Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Come Back Matty

The Kings are pretty boned on defense, and the only other real option on defense just got signed by the Ottawa Senators. The Kings can still trade for Mathieu Schneider (for Lauri Tukonen, make it happen!) or someone from Toronto because they have their defender of the future in Jeff Fing-hahaha, sorry, couldn't quite get that one out with a straight face. Anyway, the Kings' defense as it stands right now will have Matt Greene on the top unit and Tom Preissing as the 3rd best defenseman. That sucks. The Kings need leadership too; the only guy who wore a letter last year that is still on the team is Derek Armstrong and he's more Tom Sizemore than he is Tom Hanks. There's only one man I know that could fill both voids. He's a man who saved us once before when Rob Blake betrayed us, a man of conviction and morals that would never betray us. The Kings need to sign Mattias Norstrom.

Now, I know what you're saying: "Norstrom was the 6th best defenseman on the Stars," "He's not very good," "He's retired." I don't care. The Kings need Matty Norstrom. I need Matty Norstrom. We're lost without him. Right now, the Kings are Bridget Jones and Rob Blake is Daniel Cleaver; Matty Norstrom is our Mark Darcy. He's not flashy or the one you'll notice out on the ice, but he's steady and he's a good person and he's fits us perfectly. We need him.

Matty, I know you want nothing more than to go back to Sweden and become a carpenter (a fact that inspires awe in me), but the Kings need you now. You've always been there for us; be there one more time. Money isn't an issue, just take Blake's deal. Just one more year, for us. If you do this, I swear to you I will lobby to have your number retired until the day I die.

Please.

16 comments:

Earl Sleek said...

Come Back Matty

Oh man I hope this gets super-desperate for the Kings (and my amusement).

I'm particularly waiting for the "Come Back Marty" post directed at McSorley. Come on, harsh UFA gods. Do it.

scott said...

Open tryouts anyone? Worked for the Philadelphia Eagles.

Matt said...

The Bridget Jones reference is super gay. FYI.

RudyKelly said...

Hey, I have this weird thing where I can remember the plot of any movie I've ever seen. I can't just turn it off because the movie sucks.

Megalodon said...

How is it possible that this is your first post ever with the "pathetic" tag?

Ingmar "W" Bergman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ingmar "W" Bergman said...

Hey, BOCers (is that a word?): You are among the funniest bloggers in the blogosphere. But everything you and everone else writes from now on will sound a little bit boring compared to this:

"ST. LOUIS – St. Louis Blues President John Davidson announced today that the club has signed Group II free agent forward Steve Bernier to an offer sheet worth $2.5 million for next season. The Canucks will have seven days to match the offer or receive St. Louis’ 2nd round draft choice in 2009."

Allow me to BWAHAHAHAHA this for a long long time.

Pardon my anglais. :)

Earl Sleek said...

Quick! Somebody put a gag order on those GMs, stat!

Patty (in Dallas) said...

That would be so beautiful if he came back to help the Kings. It's just the kind of thing he might do.

It took me a while to appreciate him and now I'm going to miss him.

Earl Sleek said...

How is it possible that this is your first post ever with the "pathetic" tag?

We didn't know what to label ourselves until Kevin Lowe became our thesaurus.

Look! I've even updated our sub-header text!

Mike in OC said...

Maybe Burke should have just kept his mouth shut and fired an offer sheet back at Lowe.

What the hell is going on in this NHL?

RudyKelly said...

I don't know, but the Sharks better sign Ryan Clowe right quick! Hehehe...

Nut said...

I like this John Davidson, he has Jam. And, it looks like he ate a lot of jam.

Earl Sleek said...

How's this going VAN-STL feud going to escalate? I'm hoping STL sneak-signs Pavol Demitra in a Nylander-style coup.

Either that or the Blues offer Mats Sundin a contract for $10,000,000.01.

Anonymous said...

You're finally starting to make sense, Rudy.

I'm on board the Matty bandwagon!!

Anonymous said...

The more I watched him, the less I appreciated him. I would cringe when he got the puck.

Didn't Dustin brown wear a letter last year? I would vote the "C" onto his chest - never takes a shift off and never misses a chance to take the body.