Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

3 Ways to Help the Kings

You are heartless if this does not make you laugh. That little guy is so serious!

Does that make you feel better? Okay, let's go...

1) Have Set Lines. For fuck's sake, please have set lines. Tonight the Kings had Armstrong, Frolov and Ivanans out there for an extended period of time. I mean... there's a difference between switching things up and just having no fucking idea what you're doing. You know what else would confuse the other team? Making the Kings play without sticks. Send them out there with shoes on, the Red Wings wouldn't know what the fuck. This team has 5 new faces on offense; put them on a line and let them get comfortable with one another. If I had a say, I'd prefer:


But hey, I'm not picky. Put Ivanans with Frolov, I don't care. Just please, for the love of God, let them build some fucking chemistry.

2) Play the Right Defensemen. I don't know what the hell is going on with our defensive corps, but something's wrong. To figure out what the deal is, let's look at the Kings' defense in terms of time on ice as compared to the defense of the Ducks last year (what?):

Lubo: 22:07 _____________________Nieds: 27:30
Blake: 23:17_____________________Captain Elbows: 27:05
Stuart: 23:06____________________Beauchemin: 25:28
Johnson: 20:01___________________O'Donnell: 19:55
Preissing: 16:01___________________Huskins: 14:04
Modry: 15:21_____________________DiPenta: 12:09

Do you see the problem? The Kings are playing their best defensemen far too little. You know it's right; how many times have you seen Modry and Johnson out there in a crucial situation? I think the Kings need to switch things up, putting Lubo with Stuart and Blake with Preissing. I'm all for Jack Johnson's development, but he does not need to be out there for 20 minutes a game.

3) Get Some God Damn Balls. Seriously, you guys are playing like you don't give a rat's ass whether you win or lose. I've yet to see a consistent 60-minute effort from any person on the Kings roster. I know you get paid whether you win or not, but you're killing me. I'm... I'm not eating right. I'm not sleeping well. I'm being asked to leave places because of my continuous shouts of, "Fucking Brownie!" (Seriously, my boss thinks I'm a racist.) I don't care if you win the next game against Minnesota (I would just be disappointed if I did) but I want it to look like you care. Kick Boogaard's ass, crunch Demitra, make it seem like you actually want to win. That's all I ask. I'm going to start writing like the Unabomber if you keep this up.


Anonymous said...

i thought i was the only one thinking it...pick some fucking lines and stick with them. its gonna be a long damn season.

KMS2 said...

I definitely noticed the "Armstrong-Frolov-Ivanans" line and thought it was VERY odd. Crow did the whole line switching game last year and I'm not too thrilled that he's doing it again this year.

I've been very unimpressed with Johnson. Maybe it's because I expected A LOT from him when I really shouldn't have. Although, I expected a lot more out of Lubi and am sad to see him not playing as well as he did the past couple seasons.

Anonymous said...

We deserve to suck defensively for getting rid of Matty Norstrom. You can't just use stats to judge a players contribution....we're missing leadership and heart....it went to Dallas.

Earl Sleek said...

Great drinky post, Rudy. Time-on-ice and everything!

Of course, the BoC is starting so slowly this year (a combined 5-11-2) that this might entirely become the "Year of the Drinky Post", so we might as well get our livers in shape.

Here's my list of three things that would really help the Ducks out:

1. Mathieu Schneider
2. Teemu Selanne
3. Scott Niedermayer

Hopefully all three of those guys watched the Minny game and will return accordingly.

Megalodon said...

"Anonymous said...
we're missing leadership and heart."

Before I worried about leadership and heart, I would worry about defense and a competent coach. You've seen how they've been playing - it's not the intangible factors that the Kings are missing - it's the tangibles.

They've got no tangibles, people! Come on!

Anonymous said...

If success were only based on the tangibles then the Stanley Cup would always be won by the best statistical team.

There is a reason they keep old guys in the locker room because they bring experience, leadership and balance.

Bring back Matty...and the pirate!!

Earl Sleek said...

If success were only based on the tangibles then the Stanley Cup would always be won by the best statistical team.

Sure, but I think Megalodon is trying to get L.A.'s priorities right. There's many basics that need to be fixed on the ice that are much more important than "heart" or "leadership". Those components certainly could help some, but the Cup doesn't get won by the worst statistical team, either.

Anonymous said...

No, but when you have young players they need experience and leadership in the locker room. Championship teams usually have a balance of both. On paper the Kings should be doing much better which leads me to believe the component missing is the ability to play to your potential, which comes from within.

RudyKelly said...

Bah! Handzus is hurt, Frolov is sucking and the Kings aren't supporting their defense when they get the puck. Having Norstrom there isn't going to help that.

nebcanuck said...

How about getting rid of Blake and getting a real top defenseman? Robbie is about 50 years too old (mentally, not physically) to be a star defenseman. If he were simply using his big shot on the PP, then I would understand his presence. But they have a lot of youth that could be stepping up the minutes, and yet they play Blake the most?

Consistent lines though, is overrated. The Canucks switch lines all the time, and though it makes for some tough stretches, it also doesn't allow the players to stagnate. As soon as they are playing badly, they get shuffled. Doesn't always work, but at least it's better than sitting watching as the same lines come out time and again, and they lose every game!

hellohockeyfans said...

I think maybe getting a real starting goaltender would help too.

doctorgonzzzo said...

I am definitely starting to doubt crawford as well. I mean it was obvious to Jimmy yesterday that the forwards weren't coming back to support the defensemen, how can it not be obvious to our coaching staff. It was painfully obvious how much better the red wings worked as a 5 man unit and not 5 waterbugs chasing the puck like we were. And for fuck's sake, can somebody hit someone (and not have the helmet pop off their head like a cork, Zeiler?). We might as well start having tinkerbell fly around and tap guys on the shoulder after they weakly try to poke check rather than knock a guy on his ass. Oh wait another team already tried that.