BoC Gameday: I Just Want a Goal

Los Angeles Kings (2 gutsy losses) vs. Anaheim Ducks (2 embarrassing defeats)

7:30 PST, FSN West

The Kings' 2 games against the Sharks illustrated the importance of the last change in hockey. In the game at San Jose, the Sharks matched up the Thornton line against the Kopitar line while Mike Grier skated against Alex Frolov. The result? 13 shots on goal for the Kings. Kopitar and Brown couldn't do anything with the puck because Thornton never let them have it. It was extremely frustrating to watch your top line go out there and then flail around like a little nerd trying to get his backpack back from 2 bullies.



The 2nd game was in Los Angeles and the Kings looked a lot better. Kopitar's line was able to skate against Jonathan Cheechoo's line most of the time while Michal Handzus was able to skate against Joe Thornton.* The Kings were able to shut down the Sharks, for the most part, and generally looked competitive. They still couldn't score (legally, anyway) but they didn't look that bad.

*Matt Greene is kind of built to slow down Joe Thornton isn't he? He's big and mean and he's not very fast, but neither is Joe so it's not that big of a detriment. He's going to get destroyed by guys like Gaborik and Kane but he's good against guys like Thornton.

***

The Kings skated Matt Greene with Denis Gauthier after Jack Johnson got hurt in the last game, while Doughty and O'Donnell skated together. Drew Doughty ended up leading all defensemen in ice time last game, which is both awesome and terrifying at the same time. He looked much better the last game, but I worry about him tonight against that Anaheim forecheck.

***

In the Saturday game the Kings skated Kyle Calder and Brad Richardson, while in the Sunday game they skated Brian Boyle and Patrick O'Sullivan. O'Sullivan was the best forward on the ice for the Kings in my opinion and seems like he's ready to go. I liked Boyle more than Richardson because Boyle is big, but I like Richardson more than Simmonds. I think Simmonds and Moller could both use more time in the minor leagues.

***

I would try to guess what the Kings' blueline is going to look like tonight, but it doesn't really matter; we're just fucked. All I want tonight is a goal. I missed Frolov's goal because I was en route to a buddy's house to watch the game and they had both goals called back on Sunday. I just want to shout, "Yeah!" and then look around awkwardly while my roommates tell me to get a life once, okay?

Yeah, this? Didn't see this.

Prediction: Kings win, 4-3. Goals by Kopitar, Handzus, Moller and Gauthier. Brian Boyle and Raitis Ivanans get their first fights in.


Edit: Matt Stairs, after his game-winning home run:

"You want to get that one big hit where you feel like you're part of the team,'' Stairs said. "Not that I don't feel like I'm part of the team, by no means, but when you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you're getting your ass hammered by guys, it's no better feeling than to have that done.''

I Forgot an Alternate Definition for "Fuck"

Fuck- when your best defenseman injures his shoulder and misses 3 months. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

The Kings picked up Kyle Quincey from the Detroit Red Wings to take Johnson's spot. He's young (23) and played in the AHL last season. I don't know what to think of him; he had a ton of penalty minutes last season and was waived to make room for Dorian Grey Chris Chelios. I think he could potentially be a bottom-pairing defenseman in the NHL so I imagine the Kings will give him some time to prove himself in the NHL. I think the Kings are going to need to move someone to make room for a new contract though.

This is catastrophic for the Kings. The Kings are now even worse on defense and there's not much they can do about it. Johnson was expected to play ~25 minutes a game and in all situations. It'll be interesting to see how the Kings respond to this. I know how I'm going to respond to this:

A Question for Meatheads

Jack Johnson was listed at 6'1", 205 lbs. last season. This season, he's listed at 225 and looks huge. Is it possible to gain 20 lbs. of muscle in 3 months? You know, naturally? That doesn't seem possible to me and I'm thinking either a) he's lying, or b) it's fat and it's going to slow him down, or c) that one word that starts with an "s" and ends with a "steroids." Anybody want to help me out here?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

My newly minted favorite non-King, Torrey Mitchell, looks to be out for 8 weeks after breaking his leg during practice. At about the same time my favorite prospect, Marc-Andre Cliche, hurt himself after awkwardly falling in the aftermath of a Denis Gauthier check. I feel like Wyatt Earp after Virgil and Morgan were shot.

In other news, the Kings released their split-squad rosters for the game tomorrow in LA and Kansas City. LA gets Brown, Kopitar, Johnson, Frolov, Jason Labarbera, and Brian Boyle, while Kansas City gets... Wayne Simmonds and Drew Doughty. Hahahahahahahahaha.

Also, Matt Greene has been partnered with Jack Johnson for most of training camp so far. That's a pretty good defensive unit, but it makes our 2nd pairing Tom Preissing and... Alec Martinez? We need another defenseman.

Random Pacific Questions: Are the Kings really going to sit out Kopitar's bargain year?

I know "Random Pacific Questions" is Rudy's gig, and I don't really mean to be spiteful or anything, but I do have an honest question for Kings fans: Really?

The Kings are going to put as little funding as possible around Anze Kopitar and Jack Johnson in this -- their last bargain season -- and you're all cool with that?

Let's clarify my thinking a bit. You see, I'm a believer in bargain years, which for a productive player is usually the last year of an entry-level deal. Because while good players will still improve even after their first contract is over, it seems near-impossible for them to become better dollar-value players, especially if they've put up some good numbers as youngsters.

On the Ducks for example, Ryan Getzlaf and Corey Perry just finished off their bargain years -- while I suspect that both players will be better top-liners this season than last, I would rather build a team around last year's duo for $1.3 million than this year's duo for $10.7 million (rough numbers). The change in talent / experience / production won't come near to matching the change in salary. With cheap kids in the lineup, more money can be spread around to other positions (nearly $20M thrown at three defenseman slots, for example), and overall there have been some groovy results for the Ducks -- see our non-empty cup case.

On some other coast, some kids named Crosby and Malkin also finished up their collective bargain years (Crosby got his raise this summer; Malkin's up next summer), and filled last year's roster with enough talent to lose gracefully in the cup finals. True, both the Ducks and Pens are now feeling the squeeze of those raises and have to compensate by losing talent elsewhere. That's not to say that these teams are finished or anything; they'll just need to find other Getzlafs and Crosbys -- guys who will outpace their salary. But at least both teams were able to take advantage of their young-gun bargain years; they didn't sit on their hands until after those players got raises.

