Kings Gameday: Poor Dion

LA Kings (arr?) @ Phoenix Coyotes (29-25-4)

6:00 PST, FSN West






In the first period, Phaneuf tried to hit 6'7" Brian Boyle and got dropped like a sack of shit. He got his revenge later, hitting Boyle from behind as Boyle beat out an icing call.

In the second period, Phaneuf got bowled over by Dustin Brown. He slashed Brown out of frustration and got a penalty, putting his team down 2 men. Whoops!

In the third, Phaneuf got rocked in the corner by 5'9" Jeff Giuliano. Everyone just kind of felt embarrassed for him by that point.

Guh?

Later in the third, Phaneuf missed a check on little Kevin Dallman (who played an amazing game, by the way) and lost his helmet. Finally, dejected and morose, Phaneuf silently said to himself, "Fuck this," and went to the bench. Not his best night.

So, to recap, Phaneuf got embarrassed all night, Iginla had one measly second assist, and Kipprusoff let in 6 goals on 25 shots. Nice core, Calgary, good thing they took hometown discounts (They graciously accepted $6 million? Saints!) or else your team might be fucked. Don't worry, though, there's no precedent for signing 3 great players and then sliding into last place because you can't fill in the rest of your team. (Psst! I'm talking about Tampa. And relax, Calgary fans, I'm just dicking around, don't leave me 5,000 word essays in the comments about how different Calgary is from Tampa.)

***

Old friend Craig Conroy played last night and did a pretty good job shutting down Anze Kopitar. He had a little tiff with Jack Johnson, but I'm willing to give Craig the benefit of the doubt on that one. Kopitar's line has trouble when another team puts their best line out against them, as Calgary did last night, but it doesn't really matter if Alex Frolov is going to pretend he's Joe Thornton out there. Honestly, I'm starting to fall in love.

***

Who in the hell are you?!?!?

Phoenix has been a nice little story all season, but they finally looked in the mirror and said, "Hey, we're Phoenix, we can't be good!" and started sucking again. I would think they were only good because of Ilya Bryzgalov, but if you look at their stats a big part of their success has been francophobe Shane Doan and Radim Vrbata. Radim Vrbata has 25 goals this season! Radim Vrbata! Who the hell is that? I like to think I am pretty up to date on the workings of the Pacific Division, but I have to admit I was barely aware the guy existed until 10 minutes ago. "Radim Vrbata" sounds like something my sister would make up in Scrabble. Still, he allegedly has 25 goals this year, so I guess he's good. The Pacific Division is probably the best division in hockey and I can't really see it getting any easier next season.

Prediction: Kings win, 3-2. Goals by Frolov, Purcell, and Brown. Phaneuf gets checked by the bus driver on the trip over to Anaheim and gets all huffy about it.

Kings Gameday: It's Fun to Pretend

Los Angeles Kings (15-25-2, thud) vs. Calgary Flames (21-14-7, 5th in West)

7:30 PST, FSN West

The Alexander Ovechkin rumor mill has begun! Will he actually going to be traded? Of course not, he’s Alexander Ovechkin! Still, that’s not preventing some people from speculating on where he might end up if he were traded. The Kings make an attractive option because of our plethora of young talent and this idea that L.A. needs an attraction in order to draw fans. (You know what's a big attraction? Winning.) John Buccigross, the earnest sports writer over at ESPN.com, came up with this trade:

To Washington

Johnathan Bernier
Jack Johnson

Mike Cammalleri

Our #1 Pick

To L.A.

