Marc Crawford = Jimmy Johnson: an analogy for the ages

It's funny timing that Rudy Kelly rightfully called for Marc Crawford's heavily jelled head; you see, I had something of a vision today. And, sadly, instead of stumbling on time travel or something sweet like that, I instead think of puzzling and corny sports analogies.

But, at least I'm willing to share my gift/curse with the masses. So here goes:

Marc Crawford needs to acknowledge the fact that he's the NHL's equivalent of former Dallas Cowboys coach and current halftime show star Jimmy Johnson. It will be good for him, good for the NHL's tragically inept Versus coverage and it would certainly help the Los Angeles Kings. A strange thing happened, though, when I started think about Marc Crawford's striking similarities between Jimmy Johnson.

It started off, as much of my humor often does, with weak humor related to a certain characteristic. In this case, it was the comical nature of these guys' hairstyles. Indeed, the most often-used punchline for both coaches involves Dippity Do.

But the analogy goes deeper than that. Look, I'm not saying Crawford will become the next Don Cherry, I'm just saying he'd be a good replacement for Versus's current breathing hair joke, Brian "unironic mullet" Engblom.

This might venture into the realm of insanity. Thought an earnest warning was in order...

How the early 90s Cowboys were the late-90s Colorado Avalanche, or "why booze and cough medicine don't mix."

Marc Crawford as Jimmy Johnson

They both have the aforementioned hair. Both are known for handling the egos of superstars. And...

Bob Hartley as Barry Switzer

Both also left behind coaches who won championships, some might say based simply on the fact that they inherited the previous coach's star players. Some might say a charismatic, trained ape could do their jobs. Starting to make sense, now eh? (No, then drink some NyQuil and leave me alone)

Troy Aikman as Joe Sakic

The soft-spoken, very likable leader who sticks with the same franchise until the bitter end and is slightly under-appreciated. All Sakic needs is 5 more concussions and a public obsession with WingStop and we've got a perfect match.

Peter Forsberg as Michael Irvin

I struggled for a bit to make the other two triplets fit, and then I felt like an idiot: of course Foppa equals Irvin. I mean, shit...who else is going to be the fucking Playmaker? Plus, they both have that gritty "willing to go down the middle" attitude and an injury history in Philadelphia.

If only Irvin was a Swede without a spleen and Foppa got caught with groupies and drugs.

Oh well, close enough right?

Patrick Roy as Emmitt Smith

Years ago, I would have assumed that Smith was too normal to be associated with the best goalie of the last 25 years. Then I saw the ties he was wearing on ESPN. Now I can totally imagine Smith mocking Thurman Thomas by saying, "I can't hear you...my SuperBowl rings are plugging my ears."

Beyond odd-ball tendencies, the two are an obvious match because they both won 3 championships and broke the all-time records for their given positions.

God, the similarities are everywhere: their greatest competition always came in the form of the conference championships rather than the big games (The San Francisco 49ers = Detroit Red Wings/Dallas Stars); their teams were magnets for bandwagon hoppers...the list goes on and on.

Of course, there are a few hard sells.

Ray Bourque as Deion Sanders

OK, so they were both huge pickups who went after championships once they left bad teams. And, yes, the two defensive players were known as much for their scoring prowess as they were for defense.

But, uh, I kinda doubt anyone will call Bourque "Neon."

Still, Marc Crawford should look over this analogy as resounding proof that he will find a loving, comfortable home in a TV studio. And hockey fans will be happy too.

As long as Howie Long is not involved.

Sharks/Preds Game 2 thoughts

Update 11:40: Cheechoo participates in morning skate.

Some random thoughts going into game 2 tonight...

• I really hope the Sharks don't do any sort of stupid headhunting, but I wouldn't be surprised if Mark Bell tries to beat the crap out of Scott Hartnell. Still, I hope the Sharks try to send a "we're tough" message rather than "we're stupid" and the refs keep things under control. The last thing we need is Jordan Tootoo running Patrick Marleau or Joe Thornton in revenge.
• Even though Peter Forsberg only had one assist in game 1, he was still all over the ice. Forsberg and Alexander Radulov caught Scott Hannan and Kyle McLaren flat-footed a few times, and they've really got to get their head up about that. Ditto with Paul Kariya.
  