By the way, entry level deals aren't the only source of bargains by any means. Detroit gets a bargain by signing goalies for peanuts and having star players sign team-friendly deals. Anaheim has found bargains in a washed-up Selanne a few years ago and undrafted players like Penner and McDonald. Still, young talented players is definitely a milkable source for bargains in a salary-capped league, and by my eye the Kings are dealing with a few of them.

So is the best strategy for the Kings really to "sit this season out" and promise to spend money sometime in the future, when Kopitar and Johnson are quite expensive? As a reformed gambler, that strategy makes very little sense to me. I mean, of course more money will need to be spent in the coming years, just to keep the same team together. And as the Kings are a team that already are bemoaning their annual financial losses, I really don't see how they plan on actually adding talent to a Kopitar-and-Johnson roster in the coming years -- that would require a huge increase in spending (raises plus additions/upgrades), which seems unlikely at best.

Now I'm not the biggest Kings fan on this site, so it's quite possible I'm not seeing the full picture here. Perhaps Lombardi has a plan where he's going to use some other bargain years (Doughty and friends) to build around, and maybe there's even a plan (cough, Schneider, cough) to still better this year's roster. And maybe there's really no envisionable win-scenario for the Kings: even if they spent to the ceiling the Kings couldn't compete with the big boys in the west.

Still, if you tell me that (a) Kopitar is the real deal, (b) this is the cheapest he will ever be again, and (c) Kings fans do actually enjoy winning, I don't know why everyone seems to drink so much Lombardi Kool-Aid when it comes to cap-floor spending. If you asked me what would be the better team -- if the Kings spent to the cap ceiling with a cheap Kopitar this year, or if the Kings spent to the cap ceiling with an expensive Kopitar next year -- I'd fully expect this year's team to be the better version, because there's so much extra money to spend elsewhere. Isn't this the year for the Kings to go for a gamble, instead of essentially folding before the flop? Is Kopitar's best-opportunity window shutting, or am I just crazy?

Rationalize it for me, Kings fans.

(p.s. I don't really want to hear "but the Kings need to save cap space next year for Kopitar's raise!" as a valid excuse. It's very possible to spend money this season without touching next year's cap, and even if they did, it's not that difficult to ditch salary if needed -- see all the teams unworried about their current over-the-cap situation this late in the summer.)

Blah, Blah, Blah, Retarded, Blah, Blah, Blah

Yeah, the Kings are going to be forced to give up Jack Johnson to get over the cap floor. Why would they sign Marek Malik when they can trade away their best defenseman and get Nikolai Khabibulin? WHY NOT?

What Now? Part 1

Short Answer: The Kings are boned.

Long Answer: The Kings are really, really boned. According to Rich Hammond, the Kings had 3 targets this off-season and were expected to acquire 2 of them. Those men were Rob Blake, Brad Stuart, and Brooks Orpik. Because of this, Lubo became expendable and we traded him. (Whoops!) Blake boned us, Brad Stuart signed with the Red Wings (who are just going to fuck everyone next year), and Orpik signed a really long deal to stay with the Penguins. So, basically, the Kings are boned on defense. Here's what we have right now, not assuming prospects:

( )-Johnson
Greene-( )
Preissing-Gauthier/Harrold

So, all the Kings need is a top-pairing defenseman and a 2nd-line guy. (That's it!) The Kings are okay on the penalty kill, but our power play is going to be pretty atrocious if we can't find someone to fix it. Johnson could probably quarterback the power play, but he can't play top minutes in all 3 facets of the game. Last year, he only played penalty kill and even strength and he still averaged almost 27 minutes a game when Blake was gone. Preissing is good on that 2nd unit but that's about all he can muster; same with Harrold. Greene and Gauthier are both idiots and can't play on the power play. Basically, the Kings need to sign someone with a basic level of offensive acumen.* There's three different ways the Kings can go about solving their problem: free agency, trades, prospects. Let's look through each one and see if we can't find a glimmer of hope.

*Isn't it funny, last year all we had were shitty offensive defensemen, and now we don't have enough! Do you think that's funny? Well, it isn't. Don't laugh at the pain of others, you sadist.


Free Agency

Looking at the list of available defensemen, I'm not really seeing anyone that great. It's like that old Groucho Marx line, "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." If a guy is willing to sign with this team then there's probably something wrong with him, whether he just wants the money or he wants to live by the beach or whatever. The best guy available is Jason Smith, but he's probably signing with a contender. He could probably be lured to LA with the promise of lots of playing time and a fuckton of money. But why would any free agent sign in LA, knowing that the Kings won't be good until they're gone? Plus, they would have to know that Lombardi would try to trade them at the first opportunity. I would much rather just sign with another team that I think might be good sometime in the life of my deal. So, that leaves the trade route.

Trades

The obvious one is Mathieu Schneider, the guy Sleek has been pimping for the past few weeks. The Ducks have a unique dilemma: they could get a good haul for Schneider from a contending team (like Ottawa), but they wouldn't really want to trade him to a team they might meet in the playoffs. Meanwhile, teams like the Panthers or the Thrashers don't really need Schneider enough to offer anything for him because they're going to suck with or without him. The Kings, on the other hand, need Schneider to quarterback our power play and keep things a little respectable. I would have no qualms about trading a young forward prospect to the Ducks for Schneider. This trade makes sense for both sides, yet somehow I know in my heart that it will never, ever happen. Call it women's intuition.


Another option is Brian McCabe, the besieged defenseman from Toronto. McCabe is both more expensive AND shittier than Lubo, but he could probably be had for cheap and he is a left-handed shot. I don't think it's worth it, but I'm just throwing him out there. 3,2,1... okay, now there should be about 4 blog posts on Toronto sites with trade offers like "McCabe, Tlusty and a 2nd for Frolov and Brown." (Why is there always a 2nd-rounder when someone makes a ridiculous proposal?)

Then there's always Jay Buowmeester. I don't even know what he would command or what Florida would want for him, but a guy can dream, can't he?