Alexander Ovechkin

Chris Clark

"Top Defensive Prospect"

Their #1 Pick

Now, I love John Buccigross, because I think he’s one of the few people writing today that you can just tell loves hockey, but: are you out of your everloving mind??? This isn’t even that bad of a trade for the Kings; the whole thing doesn’t make any sense. I think a problem people always have when coming up with trade ideas is that they always complicate them too much. I suck at trades too, but let me see if I can simplify it a little.Why swap #1 picks if they’re both going to be high? Just get rid of them both. And the Kings aren’t trading Jack Johnson. If they did, they'd be the just like the Washington Capitals and then what's the point of doing the trade? Get rid of him and the “top defensive prospect” and insert a guy like Lauri Tukonen instead. And get rid of Chris Clark, I don’t want his goofy ass. Now, the trade becomes:

To Washington

Johnathan Bernier

Mike Cammalleri
Lauri Tukonen

To L.A.

Alexander Ovechkin

So the Caps get the eventual replacement to Olaf Kolzig, a young sniper who will probably score around 30 goals a year, and a good forward prospect. They can have someone like Peter Harrold if they want, too. The Kings get Alexander Ovechkin. Now I have no idea if that’s a good trade because I overvalue our own players, but to me that seems as good as Washington is going to get if they really want to trade AO and his contract burden. Put Ovechkin with Kopitar and Brown and you instantly have the third best line in hockey.

Who wouldn't want that on their team?

Of course, this would never happen and it’s kind of stupid to even talk about, but hey, this is a blog and this is what we do. What do you guys think?

***

The Kings play the Calgary Flames tonight. I don’t mind the Flames too much; I think Iginla is a little overrated (although not this year), Dion Phaneuf’s head kind of looks like Jim Carrey’s at the end of Batman Forever, and Mikka Kiprusoff is hilariously inept for a guy who just signed such a big contract, but they have Craig Conroy so I’m cool with them. Still, I hope the Kings beat the shit out of them tonight.

Prediction: There is no shit-beating in Los Angeles tonight. (Well, not at Staples anyway. I don't know what Earl has planned tonight.) Kings lose, 4-2. Goals by Kopitar and our old friend Craig Conroy as a gesture of respect. What a great guy.

Kings Gameday: Old Friends & Old Enemies

This picture makes my heart smile.

Los Angeles Kings (2-5, Last in West) vs. Calgary Flames ( 2-2-2, 1st in Craig Conroys)

6:00 PST, FSN West

The Kings are coming off a good win against the Minnesota Wild. The win wasn’t good because they managed to beat a previously undefeated team, but because they deserved to win the game easily. The Kings shouldn’t have even let the Wild get into overtime or a shootout; if not for a bad goal let in by J.S. Aubin, they would have won in regulation. They even beat them in front of their mothers, which I found very satisfying. I know it makes me a bad person, but I hope it ruined their trip. Take that, Brian Rolston's mom!

Speaking of Aubin,I wasn’t too impressed by his performance on Tuesday. Besides the aforementioned bad goal, he looked a little stiff going side-to-side, resulting in a ridiculously lucky save (against Eric Belanger) that got a lot more pub than it deserved. Aubin has a little hitch in his movement, meaning he pulls his lead leg in before extending it back out when moving to the side. This typically hurts a goalie on rebounds and one-timers. The contrast is stark if you think about the way Bernier moved. (Hold on... sorry, got a little choked up there for a second.) Plus, my brother pointed out that he looks like Ricky Gervais. Still, I guess he wasn’t terrible, and that’s really all we needed on Tuesday. He's worth having in there if only because hearing Jimmy Fox say his name is hilarious.

Oh, you.

The Kings meet up with the Calgary Flames tonight and Old friend Craig Conroy will be there. When I think about what the Kings need this season, I think they could really use another strong, defensively responsible center to play with Frolov. They could use… well, they could use Craig Conroy. Maybe I just want him on the team because I think he’s awesome. He just seems like the kind of guy where you talk to him and then all of a sudden you realize that being around him makes you feel better about yourself. (Does that make me sound crazy? I'm not crazy.) If he scored tonight I wouldn't cheer, but I think a little part of me might be happy.

