The 5 Ways I'd Change the NHL

As you know, everybody and their mom has been invited to write a lazy post postulating 5 ways they'd change the NHL over at Puck Daddy. Everybody except me. (Whatever, Wyshynski, Bon Jovi sucks. There, I said it.) Still, not being invited to something has never stopped me before (e.g., the prom, my parent's 40th wedding anniversary), so I made my own list. These are my 5 ways I'd change the NHL.
1. Institute the shootout in the playoffs. God, is anything more boring than overtime in the playoffs? I stayed up late watching that interminable Stars-Sharks game 6 and I almost missed my seaweed wrap the next day. Luckily Gunther didn't have an appointment the next hour, but I was so distressed I couldn't properly enjoy it. I guess more hockey is good, but only to a point. Put the shootout in the playoffs and let us all get a good night's sleep.


2. Put a cap on the number of Canadian players. Canadians like to say that hockey is their game, but the reality is that over half the revenue in the league comes from the United States. American viewers won't watch a game if there's not Americans in it, so let's cap the number of Canadians at, say, 30% and fill that void with good, honest, hard-working Americans. Don't worry about those Canadians losing their jobs, though; from what I understand, they have a great welfare system going on.

3. Make every game an outdoor game. We all saw the Outdoor Classic and thought it was awesome; why not have that atmosphere every game? Make every NHL game an outdoor game and the media will pick up on it, the 30% of Canadian players will feel like they're back at home, and sponsors will love it. People sometimes complain that the NHL doesn't get enough attendance, so putting the league in larger venues means they'll get more people, right? I see no reason this wouldn't work.

In a similar vein, I'd put the Super Bowl on every week.

4. Erase Winnipeg and Quebec City. I mean literally erase them with a nuclear strike. Hey, it's a little radical, but I figure if Roger Goodell can suspend NFL players that have never been convicted of a crime then I can commit a little mass destruction. Erasing Winnipeg and Quebec City means that I don't have to put up with the insane pleas of desperate fans who don't realize that the NHL isn't going to move into an arena with a maximum capacity of 16,000. That way we can give new franchises to cities that really deserve it: cities like Las Vegas, Houston, and Mexico City.

Umm, if he were gay then he wouldn't be married.

5. Shut down the pensblog. I'm sorry but I just don't get it.

Glovezilla Ravages Canada, Nabokov, Kovalchuck, Ovechkin and Semin lead Russia over Canada 5-4 in OT for gold

Glovezilla Evgeni Nabokov made 25 saves, Ilya Kovalchuck and Alexander Semin scored two goals apiece as Russia earned a gold medal in the 2008 World Championships with a 5-4 overtime win over the favored Team Canada. The defending champion Canadian squad wilted under sustained offensive pressure from the Capital Offense line of Ovechkin-Semenov-Federov, and Kovalchuck scored a power play goal 2:42 into extra time to ice the gold medal.

The Russian fans in attendance went beserker as Kovalchuck performed glass pullups after scoring the game tying goal late in the third period, and they did a few repetitions of their own after his game winner in overtime.

"You can never make a sick glove save on a shot not taken" - Aristotle.

[Update] Evgeni Nabokov made an acrobatic stop on Mikko Koivu's point blank shot in the semifinals, video from WCSN.

BoC > BoO

Rawr.
And with that, the sweep is complete. I'm normally not a huge gloater, but sometimes things get so one-sided that I can't help myself.

January 9, 2008 Anaheim 5, Toronto 0.
January 10, 2008 Los Angeles 5, Toronto 2.
January 12, 2008 San Jose 3, Toronto 2.
March 3, 2008 Anaheim 3, Ottawa 1.
March 5, 2008 San Jose 3, Ottawa 2 (OT).
March 6, 2008 Los Angeles 2, Ottawa 0.

Battle of California 21, Battle of Ontario 7.
BoC takes it by two touchdowns. Sorry, fellas, but it just had to be done.

