Ducks Gamedays—A Poem for the Road Trip

Anaheim Ducks (2-5-0) at

• Ottawa Senators (2-3-1), tonight
• Montreal Canadiens (5-0-1), tomorrow
• Columbus Blue Jackets (3-3-0), Monday

That's right, a three-in-one special! Like Rudy, I'm also off tomorrow moning for a few-day trip -- I'll be up in Oakland for a cousin's wedding. So you kids play nice!

Anyways, in lieu of anything analytical, here's a nice Friday poem to get you through next Monday. Enjoy!

Ode to the Road Trip

O h for the glory of two playoffs ago,
T aking Lord Stanley away from Big O.
T rue, going in the Sens seemed like a beast,
A lfie, Spezz, Heater – they ripped through the east!
W hile both teams have since seen some talent get scattered,
A t least we can say that we won when it mattered.

M on dieu! Les Canadiens, a hearty “whassup?”
O ne hundred years old? I’d better speak up.
N ow I know that SoCal isn’t Original Six,
T hus you probably can’t stand us insufferable pricks,
R eally what scares me is the Habs’ power play,
E specially if the Ducks think penalties are OK,
A nd while fans will drink at the game and in bars,
L et’s not go crazy and start burning cop cars.

C an I keep up this rhyming for one more damn stanza?
O f course! Time for some Blue Jacket bonanza!
L ast NHL team to feel postseason pride,
U gh! They’re still a thorn in the Ducks’ side.
M aybe it’s travel or maybe it’s fate,
B ut the Jackets have sure been tougher of late.
U sually I end with some nonsense prediction
S o Pahlsson scores ‘em all; 3-0 perfection!

Go Ducks.

I'm in love...

...with this week's PuckToon. I'm expecting a call from Hallmark any minute now.

Enjoy, and have a happy Valentine's Day!

Ducks Gameday—Poetic Justice for Bertuzzi

Nashville Predators (2-3-0, t-11th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (3-4-1, t-4th in west)

As usual a matchup with Minnesota produced more injuries. Todd Marchant is day-to-day with a bone bruise, and Todd Bertuzzi got put on the IR with a concussion.

Self-pity is for the weak, though. Poetry is for the strong.

Ode to Bertuzzi's Concussion

T his is a story of circular fate,
O f passion-turned-deadly and unbridled hate,
D umb ol’ Brad May put a price on a head,
D umb ol’ Bertuzzi nearly knocked Steve Moore dead.

B ut skip ahead forward a couple of years,
E ach of the thugs has resumed their careers,
R egrettably Burke kept May’s antics alive,
T o see him knock Johnsson right out of G5.
U pset Derek Boogaard saved up his bloodlust,
Z eroed in on Bertuzzi and got him concuss'd.
Z ip to the lesson—This Karma’s hardcore,
I t got Todd Bertuzzi to start feeling Moore.

Which Nashville team is going to show up tonight? The team that outscored its first two opponents by a combined 9-1 or the team that lost its next three by a combined score of 17-8? For some always solid Nashville perspective, visit the Forechecker.

Prediction: Ducks 4, Predators 2. Goals by Miller, Getzlaf x2, and Pahlsson.

Go Ducks.

BoC Gameday—A poetic beginning

Anaheim Ducks (0-0-0, 0 pts) at Los Angeles Kings (0-0-0, 0 pts), 9:00 am

Let's start this season off with a little class and culture, shall we? Before any blood spills, I mean.

L isten, dear readers, to the ballad at hand,
O f a Battle of California in a far distant land,
N ow the choice of location might strike you as odd,
D ucks and the Kings playing hockey abroad,
O 2 Arena—a new chapter ensues,
N ine in the morning—a great time to booze!

O ne team comes searching for answers in net,
P erhaps a teen rookie instead of a vet?
E lsewhere the cup champs begin their defense,
N ervously watching the retirement fence.
E ngland’s a strange place to stage the attack,
R eady or not, though, hockey is back!

Make sure you guys tune in later for Rudy's liveblog; I'm anxious to see a guy start crying before noon. All I'm going to offer is a little perspective from last year. These two teams met up for the season opener in Anaheim, and do you remember who scored the first goal of that game?