(The Sharks have too many defensemen, but we're not trading for any of them. Fuck those guys.)

But any of these trade options have 2 flaws: the Kings will have to give up something from their prospect pool and it won't really make them that better. I mean, is it really better losing 4-2 as opposed to 5-2? The Kings would only make a trade for reputation's sake and I only put it up as an option because I don't want to watch them lose all next year. In all likelihood, the Kings are just going to go with the 3rd option: prospects.

Prospects


The good news: if you're going to have to go with young guys, these are the young guys you want to go with. The Kings have a nice mix of young prospects that could eventually play top minutes and older guys with low ceilings that could step in immediately. Here's a short list:

Drew Doughty
Colten Teubert
Thomas Hickey (although he's coming off ankle surgery)
Alec Martinez
Joe Piskula
Drew Bagnall

Most likely making the team is Drew Doughty, if for no other reason than he wants to. But he'll probably play limited minutes, as he is only 18 and no defenseman has played in the NHL at that age since Jay Buowmeester. I really doubt the Kings will take 2 18 year-olds, so that leaves Teubert out. Hickey could always make the team, but I kind of doubt it since he's coming off that ankle surgery thing. Joe Piskula and Drew Bagnall are both low-level guys that played in Manchester last year and would be an option if the younger guys don't perform in training camp.

The guy I think will be the biggest surprise next year? Alec Martinez. He's the guy from Miami of Ohio and can play both power play and penalty kill. He's a mix of the two groups above: he's got a fairly high ceiling but he's old enough to step in with limited growing pains. This is just me talking out of my ass, but I think he could end up saving the Kings next year.

There is a 4th option, the waiver wire, but I won't presume to know which defensemen may get waived in the future. Just something to keep an eye on.

In Conclusion

The Kings' defense is fucked. I firmly believe that Dean Lombardi only traded Lubomir Visnovsky because he thought he could sign Stuart and Blake. Now they're elsewhere and the Kings' defense is shaping up to be Jack Johnson and the Misfits. I don't know what Lombardi is going to do now, but he has to do something. Right now, the Kings have the worst defense in the league.

Kings Gameday: Is The Season Over Yet?

LA Kings (pbbbbttt!!!) @ Phoenix (36-33-5, 11th in West)

7:00 PST, FSN Prime Ticket

You said it, pal.

Well, this season's basically over. Jack Johnson broke his foot and is out for the rest of the season. (Lousy Marleau, I'll kill you!) I'm not sure if the Kings are going to call any one up from Manchester that will actually play (both Joe Piskula and Richard Petiot are hurt right now), so I guess Jon Klemm will move back to defense and... fuck... Brian Willsie will dress. Just to give you an idea of what our lines will be like:

O'Sullivan-Kopitar-Brown
Frolov-Armstrong-Cammalleri
Ivanans-Handzus-Ellis
Calder-Giuliano-Willsie

Visnovsky-Preissing
Blake-Harrold
Dallman-Klemm

Erik Ersberg
Dan Cloutier

Jesus. When I do my off-season preview, 5 of these guys will not be on my hopeful team. Maybe 6. In the meantime, here's A Handy Guide for Beginners: Dealing With Another Lost Season by Kevin Schultz, AKA the guy from Barry Melrose Rocks. I prefer steps #1 and #2, with a heavy dose of #6. You can't do #6, though; I don't need the competition.

***

Pop quiz, hot shot. You're the Kings coach. There is 1:40 left in the game. Your team is down, 2-1, but has had fairly constant pressure on the Sharks goaltender for the last 5 minutes. Your top line of Brown-Kopitar-O'Sullivan has been on the ice for the last minute and they're looking to change. You have 3 options:

1) Keep them out there. They're your top line and the game's almost over.

2) Put Frolov-Armstrong-Cammy out on the ice. They've been your best line all night.

3) Put Ivanans-Handzus-Frolov out there. ????????????????????????????????????????????

What do you do? WHAT do you do???

(If you said #3, congratulations! You're an idiot/Marc Crawford!)

Prediction: Kings lose, 5-2. Goals by Frolov and Cammalleri. Lousy bums.

I Guess I Should Talk About This

Jack Johnson finally mother fucked someone.

There are a few murmurings that even though the hit was legal, maybe Johnson should have let up because Smyth was in a dangerous situation. That's reprehensibly retarded.* Ryan Smyth tried to jump past Johnson and Johnson put him into the boards; was Johnson supposed to notice the turnbuckle and then decide, "Oh, I don't want to hurt this noble hero, I'll give him a free pass?" Fuck no, Johnson buried Ryan Smyth because Smyth would have done the same thing to him. I'm sorry Smyth got hurt (I guess I have to say that), but that's what happens when you play his style of game.

***

I appreciate Ian Lapperierre's conduct in the aftermath of the incident. He didn't jump Johnson from behind or stick him in the ribs, he asked him, "Do you want to get it over with?" and allowed Johnson the chance to settle it like a man. I don't necessarily agree that Johnson needed to fight (since the hit was clean), but if you're going to get retribution, you do it like that.

I also liked how Rob Blake broke the two up before they fought. Again, I don't necessarily agree that he did it (let Johnson kick Laparierre's ass if he wants), but I appreciate the way he did it. Johnson is Blake's responsibility and it made me smile to see him come to his aid.

***

I always made fun of Ryan Smyth because he wears his helmet so loosely; I argued that he did it on purpose because he didn't like wearing a helmet and thought his hair looked cool when it was flying all over the place. Hopefully now he'll tighten that shit up so he doesn't crack his head. Also, he should get rhinoplasty. Not because of the hit, but just because his nose is fucking huge.

*It gives me no greater glee than to point out that it's mostly Canadians making that argument. I wonder what they'd be saying if a European had been hit like that.

That. Is. AWESOME.

Ridiculous voiceovers? Check.

Hilariously bad acting? Check.

Ludicrous action bubbles? Check.*

Ear-splitting guitar solo? Check.

Fireworks at the end, for some unexplainable reason? Check.

Pittsburgh car commercial, consider yourself on notice.