State Provincial Rape

Now available in Canada.
And don't even get me started about last year.

Mike Mendoza Canadian National Anthem

Saxophonist Mike Mendoza plays the Canadian National Anthem prior to the Edmonton Oilers game against the San Jose Sharks at HP Pavilion on Thursday, February 14th 2008.

More Razor, more Canucks

The Montreal Canadiens are clubbing the Boston Bruins like baby seals at the moment, up 6-1, and it got me thinking about Versus coverage once again. I know that the NHL looks at Canada as ratings poison, but it’s a real pleasure to watch games where the crowds treat an NHL game like American fans treat an NFL game. As we learned from the Outdoor Game on New Year’s Day, atmosphere plays a huge role in the buzz a televised sporting event takes, so would it hurt to throw the occasional Ottawa-Toronto blood feud our way?

Yeah, I know that’s a pipe dream so I’ll propose a more reasonable idea: more Darryl Reaugh. That’s right, folks: it’s time Darryl. You’ve served the Stars well with your SAT words and silly banter, but the NHL needs a great broadcaster and Reaugh is a guy who can keep people watching.

The one thing I can say about Reaugh is that he has a distinct voice: there is no NHL broadcaster that sounds like him. I knew the second I heard his voice that he was getting one of his rare national (well, if you consider Versus national) announcing gigs.

He keeps his analysis pretty simple, yet he’s clever when compared to John Madden and people of his “no shit” ilk. And besides, there aren’t many NHL announcers who make references to Napoleon Bonaparte.

So I think we’ve found the ideal replacement for John Davidson beside Doc Emmerick: and he’s announcing Stars games.

And don’t worry, quality play-by-play guy Ralph Strangis. You’ll need a replacement, and hey, look, I’m looking for a job as we speak! Talk about a seamless repla…hey? Where are you going…?

Hockey Night in San Jose

The San Jose Sharks 3-2 come from behind win over the Toronto Maple Leafs on Saturday night was broadcast on Hockey Night in Canada. The first photo is Sharks defenseman Douglas Murray waffling Darcy Tucker with a huge hit in the first period. The second photo is GM Doug Wilson's HNIC post-game interview, and the bottom two photos are a few of the 40-50 fans who gathered at the Zamboni entrance to watch.

If there is a better link to HNIC highlights online, please add it in the comments section. Notes and game photos will be added here soon.

Sammy and Stanley, and other links

Some lazy Friday links for you:

First off, today is one of the days I've been looking forward to all summer: Sleek's favorite Sammy Pahlsson's day with the Stanley Cup (courtesy of the HHOF). Pictured to the right is Sammy at his summer home in Sweden, in front of a sign that commemorates his career achievements:

• Swedish League Gold (2005)



• World Championships Gold (2006)



• Olympic Gold (2006)



• Stanley Cup (2007)

Watch out, Scott Niedermayer. Sammy's also building up quite the resumé about winning championships at every level.
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While I'm lazy-linking, I also have been procrastinating on blog promotion a bit: there's another new Ducks blog to highlight: The Flying V. New blogger Citizen Saint is the third new addition this summer (along with Varius and David) and may need a little constructive criticism—like a little spell checking on his "Player of ther Week"—but even so, he's got some unique content to check out, and is on the lookout for another contributor. Check it out, and as always, welcome aboard the ever-expanding Duck-blogosphere!
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Lastly, this may have gone under the summer-doldrums radar, but superblogger Jes Gölbez put together the first of what may be a summerlong series: a blogger opinion poll that includes such BoC heavyweights as PJ Swenson, Mike Chen, and myself. Check out poll question #1: What was the worst free agent signing of the NHL off-season?

