Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Kings Gameday: This Blog Post is EXTREME

Los Angeles Kings (3-6, 4th in Pacific) vs. Nashville Predators (2-5, 5th in Central)

10:30 PST, FSN West


The Kings have a new website called LAKingsJunkie.com. It’s full of ATTITUDE and IN YOUR FACE ACTION and RANDOM CAPITALIZATION for some reason, but it does have my favorite part of any team website: player bios. I love these things because they’re always so random and ridiculous. (How else would I know that Dog Murray from Sweden owns his own company or that Ryan Getzlaf likes wake-boarding?) I’m going to start a continuing series wherein I read the bios and then decide if I like the player more or less. First up are Mike Cammalleri and Alexander Frolov.

X-TREME!!!

Mike Cammalleri


What I like: His favorite movie is Raging Bull, his favorite athlete is Scott Thornton, and his favorite action hero is Batman. (Why would he like Scott Thornton so much? Unless... maybe Thornton IS Batman!)

What I don’t like: His favorite book is Bringing Down the House. It could be the book about how 6 MIT graduates cheated Las Vegas, but I prefer to think that Mike Cammalleri really enjoys the novelization of the movie starring Queen Latifah and Steve Martin.

Overall: I like Mike Cammalleri more. He has a more intellectual side that you wouldn’t expect and he likes Scott Thornton. Everyone should like Scott Thornton. He rides bicycles!

RADICAL!!!

Alexander Frolov

What I like: He has a dog named Quattro (after the razor?), he enjoys chess, and his favorite holiday is New Year’s. (I just like this one because I like the idea of someone asking Frolov this question and then him honestly thinking about it before giving an answer.)

What I don’t like: His favorite actor is Anthony Hopkins (he’s really good and everything, but whose favorite actor is Anthony Hopkins?), his favorite athlete is Andre Agassi (Sampras rules!), and his favorite TV show is Entourage. Plus, the picture next to his information is not him, it's Blake. I'm blaming Frolov for this.

Overall: I like Alexander Frolov less. He kind of comes across as a douche bag, don’t you think? I mean, he likes Steven Seagal, he enjoys Gwen Stefani, he watches Entourage… he’s not a hockey player, he’s the guy with the popped collar on every college campus in America!

***

The Kings play the Nashville Predators today, and I can’t think of a team that’s more universally reviled than the Predators. Seriously, the Sharks hate them, the Stars hate them, the Red Wings hate them, I hate them, Hamilton hates them, their jersey designer hates them, even their potential owners seem to hate them. Now the Phoenix Coyotes can get in on the hate after Jordin Tootoo took 9,482 steps before blindsiding rookie Daniel Winnik. Craig Weller responded by unleashing a flying clothesline at Tootoo, who then proceeded to lie on the ice until everything settled down. (I am convinced that he lied there because he didn’t want to fight. I can not be dissuaded from this opinion.) Here’s the video, just in case you haven’t seen it:





There are a lot of opinions on the incident (Kelly Hrudey went nuts on TV and tried to make Tootoo walk the plank), but my favorite part of the whole thing was Tootoo’s comment after the game:

"There's always someone coming after me and there is a prime example of me not defending myself and not knowing someone was coming after me," Tootoo said. "It's unbelievable how hitting is part of the game and after a nice clean hit like that there has to be injury involved when you don't defend yourself."

Is it hard to elbow someone with tears in your eyes?


You can almost hear the sniffling, can’t you? Hmm… someone attacking someone when they were not in a position to defend themselves, where have I seen that before? Listen fuck, nobody likes you. You have no discernable skill besides a willingness to hurt people and the only reason guys like you are still in the league is because of the instigator rule. Plus, you had this and then cheated on it. If there’s one undeniable truth in this crazy little world, it’s that blonde chicks with big fake boobs are awesome. You’re lucky that all the men in the world haven’t held you down and then taken turns kicking you in your little Tootoo Train.

How dare you cheat on those boobs.