*This still stands as my favorite action bubble of all time:

Biff

Kings Gameday: Looking Back

LA Kings (6-3-1 in last 10) @ Pittsburgh Penguins (30-19-5, 1st in pussies out with high ankle sprains)

10:00 PST, FSN West (It's criminal to make the Kings play that early)

Near the beginning of the year, the degenerates over at Pensblog asked me to write a season preview for them. Naturally I did, because I’m a fool and will work for free. The resulting post was probably my favorite of the year (which you can tell because everyone in the comments either hated it or ignored it), so I thought it’d be a good idea to take a look at that post and see where I went wrong with the Kings this season. (Remember, I thought the Kings would finish in 8^th this season. I’m stupid.) Open up the other post and read it side-by-side for full effect. What's that? You're not going through all that just to read a stupid joke hockey blog? Quit being lazy, you bastard!

#1 Young Forwards. I was pretty spot-on with this one (although I wasn't exactly going out on a limb). I predicted that Brown and O’Sullivan would break out this season, but I also said Mike Cammalleri was a good sleeper pick because he would average a point-a-game. Whoops! I’ll give myself this one.

The future... oh shit.

#2 Jack Johnson. I have to admit, I was completely wrong on Jack Johnson. I thought he’d run around hitting people and miss assignments, but surprisingly he’s been playing within himself. Sure, Bad Jack comes out every once in a while, but for the most part he's been very impressive. I was wrong on this one, but in a good way.

I don't care, I still like Handzus.

#3 New Additions. I’m not sure how to grade this one; I admitted that that Handzus was coming off an injury and curbed my prediction by saying, “If Handzus can come back from a knee injury…” but I expected him to be a little better than this. I think the free agent I’m personally disappointed in has been Tom Preissing. I just didn’t think he’d be our 5^th defenseman this season. Maybe his worth shows up a little better when he’s on a winning team. The biggest fuck up I committed was not even mentioning that we signed Kyle Calder. I was wrong on this one.

He is still 4th on the team in scoring...

#4 Lubo. Whoops. I still don’t quite know what to think of Lubo’s season. He definitely hasn’t been the Lubo of old, but there are still little flashes of brilliance that make me think he’s just having a bad year. The Kings’ biggest priority in the off-season should be getting a solid defensive defenseman to pair with Lubo. And for God’s sake, let him shoot on the power play! I was wrong on Lubo… this season.

#5 Goaltending. This is another one where I was wrong in a good way. Cloutier got hurt early so we haven’t yet been subjected to him, while Labarbera has been good enough for the Kings this season. I was wrong on this one, although to be fair it was more just a joke one more than anything.

So overall I was wrong on Lubo, Cammalleri, and the impact of Handzus. I also didn't mention it, but Blake played much worse than I thought he would coming off the hip injury at the beginning of the season. Does that translate to 7 spots in the standings? No, but then again, I obviously had emotional interest in having the Kings make the playoffs. I don't know, though, I don't think I was off by that much. (I was probably off by the Roethlisberger thing more than anything else.) I think the Kings' recent play is much more indicative of their abilities than their play in December. Oh well, we’ve been playing well lately and I expect Labarbera will play this game too, setting Cloutier up to play against Columbus.

***

It'll be interesting to see how Crawford does the lines today. Brown's back, so one would assume he'd line up in his eternal spot alongside Kopitar, but Frolov had 5 points in the 2 games Brown missed in that very spot. I'd be interested to see what Brown could do lined up with Boyle and Cammalleri; last year he played great when Kopitar was out because he had the opportunity to carry the puck up the ice. Of course, I wouldn't mind seeing Frolov reunited with Cammy, so either way...

***

You should have made the "Y" and "U" yellow too, dipshit.

This is the first time the Kings are playing the Penguins this season, but I’m already really fucking sick of them. Jesus, how many times have they been on Versus this season? Why bother showing the vastly superior Western Conference when you can show a bunch of jackasses in yellow jerseys skate through living traffic cones for 60 minutes? Hopefully the Kings can get some exposure as they kick their Crosby-less asses in the teeth. (“Asses in the teeth?” “I don’t know, this guy should be fired.”) Oh, and just because I am a petty, petty man:

Anze Kopitar: 51 points

Jordan Staal: 18 points

Prediction: Kings win, 5-3. Goals by Brown (x2), Frolov, Preissing, and Johnson. The highlight on ESPN will consist of a brief showing of Malkin’s goal and then they’ll spend 45 minutes talking about Roger Clemens.

The San Jose Sharks Have the Worst Fans in Hockey

Couldn't they just give San Jose the loss and save everyone some time?

Right? Remember when they were winning at home all the time and everyone was saying how great their fans were? I do. I couldn’t go 5 feet without listening to some San Joseer bragging about how great they were and how San Jose fans are more cultured and understood how to support their team better than the fans in Los Angeles and Anaheim. Now that they have fewest wins at home in the NHL (along with 3 losses to the Kings there this season), that means that their fans suck now, right? I mean, it’s not like you can take credit when your team wins and then blame them when they lose, right? That would be crazy and illogical.* Tough break, San Jose.

***

How badass is Jason Labarbera? Lost in the Kings’ woes the past two weeks has been the stellar play of… Labs? Labby? This guy needs a good nickname. I prefer “Nolte,” after his profile shot, but that’s just me. I mean, the guy’s sporting stats like 2.49 GAA and a .917 SV%, and it’s not because of the Kings’ defensive play or anything like that. The craziest thing is that he’s posting those stats and still has a sub-.500 record. If I told you at the beginning of the season that the Kings would get good goaltending and still lose, what would you have said? Well, you probably would have called me gay, because you’re a dick. Fuck you man, I don’t even know why I hang out with you sometimes.

Nice game Jas- oh, I'm sorry sir, I thought you were someone else.

***

What do you guys think of Michal Handzus? I think he’s kinda getting dicked over. Sure, he hasn’t played great so far (although I think he’s picked up his game of late), but I saw that the guys on Versus said he was the biggest free-agent bust of the year so far. The guy is coming off major knee surgery and hadn’t played in a year! There are two injuries I accept in hockey: injuries to your knee and your head. I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be to walk confidently after wrecking your knee, let alone skate. I know he’s getting paid $4 million this year and that’s probably too much, but I’ll give him this year to get back into shape. If he’s leading team in penalty minutes this time next year then I’ll be first in line to flagellate the son of a bitch. (No, FLAGELLATE. Look it up and get your mind out of the gutter.)

