Welcome Back Scotter!

Let's cover the key points about the press conference, though I'm not going to add too much just yet.

• The announcement was strictly that Scott would play for the Ducks this year, but the timing is still up in the air. One of the main complications comes from a CBA thing called 'tagging'--I'm not going to do the proper research here, so here's Bob McKenzie's description:
  
  With Niedermayer potentially returning, and with another year left on his contract after this season, the Ducks could not add him to the roster now without freeing up cap room for next season. In the new CBA, it's called 'tagging' room and the Ducks don't have enough of it next season to allow Niedermayer back on the roster this season – unless they move a player who is under contract for next season.
  
  Basically, Scott cannot play a game for the Ducks until a roster player is moved--one who is paid well enough next year. Again, I don't really know the dollars required, but I'd guess the eligible list probably looks as follows: Schneider, Bertuzzi, McDonald, Beauchemin, O'Donnell, and Marchant. I'm excluding Pronger and Pahlsson because of their on-ice value, Giguere because of his no-trade clause, and Rob Niedermayer because of nepotism.



• Despite acknowledging the need to move a player, Burke was adamant that he was determined to shake up his roster after the 20-game mark (9-8-3). Burke says he went and talked to the team about the trade that is yet to happen. He offered them this classic Burkish wake-up-call:
  
  If anyone wants to blame this on Scott's return, feel free. Fact of the matter is that we've looked at making changes based on the performance of the team since the 20-game mark.



• In terms of timeframe, Burke said that as an NHL player, Scott "owes" the Ducks 21 days of training camp, though the team is free to put Scott in the lineup at its own discretion during that time. Up until Scott is activated, he still is in suspended status, even though he'll practice with the team. Burke says his guess is that given Scott's conditioning, he could make his debut in 7 - 10 days.
  
  Why's that significant? Because I'm going to a game against the Wild. In SEVEN FUCKING DAYS. Get it going, Scott.

Man oh man. It should be an interesting end to the year for these crazy Ducks, who haven't even strayed into Teemu territory yet--stay tuned!

p.s. Anybody interested in starting a campaign to write Scott Niedermayer into the All Star game?

Kings Gameday: Do My Work For Me

Los Angeles Kings (10-14-2, T-Last in West) @ Phoenix Coyotes (11-14, T-Last in West)

6:30 PST, 1150 AM

The Kings are playing the Coyotes tonight for the chance to get out of the Western Conference basement. The Kings need to tread water while Labarbera and Frolov are out, and beating a team like the Coyotes (losers of 4 straight) will give them 2 needed points.

I'm going to be swamped with work from now until the end of the month basically, so here's an opportunity for you people to do my work for me. Here's a topic to ponder:

If you could pick one person in the Pacific Division to build a team around, who would you pick?

Prediction: Kings win, 5-3. Goals by Brown (x2), O'Sullivan, Armstrong, and Lubo.

Ducks Gameday—Better know your Sabres

Buffalo Sabres (12-11-1, t-12th in east) at Anaheim Ducks (12-12-4, t-10th in west)

Boy, talk about staging a game one year too late. Last year at this point, the Sabres and Ducks combined for a 39-5-8 record; this year both teams seem much more bent towards short-term nostalgia.

As is usually the case, though, fans of each franchise probably suffer from own-conference myopia; it's only natural that fans concentrate their attention on their team's direct opponents in the standings. What happens in the other conference is some other team's problem. Last year, before the cup finals, I ran a nice feature with Ben from Sens Army where we answered each other's questions about the comming opponent (Ben's questions / my questions); this year I got contacted to do a similar exercise by D.O. from the Sabres blog Die by the Blade.

So, without further ado, here are five questions I asked D.O. about the Sabres this year. You'll note that in the fifth question, I'm sort of an asshole.

1. The obvious starter: now that the season's past the quarter-pole, time to reflect--who's more missed, Danny Briere or Chris Drury? Salary notwithstanding, who would fit in on today's Sabre roster better?

The easy answer would be Danny Briere, he had 95 points last season and he already has 30 this year. The correct answer, however, is Chris Drury. Drury was the heart and soul of this team last year and it has been obvious that he has been missed both on and off the ice. The effect that Chris Drury had on this team ranged beyond goals and assists and was measured in wins and losses.