Also with the Calgary Flames is old enemy Owen Nolan. I used to hate Owen Nolan back when he was on the Sharks. He always seemed like a guy who got credit for being “tough” when he was really just a dick. The guy even looks like an asshole:

Eff you too, Nolan.

See? He looks like the kind of guy who would drive on the shoulder of the freeway during a traffic jam. If he died in a fire I wouldn't cheer, but I think a little part of me might be happy.

I’m going to be gone this weekend (my friends are going hunting while I get drunk and rail against injustice and Jordin Tootoo), but I’m sure Earl & Co. will keep you entertained. As always, if the Kings get scored on and you hear a faint “Fuck!” carried by the wind, know that I am with you.

When I Was Young...

When I was young, my favorite player was Kelly Hrudey. He had everything a kid could want: he played the same position I did, he had a cool helmet, he wore a bandana that made him look like a pirate, and he had a name that was mine but switched around. (Funny how that works…) He was not the greatest goalie that ever played, but he was good enough and he was a hero to me.

I always wanted him to wear a helmet with a bandana painted on it.

When he left the Kings in 1996 and signed with the Sharks, I was devastated. How could the Kings not want Kelly Hrudey anymore? I mean, seriously, he looked like a pirate. To make matters worse, I went to Hrudey’s first game back against the Kings and had to suffer through the vile insults of angry Kings fans towards my hero. It seemed insane to me that fans could jeer and boo a guy who had led them to the Stanley Cup Finals and, again, looked like a pirate. The Sharks won (7-6, which probably explained why the Kings had let him go), but that was little consolation for a young man. From that time on, I swore that I’d never have a favorite player again.

Through the years, I’d have players that I enjoyed watching (Ziggy Palffy) and players that I rooted for (Steven Reinprecht), but I never had a player that I cheered for specifically. That all changed, however, during the first game of the 2005-06 season. The Kings were playing the Phoenix Coyotes on October 6th, the first home game of the year. They led 3-2 in the closing moments of the third period, but then disaster struck. Pavol Demitra was given a two-minute penalty for tripping and then Tim Gleason received a penalty for cross-checking. This put the Kings down 5-on-3, and then 6-on-3 when Phoenix pulled their goalie. The situation seemed hopeless, but the Kings center managed to win the face-off to himself and then draw a penalty, effectively saving the Kings. That center was Craig Conroy.

You not only stole that puck; you stole my heart.

I tried not to fall for Craig Conroy, but I was soon smitten. He had everything I looked for in a player; solid play-making ability, defensive responsibility, and a smile that rivals the Sun. He played in every situation with the grit and talent that every player should desire. Even more importantly, he seemed like a great guy to have a beer with, a guy that would reach out to young guys and show them the ropes. That whole season Conroy grew and grew on me, until I finally began to think of him in the same way I thought of Kelly Hrudey. Conroy ended up with 66 points in 78 games and our future together looked bright.



Unfortunately, nothing went right for Conroy after that season. His linemate Pavol Demitra got traded and the loss of Alyn McCauley meant that Conroy had to take on the task of shutting down the opposition. He devoted himself to this 3rd-line role with the same resolve that he did to everything, but the results just weren’t there. Kings fans began to turn on him the same way that they had turned on Hrudey, and I was forced to face the loss of my favorite player once again. Things turned out well with Conroy; he was reunited with Calgary, his former team, and showed the flashes of what had made me like him in the first place.



I know it’s dumb for a grown man to bemoan the loss of a hockey player that he’s never met and I often mock those who devote themselves wholly to one player. After Craig left, I decided that it was much more important to advocate what was the best for the team and look to the players as interchangeable parts. It is the most logical thing to do, but at the same time I feel that I don't get as emotionally invested as I used to. There’s something to be said for having a favorite player, and it's sad that I'll most likely never experience that again. I may understand more about hockey and appreciate its intricacies more than when I was a young man, but there are times I wish I could still feel the way I did about Kelly Hrudey and Craig Conroy.