Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Random Impromptu Liveblog: Kings @ Sharks

10:13 PM: Never mind. Another shootout loss. Well, that's it for me and my impromptu liveblog. So far this new Roenick jersey isn't that lucky. Hopefully I got out all the bad mojo before I wear it at a game.

10:12 PM: God damn it, I hate the shootout when the Sharks are in it. It's fun every other time to watch. Thank you Little Joe for tying it up.

10:11 PM: Nabby's stupid poke check move only works like 1% of the time. Sure, it looks cool when it does, but it still never works. No fivehole for Michalek.

10:09 PM: JR channels the power of my jersey and SCORES! And he didn't even do the beanpot move he and Tony Amonte always did.

10:08 PM: Oh man, Randy and Drew are referencing the Seinfeld episode when George Costanza decided to do everything Bizarro and he started getting things his way. That's why I love these guys.

10:06 PM: My shooters if I'm Ron Wilson -- throw everyone off and go with Roenick, Ozolinsh, and Mitchell.

10:04 PM: I get the sense that Torrey Mitchell can't quite control himself at top speed. He always looks like he's about to just fly off in a random direction or pull off the sweetest move off all time. As Yoda once said, control, control, you must learn control!

10:03 PM: Sandis Ozolinsh, master forechecker.

10:01 PM: Hey, Wilson's listening to me, pairing Marleau and Michalek together.

9:59 PM: Drew Remenda's talking about electrolytes in Gatorade. If you ever want a really funny take on that, rent a movie called Idiocracy by Mike Judge.

9:57 PM: Doh. Stupid overtime. Please oh please, no shootout.

9:55 PM: If I'm Wilson, I let Marleau and Thornton skate together for the last minute.

9:51 PM: For you LA fans, Drew Remenda REALLY likes the nickname Anze Kopi-STAR.

9:49 PM: Another power play. Let's bring it home, boys. Seriously. No more shootouts. Please.

9:48 PM: Stupid Marleau and his stupid deke move that never works. Try something different, Patty!

9:46 PM: In my beginner hockey class way back when, they taught us to only have one forechecker in during a shorthanded situation. But I'm guessing that Mike Grier and Joe Thornton are a little better than the guys in that class.

9:43 PM: Is "plethora of stupid penalties" synonymous with "mental toughness"?

9:41 PM: I can't believe I'm saying this but...good tough 5 on 3 kill by Christian Ehrhoff.

9:40 PM: 5 on 3. This isn't good.

9:38 PM: Bad penalty by Craig Rivet. Selfish, stupid, undisciplined. That's it, he's off the Fellowship of the Leadership Council.

9:35 PM: Tim Hunter is waving his arms behind the bench. He's probably saying, "Jesus, JR, don't you know Mike bought your jersey and is wearing it as he liveblogs? Give him a point!"

9:33 PM: A Quiet Riot/hockey story to share. When I went to Toronto with my buddies, we sat behind some angry old Leaf fans at the ACC. I was saying something about the game when the old dude turned to me and said, "What do YOU know about hockey? Try putting on some skates before you say anything." To which I said, "Actually, I DO play hockey," and promptly got the guy to shut up. A few minutes later, Quiet Riot came over the PA and my buddy said in his loudest voice possible, "Mike, what do YOU know about Quiet Riot?" I still chuckle about that to this day.

9:32 PM: They're playing Quiet Riot on the PA. Do you think they had a moment of silence for the lead singer who died?

9:30 PM: Forward Rob Davison goes offside. His excuse? "I'm just doing what Nils Ekman told me to do."

9:28 PM: YES! Finally woke up -- and Cheechoo and Marleau are actually on the ice for a goal. Too bad they don't get help for their +/- rating, but whatever. Ever notice how Craig Rivet always looks sad even when he scores?

9:26 PM: Big Johnson hits the box. Time to score.

9:25 PM: God damn it Cheech. Keep going, boys.

9:23 PM: Penalty to ex-Shark Brad Stuart. Here's the chance. Sidenote -- one of my buddies used to sit next to an obsessed Brad Stuart fan who painted her nails "7BRAD STUART". She was known as the "Brad Stuart Ho".

