Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Kings Gameday Guest Post: The (New Jersey) Devil's Dictionary

Los Angeles Kings (12-21-2, whoops) @ Columbus Blue Jackets (14-13-6, 12th in West)

7:00 PST, FSN West

Here's something Meg and I have been working on for way too long. It's a glossary of terms that we often hear in hockey and what they really mean. This is part I, with part II going up tomorrow. I apologize in advance to Ambrose Bierce and the many people out there who I am sure have already done this. In the meantime, I encourage anyone who read the debate on Monday to read this even-handed article by Terry Frei over at ESPN.com. Obviously Frei is trying to leech off the immense popularity of this blog, but I guess it's alright because his article adds to the conversation.

Shootout- A fun, exciting, fan-friendly part of the game; as such, hockey purists believe it is a travesty and demand it be removed.

Inner Thigh- A player has been hit in the balls, but the announcer is unsure of how to indicate it. This phrase is usually preceded by a few seconds of awkward silence as the commentator struggles to make his phrase appropriate for the television audience. Jimmy Fox famously came up with this term after almost getting fired in 1988 for saying, "It looks like Bernie Nichols got clocked in the cock right there."

Offensive-Defenseman- A defenseman that produces half as many goals for his team as he does for the opposition. ("Sergei Gonchar has been a premiere offensive-defenseman for years.")

Gordie Howe Hat Trick- In order to be credited with a Gordie Howe hat trick a player must have a goal, an assist, and an inability to let go of the game.

Flu-like symptoms-
Hungover (ex: "I'm throwing up and feel like shit - just like the flu!")

Lower-Body Injury- A concussion

Upper-Body Injury- Broken foot

Borderline call- An obvious penalty against the home team

Optional Practice- Mandatory practice

Lady Byng Trophy- An anti-trophy, used to penalized one player every year for a lack of toughness

"Holy Jumpin!"- I am quite excited by whatever has just occurred

"Scratch my back with a hacksaw!"- ...?

Marc Crawford steals Pascal Leclaire's presents, hoping to ruin his Christmas; however, Leclaire joins a circle with the rest of Whoville and sings Christmas carols, causing Crawford's heart to grow 3 sizes.


Anonymous said...

just read dustin brown was going to be out for two games and literally almost cried. When will it all end! But hey, at least ladislav Nagy will be back this game (kill me now)

RudyKelly said...

God dammit, we were so close to having 2 legitimate scoring lines and a solid stopper line.

beingbobbyorr said...

Shootout .... A circus that trivializes the 65 minutes of team play that preceded it.

Inner Thigh .... Jimmy Fox was still a player, not an announcer, in 1988 (although he probably still talked nonstop just as much).

Optional Practice .... "Got a sore butt from parking it in the press box? Here's your ice time, Kevin Dallman."

Bryan said...

Shootout - The equivalent of deciding a baseball game by a game of homerun derby.

Lower-body injury - See upper body injury

Upper body injury - See lower body injury.

Borderline call - Anything that doesn't involve blood or players dropping gloves.

Andy Grabia said...

A glossary of terms? Huh.

Earl Sleek said...

Shootout--A way to boost teams into the playoff picture, despite the fact that the skills used in a shootout offer no help in the postseason.

Borderline call--Any call against the Ducks, as described by Hayward.

RudyKelly said...

No, calls against the Ducks are marginal, not borderline. It's a fine distinction.

Anonymous said...

Hey Rudy, is it ok for Kings fans to start panicking now?

CKim said...

I'm pretty sure the panic set in somewhere around their second 5-game losing streak. But, look, they have a season-high 6-game losing streak! Crow must be so proud.

RudyKelly said...

Yes, you can now officially start panicking.

Serge said...

These are the kinds of terms which are made as the games are played already. I'm sure that newbies could get to appreciate these once they watch more games.