Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Drinky post: Sometimes old cartoons say it the best

Well, now I've seen the disaster which is the postseason Ducks of '08, and I can't hide behind the wall of denial any longer. This team is fucked.

In a perverse way, here's how I'd approach G3 if I were Randy Carlyle: healthy scratch Teemu Selanne.
"But Sleek, why Selanne? Wasn't he the best Duck on the ice tonight?"

Indeed he was, by a huge margin. In fact, Teemu really should be the one Duck not in danger of being scratched after tonight's performance. It seemed that Selanne was the only Duck who realized the inherent value of generating a shot on net, and shockingly, Teemu was the Ducks' best backchecker in several instances, too (a sure sign your team is in trouble? Selanne is your best defender). So why scratch Teemu?

To send the rest of the team a message. This team will not win if it keeps trying to play "Teemu Selanne plus 19 passenger" hockey. And as it's not feasible to scratch 19 passengers, the best hope is to scratch the one effective player and hope the rest of the team wakes up. If they don't, this team is done, no matter how awesome a scratched Selanne would have played.

Somebody else needs to shoot the puck with Selanne's intensity. And somebody else needs to backcheck with his tenacity. If nobody's going to do it, I sure hope Selanne can sign himself with a contender next year. He definitely deserves better.

18 comments:

Mr. Plank said...

Scratch Bertuzzi. The guy's a bozo, bad karma, and takes bad penalties at bad times.

Maybe throw Hiller in there as well. Okay maybe not, but have a shorter leash with your netminders. I understand it's not completely Giggy's fault, but some of the goals have been weak and sometimes a team needs a little change to get things going.

antro said...

It's amazing to think that both SC finalists are down 2-0.

I only watched half of the second period and half of the third, but, yeah, Bertuzzi's bad karma seems to be at work...

But what really surprised me was how invisible Pronger was. Last year, there wasn't a shift where you couldn't feel his presence. Esp on PP when the score was 2-2, the Ducks barely could gain the line.

Other notes: S. Niedermeyer seems to be trying to make up for the rest of them. Schneider putting himself way out of position on Richards' goal to make a big hit--that's a rookie mistake.

Yeah, I'd bench Bertuzzi, who also seems to have lost his scoring touch completely.

Tapeleg said...

Did you leave the game in the mad rush to the parking lot before it ended? I was keeping an eye on your seats, and saw them empty in the last minutes.

Earl Sleek said...

Yeah, we left after the Stars' fifth goal. Not only did we not see any encouraging reason to stay, but we figured we had cheaper liquor at home, too.

It wasn't even a parking lot rush thing. We weren't parked with the masses.

Oh, and good point on Schneider's hit (which was right next to us). The crowd roared its instant approval, but I told my dad, "well that hit's going to cost us a chance against." Five seconds later the puck was in the net.

heed said...

i think the ducks need a quick tutorial on the game of hockey. they seem to have forgotten that the puck is an important part of the game. the entire team is running around trying to make hits and have ignored the existence of the puck.

Spade-in-victorhell said...

what bullshit..all i have to say...wonder how many years these ducks are gonna rest on there asses and say well we did win the cup in 07...

utter crap..waste of my tax return!!

I did get to meet earl...a tall son of a bitch...about all i could remember i was drunk of my arse

RudyKelly said...

I want to bathe in your tears.

Kirsten said...

Drinking is a good solution. Guitar Hero is too.

I really suspect this will be Selanne's last season for real this time.

Earl Sleek said...

I really suspect this will be Selanne's last season for real this time.

I have no idea what goes through the Finn's head, but really, the decision's up to him. He's still got enough talent and drive that he could play another season easy (he prorated to 38 goals this season).

Still, I was thinking that yesterday may be the last time I'll see him play in an Anaheim uniform live, and that's pretty depressing.

Kirsten said...

I agree, he definitely has enough talent to keep going, but right now I feel like the Ducks are not giving him a lot of reason to decide to keep playing.

Temujin said...

With May out there playing useless hockey, and Bertuzzi being a schmuck taking dumb penalties... you guys look like the Canucks of 2004 out there!

Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! Oh Please, make it stop, you're hurting me! Hahahah!

Morbo said...

Right there with you Earl, on the Schnieder hit. As soon as the crowd cheered, I said "oh shit, that's not good"

One thing I kept thinking about was, damn this team is butt ass slow.

Getzlaf is invisible. Apart from that nice feed to Teemu on the 3 on 2 rush, I didn't remember a thing he did.

Meh. If Weight plays game 3, I would seriously question RC's sanity. I would like to see Teemu with Kunitz and Carter. Put Ryan up with Bert/Getzlaf. At least that way we have 2 lines for Tippet to make a decision on where Lehtinen plays against.

Looks like Giguere's going to have to steal a couple games for the Ducks to get back in it. He hasn't played bad, but with the shitty way the defense is playing, he's going to have to find some of the 03 magic again.

Bryan said...

It's Hiller Time. Carlyle would be an absolute fool to play Giguere. 9 goals in 2 games is unacceptable. Giving up that fat rebound on the second goal, unacceptable. At least something to change things up.

Bertuzzi took some rediculous penalties. Worst offseason signing ever.

Dallas's power play is amazing or the Ducks PK sucks. The way they work the puck around and set up shots in the high slot. At the 2nd intermission, I was sitting there thinking, Ducks are getting outplayed yet somehow it is 2-2 and the Ducks have a power play. Then things went to hell, as you all said, when Schneider went to hit that guy, I was thinking, Why would you do that?

I can't say any defenseman looks good out there. This is pathetic.

King Butter said...

F it...put in Parros

Mike in OC said...

crap!

Bryan said...

Lehtinen seems to be playing on the top line with Morrow and Ribiero. Apparently the Ducks don't have a good enough line that he needs to play agains.

Julian said...

Our checkers can't check, our scorers (I use the term loosely) can't score and our defense is a mess. If one of three was off we might be ok, but all three?

And with the checking line and "one of the greatest defenses in NHL history" who saw this coming?

I have to believe the checkers and the defense will be better in game three. How could they not? If they can get their act together we may have a series yet.

Anonymous said...

Dallas tends to suck at home in the playoffs so let's hope we can break even here and come back home strong in game 5.