Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Popcorn chicken sized hockey thoughts


  • I have surprisingly little to say about the Stars-Ducks series so far. Part of that, naturally, is because I am in the same “completely missed game 1” boat as Sleek.

But I think it’s based mainly on the fact that my mind cannot compute what’s happening.

It is sort of like when you have a girlfriend everyone hates, but for once she’s smiling and cracking jokes and not being a femme Godzilla. And it’s sort of nice…but you keep waiting for the inevitable blowup to happen.

Honestly, the Ducks’ second period comeback seemed like a “glaring at your friend for making a harmless joke” type moment. Until, somehow, the Stars just destroyed the Ducks in the third period. With all due respect to the Ambassador of Fun and Friends, I didn't see this coming.

  • The worst thing for the Ducks might be that the Stars are the last team in the league to sit on a 2 game lead. Brendan Morrow might take a human life if they don’t win a playoff series this year.
  • With all the success Mike Ribeiro is having so far, it has to make Joe Thornton look even worse. It seems like playoff softees are shedding that label one-by-one each year (first it was Alf in Ottawa now Ribeiro) but yet Thornton underachieves again and again.
  • Patrick Marleau is redeeming himself with some solid play this year, but I think he scores more cool points simply for bleeding profusely twice in the same game. It brought me to a question for atypical stat heads: what’s the (un)official record for a player who bled the most times in one game?

(Please, no Cammi Granato jokes.)

  • That being said, the Sharks have to blow this thing up if they lose in the first round. Both of their losses are real groin kicks. Then again, they've done everything the hard way this year...
  • Should Elisha Cuthbert be embarrassed because she slept with Sean Avery? Tagging her would be an outstanding revenge plot for Brodeur (we might have to convince him that Cuthbert’s his sister in law, though).

I’m trying to think of the best analogy for the Brodeur – Avery feud and the first thing that pops into my head is Seinfeld vs. Newman. (Avery, obviously, is Newman).

  • My first '08 playoffs submission to the Single Period of Hockey I’d Show to Someone to Prove the Sport’s Superiority would probably be the third period of game two in the Wild – Avs series. Just beautiful, hyper speed high octane playoff hockey. If that didn't impress you, you’re a waste of carbon.

9 comments:

Abel said...

I new it wouldnt be long until "High-Octane" seeped its way into your stuff.

Is Seinfeld/Newman really the best way to sum up Avery/Brodeur? What about Happy Gilmore and that annoying guy that Shooter McGavin paid to annoy Adam Sandler during that tourney where Sandler ended up getting his ass kicked by Bob Barker?

Obviously Avery's the annoying guy with the fishing hat. John Madden can be Bob Barker if the Devils win the series.

andrew said...

Yeah dude, Ribeiro has 5 points this post-season! That is huge! That brings his point total to 13! In only 26 career post season games! Holy Shit, he's a beast!

Meanwhile, poor shitty Joe Thornton only has 3 points this post season. That's just terrible. I mean, he's TWO points behind the redeemed Ribiero! And he's only put up 23 points in 25 Sharks post season games. Choker, for sure.

Give me a break. Ribiero's a diving bitch.

Obviously Thornton was a playoff wallflower in Boston. That is a fact, but since coming to the Sharks he's been a damn near PPG playoff performer, every year. I like your posts James, but please look at the numbers before regurgitating the same old tired b.s. from TSN or ESPN.

Earl Sleek said...

Bah, Andrew, why try to convolute things with facts and stats?

The main point is about perception, which is hardly ever fair, but definitely prevalent. Thornton, for better or worse, cannot do anything about his perception during the regular season, and if his postseason struggles continue (personally or as a team), his label is going to stick.

The numbers may like Joe Thornton, but I still hear grumblings from Sharks fans. JT's still got something to prove, and previous playoff numbers don't really change that.

Earl Sleek said...

Ribiero's a diving bitch.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, this is definitely true.

andrew said...

Thornton, for better or worse, cannot do anything about his perception during the regular season, and if his postseason struggles continue (personally or as a team), his label is going to stick.

Yeah, I know. RK actually sums it up pretty succinctly in his Joe Thornton post today. The team underachieves, therefore Thornton gets the brunt of the criticism. It ain't fair, but it's reality.

Washington said...

All I have to say re: Elisha Cuthbert. She should be embarrassed enough just for being that colossally dumb Kim Bauer. (See Season 2 of 24). Her dating Sean Avery is just icing on the stupid cake. Perfect segue to my next point.

Go Sharks!

Iffy said...

Don't forget the rumours about Cuthbert dating Spelling Bee Champ D. Phaneuf.

John Q. Phats said...

what’s the (un)official record for a player who bled the most times in one game?


Didn't Teemu Selanne bleed like 3 times last season in a playoff game? I think he got hit by a puck, got hit by a high stick, and accidentally got punched in the face by Chris Pronger. I could be wrong, but I think I remember something like that happening last season.

Earl Sleek said...

Didn't Teemu Selanne bleed like 3 times last season in a playoff game?

My memory's kind of shoddy, but he definitely got all those cuts in the VAN series. I don't recall if it was all in one game or over a couple of consecutive games, but he was one puffy-faced Finn by the end of it.