Hint: it's the guy in this photo that didn't just win the cup.
The only problem was, Rob Blake scored into his own net. And that's how the BoC's season started. That early mishap seemed innocent enough, but some will argue it set the momentum for the rest of the year; the Ducks continued to find ways to win while the Kings regularly found ways to shoot themselves in the foot.

Well it's a clean slate: a new season with new personnel in a new arena on a new side of the Atlantic. The 2007-08 season promises to be an awesome one in the BoC (especially once it gets to California!)—so let's get this bad boy started.

Prediction: I'm a little stumped what to predict with Pahlsson out of the lineup, so I'll just go with the goal scorers from last year's opener: Ducks 4, Kings 3. Perry gets credit for Blake's own-goal; McDonald, Getzlaf, and Kunitz also score. For the Kings, Kopitar scores two and Visnovsky gets one, making the day a fantasy success.

p.s. If anyone spots a girl in a green shirt in the crowd sitting next to a really tall guy in a Brodeur jersey, yell "Mags!" She's the only one I know at the event, and may provide a firsthand perspective if I'm persuasive enough.

The blog's all yours, Rudy. Go Ducks.

Sleek's Poetry Corner, Part 3

(Previous Poetry Corners: Francois Beauchemin, Samuel Pahlsson)

Well, seeing as we still have a day or two until this Penner offer sheet gets resolved, my imaginary therapist figured it's probably best for me to deal with this offer sheet situation through some relaxing poetry, something I haven't really broken out since November last year. I'm a bit rusty, but hopefully still relevant:

Ode to Dustin Penner

D id you hear the story of mad Kevin Lowe?
U nable to sign anyone—he’s got money to blow.
S o far this offseason he’s felt quite maligned,
T urns out that Nylander hadn’t quite signed,
I tching for players, Lowe then tried for Vanek,
N ow that he’s failed, though, he’s starting to panic.

P erhaps, though, this offer sheet will go through,
E specially by overpaying a million or two,
N ever mind that Penner’s had Lupul-ish stats,
N or that his career doesn’t have many at-bats.
E dmonton with Penner will be somewhat stronger,
R egrettably, though: he’ll never be as worthwhile as Pronger.

As a Ducks fan, it is sort of strange to know how to feel about the Oilers: on the one hand, they do represent the last team to knock the Ducks out of the playoffs; on the other, they certainly lost out in the Pronger "deal", and now they are offering three draft picks for the right to increase Penner's salary tenfold? I really don't know whether to hate them, pity them, or just flat out thank them.
Waa! Gimme back your semi-star!

This of course is a pictoral tribute to my previous Pronger post:
"Waa! Gimme back my superstar!"

Because it bears repeating

Stealing from the vault, here's the man-love poem I concocted back in November. See if you can spot the Mr. T reference hidden in line two:

ODE TO PAHLSSON

S ome fans like scorers, some fans like squee,
A s for Earl? He’s a sucka for ol’ Sammy P.
M aster of Defense, Penalty Killer, and Pest,
U nrelenting, Hard-working, Sammy’s the best!
E very night he faces another top line,
L eading Duck forwards in average ice time.

P uck-pressuring forecheck gives Ducks a lift,
A gain and again, I say, “Jeez, whatta shift!”
H e’s killing this year, with Moen and R. Nieds,
L ike he did playing with the gold-winning Swedes.
S elke may have been a good checking forward,
S crew him, though! It should be the Pahlsson Award!
O h Sammy, if you’re reading, one thing I must say,
N ever ever leave Anaheim. This God I pray.

Apparently I was somewhat of a poet back then, but words fail me now. Great work, Sammy.

LATE NIGHT ADDENDUM: Here's how dominant the Pahlsson-Moen-Niedermayer unit has been this postseason. In the search for some 5-on-5 offense:

• Gaborik has been separated from Demitra
• Sedin has been separated from Sedin
• Datsyuk has been separated from Zetterberg
• Heatley has been separated from Alfredsson

Pahlsson is god.