***

I don’t really have any hard evidence to back this up or anything, but I’m convinced that Milan Michalek did vile things to Jack Johnson’s mother some time in the past. That’s the only way to explain Jack’s actions every time we play the Sharks. He tried to kill Michalek two weeks ago by jumping at his head, and last night he gave Michalek the mother of all face washings because Michalek… stood there? It’s nice to see Jack play with a little bit of an edge, but why is it only against Milan?

*My craaazy friend Megalodon thinks the Sharks aren’t playing well at home because they’re young and nervous to play in front of the home crowd. Sure why not.

Kings Gameday: "Hooray!" and "Boo!"

(Hey, look at me, I'm Rudy and I suck! Just kidding folks - Megalodon here, putting up Rudy's gameday post for Saturday, since he's off somewhere with my Ducks-fan roommate. I'm not quite sure what they're up to, but I'm sure they're both nude by now. Anyways, enjoy Rudy's stupid post!)



Los Angeles Kings (7-8-0, 5th in Pacific) vs. Dallas Stars (7-7-2, 1st in Pacific)


7:30 PST, FSN West

Kings Record in November: 1-1





The Kings are finally playing again after sitting around for a week while the Lakers and Clippers started off their seasons. (How retarded is it that two NBA teams share one arena? That NBA, so dysfunctional....) The good news is that the Kings weren't left in the dust by any Pacific teams while they were idle; they're still within 4 points of the division lead. Since the Kings are almost 20% through their regular season, I thought this would be a good time to kick off a new series of mine, named after the greatest commercials in television history.


Hooray, Young Forwards!

The young guys on the Kings are progressing very nicely. Kopitar seems to have adjusted to teams focusing on him, although he still holds on to the puck too long on the power play. Dustin Brown isn't hitting as much as he did last year, but that's actually a good thing. He's spending more time playing good defense instead. Cammalleri (who is fast becoming my sister's favorite player despite her inability to say his name) has been potting goals at a ridiculous pace, aided by his now-patented "one knee slapshot." (How does anyone tell when he goes to his knee?) Alex Frolov went through the most productive slump in the history of the NHL earlier in the season and has probably been our best forward the last couple games. And Patrick O'Sullivan has been a revelation. How did he go from being a one-dimensional goal scorer to grinding two-way player in one off-season? Also, he said this on Thursday over at Inside the Kings:

"Technically, I should have it on for another week or two,'' O'Sullivan said. "But if we worried about doctors and technicalities then none of us would be playing hockey."


That's pretty badass. Retarded, but badass.

One of them is Lubomir, but I don't know which...

Boo, Top Line Defensemen!

While the young guys have been leading the Kings, the two highest-paid guys on the team haven't exactly been pulling their weight. Both Rob Blake and Lubomir Visnovsky have not been playing good defense this season. Blake looks slower than last year (somehow) and I think it's about time we stop giving him top-line minutes. I still like him on the penalty kill, but the Kings should probably "advise" him to take himself off the first power play unit and replace him with someone, anyone else. Lubo, as much as I hate to say it, hasn't been playing well this season. It seems to me that a memo went out to the rest of the league that you could bump Lubo off the puck if you get to him as soon as he gets it behind the net, and he hasn't adjusted well. I'm giving him a grace period because he looks like a sprite, but the Kings are counting on him if they're going to continue to be .500.




Hooray, Jack Johnson!

"Wow, he looks really good, maybe I underesti-"

Jack Johnson, on the other hand, has been a pleasant surprise. I was expecting him to make a lot of mistakes and take a lot of dumb penalties, but so far he has been fairly reticent to commit either. The Kings have taken to putting him on the penalty kill where I think he's responded quite well. Now is the time to put him on the power play, whether with Lubo or with Tom Preissing. At the same time, though…



Boo, Jack Johnson!

"-ohGoddammit."

…for this hit on Milan Michalek:

(Megalodon's note: At this point in the article, Rudy attached an embedded video of Johnson being an asshole against Milan Michalek. That link didn't work any more, and I can't find any other video of it, so use your imaginations, okay? He can fix it if he wants when he gets back. I've got shit to do - like cursing the Sharks are the guy who invented shoot-outs.)

I'm sorry, but that hit was bullshit. Michalek was held up along the boards by Derek Armstrong, got rid of the puck well before Jack got to him, and then Jack jumped about a foot in the air as he hit Milan. He didn't get his elbow into it, but that's probably more luck than anything else. That's the stupid shit you can't do if you're going to be a top defenseman in the NHL, Jack, if only because the Kings can't afford to have you off the ice. Just because you play like Chris Pronger doesn't mean you have to be a complete piece of shit like him too.

Hooray, Bailey!

Rudy: You know, I think this Bailey character is a really cool cat. He's really the cat's meow. In fact, I'd go even say he's purr-fect.


Meg: Ha... you done?

Rudy: Yeah. Still though, you have to admit that he really does the lion's share of work at Staples.

Meg: (pulls out gun) Seriously, one more cat pun and I am shooting you in the leg.


Rudy: Hey, I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to hurt your pride. I was only kitten. Seeing you so upset really gives me paws.

Meg: Alright, that's better. Wait a minute... (blam!)

Boo, Dennis Miller!


I guess when they decided to name the show "Unfiltered," they meant they weren't going to filter out all the shitty jokes. "Watching that show made me about as comfortable as Philip Fabricius during the Second Defenestration of Prague!"

That's it for this edition of "Hooray!" and "Boo!" The Kings are playing .500 hockey, which is nice. At the same time, I know they can be better. All their good will goes out the window if they play as terrible as both Anaheim and San Jose both did against Dallas. Raitis Ivanans will probably not play after getting hit in the God damned face by a Rob Blake slapshot, so Scott Thornton will be carrying the hammer tonight.


Prediction: Kings win, 2-1. Goals by Johnson and Cammy.

Season (P)Review: Jack Johnson

Stay out of the way and don't do anything stupid.

