy Johnson

They both have the aforementioned hair. Both are known for handling the egos of superstars. And...

Bob Hartley as Barry Switzer

Both also left behind coaches who won championships, some might say based simply on the fact that they inherited the previous coach's star players. Some might say a charismatic, trained ape could do their jobs. Starting to make sense, now eh? (No, then drink some NyQuil and leave me alone)

Troy Aikman as Joe Sakic

The soft-spoken, very likable leader who sticks with the same franchise until the bitter end and is slightly under-appreciated. All Sakic needs is 5 more concussions and a public obsession with WingStop and we've got a perfect match.

Peter Forsberg as Michael Irvin

I struggled for a bit to make the other two triplets fit, and then I felt like an idiot: of course Foppa equals Irvin. I mean, shit...who else is going to be the fucking Playmaker? Plus, they both have that gritty "willing to go down the middle" attitude and an injury history in Philadelphia.

If only Irvin was a Swede without a spleen and Foppa got caught with groupies and drugs.

Oh well, close enough right?

Patrick Roy as Emmitt Smith

Years ago, I would have assumed that Smith was too normal to be associated with the best goalie of the last 25 years. Then I saw the ties he was wearing on ESPN. Now I can totally imagine Smith mocking Thurman Thomas by saying, "I can't hear you...my SuperBowl rings are plugging my ears."

Beyond odd-ball tendencies, the two are an obvious match because they both won 3 championships and broke the all-time records for their given positions.

God, the similarities are everywhere: their greatest competition always came in the form of the conference championships rather than the big games (The San Francisco 49ers = Detroit Red Wings/Dallas Stars); their teams were magnets for bandwagon hoppers...the list goes on and on.

Of course, there are a few hard sells.

Ray Bourque as Deion Sanders

OK, so they were both huge pickups who went after championships once they left bad teams. And, yes, the two defensive players were known as much for their scoring prowess as they were for defense.

But, uh, I kinda doubt anyone will call Bourque "Neon."

Still, Marc Crawford should look over this analogy as resounding proof that he will find a loving, comfortable home in a TV studio. And hockey fans will be happy too.

As long as Howie Long is not involved.

Kings Gameday: Stupid Noon Games

Los Angeles Kings (12-24-2, eep!) @ Colorado Avalanche (21-14-2, 5th in West)

Here I was, all ready to write a big post examining why the Kings have played so poorly this season (short version: they're awful at everything), but I forgot the game was at noon today. Whoops! Anyway, the Kings are terrible and have lost 8 games in a row; they haven't scored more than 3 goals in that span. They're not a team that's going to win a lot of 2-1 games, so they really need to pick up their scoring if they're going to have a chance today.

Remember when I wrote this and asked "Who would you disappear?" Apparently Dean Lombardi read that and decided he'd disappear John Zeiler. I'm not a big fan of John Zeiler because he sucks at hockey and his checks are meaningless, but I did appreciate the fact that he actually seemed to care. Kevin Dallman also broke his foot a week ago, so Jon Klemm got the call-up to sit on the bench. I guarantee you, though, that he will be playing important minutes of Tom Preissing. It's a lock.

We'll see how Crawford chooses to "set" his lines without Cammalleri in the line-up again; he'll probably go with Brown-Kopitar-O'Sully and Frolov-Armstrong-Nagy, although maybe he'll just say, "Fuck it," and put Bowlby up with Kopitar again. Did you guys see that? That was weird as hell.

I'm off for the rest of the new year and possibly a few days after it. Take a little time off yourself if you're a Kings fan and try to forget about their suckitude for a while. This is Valley Forge, people, and these are the times that try men's souls. All we can do is grit our teeth and accept it. Complaining about how badly the Kings suck isn't going to change anything, and picking up a guy like Marc Denis or Andrew Raycroft is only going to exacerbate our problems. We all knew this was going to be a rebuilding process; we can't throw in the towel just because we don't like losing.

Prediction: Long live the rebuild! Kings lose, 4-2. Goals by Handzus and Visnovsky.

Ducks Gameday—Second Try: Sleek at Honda Center

Colorado Avalanche (19-13-1, t-6th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (16-15-5, 8th in west)

First off, make sure to check out Rudy's gameday post below (stupid NHL, always scheduling BoC games on the same day!). Meanwhile, our good friend and loyal commenter spade-in-victorhell sent me a link to this picture yesterday, with the suggestion that I use it in today's gameday post:

I was researching stuff for as avalanche cartoon and came across this....made me laugh...theres a funny caption that needs to go to this....Cant think of a good one.