9:22 PM: 3rd Period, here we go...

9:21 PM: I'm really sick of the term "mental toughness." Probably because the Sharks don't seem to have any.

9:17 PM: How I'm changing the mojo: I realize that I was wearing a sweater UNDER my JR jersey. That's a no-no. Now it's just a t-shirt and the Roenick jersey. I've also scooted my laptop over to a different position and got a soda.

9:14 PM: Right now, I'd try a few shifts of Thornton/Seto/JR and Marleau/Michalek/Pavelski. When Marleau and Michalek get their legs pumping, they're at their best, and Pavelski's much more savvy than I usually give him credit for.

9:10 PM: NHLPA head honcho Paul Kelly's being interviewed: "I think we owe it to the fans to work out problems as professionally as possible." Professionally = negotiation, communication, partnership, compromise, NOT name calling and finger pointing.

9:05 PM: Intermission -- time to check on the sick wife. Be right back.

9:04 PM: I think Patrick Marleau's like one of those video game characters where you only have so many points to distribute in his attributes. You increase his faceoffs and his offensive attributes decrease.

9:02 PM: God freakin' damn it. Am I psychic or do the Sharks just fall into bad patterns?

8:59 PM: FYI, right after the game, I'm going to watch Project Runway on Tivo. I love that show -- and I bet those contestants could design a better jersey than the Sharks designers.

8:58 PM: Come on Patty, do something besides turn it over or bobble the freakin' puck.

8:57 PM: Sharks strategy: Get the puck. Pass around the perimeter. Hold it at the point. Pass around the perimeter. Turn it over. Repeat.

8:55 PM: You know, Pebble Beach is within driving distance. Maybe I need to make some suggestions...

8:55 PM: Drew Remenda and I agree -- put Curtis Brown in the lineup every night, even just for PK/4th line minutes.

8:53 PM: Hooking calls require the stick to actually hook the guy rather than just brushing by him, right? I know, I know, hindsight and instant replay are 20/20.

8:53 PM: Is Jack Johnson going to earn the nickname Big Johnson or is that too late 80's/early 90's to be funny?

8:52 PM: Craig Rivet on the bench: "Bla bla bla work hard, stay positive bla bla bla bad bounce keep working bla bla bla generic cliche #15"

8:51 PM: If Rob Davison can be a forward, I have some guys on my beer league team who should get a shot at playing left wing.

8:48 PM: Oh, bloody hell. You idiots.

8:47 PM: I love how Sandis Freakin' Ozolinsh spends more time in the slot area than any forward.

8:45 PM: Well, that was a useless shift. However, even though Cheech has never exactly been a smooth skater, his crossovers and turns look totally awkward (yes, even worse than usual), like he's playing beginner beer league down at Logitech Ice. There were those rumblings about his groin/hernia not fully recovering, and I'm beginning to believe it. You don't just lose that sort of innate scoring ability and shot unless something's REALLY jacking up your timing and ability to create space.

8:44 PM: Here comes Cheechoo...

8:43 PM: Random fact: one of my best friends has a man-crush on Milan Michalek.

8:40 PM: HOLDING? How does Murray hold him if he never takes his hands off his stick? Not to sound like a homer, but just sayin'...

8:39 PM: Sharks/Avs promo. Do we really need to see all billion Colorado goals against the Sharks again?

8:37 PM: Big Murray goes to the box. On Tivo instant replay, I see that he DIDN'T take his hand off the stick. He did, however, wave his arms in disgust.

8:35 PM: On Jonathan Cheechoo's next shift, I'm going to just focus on him and see if I can get a sense of an injury.

8:34 PM: Jebus, Joe Thornton can make a tape-to-tape pass while flying through the air a la Bobby Orr. How the hell do you pull that shit off?

8:33 PM: The rush you DON'T want to see: Patrick Rissmiller leading Douglas Murray.

8:32 PM:Is the Sharks Leadership Council like the Council of Old Guys in Lord of the Rings?