Ducks Gameday—Oil catch Ducks Prongerless once again

Edmonton Oilers (30-31-6, 11th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (40-17-11, 3rd in west)

Exclusive X-Ray of Pronger’s Foot (UPDATED):

• Yes, it appears that the evil Oil-traitor Chris Pronger has gone and injured his big toe during some off-ice workout. He was interviewed during the Phoenix telecast to emphatically tell us that he did not drop anything on his foot—he only drops trade demands, dammit! This will be the second straight time Prongs is missing an Edmonton matchup, and predictably enough, the Ducks are 2-0 with Pronger and 0-1 without.
  
• Pronger leads the Ducks in the scoring against the Oil with 4 assists in just 2 games. Getzlaf, SNieds, and Ketchup are all also point-a-game vs. EDM this year.
  
• I don’t have much to say about the sad departure of Ryan Smyth, other than I think he’s an elite player who improves the players around him, and Kevin Lowe should have bit the bullet and signed the guy. Like Lupul and Smid before them, Nilsson and O’Marra are going to start with an awful weight on their necks—they’ll be eyed closely as the “trade return”.
  
• Covered in Oil and its commenters put together a great set of haiku and other assorted verse in a terrific post. Here was my submission, an acrostic trio of haiku:
  
  

  R eal classy, K. Lowe,
  Y ou held out ‘til 2:40,
  A uctions are for wimps!
  
  N o worries, K. Lowe,
  S ell the notion that you’re poor—
  M arket rate my ass!
  
  Y oung Mr. Nilsson,
  T his team needs some heart and soul,
  (H urting Joffrey helps).
  

• The Blues did both teams a favor last night by beating the Stars in regulation. Not only did it pad Anaheim’s Pacific cushion, but it also moved Edmonton up a notch on the summer entry draft board.
  
• Since Smyth’s departure, Edmonton been outscored 15-3 on a four-loss homestand, and though I haven’t kept up, it seems their young blueline is also pretty banged-up, which is akin to breaking a man’s crutch. When the Ducks had a busted-up blueline, they became the Anaheim Sucks, so maybe this graphic is appropriate for tonight's Edmonton squad.

I forget where on the internet I stole this pic, so claim it if it’s yours!
Prediction: Ducks 4, Oilers 2. Goals by Getzlaf, Selanne x2, and Pahlsson.

Sleek's Poetry Corner, Part 2

Also: Chicago Blackhawks (6-9-2, 12th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (13-2-4, 1st in west)

It's not as good as my Ode to Beauchemin, but it was about time I expressed my man-love to Sammy, consistently Anaheim's best forward and quite easily my favorite player in the NHL.

ODE TO PAHLSSON

S ome fans like scorers, some fans like squee,
A s for Earl? He’s a sucka for ol’ Sammy P.
M aster of Defense, Penalty Killer, and Pest,
U nrelenting, Hard-working, Sammy’s the best!
E very night he faces another top line,
L eading Duck forwards in average ice time.

P uck-pressuring forecheck gives Ducks a lift,
A gain and again, I say, “Jeez, whatta shift!”
H e’s killing this year, with Moen and R. Nieds,
L ike he did playing with the gold-winning Swedes.
S elke may have been a good checking forward,
S crew him, though! It should be the Pahlsson Award!
O h Sammy, if you’re reading, one thing I must say,
N ever ever leave Anaheim. This God I pray.



Prediction: 4-3 Ducks. Pahlsson scores 'em all.

Sleek's Poetry Corner

(Author’s note: I am no real poet, but I’ve probably been too analytical lately, and my imaginary therapist says this might help.)

ODE TO FRENCHY:

Fedorov joined us in 2003’s summer
Replacing Kariya, who left (what a bummer!)
After the rollback, he was still overpaid,
Now that his skills were starting to fade.
Carlyle and Burke had seen quite enough
Off to Columbus for prospects and such!
I’ll admit; I was skeptical about the whole deal
Silly me! How could I miss such a steal?

Before you arrived, I never knew who you were,
Even now that you’ve been with us, I’m not really sure,
Alas! It’s not always easy to see what you bring for us,
Usually ‘cause your partner has been Mr. Norris.
Captain Iginla found out your fists are an asset,
Hitting is also! Just ask Andrew Brunette.
Even though we lost to the Oil (boo hoo!)
Mainly the question has been “Sergei WHO?”
I speak for all Duck fans—we’re glad that you’re here,
Now can you be even better next year?

Go get 'em, Frenchy.