Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Trade Deadline Clusterf*ck: Take My King, Please!

(10:39 PM) According to Yahoo!, Brad Richards has been traded to the Dallas Stars for Jeff Halpern, Mike Smith, and defenseman Mark Fistric. Richards has 3 years left on a hilariously bloated $7.8 million dollar contract. Just so everyone is clear, Brad Richards has exactly one year with more points than games played. Hehe. I'm not sure this is actually true, but what am I, a beacon of journalistic integrity? I'm not even wearing pants right now, give me a break.


(7:50 AM) Okay, so apparently Yahoo! isn't a legitimate source of news anymore because there hasn't been any confirmation of the above trade. I'm really tired of all these journalists, sitting in their mother's basements and making up trades out of their asses. I mean honestly, what the hell, I can get away with stupid shit like this because I'm a moron and people don't count on me for actual news, but don't news sites have some sort of responsibility to, I don't know, be right? Or at least qualify the hell out of their report. Sorry, James.

(8:32 AM) So apparently the Sharks are going for it; TSN is reporting that they've traded for Brian Campbell. No details on who the Sharks are sending back yet, but I've got my fingers crossed that it's Vlasic, Bernier, and Couture. Oh, and Nabokov, too.

(8:40 AM) Okay, so now they're saying it's for Steve Bernier and a 1st round draft pick. That's not too bad, I guess. I like Steve Bernier, but you gotta give something to get something. If the Sharks can't sign Campbell, though, then they're fucking morons.

(8:45 AM) Now that whole Brad Richards thing is going down, but with shootout empresario Jussi Jokinen thrown in on Dallas' side. I guess they saw San Jose trade for Bernier and decided to up the ante a little. Whatever, hopefully now Dallas will actually start sucking in like 2 years.

(9:00 AM) Does anyone care that the Canadiens traded Cristobal Huet to the Caps? I don't, really, but I guess he used to play for the Kings so someone might. Do the Canadiens know that 20 year-old goalie does not equal Stanley Cup? I mean, it's not like the Panthers are going to start killing rats.

(9:21 AM) Ruslan Salei has been traded to the Colorado Avalanche, meaning that Rob Blake will probably not be traded. According to the LA Times this morning, Blake told Lombardi that he'd be willing to go to Colorado but that was pretty much it. Oh well, I'm sure LA fans will be just as accepting and classy as Toron- shit, this is going to end badly.

(10:45 AM) The Sharks trade Rob Davison to the Islanders for a 7th round draft pick. Should we just start etching the Islanders on the Stanley Cup, or are we still going to have the playoffs?

(12:17 PM) TSN is reporting that Brad Stuart has been traded to the Red Wings for a 2nd and 4th round pick.

(12:25 PM) Marc-Andre Bergeron to the Ducks? That doesn't make any sense.

(12:27 PM) Poor Al Montoya. He's gone from being stuck behind Henrik Lundqvist to being stuck behind Ilya Bryzgalov in Phoenix. The Coyotes also get M. Hossa in the deal. I like this deal for Phoenix, if only because they can probably flip Montoya in a few months for more value.

(12:35 PM) News: Kings trade J.S. Aubin to Ducks for a 7th round pick.
Views: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Ducks have to want Jonas Hiller to play in the AHL playoffs, right? I can't understand why anyone would want Aubin. I wouldn't have traded for him if Lombardi had offered me him and a 7th rounder.

(1:50 PM) Two more quick things: Brandon Bochenski was traded to the Predators for a conditional draft pick and the Sharks signed Brian Boucher. That sound is the sounds of uncaring.

12 comments:

jamestobrien said...

It might be a couple days before I really get to analyze this trade, but my first reaction was: "...really?"

Hockey-wise, it was a pretty solid move. Brad Richards is certainly one of the Stars 5 best players the second he puts on a uniform and provides them with a guy who scored some huge playoff goals in his career.

The biggest piece for the Lightning is Mike Smith, a young goalie who many see as a Turco doppleganger. This deal could end up being oddly reminiscent of the Joe N. (it's 4 a.m. gimme a break) for Jarome Iginla trade back in the day if Smith ends up living up to his promise.

Overall, it's a bold move that I think was quite necessary. But now that Richards will have better linemates in Dallas, he's under a lot more pressure to show that he can live up to at least a chunk of his massive salary.

At least the Stars have made their first sexy move since...they added the Ambassador of Fun.

hamlet said...

u funny

Niekon said...

what the hell? We don't want your goaltender... O_o

RudyKelly said...

An outtake from that Amp energy drink commercial:

Aubin: Your momma's so stupid she traded a 7th round draft pick for me!

On the bright side, Earl can write, "J.S. will be in net tonight," and it'll always be true! Hahaha... so many jokes...

Anonymous said...

Aubin wearing a championship ring next fall while you still yearn for a hanging banner in Gayples Center that has four numbers and starts with a 2. Now thats funny!

RudyKelly said...

"Gayples?"

spade-in-victorhell said...

wheres earl i need some explanation on why we got aubin and bergeron....dont get it at all....depth obviously..who sits on the bench? odonnell? huskins?...or is pronger hurt worse than we all thought?....aubin...u kidding me...what the fuck is going on?

Nut said...

Yeah get it, Gayples? You know, because it rhymes with STAples? Man, those Ducks fans, they've thought of everything. You know what else is funny? Having a hockey team named after a disney movie, being named after a bird (and not one that eats anything cool, like a hawk, falcon, or eagle either), having tinkerbell touch players on the shoulder during telecast, having your mascot catch fire, playing in Anaheim, having Brian Hayward as your color commentator, and finally, being a bunch of pussies. Yeah, yeah, I know, you won the cup. But Enrique Iglesias was also boning Anna Kournikova, which goes to show that douche bags can come out ahead sometimes.

Earl Sleek said...

Nut: with all the sincerity I can muster, I am sorry things didn't work out for you and Anna Kournikova. She doesn't know what she's missing.

Anonymous said...

I agree Earl, and I might not call anaheim a bunch of pussies Nut, they are one of the meanest, toughest teams in the NHL and have been for a few years.

That said, I don't think it's fair making fun of the Kings anymore. It is just sad to have a team in the cellar, I don't care what the team is. Why add insult to injury?

-Mike in OC

Maverik said...

Ducks got Aubin for Portland. Nothing more. Portland is most likely to go into the AHL playoffs, with McKenna leading the way in net. Aubin will be the backup in Portland. He's not seeing any time in Anaheim.

CKim said...

I almost fell out of my chair when I heard about Aubin.