Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Let's Make a Deal


Dear Detroit and Ottawa:

Hey Detroit, what’s up? Ottawa, how’s it hanging? Heatley’s arm, I mean. I’ve been thinking a lot about this upcoming post-season (Yeah, yeah, why would a Kings’ fan worry about the post-season?) and I think you guys could use a little help. I know what you’re thinking, why would the two top teams in the league need help? Well, you see, there’s this team called Anaheim. You remember them, from last year? Well, I guess Holmstrom doesn’t, but the rest of you probably do. Well, Anaheim’s back. They don’t have Selanne (yet), but I’m not sure they even need him. Really, it’s kind of horrifying to watch them; it’s like watching The Bucket List.



Don’t worry, though; we’re here to help. You see, we Kings’ fans can’t deal with another Anaheim championship. We want to see someone else win so badly that we’re willing to make one of you guys better. You see, we have this guy. His name is Rob Blake. He’s good. I know Kings’ fans rag on him all the time, but between you and me, most Kings’ fans are idiots. Blake had hip surgery in the off-season and admittedly played like shit the first half of the year, but he’s been playing excellent lately. We all know how important special teams play is in the playoffs, and Blake is one of the best combinations of both power play skill and penalty kill expertise in the league. He would undoubtedly aid you in your quest to not get spanked by Anaheim again. All it will cost you is this: a first-round draft pick. That’s it. One first-round pick for a combination of meanness and leadership that you won’t find anywhere else. I think we could get more for him, but since he’s just a rental and we’re looking to help, we’ll settle. We could probably trade him to the Rangers or the Penguins and get a better return, but I think you two have the best chance of beating Anaheim. (Well, San Jose too, but I’ll be fucked if the Kings are the last team in California to win a Stanley Cup.) We take a lesser return, you beat Anaheim. Deal?


[Note: I could see the Kings trading Blake to San Jose (it makes too much sense), but I doubt we’d do it for just a first-round pick. Maybe for Greiss...]

10 comments:

Kirsten said...

Please make it the Sens, because I really couldn't stand it if either the Wings or the Ducks won.

Earl Sleek said...

Aren't the Kings running a special? Trade for Blake and get a free Cloutier too?

Rusty said...

Throw in a roll of tape and you can have Willsie, too.

Anonymous said...

Rob blake can't do much as long as Semenov is in goal for the Sharks.

Bartcal said...

Um, I don't see them trading Greiss to you. Patzold maybe, but not Greiss.

Mike in OC said...

This is the typical Kings feeling I'm sure. I personaly witnessed multiple Kings fans in every playoff round last season at the PONDA rooting for "whoever was playing against the Ducks"

These things make me feel proud to be a Ducks fan. As frustrating as it was in the games we got beat in round 1 & 3 to listen to them Kings faithfull, seeing the look on those faces in the clinching SCF game was worth it all. (it was the only thing that could make that moment sweeter than it was all by itself)

It's a good thing I have faith in Dean Lombardi (to not get this done), beacuse this actually makes sense.

RudyKelly said...

And I'm sure fans of the Ducks would never dream of rooting against the Kings.

Mike in OC said...

I root for the Kings (unless they play my Ducks), though I see your point. I am in the minority there for a Ducks fan.

I will say this though, no Ducks fans are walking into a Kings game and rooting against the Kings (at least not before when they played at the forum) I have seen guys get hurt like that.

I live for the day we can see a Ducks-Kings playoff round. I really thought this might be the season after the London games.

RudyKelly said...

To be fair, I think it is much safer for a Kings fan to walk into the Pond than it is for a Ducks fan to walk into Staples. But I get your point, it's not really right for Kings fans to go to the Pond just to cheer against the Ducks.

KMS2 said...

it's not really right for Kings fans to go to the Pond just to cheer against the Ducks.

Which is why I have passed up several free tickets to Ducks vs. not-the-Kings the past couple seasons. The one time I did take the ticket was the day Selanne was traded to the Ducks and the only reason I went was because my dad was going with some friends and the fourth person had to bail at the very last second so they drove back to our house and practically threw me into the car. The highlight of the game: watching a Ducks fan throw the puck back over the glass rather than keep it as a souvenir...who does that???