From the looks of things, the popular answer was Philadelphia's monster-contract for Daniel Briere (including Chen and Sleek's votes), but PJ instead had some gloom-and-doom predictions for the Ducks' signing of a washed-up Todd Bertuzzi. Normally, I'd just shrug that off as petty cup envy, but then again, PJ did make a strong prediction last summer that has already come true:

"I believe I can accurately sum up the crux of this Hockey News issue and this blog post as a firm challenge directed by California at the province of Alberta. We Californians may not know what a province is, we may not paint ourselves blue and red and hang from streetlights in Mexican wrestling masks after a single playoff win, but we can guarantee that the Stanley Cup will be visiting here before stepping foot on Albertan soil again."

Glad the Ducks could help you make that threat a reality, PJ.

Shark Week bites back

In lieu of my 2,500 word essay on the resigning of minor-league defenseman Bruno St. Jacques, I’m deferring to PJ over at Sharkspage who is running a series of Shark Week posts, including a year-in-review and a look at hockey in the golden state. I’m sure more is coming throughout the week, but in today’s post PJ issued a nice northerly-directed challenge:

"I believe I can accurately sum up the crux of this Hockey News issue and this blog post as a firm challenge directed by California at the province of Alberta. We Californians may not know what a province is, we may not paint ourselves blue and red and hang from streetlights in Mexican wrestling masks after a single playoff win, but we can guarantee that the Stanley Cup will be visiting here before stepping foot on Albertan soil again."

Beware of those Sharks and their vicious bite. Ouch.

Canada allowed to maintain its delusions

The reputable Hockey News ran a nice cover story about how the Battle of California teams were poised to take power in the new NHL (yes, they even said nice things about the Kings).

Unfortunately, in order to keep up Canadian morale, local boys Jarome Iginla and Bryan McCabe were alternatively promoted up north.


They must be running a feature story about overpaid superstars.

Homogeneous Ducks

One trend about Brian Burke’s Ducks that hasn’t really been discussed (but is becoming quite noticeable) is the Canadazation of our lineup.

Back in our 2003 SCF run, the Ducks played a multinational lineup featuring 11 players from 7 countries outside Canada:

• Belarus—Salei
• Czech Rep.—Sykora
• Latvia—Ozolinsh
• Russia—Chistov, Vishnevski
• Sweden—Pahlsson, Kjellberg, Havelid
• Switzerland—Gerber
• United States—Carney, Sauer

Compare that with today’s projected lineup, which features 5 players from 3 countries outside Canada:

• Finland—Selanne
• Russia—Chistov, Vishnevski, Bryzgalov
• Sweden—Pahlsson

(This doesn’t really even take into account guys like Fedorov or Prospal, who have joined and left our team since 2003).

Now I’m not sure how much of this new distribution really is part of Burke’s master plan (his Vancouver team had some Swedish flair to it) or just a reflection of who was available, but off the top of my head, will there be another NHL team this year with such a Canada-heavy workforce?

And is there such a thing as being ‘too Canadian’ in this import-rich NHL?

Reasons not to boo Canada

After all the fervor over Anthem-gate, I thought it'd be a good time to remind readers what's so awesome about our friends from the north. Here are Mike's personal reasons why Canada rules (minus the obvious Joe Thornton/Patrick Marleau/Jonathon Cheechoo/etc.):

-As an indie rock dork: my favorite new band from the past few years, the Arcade Fire

-As a fan of the Simpsons: Troy McLure/Lional Hutz

-As a sci-fi fan: Anakin Skywalker and Captain Malcolm Reynolds.

-Because I buy stupid sports figures: Todd McFarlane

-Because most of the hockey fans we talked to when my friend and I went to Toronto and Ottawa on a hockey vacation were pretty cool, including the guy who asked us "You're from California? Why the hell would you come to Canada in March?"

-Because I watched wrestling as a kid (and with my roommates in college, I'm ashamed to admit): Bret "The Hitman Hart, Lance Storm, and Chris Jericho

-Because we wouldn't have the South Park movie without Canada (and most Canadians I know have a pretty good sense of humor about it)

Got more reasons to not boo Canada? Put them in the comments -- and, oh yeah, go Sharks!

P.S. Regarding my post about stupid superstitions...the jersey has been washed.