2. I've read some pieces in passing suggesting that the loss of Teppo Numminen is really having a strong effect on the team--his importance maybe is more evident in his absence than things you'd notice during the game. How much is the Repo Man missed on the ice and in the lockerroom? Who's making up for that?

Teppo was the clear choice to be the captain of this team so that should give you an idea of how much he is missed. In the absence of Drury and Briere the Sabres made it a point to get Teppo signed but unfortunately his heart condition re-emerged and he has been shelved all season. It was evident early in the season how much he was missed on the ice when the Sabres were struggling mightily on defense. Brian Campbell has emerged as true leader on this team and has actually been named the captain for the month of December. Jaroslav Spacek has recommitted himself and it has been very evident to see in his stats (6G-9A-15P in 16 games played). The Sabres have also got good play out of young guys like Andrej Sekera and Mike Weber.

3. A year ago after 24 games, the Sabres were 19-3-2, outscoring opponents 101 - 70. A year ago after 28 games, the Ducks were 20-2-6, outscoring opponents 98 - 64. It strongly suggests that there is a large lesson about trying to replace top-line talent with 2nd-line talent, and the pain that comes from doing so. Everyone sees a higher level of competition. Is that pretty much what we're seeing with the Sabres, or do you have other theories?

The Sabres lost only two players in the offseason (Drury and Briere); beyond that this is pretty much the same team. Tim Connolly was immediately inserted into Danny Briere's old spot (remember that Connolly only played the final two games of last season). I think the biggest difference between this season and last season is a change in philosophy. Lindy Ruff continuously talked about being more defensively reponsible without changing their style. I don't think the players really understood what he meant and quite frankly I have no idea what he is talking about either. It appears that the team gets it now because they have won six of their last seven including a 8-1 victory over the Carolina Hurricanes on Saturday.

4. On this year's team, who has been a surprising standout? Who has delivered on their salary? And who is the goat? Answer as often as you like.

Unfortunately there are more goats than guys playing well but we'll start out on the positive side. Jaro Spacek has been incredible this season after struggling through last season. Spacek had five goals and 16 assists in 65 games last year and he already has six goals and nine assists this year. Daniel Paille has also been a pleasant surprise as a third and fourth line player. He has five goals, six assists and a plus seven rating to lead the team.

The list of goats is numerous...I guess it has to start with Thomas Vanek because of his huge salary. He has played a little better as of late but he has seven goals and 10 assists which is well below his totals for last year. It appears that Vanek is trying to hard to live up to his contract, I believe the phrase is "he's gripping the stick" too much. Maxim Afinogenov has been nonexistent this season, except when he's going to the penalty box. Afinogenov is one of the Sabres' most talented offensive players and he has been awful.

5. OK, let's go back in the time machine. What if the Sabres advanced past the Senators in the playoffs and were up against the Ducks in the Cup Finals? Who'd win the make-believe series, and who'd win the Conn Smythe? Bear in mind that the series would start in Buffalo, not Anaheim.

It pains me to go back to last season but since you ask...the Sabres would not have been able to compete with the Ducks. The Sabres were physically manhandled by the Ottawa Senators in the Conference Finals and that was the reason for them being eliminated. In watching the Stanley Cup I saw the Ducks do the same thing to Ottawa. The Ducks were a really talented and more importantly a physical team while the Sabres relied on speed and skill to win games. The Sabres may have been able to squeak out one game but the Ducks were a team of destiny last year and they were not going to be stopped.

I'm a little bit surprised by D.O.'s last answer, to tell the truth. It seems to me that the Sabres were unlike any other opponent that the Ducks beat last spring, in that they weren't nearly as top-heavy in terms of their production. Minnesota had a Gaborik-Demitra line that needed to be stopped, Vancouver had a Sedin-Sedin line, Detroit had its Zetterberg-Datsyuk, and Ottawa had its Alfredsson-Spezza-Heatley trio. In all those cases, stopping those specific lines usually meant beating the opposing team, but I didn't think the same sort of approach could be as effective on last year's Sabres squad. I really don't know how that hypothetical series would have played out myself, but I'm sure that the Sabres' multi-line offense would have been tougher for the Ducks to defend--at the very least it wouldn't make sense to team up Pronger and Niedermayer against that sort of team.