• I'm just glad that Steve Sullivan is out indefinitely. Along with Teemu Selanne, Sullivan's one of the most consistent, most annoying Shark killers out there. Funny thing is I always liked him when he was with the Blackhawks.
• Mike Grier or Joe Pavelski? That's the question, and I think they both bring different things to the Joe Thornton line. Grier's a hard forechecker and will hustle back at 110% all the time, and that gives a little more offensive leeway to Thornton and Milan Michalek. Pavelski's got more of an offensive upside and drives the net well, but isn't nearly as beefy as Grier. I'm guessing that just to get his feet wet, Pavelski starts on the third line and Grier stays up front. Depending on how well Pavelski adjusts to the pace of the game, I'd start by giving him power play time and then ease him into the top line.
• Will the Predators stay disciplined? Barry Trotz knows that penalties killed his squad in game 1. Still, I don't think the Sharks will look as confused as they did in the second half of the game. Losing one of your best players can shake your focus, but I expect the Sharks to come out ready for this one. As for the Preds, the best thing the Sharks can do is to try and goad undisciplined players like Tootoo and Hartnell into more penalties without taking anything back in retaliation.
• Patrick Marleau said the best revenge for the Cheechoo hit is to shake the Predator players' hands after the Sharks win. Amen to that.
• Barry Trotz claiming that Hartnell's hit was completely clean is the biggest piece of crap since the FoxTrax puck. I'm betting that Trotz is just playing that up for the fan and media attention, though; it's not like he's going to stir the pot by admitting his player was wrong. He pisses off Sharks fans, makes Preds fans feel better, and gives the media a good quote while trying to divert attention from the actual player. The dude still looks like a mole, though.
  
• On a final note, I know Red Wing fans have been bitching about Hartnell for ages now. I hate to say that I agree with Red Wing fans, but there's a first time for everything.
  

Ouch...and....Ouch!

Before I get into Stars-Canucks talk, let me say, if Jon Cheechoo really is only "day-to-day," then the NHL needs to set up some kind of Player Who Had the Best Playoff Series While Horribly Injured Trophy.

A few ideas on such an award:

Even though the injury actually kept him out of the playoffs, they could hand out Peter Forsberg's ruptured spleen, which I assume is currently preserved in a jar somewhere in Sweden. Just imagine the "Stanley Cup at the bottom of Mario Lemieux's pool" type stories that could come from that one.

Since even the most astute hockey fans cannot fondly remember superstars of yore such as Mr. Vezina, the NHL could also go the Kirk Gibson Trophy route, since he famously hit a home run in the 1988 World Series against a Hall of Fame closer who had a Hall of Fame moustache even though he could barely run around the bases.

If all else fails, they could always hand out a crutch made of solid gold.

All joking aside, that was a sickening collision. I cannot say if it was dirty or not, but I can say for sure that I'm glad I'm not Scott Hartnell for the next, oh, two weeks or so. Either way, Cheechoo will deserve oodles of respect if he returns during this year's playoffs and a spleen in a jar if he makes it back to play another shift against the Predators. Forsberg could even be on hand to pass it to Cheech, which I guess would be Hannibal Lecter's answer to the green jacket ceremony at the Master's.

OK, that went on too long. Let's move along now...

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Due to my work schedule, I was only able to see about "half" of the Stars-Canucks game. This, of course, means that I watched three periods of play. After watching those periods alone [since I had to drive home after the third OT, I didn't witness a single goal during real time] I took away a few things:

1. The Stars greatly outclassed the offensively stunted Canucks, as anyone who watched the game could see.

2. Though he might be sloppy every now and then, Roberto Luongo is the real deal.

3. Maybe Marty Turco really can't catch a break.

4. The Stars might somehow win the series after that monumental kick to the groin, but I know this much: fighting back in this series will take so much out of them that winning the Cup might already be a pipe dream.