The State of the Farm System, Part II

Right Wing: Right wing is probably the trickiest of the forward positions in terms of depth, but that’s alleviated by the plethora of young talent already up with the big club. Mike Cammealleri has ended up being a better player than many are willing to give him credit for and Dustin Brown made important strides in his development last season (especially after Kopitar got injured). Down on the farm the top prospect is Lauri Tukonen, the Kings’ top draft pick in 2004. Tukonen was a celebrity in his native Finland when he started playing in the men’s league as a 15 year-old and ended up becoming the youngest player to ever play for Team Finland in the World Championships. Lately, however, Tukonen has not really produced offensively, although his defensive ability is supposedly excellent. Tukonen is only 20 right now, so the Kings still have time for him to develop, but his penchant for getting injured is a little disconcerting. (He has played about 60 games each of the past two seasons in the AHL.) With Cammalleri’s contract situation looking combustible, I would feel a lot better if I knew Tukonen could be counted on. Next year will be very important for him.

Tukonen, right before he injured something.

The Kings have two other right wing prospects that will probably be NHLers some day: Peter Kanko and Marc-Andre Cliché. Kanko kind of looks like a crazy person and plays like he really has to drop a deuce. (I swear, watch him.) He’ll probably end up being loved like Sean Avery because he’ll take dumb penalties and hurt the team, which means I won’t like him very much. Cliché, on the other hand, projects to be my favorite player on the team. He had a shoulder injury two years ago which killed his stock, but he rebounded last year to post a point-a-game in the QMDESJHL. He’s mostly known for his defensive prowess, and we learned this post-season how important having a defensive stopper can be for a team.

Kanko, before going on stage with Godsmack.

Defense: The defense received a big boost last year when the Kings traded for Jack Johnson. Although Johnson kind of seems like a dick, he should become an elite defenseman in the league and help the Kings for years to come and play similar to Chris Pronger. Also like Chris Pronger, I can’t see anyone liking him except for the fans of the team he’s on. All of Canada already despises Johnson because of a cheap shot during a junior tournament. It should be fun.

I didn't know Jack Johnson was an old-timey boxer. Also, black.

Besides Johnson, the Kings don’t have any more exceptional talent, but they have enough players that are good enough that at least one or two will stick. Richard Petiot probably would have made the team last year (saving us the indignity of playing Mike Weaver), but he hurt his knee playing in a rookie tournament and missed most of the season. Joe Ryan, Peter Harrold, Patrik Hersley, and Johan Fransson round out the list of guys who might make the team some day. Hopefully one of them can end up being a top-4 guy, or else the Kings might be in a little bit of trouble once Blake retires and Visnovsky gets traded. (I’m acting like it’s going to happen, in hopes of either jinxing it or mentally preparing myself for it.)

Goalies: All conversation of goaltending starts and ends with Jonathan Bernier. The Kings’ first-round pick in 2006 played very well with the Lewiston MAINEiacs (Cripes, that’s a stupid fucking name) but will probably stay somewhere in the QMLKJGHDJHL next season for a little more work. He’s very good side-to-side and reminds me a little of Marc-Andre Fleury in style (although maybe that’s because the both wear giant pads). The timeline for Bernier is as follows: next year in juniors, then a season in the AHL, then maybe backing up in the NHL, then hopefully starting. If he’s with the Kings in 3 years, I will be very excited.

This is the most excited I've been to see someone do the splits. Well, second-most.

Okay, I guess all conversation doesn’t end with Bernier. Besides him, the Kings can look to Jeff Zatkoff and Johnathan Quick as options in the future. (Oddly enough, Johnathan Quick was drafted at the same time as defensive prospect TJ Fast. I like to think that Dave Taylor thought that if they had fleet-sounding last names, they must be fast. I was waiting for them to draft NiceSlapshot McSpeedy next.) Zatkoff was drafted last year in the third round, but rumors were that he was the 2nd goaltender on the Kings’ draft board. Knowing about Lombardi’s ability to draft goalies, I’ll just assume Zatkoff will be awesome and leave it at that. Quick is a year older and will probably reach the Kings first, but I doubt he'll be a starter in the NHL. Both of them are playing in the NCAA [Zatkoff with Miami (Ohio) and Quick with UMass], so you can watch them if you have ESPNU or live nearby.



So, that’s a (not so) brief overview of the Kings’ farm system. Overall, it’s excellent, but not perfect. A team could always use more depth because you never know when one of these kids will break their leg off or rob a bank or pursue a career in modern dance. If the Kings were to draft on need, it seems that either wings or defense would be best. Who will the Kings actually draft? To be honest, I have no idea. I’m going to pretend I do though and will bring you that article on Thursday. If you can’t wait, shoot me an e-mail; I won’t answer it, but maybe you’ll feel better.

Welcome to the NHL, Kid

I know, I should be mad or afraid for his safety, but I can't; that was an awesome hit. Well done, Jan Bulis.

One thing I’ve never liked, though: why does Scott Thornton have to fight Jan Bulis for hitting Johnson? I know it’s Johnson’s first game and Thornton is just standing up for his teammate, but I don’t like how guys have to defend themselves for making a good hockey play. This is why Dustin Brown always has that scared look on his face after he rails someone. I’m not sure why Brown looks like he has Down’s syndrome, though.

The Kings concluded their season series with the Sharks (thank God) and predictably got destroyed. With the loss, the Kings’ final record against the Sharks was 2-6. They ended their series against the Stars by going 0-6-2. Like I said before, the Kings went 4-2-2 against the Ducks, so it’s not the Kings fault that the Ducks are going to win the division. As Earl points out below, the Ducks are currently ahead of the Stars and Sharks by 4 points; they would likely have the division wrapped up by now if it weren’t for the Kings. That’s awesome. If the Kings are going to suck, at least they can have the dignity to screw over the Ducks in the process.

Why were the Kings able to hang with the Ducks while being completely and utterly destroyed by the Sharks and the Stars? I could come up with a theory about systems matching up or personnel differences, but ultimately I think it was dumb luck. Sometimes bad teams beat good ones; there’s no magic answer that can explain when things like that happen.

I’m out this week (I have a life… well, not really), so you guys are by yourselves for the rest of the season. I’ll probably have a post recapping the Kings’ season (I imagine there will be a lot of cursing), but I’ll mostly be saving my snide remarks for the comments. Make sure you keep up here at Battle of California, though, as I'm sure there will be a lot of good content up. Good luck to the Ducks, Stars and Sharks; beat Nashville, will you?