8:30 PM: Nice move by Ladislav Nagy. I was watching the Yotes/Ducks game the other day and the Anaheim guys couldn't remember that Nagy was no longer in Phoenix. You think of all the other teams they'd know, it'd be LA's roster.

8:28 PM: Second period, here we go.

8:27 PM: Now I'm really multi-tasking -- liveblogging AND chatting with Earl Sleek at the same time. Technology rules!

8:24 PM: Randy and Drew are talking about the tongue-lashing Ron Wilson gave today. What hasn't RWilson tried? He's been nice, he's been a jerk, he's mashed lines together. George McPhee was talking about Glen Hanlon being fired and he said that at one point, it's not that you have a bad coach, it's just that everyone gets so nervous that nothing works out.

8:22 PM: Second period should start in a few minutes. I've decided to try and change the Sharks' second-period mojo by putting on my never-before-worn Jeremy Roenick jersey. Just ripped the tags off and put it on. Here goes nothing.

8:20 PM: On a whim, I decided to liveblog this game starting from the second period (the dogs are fed, wife's feeling sick and went to bed early). Initial impressions: I've seen this trick before by the Sharks -- play hard for the first period, shoot the crap out of the opponent, and only walk out with one goal. If things follow the typical Sharks pattern, they'll only get four shots this period and give up two.

15 comments:

Megalodon said...

Alright, Mike! Go go go! We need more stuff like this!

McLaren a healthy scratch? Good. I hate the guy. He's big but never hits any more since he got hurt a few seasons ago. Now he just lumbers around.

Joe shot the puck, so that's a good sign.

Rivet and Murray are the greatest people to ever live. No hyperbole.

Megalodon said...

Also, much respect for using the properly respectful title, "Douglas" Murray. NOT Doug.

Earl Sleek said...

My roommate and I had a good time suggesting "Pass to Cammalleri" during the LA power play in the 1st.

Earl Sleek said...

On Jonathan Cheechoo's next shift, I'm going to just focus on him and see if I can get a sense of an injury.

I was thinking today, if Marian Gaborik was able to publicly apologize to his fantasy owners for his lack of production, doesn't Cheechoo owe me a Christmas present or something?

Earl Sleek said...

Wow. Nabokov's puck radar is on the fritz.

Earl Sleek said...

Is Jack Johnson going to earn the nickname Big Johnson or is that too late 80's/early 90's to be funny?

The aspect that he's probably too young to get it is kind of funny.

Earl Sleek said...

If things follow the typical Sharks pattern, they'll only get four shots this period and give up two.

Quite prophetic, but chin up! They got seven shots so far.

Earl Sleek said...

I bet Ron Wilson wishes he had McLaren and Bernier dressed right about now.

Earl Sleek said...

While I steadfastly remain the only commenter, I should point out that Kings players just got a handout about holding leads in the 3rd period.

This should be interesting.

Earl Sleek said...

Sidenote -- one of my buddies used to sit next to an obsessed Brad Stuart fan who painted her nails "7BRAD STUART". She was known as the "Brad Stuart Ho".

Hm. I probably would have called her "6-finger".

Earl Sleek said...

I'm really hoping Wilson throws Ozolinsh on the shootout. I'm interested to see what he'd try, plus what is there to lose?

RudyKelly said...

This is how me and Matt have goalies ranked in shootouts in the Pacific:

1) Turco
2) Bryzgalov
3) LaBarbera
4) Giguere
5) Anyone in the history of the world
6) Nabokov

Thoughts?

mcfed said...

Does anyone remember when the commentators were talking about gatorade and electrolytes and they said something like "we hydrate ourselves before and after the game, but for some reason we're always dehydrated." Are they admitting that they are always drunk because that would be awesome!

Can the Kings play all of there games in San Jose? That is something that should be brought up at Pebble Beach.

Megalodon said...

Nabokov is a great goalie, and he gives the team a chance to win every night...but his style just does NOT translate to shootouts.

Is it possible to pull the goalie in a shootout to get an extra shooter?

Mike Chen said...

Megalodon, you CAN do that. I've seen it before and I can't remember which team tried to do it. I think it was Atlanta once, but my memory is failing me.