Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Monday, May 05, 2008

This Should Lower the Level of Discourse a Little Bit

The U.S. played Slovenia in the World Championships yesterday. It was a ho-hum 5-1 victory for the Americans (Brown and O'Sullivan with assists, Kopitar with a goal), but the incident I'd like to bring to people's attention was a hit laid on Kopitar by Keith Ballard, defenseman for the Phoenix Coyotes. He got a penalty for a hit to the head (what the fuck?), plus a 10-minute misconduct. Now, I'm nothing if not reasonable, so I'd just like to ask Ballard one question:

*ahem

*takes sip of water

What in the everloving fuck is wrong with you? You're trying to hit people in the head in a titty-fucking World Championships game? You're a lunatic. It's the World Championships. Nobody except insecure Canadians gives a rat's dick about the World Championships. I'm not even mad (okay, I'm mad), I'm more worried for you. You just tried to take out the most popular person in Slovenia; you might as well have taken a shoe out of Raitis Ivanan's mouth. If I were you, I'd just pack it in and shack up in Montana and never show your face again, because you're going to get gutted by some guy with a name like Blaz Jernej. Slovenians fucked up Yugoslavia, you think they'd have any qualms about shoving your intestines in your mouth? Based on my knowledge of Slovenia (and my racism), I'm assuming they're already delving into the national treasury to send their army (his name's Srecko) to literally bust your balls. You're doomed.

(Wouldn't it have been awesome if Brown had kicked Ballard's ass after the hit? I would've named my first kid Dustin.)

16 comments:

therealdeal said...

I would have thought it's a good sign when you have a guy playing with a high intensity level regardless of quality of competition, but hey, I'm an insecure Canadian, so what do I know?

RudyKelly said...

You know, I was going to take that joke out, but then I figured, "Fuck it, no one would actually be so insecure that they'd even bother with it, right?" I'm so naive.

Kelpfreak said...

So are you already prepping your post on new Kings coach Ron Wilson, Rudy?

alix said...

I thought it was funny Rudy, and I'm an insecure Canadian. Ballard's a douche. He hit a Canucks rookie and ripped his knee up this year. I hope Kopitar's ok. I like that dude.

Earl Sleek said...

To be fair, Alix, I saw that Ballard hit on (I think it was Raymond?), and I'd classify it more as "unfortunately timed" than "intentionally dirty".

Still, calling Ballard a douche is an acceptable response. I'm never one to stand between a fan and their right to name-call.

alix said...

Yeah, you're probably right about the hit, Earl. Indeed it was Raymond. Maybe they just collided at the wrong moment. Still don't like him though. Thank you for accepting my use of douche :D

Nut said...

"Thank you for accepting my use of douche :D"

Everyone has the right to be clean

Doogie said...

Nobody except Latvians gives a rat's dick about the World Championships.

Fixed. Pretty sure the only time I ever gave two shits about that tournament was during the lockout year, when it was just about the only real, honest-to-God hockey we had.

therealdeal said...

"Fuck it, no one would actually be so insecure that they'd even bother with it, right?" I'm so naive.

Don't worry man I'm not actually offended (it's not exactly a well known tournament or anything, I'm suprised anyone in the USA actually watches actually), I'm just trying to throw a little self depreciation in with my thoughts.

RudyKelly said...

Oh. So I'm the insecure one. That's like... meta, or something.

I care about the World Championships only because it's hockey and it lets random people play with one another. But I care a lot more about the welfare of the Kings.

Earl Sleek said...

I'm suprised anyone in the USA actually watches actually.

Well, I'd watch it if it were televised here. That also applies to the AHL.

therealdeal said...

Well, I'd watch it if it were televised here. That also applies to the AHL.

Does TSN's feed work for you, or are you blocked because you have an international IP address?

Earl Sleek said...

Well, technically I'm blocked because I'm too DVR-dependent and not fond of watching games on my computer.

I did watch Olympic round robin games on TSN during the lockout, though, so it's not really a technical thing.

RudyKelly said...

You can buy them online if you want to spend $5 bucks. $5 bucks?!?!? How the hell am I supposed to buy gin?????

Black Dog said...

Lemon gin I presume.

Make sure to mix or you'll go blind.

Europeans love this tournament, love it! Its huge.

Its becoming popular up here but only because Hockey Canada started using it as a carrot - want to play in the Olympics or World Cup, then if you're asked to play in this you had better say yes. And play well. Forever it was a Euro tour for guys and their girlfriends and the results reflected it.

Now good teams with good players who care and suddenly we are winning the damn thing. So now we care whereas previously it was 'meh whatever'.

Its pretty good hockey though. And see if you can find Rick Nash's clinching goal on Youtube from last year. Amazing.

walkinvisible said...

Pretty sure the only time I ever gave two shits about that tournament was during the lockout year, when it was just about the only real, honest-to-God hockey we had.

clearly SOMEONE was too lazy to go to europe...
;)