Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

If I coached the god damn Sharks

Going down 3-1 is not the worst thing in the world. Plenty of teams have come back from that deficit before. Still, those teams haven't looked like the shrinking violets that the Sharks have during parts of this series. Let's not forget, though, that there were large portions where they did carry the play, and if they play like they did during March, it is feasible to win three in a row. Lots of ifs in there, though, and here's what I would do/preach tonight:

-Start Patrick Marleau on the wing with Joe Thornton. Doesn't mean you have to keep him there all game, but Patty seems to be the only Shark that is forcing the Calgary D to back off. Put him on the wing to use his speed and create some space for Joe -- and to show Milan Michalek how it's done.

-If the game even turns slightly, slightly physical, have Jody Shelley beat the living crap out of someone in red. I don't normally advocate goon hockey, but there comes a point when you have to send a message that you're not going to be a pushover. If you can instill the fear of Shelley's fists (rather than his dirty looks like last game) so that something like Cory Sarich's hit on Marleau doesn't happen again, mission accomplished.

-Remind the D to skate foreward, not back. I know, I know; big bad Calgary's forecheckers are so fast and scary. Come on, guys, you're not THIS bad. Forwards, that means you've gotta support your D on the breakout.

-Screen the goalie, whoever it is.

Ultimately, the Sharks as individuals need to play better, but within a team concept. You can't have Brian Campbell trying to skate through everyone over and over; it's just not going to work. If they play their best, if they stick together as a team, if they show some measure of toughness, then they can take it back to San Jose as a best-of-three with a little bit of confidence.

No lead is guaranteed. Safe is death. And just to inspire you a little bit more, here's a song from the awesome Stan Bush.



One of my favorite quotes from that movie is when the Autobots are under attack and Springer's loading up a big rocket launcher. During that, he says, "I've got better things to do tonight than die." Going down 3-1 isn't death, but it might as well be, and it's not just losing the series -- it'd be bye-bye to the team as we know it (hey, maybe that's a good a thing). The Sharks have better things to do tonight than die, right? Right?

29 comments:

RudyKelly said...

Holy fuck, I was in my brother's car this weekend and this song came on.

And that Transformers movie was pretty hardcore for a kid's movie.

Earl Sleek said...

If the game even turns slightly, slightly physical

Geez, Mike, don't go out on a limb here.

At this point, Shelley might as well just pick a fight with Ron Wilson. I suspect that would win him some supporters among the Shark loyalists.

Aaron said...

"One shall stand, one... shall fall."

So what if I'm in my mid-20's and still get emotional during that scene?

Mike in OC said...

Good luck guys.

As bad as they have played at times in this seris, I think they have a way better chance than the Ducks do.

MetroGnome said...

I don't normally advocate goon hockey, but there comes a point when you have to send a message that you're not going to be a pushover. If you can instill the fear of Shelley's fists (rather than his dirty looks like last game) so that something like Cory Sarich's hit on Marleau doesn't happen again, mission accomplished.

Goons deter nobody. If Shelley fights anyone, it'll be Godard. They'll duke it out and sit in th box for 5 minutes and nothing else will change.

Aaron said...

I disagree metrognome, you can pretty easily draw Iginla in to a fight and I'll take that trade-off any day.

Mike Chen said...

Or Phaneuf. Those 100+ PIMs aren't all for delay of game.

Remember, you never get hit when your back's to the wall, gonna fight to the end and you're taking it ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...

YOU GOT THE TOUCH duh nuh nuh nuh

Mike Chen said...

A stupid thought just popped into my head. If a regular skater opened the matrix of leadership, would he transform into a goalie with all that extra padding? Things for children of the 80's to ponder...

leanne said...

Trust me guys, you don't want to get Iginla in a fight. We do, but honestly, you don't.

Anonymous said...

Or, Joe could just run Regehr. He has ample opportunity every game with Regehr hanging on his back and going into the corners slashing the hell out of him. And Joe could do it. Look at what he did to Hal Gill on his first shift back in Boston. Look at what he did to Matt Cooke. He could play to his size for a couple of shifts. Create some of his own space.

Dave said...

Few things: Iginla won't fight Shelley, but he will fight Thornton or Marleau. In 04 he fought Lecavalier.