Insert your caption here.
I really didn't think I was going to use it, but as I got crammed with day-job-work last night and didn't really have anything else prepared, the idea gained more and more steam. So here it is--feel free to add a caption, hockey-related or not, in the comments.

I haven't really written anything about the game I went to last Friday. You know, the one where I promised a Niedermayer return but instead got treated to the Ducks falling behind 5-0 to the Wild before deciding they were allowed to score goals in the game also. Well, that game certainly sucked, though I was able to do a lot of heavy drinking, plus some Ducks-related Christmas shopping during the 3rd period. I was really proud of one feat--despite not spending all of regulation in my seat, I managed to piss off both the person sitting directly in front of me (for being too negative about the 5-0 deficit) and the person sitting directly behind me (for standing for the last minute of a decided game).

Now I'm a guy who probably should be more apologetic for over-drinking at games, but even so, I refuse to take a lot of crap from Anaheim fans behind me too enamored with their seated view, especially since I'm not a guy who spends much time standing anyway. I usually have one of three comebacks ready for anyone with the nerve to tell me to sit down:

• "Well your legs don't look broken."


• "Aw, did you think you were going to the library tonight?"


• "If you spent a little more money, you could have had these seats in front of me."

Yeah, it's not really that tactful, but when you're properly inebriated, it's fabulous.

Anyway, that's my roundabout way of saying that I'll be back at the Honda Center tonight for some redemption, (fortunately for some whiners) sitting in an entirely different section. Tonight, rather than sitting in the lower bowl, I'll be rubbing elbows with the rich kids in the 300 section. It's a pretty unique perch, actually, as I'll be in front of the Jack Daniels bar in the wheelchair row, wearing the green shirt as usual. Good news: Nobody will be complaining behind me if I stand up and cheer or jeer. Bad news: I'll have to be more careful than usual assuming that people's legs aren't broken. Dilemma: Should I utilize the waiter service or just walk twenty feet to the bar?

Prediction: Since Scott's return, the Ducks have allowed only one goal in two games, and that was on a shorthanded breakaway. It's really amazing--the guy takes six months off hockey and returns to be the best Duck on the ice for two games straight. Ducks 4, Avs 2. Goals by Getzlaf, Pronger, Pahlsson, and Bertuzzi. Drinky Sleek only pisses off one fan, but after a few more drinks all is forgotten.

Go Ducks.

I Hate Ryan Smyth

"I want you to get this fuck where he breathes! I want you to find this nancy-boy Eliot Ness, I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS ASHES!"
-Al Capone, The Untouchables

I hate Ryan Smyth. He's Exhibit A for why the whole concept of "being tough" is completely fucked in the NHL. Everyone acts like he's some sort of noble beast for standing in front of the next and being ugly, but he wears a flak jacket. A fucking flak jacket. You know, a jacket that stops flak. The thing is meant to stop shards of metal from embedding into someone's flesh, I'm pretty sure it'll stop a cross-check or a puck. So no, he's not tough. He's a cheap-shotting little bitch and I fucking hate him. What kind of a man refuses to sign a contract for a team, forces a trade, and then has the fucking cojones to cry when he goes back. At least Chris Pronger didn't try to pretend like he was the victim, you nosed bastard. That's another thing: Smyth looks like... you know in Beetle Juice, where Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin have to get into the afterworld so they pull their faces out about three feet? Or Pyramid Head in Silent Hill. That's what Smyth looks like. Fuck him.

In case you didn't see it tonight, Jason Labarbera had to leave the game because he got speared by Smyth. Smyth came in and dug his stick into "Nolte," then fell on top of it until it broke after Blake barely touched him. (What the hell, Blake? Cross check him in the back of the head, what are you doing?) It was a bullshit play, and for it he deserves to die. I don't understand why a play like that would be a 5-minute major if it had been Blake on top of the puck but it gets nothing when it's a goalie. I'm biased because I'm both a Kings fan and a goalie, but the 7th cirle of Hell is reserved for guys who hit a goalie after he's covered the puck. Labarbera was completely exposed and unable to defend himself, and Smyth knew it. After that play, I didn't care at all about the rest of the game; I just wanted to see Ryan Smyth buried. I wanted Raitis Ivanans to pick him up by the feet and throw him clear out of the rink. I wanted him... well, I wanted him dead. I'm not one to call for a boarding, but I'm officially calling for a boarding. Congratulations, Ryan Smyth: in a league with Sean Avery, Corey Perry, and Derek Armstrong, you are now my least favorite player in the NHL. Die.