For my fellow Kings fans, please remember to enjoy these last few games. There’s going to be a lot of draft talk (hopefully we’ll have a top-3 pick) and rumors about who we’re going to sign in the off-season (more on that later), but right now just relax and enjoy the hockey. We have a rare opportunity to simply savor each pass and enjoy the game for what it is, rather than who wins. The Kings play the Coyotes twice; watch the match-ups and note who plays against whom. Remember, the only thing worse than poor Kings hockey is no hockey at all.

A quick story: I had a friend who told me that only a lunatic would put themselves through the amount of misery I went through every hockey season and that any sane person would simply change teams or at least not care so much. Why put myself through this, all for a team that doesn’t care about me individually at all? I had no rational answer for that; the only response I could muster was, “Because, Kings rule.”

I must be crazy.

Kings Gameday: Just Another Game…

Los Angeles Kings (26-37-14, 13^th in West) vs. Vancouver Canucks (46-23-7, 3^rd in West)

7:30 PST, FSN West

(Quick note: there are two great posts below mine that were just posted today, so read those first. I’ll wait.)

Is anything important supposed to happen today? I don’t think so…

Anyway, the Kings play the Vancouver Canucks tonight in a game that they’ll probably lose. I’m at the point in the season where I don’t even care if they win or lose anymore as long as the young guys play well. Marc Crawford tried putting Kopitar on a line with Folov and Cammalleri. I like it, if for no other reason than it’s nice seeing the Kings’ 3 best forwards playing together. Patrick O’Sullivan has been playing the center position on the other line with Brown, and I like that too. He seems a lot more comfortable when he’s allowed to get the puck in space rather than having to dig it out of the corners. That could change the Kings’ priorities in the off-season if O’Sullivan can show that he's capable of playing center in the NHL.

Meanwhile, Sean Burke is terrible. His “attempt” to stop Patrick Marleau’s breakaway on Tuesday was one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever seen. His balance is terrible on breakaways, to the point where he can’t even get his leg extended to his glove side. I wasn’t even mad, though; I just felt sorry for him. No 40 year-old man should have to put up with this. The only person more humiliated then him was probably Mathieu Garon, who thought, “This guy’s playing ahead of me? Sacre Bleu!” (See, because he’s French-Canadian…)

At the head office, the NHL is apparently upset with GM Dean Lombardi for shenanigans he pulled while pursuing defenseman Joe Piskula. Apparently, Lombardi put in a clause in Piskula’s contract that gave him $25,000 for his 1^st, 3^rd, and 5^th games played. The NHL isn’t happy because they think it sets a precedent where performance bonuses aren’t earned, but instead used to secretly give young players more money. Personally, I like the move. I’m sure Lombardi was looking over the CBA while he was a scout for the Flyers and noticed this loophole. Why not give it a shot? Even if the deal is voided, the Kings still have an inside track on Piskula since he's already here. Lombardi has shown before that he’s not afraid to try different ideas, like when he planned on “trading” LaBarbera to the Flyers and then picking him back up off waivers before the NHL nixed that idea. His scheme was sneaky, but it’s nevertheless pretty cool and I’m glad the Kings had the GM who thought of it first.

In other news, Yahoo! is reporting that the Kings might be interested in Glen Murray and the 4 million a year for 2 years left on his contract. That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, and the rumor was probably started by someone in Boston’s organization hoping that the Kings are idiots, but it still makes me uncomfortable. If Glen Murray doesn’t come along with Joe Thornton, I want nothing to do with him. Glen Murray had one year where he scored 92 points; other than that season, his career high is 62. And now he’s 34 and projected to hit 49 points this season. Oh, and he's out for the season with a groin injury. I liked Glen Murray when he was on the Kings and I’m sure he’s a pleasant enough guy, but I’d rather eat a baby than have him on the Kings for the next two years.

Dear God, no!

Prediction: The Kings will lose and I’ll head out for some meat tenderizer.

(Oh, and I won’t be posting anything until Monday, unless I decide to post something tomorrow. I’m sure all my loyal reader are disappointed, but fear not; if the Kings get scored on Sunday against the Sharks and you hear a distant “Fuck!” being carried by the wind, know that I am with you.)

Jack(Johnson)pot!

According to Mirtle, the Kings are very close to signing uber-prospect Jack Johnson to a major-league deal that scared the Hurricanes so.

Our very own PJ Swenson tried to draw a little air out of the 'ol Jacko balloon in the linked thread, but Kings fan can feel free ignore all that "bad penalty" talk right now, not to mention the even scarier Sandis Ozolinsh comparisons. (Yikes)

This is a time for much rejoicing. Remember, Jack, old people can still go to college but only young people can win a Calder and bang an Elisha Cuthbert-sque puck bunny. I mean, seriously, all due to respect to the University of Michigan...but Hollywood crushes Ann Arbor on the babe scale. Not that either place wants anything to do with this author, but that's really a moot point.

Anyway, I was actually working on a little profile for him earlier this month, so I figure that I'll slap some of it in here for people who might want a bit more info on JJ.

The Trade

It was no secret that the Carolina Hurricanes were having major problems luring the third pick in the 2005 NHL Draft out of Ann Arbor. But that being said, it still was pretty shocking to read the following deal:

Jack Johnson to the Kings for Tim Gleason and Eric Belanger (Let's just forget all about Tverdovsky). Yes, there were rumors about the 'Canes moving Johnson, but to the Kings? It was a fantastic surprise for fans such as myself.

Check out this engrossing little feature: "Johnson is key to Kings' future" by Chris Foster

"The first time we put Jack on the ice was when he was 4, and he stood up and just started skating," said Tina Johnson, his mother. "He didn't fall, he didn't wobble. He just skated to the other end of the rink." - Los Angeles Times

A Few Profiles/Quick hits

Johnson receives an "8.5 B" score from HockeysFuture.com

Another source on his signing with the Kings

Jack Johnson fears failure, admires Alex Kovalev and devours lamb chops.

Finally, fairly comprehensive stats of his career so far.

...Excited? Just a touch. Even though it isn't a surprise, it's still a relief.