At any rate, you can go check out my answers to D.O.'s questions. You'll note that there are some common themes between these two disappointing teams, mostly along the lines of failing to replace top-line production and the trickle-down effect it has on team success.

Prediction: Well, maybe D.O. has given me some confidence on this "Battle of the Cream of Last Year's Crop"; let's say Ducks 4, Sabres 1. Goals by May, Perry, Pahlsson, and Drew Miller with a rare brother-on-brother goal.

Go Ducks.

Earl answers his mail: Forward Lines, a year-to-year comparison

Sleek,

The Ducks play so far has me frustrated. And you seem like the guy to help explain the frustration. I'm curious about ES TOI this year versus last year for the Duck's containment line. As yourself, I'm a huge fan of Pahlsson, but it seems like that line is getting more ES TOI this year. Could just be my imagination.

However, if it's true, then it might explain some of the drop off in scoring. And also point to a coaching phylosophy that needs to change. The Ducks need to dictate play, rather than react (by over-using the containment line).
Keep up the great work on the blog.

Jeremy

I'm a sucker for flattery, and yeah, I do have been keeping some spreadsheets for this sort of question, so without further ado, let's take a look at the forward lines for Anaheim, this year compared to last year. In a lazy move, I'm just using screen captures of Excel tables; hopefully they are all legible.

For the Ducks, it really makes sense to compare forwards by their on-ice responsibility, because I think context matters a great deal in Carlyle's strategy. The Ducks play a top scoring line against the opposition's top defenders, a stopper line against the opposition's top scorers, and a sheltered line that for the most part doesn't carry either responsibility. The tables below are meant to reflect that, and show each line's even-strength minutes per game, even-strength points per 60 minutes, and even-strength goal-differential per 60 minutes. I'll try to indicate numbers that stand out to me after each table.

The Top Line:
With the departure of Teemu Selanne, the top line minutes this year have gone to the kids--Getzlaf and Perry. In terms of even-strength TOI, it seems the top line is playing more than it did last year. The thing about this year's top line is that while their point production seems adequate when compared against last year, this year's version bleeds goals-against at a higher level than Selanne's line ever did. It's a fair concern, as it does put a lot of the burden of outscoring onto the other lines.

The Stopper Line:
Unlike the other lines in this analysis, the stopper line continues this year without any change in personnel. In terms of Jeremy's question, we can note that the even-strength minutes-per-game have increased, and also noticeable is that the stopper line is scoring at a lower rate than they were last year. Even so, the rate at which the line gets outscored (quite a reasonable outcome considering the difficulty of minutes) hasn't changed a whole lot--the stopper line is still contributing like they did last year, though with a lower offensive output.

The Shelter Line:
This is where things get a little shady, as this "second line" personnel has been fairly shifty this year, and even Dustin Penner last year wasn't a full-time member of the Getzlaf line. Still, this gives a sense of who's getting the easier minutes on the team and what's being done with them. A big reason for last year's success can be pinned on the fact that Getzlaf and Perry were able to dominate these minutes, something that McDonald and Bertuzzi, in particular, seem unable to do. These players, too, seem to have picked up some minutes-per-game, something we've seen on every line thus far.

A quick look at special teams:
Here are each year's top minute-men on the power play and on the penalty kill. The power play scoring rates are obviously lower this year than last year, and a lot of that can be pinned on the 2nd unit's personnel--giving Mark Mowers and Rob Niedermayer power play time isn't in any winning coach's strategy book. Going by minutes, it seems that the Ducks have less power play time per game than last year, which probably correlates to the additional even-strength ice time we've seen on every line.

As for the penalty kill, the top pairing of Pahlsson and Rob Niedermayer seem to be as effective as last year, but the secondary unit of Marchant and Moen has seen a steep drop-off in goal prevention.