***

This is only tangentially related to the business of this blog, but since it deals with Los Angeles, I think it is okay: have you seen the ads by the city of Louisville? After realizing that they have no good qualities to attract people to their miserable little town, Louisville has decided to attack the good names of much better cities. Here’s the one attacking Los Angeles:





Louisville, are you trying to say that you are better than Los Angeles? Louisville. The one in Kentucky. With the baseball bats. Ha. Hehe. Teehee…. (Deep Breath)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Prediction: Kings, 4-2. Goals by Cammy, Nagy, Blake and Frolov.

19 comments:

Earl Sleek said...

Awesomeness, Rudy. This is so cool that in lieu of doing a Ducks gameday post, I'll just write something up after the game (maybe). Never mind that I haven't started a post at all, nor prepared anything relevant.

A dog named Quattro is pretty awesome--I don't even know if I'd read on past that fun fact.

Oh yeah, and fuck you, Louisville.

Megalodon said...

One time, when I was little, my dog ate a bunch of Cheerios that I spilled on the kitchen floor, and then he threw up all over the place.

My dog's puke was a better city than Louisville could ever be.



Also, Nashville's arena hates them (the Gaylord Entertainment center! Huzzah!).

MetroGnome said...

It’s full of ATTITUDE and IN YOUR FACE ACTION

Kinda reminds me of "Poochie the Dog".

jd said...

Again, what makes Cammalleri seem 'intellectual'? Is it because he's read a book?

spade-in-victorhell said...

man he left some nice cans on the table...

Earl Sleek said...

Again, what makes Cammalleri seem 'intellectual'? Is it because he's read a book?

I'm guessing it has something to do with his 8 goals in his first 9 games.

Either that or his inability to win an arbitration case.

CKim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CKim said...

Cammy likes Scott Thronton?? I HATE THAT GUY! Not because he's good, but because he's a fucking Shark! But that doesn't make me like Cammy any less. *sigh*

CKim said...

ok, I just watched those videos, hahahahahha. WOW.

You know, I remember reading some article or seeing some clip on Tootoo before he came up from the minors. They didn't portray him as the fucking goon that he is. What a bag of douche.

RudyKelly said...

Well, he does like Raging Bull (which is an awesome movie) and he likes a book that isn't Harry Potter, so I'd say that makes him a little smarter than I would have guessed. Plus he likes Eva Mendes, which is a very smart thing to do.

Patty (in Dallas) said...

...he likes a book that isn't Harry Potter...

That made me like him better, plus he's on my fantasy team.

Anonymous said...

scott thornton is a king u noob joe thornton is a shark u noobie

KMS2 said...

I'm guessing it has something to do with his 8 goals in his first 9 games.

Make that 10 in 10!

Yeah, ckim...it's Scott that's a King...I should ban you from posting for the next month for making that mistake ;)

I don't think Frolov is a douchebag, I actually think he's an incredibly nerdy Russian who just happens to be a pretty good hockey player.

One more thing: TooToo is such an asshole.

CKim said...

haha, wow, maybe I should read more closely. I think I just saw the name Thornton and immediately flew into my rage against you know who. Bad habit.

Finny said...

dude, tootoo is such a stinker. i can't believe he even gets away with a number of the stuff he pulls. i can't wait to se ethe day he gets his come-uppance.

Emily said...

I wonder how the people of Louisville would respond if L.A. produced the following commercial (cue crying California MILF)?: "their daughter is moving to Louisville, where she will probably not even be able to find a place to live that has running water or electricity. Within a year, she will be impregnated by a toothless man named Cletus whose most discernable physical trait is a beer-belly and shotgun that is permanently super-glued to his right hand. He will undoubtedly beat her in his inevitable Budweiser-fueled fits of rage that follow his weekly KKK meetings. Her only solace will be found in sporadic banjo lessons and tractor pulls. Please, do more to spare our sons and daughters the life of trailer-dwelling redneck trash."

See? Stereotypes can work both ways!

KMS2 said...

Emily, we have that scenario in CA...instead of Louisville, it's called the 909.

Emily said...

Tell me about it. I went to college in Humboldt County, up in lumberjack country. That's part of what's so amusing about the stereotypes for Californians. I'd bet there are more rural-dwelling rednecks here than there are blonde beach bums.

CKim said...

I'm going to have to agree too. I went to college up in Yolo County. Let's just say it was an interesting mix of people in the surrounding areas.