Kings Gameday: The Return of Mattias Norstrom

Los Angeles Kings (25-34-14, 13th in West) vs. Dallas Stars (43-24-5, 7th in West)

7:30 PST, FSN West

The Kings have had a little bit of a break after their whirlwind tour last week (where they played 5 games in 8 days). They were relatively successful, too, going 3-0-2. A lot of credit has been given to the younger guys (and deservedly so), but I think a big part of the Kings’ improved play recently has been the fact that our older guys have stepped up a little bit. I’ve liked the way Brian Willsie has been playing (who knew he could shoot?), while Scott Thornton and Jamie Lundmark have actually given the Kings a little scoring from their third line. Maybe Dean Lombardi was right after all and these guys can be legitimate hockey players.

In other news, it’s going to be interesting to watch in the next couple weeks as both Brian Boyle and Jack Johnson should be winding down their college hockey careers. Boyle’s team, Boston College, kicks off against St. Lawrence on the 24th and then will probably play New Hampshire on the 25th. If BC loses either one of those games, look for Boyle to sign with the Kings and possibly play with Manchester. Boyle is intriguing because he’s a 6’7” center, but there’s been talk of possibly making him a defenseman. He might not sign this season if the Kings decide they don’t want to mess up the chemistry in Manchester as they head towards the playoffs, but I’m really excited about this guy come training camp next season. He's definitely a project, but he could end up being one of the Kings' best players when it's all said and done. I mean, he's huge!

Brian Boyle Jack Johnson (left)

Jack Johnson and Michigan play North Dakota and then probably Minnesota on their side of the bracket, so it’s likely that they’ll lose by the 25th and then he’ll either join the team on the road or they may have him wait and open with the team at home on April 1st. I’m not as excited about this guy as other Kings fans are (meaning that I don’t get weak-kneed every time his name is mentioned), but he sounds like a guy who can be an anchor on the blue line for a couple years to come. With him, Blake, and Brown, the Kings should be a team to be feared come next season. The Kings may not want to sign him for all sorts of weird CBA issues, but I think they might just because of the publicity.

The Kings get a blast from the recent past tonight when they play the Dallas Stars. Mattias Norstrom is expected to play tonight for the first time against his old team. (The Kings played the Stars once before after the trade, but Norstrom was recovering from an injury.)

At first, I was glad that the Kings traded Norstrom; from a salary cap perspective, it was a good move, and I always thought Norstrom had gone from being underrated earlier in his career to overrated now. Still, I love that guy. If there was one player in the NHL who could be transported back to the 10th century and totally fit in, it would be Norstrom. This is a guy who once spent his off-season building a deck back at his home in Sweden. (Meanwhile, I can’t even make toast without losing my eyebrows.) For some reason, I find that endearing. On the ice, I liked Norstrom because he was not a dirty player at all but was unafraid to give a guy the business if he did something dickish.

I’m not going to be able to see the game tonight. Ordinarily I'd be pissed, but this is the first time I can remember where I don’t really want to watch a game because I don’t think I could handle seeing Norstrom wearing a Stars jersey. I mean, the Stars? I guess that makes them my favorite Pacific division team besides the Kings, but I’m not happy about it.

Oh, and I also heard that there's going to be a guy in a Guinness shirt at the game who threatened to kill Anze Kopitar, so any Kings fan who sees him should attack.

Kings trade for ghosts of Anaheim’s past

From a Duck fan's perspective, the Kings have certainly had themselves quite a bold offseason:

Apr. 21 Hire Dean Lombardi as GM
May 22 Hire Marc Crawford as head coach
Jun 21 Trade Pavol Demitra to the Minnesota Wild for Patrick O’Sullivan and a 1st round pick
Jul 1-4 Sign UFAs Rob Blake, Scott Thornton, Alyn McCauley, and Brian Willsie
July 5 Trade 2 draft picks to the Vancouver Canucks for Dan Cloutier
Sep 27 Negotiate a 2-year extension with Cloutier

And then today, Dean the Machine throws another curveball by trading C Eric Belanger and D Tim Gleason to the defending-champ Carolina Hurricanes for D Oleg Tverdovsky and the rights to D Jack Johnson.

Tverdovsky played for the Mighty Ducks on two separate occasions, and was at least for a few seasons was a good-to-excellent player. Perhaps a return to Southern California sunshine will give him a Selannesque reinvigoration. And even though he was an observer for most of last year’s playoffs, the guy’s got two cup rings now--even if he's lucky that's good enough for me.

As for Jack Johnson, well, his only connection with Anaheim was in the days leading up to the Crosby draft. Anaheim had drawn the 2nd overall pick, and consensus opinion was that JJ was the best available prospect. GM Brian Burke surprisingly passed on Johnson to pick winger Bobby Ryan, and the Canes nabbed him with the next pick. Now the jury will be out on the Ryan vs. Johnson draft decision for several years still, but I think the Kings got a mammoth prospect.

Oleg could be a very nice gamble for the Kings, perhaps, as he is likely to play behind the already formidable grouping of Rob Blake, Lubomir Visnovsky, Mattias Norstrom, Aaron Miller, and Brent Sopel. He’s got loads of experience and an above-average skill set; if motivated he could be a nice player for them. I don’t know if people are paying enough attention, but top-to-bottom the Kings could end up with the best blueline in the state of California. And that is saying quite a bit.

Even Dan Cloutier could be a decent move for them, as the Kings have lacked stability in the net since the turn of the century.

Of course, these statements depend on L.A. avoiding a Final-Destination-style slew of injuries, which is of course a shaky proposition. But still, looking across at what the Kings are doing this year, it feels very familiar. Retooling the front office, replacing older superstars with promising kids and role players, fortifying the blue line, juggling options in net.

There is something very Burke-ish going on at Staple Center. On this site they will certainly be the darkhorses this year, but I’m not so sure their day isn’t coming. The Battle of California may be heating up, folks.

(stolen from a messageboard somewhere)
p.s. One fun note—I caught one University of Michigan game on TV this year, and Jack Johnson was paired up with Anaheim’s 2007 1st round pick, Mark Mitera. Bet they’re going to have a fun year paired together this year, knowing that they’re soon-to-be cross-town rivals.