Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Upping the bar with Ingmar

There’s no really good way to explain how I got to this point, but suffice to say that Ingmar Bergman and I independently have some sort of A-Team fetish to go along with our hockey fandom.

Well, the devious Swede thought he could take this mutual monkey business to the next level, by designing an
A-Team jersey in my honor.

Well, let me tell you something about Mr. Sleek: when it comes to monkey business, he’s always got another level.

Templeton “Faceman” Peck, RW
Ht: 6’0 Wt: 185 Shoots: L
-Originally drafted by the U.S. Army (Vietnam division) in the 2nd round of the 1965 draft
-Defected to the A-Team during the 1972 offseason

-Lady Byng award nominee, 1983 - present

Scouting Report: Peck is a quick winger who lacks in size, but more than makes up for it with cunning and charisma. Originally raised in a Los Angeles orphanage, Faceman's knack for smooth smart play has earned him a permanent spot on the A-Team’s top line.

Peck has been criticized severely for a Bertuzzi-like incident back in the Hanoi leagues (which he still maintains was a big misunderstanding), but he remains popular among the team’s mostly-underground fans.

Strengths: Faceman has the ability to scam the puck from even the most diligent stickhandlers, and can often skate undetected behind the opponent’s defense. He is a clutch performer, and can be very 'resourceful' in tight situations.

Weaknesses: Peck often gets distracted by women in the stands, and can be a bit of a complainer in the locker room. He has an aversion to being hit ‘in the face’, and fairly regularly shoots wide of his target.

Legendary Moment:

During the 1984 military playoffs, the A-Team found themselves down 4-2 after two periods in a climactic game seven. Colonel Decker led the opposing Army squad with a goal and two assists, and even told a between-period reporter that he had the A-Team “...right where I want ‘em.”

In the meantime, Templeton Peck was making good use of the intermission, convincing fans to 'upgrade' their seats to the opposite end of the arena as part of a promotional deal (another ‘Hannibal plan’). He also managed to scheme up enough lumber and paint for team enforcer B.A. Baracus to repaint the board ads and move the team benches over to the penalty box side. The organist, meanwhile, played a ‘building’ theme to help productivity.

Just as the whole coordinated effort was finished, the Army and the rest of the A-Team returned for the 3rd period. Thirty seconds into the frame, Decker tossed a blueline shot that skipped past A-Team goalie H.M. Murdock, who appeared distracted by his invisible dog Billy. Decker skated confidently by the A-Team bench, proclaiming in front of the crowd “You’re mine now, Smith.”

Moments later, the Army scored again. And again. It wasn’t until the 8th consecutive goal, scored at about the 15:00 mark, that Decker finally looked over and saw Peck and Hannibal Smith on the A-Team bench, lighting up cigars and laughing. The scam had worked; the Army had been scoring into their own net the whole period, making the score 10-4 A-Team.

The A-Team foiled Decker and his goons on their way to the second of five straight Stephen J. Cannell Cups. Decker was later retired in favor of center “Bull” Fullbright, but that would prove unsuccessful as well.
Memorable Peckism: "Hannibal, I don't like it when you get that look. Don't you smile at me... that's not even a real smile! It's just a bunch of teeth playing with my mind! "

OK, Bergman (or whoever else is interested), who’s your favorite member of the Hockey A-Team?


Ingmar "W" Bergman said...
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Ingmar "W" Bergman said...

I've got nothing 'Howlin' Mad' Sleek.

This is one of the reasons I barely read TSN or ESPN or Canoe anymore.

I bow before thee Mighty Sleek.

Until my mind comes up with something, although I'll have to think long and hard before I can up the ante on this one. Excellent!

The “Faceman” Peck is my favourite because you made him my favourite. It'd be cool to see what you could do with 'Shit-eating Grinner' Smith though.

Again, I got nothing so far.

Earl Sleek said...

This is one of the reasons I barely read TSN or ESPN or Canoe anymore.

Yes, they are clearly dropping the ball when it comes to A-Team hockey fan fiction.

Stupid reality priorities.