Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Sleek's Poetry Corner, Part 3

(Previous Poetry Corners: Francois Beauchemin, Samuel Pahlsson)

Well, seeing as we still have a day or two until this Penner offer sheet gets resolved, my imaginary therapist figured it's probably best for me to deal with this offer sheet situation through some relaxing poetry, something I haven't really broken out since November last year. I'm a bit rusty, but hopefully still relevant:

Ode to Dustin Penner

D id you hear the story of mad Kevin Lowe?
U nable to sign anyone—he’s got money to blow.
S o far this offseason he’s felt quite maligned,
T urns out that Nylander hadn’t quite signed,
I tching for players, Lowe then tried for Vanek,
N ow that he’s failed, though, he’s starting to panic.

P erhaps, though, this offer sheet will go through,
E specially by overpaying a million or two,
N ever mind that Penner’s had Lupul-ish stats,
N or that his career doesn’t have many at-bats.
E dmonton with Penner will be somewhat stronger,
R egrettably, though: he’ll never be as worthwhile as Pronger.
As a Ducks fan, it is sort of strange to know how to feel about the Oilers: on the one hand, they do represent the last team to knock the Ducks out of the playoffs; on the other, they certainly lost out in the Pronger "deal", and now they are offering three draft picks for the right to increase Penner's salary tenfold? I really don't know whether to hate them, pity them, or just flat out thank them.
Waa! Gimme back your semi-star!

This of course is a pictoral tribute to my previous Pronger post:
"Waa! Gimme back my superstar!"

15 comments:

dbushik said...

So there's some pretty consistant Lupul bashing. You really think the kid isn't going to develop? Just kind of wondering from a Quacks fan POV.

The way I understand the situation, he did not want to leave Anaheim. Yes he's from EDM, but let's say you're from EDM and get to play hockey someplace where the danger of dying from just being outside is no longer significant. Think you'd be in any hurry to get back to hell frozen over?

I had heard he was pretty unhappy going to the Oilers, and on top of that, there was plenty of underachieving on that team all around him. Seems like some of his failure to pick up his game is easily attributed to those two factors.

Now he's going to PHI, which by all accounts is a great hockey town and a place players actually want to play. Not knocking ANA here at all as a destination for players, but clearly EDM is not on the top of anyone's list.

I actually don't like the guy on a character level because of what I saw at the rookie tourney from him in ANA a couple years back (he actually got what should have been a home-town crowd to boo him for throwing a little fit on the ice), but I always saw potential there for this kid in the scoring department.

Not sure I'm going join any fantasy leagues this year, but if I do he's going to be one of my top picks after the obvious choices are gone.

I totally see this kid as being a potential sleeper and think he will really thrive in PHI. Just kid of my gut feeling.

Wondering what Ducks fans saw in this kid that makes his name come up as a "lesson learned" when talking about Penner and EDM going after him. Was it just the bad year in EDM?

Earl Sleek said...

On Lupul: I liked Lupul while he was in Anaheim, but of course it's a different story when he plays for cheap. Of course he did pot some big goals for the team and I don't want to say he doesn't have a future as a sniper, but he clearly needed to play some sheltered minutes, and even then provided some suspect defensive play (IIRC, he led the Ducks in postseason penalty minutes in '06, nearly all lazy hooking calls).

I guess the Lupul lesson is that he's fine when you're not relying on the guy, but once you put a multi-million-dollar price tag on him and hope that he can pick up some significant Pronger-slack, that's when he'll burn you. But who knows? Put him on Philly behind Briere and Gagne and he could definitely find a scoring niche.

The lesson is less clear with Penner, but it could go along the same lines. Of course I love Penner at league minimum--but the expectations will certainly change when he's north of $4M. Just like Lupul, Penner potted some big goals while playing sheltered minutes--it's not clear how he'd carry the mail with top defenders on him, though.

Neither guy is destined for failure, by any means--but Edmonton has turned both into pretty expensive (and important) gambles without a lot of quality-minute performance to go by.

Heather B. said...

Earl, that poem is a thing of beauty. Bravo!

Magses said...

Dude, Earl, that's almost too awesome for words.

Rick said...

Nice work.

They really should let him walk.

RudyKelly said...

Is there a laugh at them option? I choose that one.

Earl Sleek said...

Thanks, everybody! You're making me wish I did this more often.

And Rudy, "laugh at them" is TOTALLY an option. If I were an Oiler fan late last year, I think that might be the only option, in fact.

Patty (in Dallas) said...

Great poem! Do Pronger next!

Poor Oilers. I think I'll choose "pity them".

Earl Sleek said...

Do Pronger next!

Well, I'm only hesitant because thus far, I've only done it for players with an even-number of letters in each of their first and last names. It's sort of the acrostic design.

But yeah, there are players with odd-numbers in each of their names that could combine for a nice long verse (Pronger, Selanne, either Niedermayer, and Perry). But maybe Moen and McDonald first? They are more natural fits.

mindless said...

Seriously, where's the Moen Poem? I would have thought he'd be next after Sammy...

Bitchany said...

Sleek...you make me laugh...that honestly made my day.

Sherry said...

I said this already but why not experiment with the A-B-A format next time, it could give you so much more freedom with number of letters!

Pookie said...

Well, I'm only hesitant because thus far, I've only done it for players with an even-number of letters in each of their first and last names.

So do "PRONGERB". The extra B is for "bag, douche".

Anonymous said...

Another strange Oiler-Duck trade connection: The-Comrie-trade-that-didn't-happen-because-Lowe-got-pissy-which-then- pissed-off-another-Ducks-GM-named- Bryan-but-actually-turned-out-better-for- the-Ducks-because-the-Ducks-kept-Perry.
Further irony: Bryan Murray got Comrie in the end, only it was as a Senator. HA.

kalenakai said...

Well done Mr. Sleek, well done indeed.

Bye Dusty. Enjoy your time in Edmonton. Do you think he'll rent Lupul's house up there too?