If you do manager to get Iginla to fight, you'll have his wrath to fear. When you get Iginla fired up, it's quite a sight. Watch some old playoff games or even regular season games after Iginla fights -- he's unstoppable.

As for running Regehr? Good luck with that -- this man played better defensive hockey when he had two broken legs than most of the Sharks d-men I've seen.

Mr. Plank said...

Unfortunately I agree with all the Flames enthusiasts who have decided to bless us with their presence. Iggy won't fight Shelley- it makes no goddamn sense at all.

Sad lil side note: Has Shelley ever even won a fight?

RudyKelly said...

Iginla would most likely fight Doug Murray, Swedish edition. And let's not get carried away about Iginla's ability after he fights, he's not Popeye or something.

Earl Sleek said...

If you do manage to get Iginla to fight, you'll have his wrath to fear. When you get Iginla fired up, it's quite a sight. Watch some old playoff games or even regular season games after Iginla fights -- he's unstoppable.

I assume you mean to watch old playoff games after Iginla fights someone not named Beauchemin.

Mike in OC said...

Just got back from lunch, and Earl beat me to it. (Damn you!)

That fight between Francios and Iggy was the turning point, and not in Iggy's favor either.

BTW...how can Nashville have a playoff win and we don't?

VeryProudofYa said...

You know, ever since Campbell did that spin move and scored and everyone got in line to hum on his genitals, he's done it at every possible moment.

And he's done nothing but fail with it since. Message to him: Stop that shit, you faggot.

Spade-in-victorhell said...

yea the predators winning should really make anaheim think...

its all or nothing tonite pretty much..

my theory is some players thought going thru the motions would get us thru..im talking to u pronger, jiggy, getzlaf..

Earl Sleek said...

BTW...how can Nashville have a playoff win and we don't?

Simple. They scored as many goals in nine seconds as the Ducks have in 120 minutes. In fact, the only playoff teams without a win right now are last year's cup finalists.

im talking to u pronger, jiggy, getzlaf..

...and anyone else not named Selanne.

Spade-in-victorhell said...

whats the drink of choice tonite earl?

I think Im going wine..at the game I went heavy on JD that didnt work

Earl Sleek said...

Hmm, good question. I won't get home until about the halfway point of the game, so I may have to play aggressive catch-up.

I have a bottle called something like "Old Granddad's Whiskey" (I think) which may suffice. Otherwise I'll hit the Maker's Mark.

Both drinks, incidentally, are untested these playoffs (which is good).

Mike in OC said...

Man I hate to drink when my team loses. I usually do not even crack the first beer until they have a lead. It's hard when I watch most the games from a fully catered suite in the 300 section.

That said, I am leaving work early to pickup a case of brew on my way home to watch the game.

Screw it!

Black Dog said...

Phaneuf won't fight Shelley either. When Moreau went after him earlier this year he shit his pants.

He might fight Roenick or Setoguchi though.

Kelpfreak said...

Gotta say I'm optimistic; I think I actually saw the Sharks clear the puck a few times on the PK at the end of the period!

Earl Sleek said...

Obligatory "Holy fuck" comment.

Kelpfreak said...

YEAH BABY!

John said...

Yeah baby, indeed! Mike, do you feel like you may have overreacted? Doubters be damned. Fearmongers be damned. RudyKelly-like Thornton haters be damned.

walkinvisible said...

not sure what kind of highlights they broadcast of the sharks/flames game last night, but it seems all of the "who's shelley gonna fight" predictions were way off the mark.

seems your boy wanted a piece of kipper... a very sportsman-like move he pulled (and got away with) takin' our keeper down enroute to the bench on the delayed penalty....

this actually proves that keenan has no game plan for godard, or shelley would've gotten pummelled....

Earl Sleek said...

all of the "who's shelley gonna fight" predictions were way off the mark.

Crap. Shelley didn't fight Ron Wilson?

a very sportsman-like move he pulled (and got away with) takin' our keeper down enroute to the bench on the delayed penalty....

Dude, it's the playoffs and it's Jody Shelley. What's surprising about this?

walkinvisible said...

i brought it up more as a comment on godard's redundancy in the flames' lineup than shelley's poor gamesmanship.

seriously. what's the point in dressing a goon if he's not gonna goon up ???