5. People in the sports media love to complain about big-OT games, as if to say: "Yes, we actually hate our jobs. So what?"

Still, I have to give kudos to the local, quite heralded Ralph Strangis-Darryl Reaugh broadcast team for waiting at least 3 OTs for the "there's sure a lot of overtime" jokes to creep in. Then again, it's not like those guys haven't announced marathon games before (some might remember an 80-minute game against the Ducks and a Cup-clinching marathon against the Sabres).

6. Stu Barnes has to be the Claude Lemieux of playoff OT. He hit a post and just seems to have a knack for scoring those gigantic goals. I'm sure he would have gotten a goal by the 6th OT.

I saw a neat little Sports Illustrated info graphic where they listed 5 star players who usually improve their goal outputs significantly during the playoffs.

In fact, it made me think up a seemingly impossible job for a stat nut. I challenge a hockey stat savant to dig up compelling numbers on players who score an absurdly disproportionate amount of playoff OT points compared to their normal output. (Steve Ott would probably have an unfair advantage since he scored that OT GWG against Colorado in the Stars' last pre-lockout playoff W)

At first I thought the Stars might be screwed, since coming back from a road multi-OT loss is about as deflating as it gets. Still, the silver lining is that the Stars should have won that game. So there's hope. But like Cheechoo's knee, you can't say it doesn't hurt.

"Dang" say the Ducks and Sharks

One of the interesting things about the good ol' Battle of California is how right now, even though the Ducks and Sharks are built a little differently, any sort of trade rumor that pops through my head makes me think, "I hope the Sharks get him so the Ducks won't." That sort of knee-jerk thinking is often proof that I'm not viewing things through a completely objective lens, at least when it comes to my Sharks and the Norris Ducks.

The thought of Peter Forsberg going to the Ducks scared the crap out of me. And even though Doug Wilson said the Sharks weren't in the Forsberg sweepstakes, I thought it'd be pretty damn interesting to keep Thornton/Marleau together on the same line and have Forsberg anchor the second line. Well, now all I have to say is dang.

Now, I was well aware that Nashville was as much as a favorite to win the Cup as our beloved California teams. But getting Peter Forsberg without touching their roster -- and the fact that Forsberg has looked much better over the past ten games than he has all season -- is just, well, kind of unfair (said in the least whiny way possible). Assuming Forsberg's as healthy as he says he is, the Preds are getting a guy who never disappears during the playoffs. Don't forget the year when he missed the entire season, only to lead the playoffs in scoring without even going to the Cup finals.

That's bad for either California team with Cup dreams.

Looking at the rosters, Nashville is built more like the Sharks (stacked up front, two good goalies, young defense) than the Ducks, but the problem is that Nashville suddenly has a new level of depth. And one of the problems that both the Ducks and Sharks will come to realize is that Forsberg is one of those really annoying players that makes his linemates better.

So, in theory, if the Preds are already happy having Legwand play with Kariya and Arnott play with Sullivan (or whatever combo they've been using lately), the Preds could have three scoring lines by sticking Forsberg with, say, Dumont. As much as I've trumpeted the Sharks offense since the Thornton trade, I don't see any team with as much depth as the Preds -- maybe the Sharks could say that if Mark Bell, Milan Michalek, Steve Bernier, Joe Pavelski, and Jonathan Cheechoo all pull it together at once (though I think Cheechoo finally figured out that moving his feet is a good way to get to open ice), but I don't see that happening.

Sharks and Ducks fans, this ain't a good thing (unless Forsberg's ankle snaps in half, then we can all point and laugh) and the bar has been raised. Obviously, the most depth on paper doesn't make for the best team, but this move makes me think of the Hurricanes getting Doug Weight last season...except replace Doug Weight with a former MVP who, when healthy, can still be one of the best players in the game.

Dang.