Conclusions:

I think this analysis has been useful in seeing which minutes, in particular, seem to be preventing the Ducks from experiencing success similar to last year's. The problems that I can see are that the shelter line isn't finding a way to outscore soft competition, the top line is allowing more goals-against, and the stopper line could score some more goals. However, on an overall level I can't say that overplaying the Pahlsson line looks to be the Ducks' problem--that line, at least, has differential rates similar enough to last year.

Really, though, the Ducks' problem isn't really one that's explained through the forward minutes, I think. Certainly there are effects that come from personnel changes, but I think what's causing the dropoff more is the lack of a second Norris defenseman; last year these lines either had the benefit of usually a Pronger or a Niedermayer on their blueline, but nowadays Pronger minutes can only be distributed so far (usually in a defensive setting, as nobody else is really trustworthy).

The Ducks' movie theme thus far.
I have no idea what sort of team the Ducks would become if or when Scott Niedermayer rejoins the team, but I gotta think that a lot of these issues could be compensated by a blueline that's better at retrieving the puck and creating offense through transition. In that regard, TSN's Bob McKenzie has fantastic news for Ducks fans; Scott may be returning to the roster very soon.

If that happens, I'll gladly re-run these numbers after several games to see what effect another Norris defender has on the forward minutes. I'm not sure it can get back to last year's numbers, but I'll be happy for any improvement to what's become a rather mediocre team. In the meantime, I'll probably throw another post up pretty soon to show the defenseman minutes, where the Ducks' year-to-year dropoff will probably be more apparent.

Thanks for the question, Jeremy. As always, Go Ducks.

Kings Live-Blog: Pretend This Isn't Boring

What's up ya dirty dogs? The Kings are playing fellow derelicts the Edmonton Oilers tonight in what is sure to be a match-up that causes Lord Stanley to ask for his cup back. Both teams are young, fairly talented, and sure to have high draft pick next- what's that? For Dustin Penner? Really? Oh. Sorry, Edmonton.

Anyway, Jason Labarbera is out tonight thanks to former Oiler and all-round jerkass Ryan Smyth, so J.S. Aubin gets the call with Johnathan Quick backing him up in case Aubin does poorly. So I guess what I'm saying is look for the NHL debut of Johnathan Quick tonight. Isn't it the fate of the Kings that Jason Labarbera seemingly claims the #1 position and then immediately gets hurt, while on the other end of the ice Mathieu Garon looks rejuvenated? I swear, it's enough to make me suicidal. No wait, what's the thing where you want to kill someone else? That's what it makes me.

So, Kings-Oilers tonight. Hopefully the Kings can put in a solid effort; if not, I'll probably just resort to pointing out how much better Los Angeles is than Edmonton. Like this: today it was 74 degrees in Los Angeles. In Edmonton? 5. Kinda makes you want to let them win, doesn't it?

Prediction: Kings win, 4-3. Goals by Pisani, Torres (x2) and Penner, who score on their own goalie in the hopes that the Kings won't make them go back to Edmonton.

7:27: I don't know if you guys have ever heard the Sharks' radio play-by-play guy, but he kind of sounds like a guy who'd report the exploits of Dick Tracy.

7:30: They just took us inside the Kings locker room; those of you hoping Ivanans was going to pass by the camera completely nude were disappointed.

7:32: Ha, Patrick O'Neal is balding. I don't know why, but that makes me happy.

7:34: Does anyone want to make a bet that there will be a story about Dustin Penner being lazy and out-of-shape in about 2 years?

7:36: Jimmy needs to calm the fuck down. Bob needs to take away his chocolate, or coffee, or cocaine, or whatever he's on.

7:38: Oh good, they put Cammy back on the top line. I was beginning to think that O'Sullivan was starting to get chemistry with Kopitar. Can't let that happen.

7:40: Aubin is not one that inspires confidence, is he? He looks like they got Ricky Gervais to play net. He kinda just looks like Ricky Gervais, doesn't he?

7:42: Torres just got the first real good hit I've seen on Kopitar this season. I would imagine Dustin Brown will have a response to that.

7:43: Wow, this Willsie-Armstrong-Nagy line is just a comedy of errors. I actually felt myself rooting for the Oilers when that line was out there.

7:44: Nevermind, I guess Kopitar can respond on his own. HOORAY, Kings score, 1-0. It got deflected off the stick of the Oilers defenseman. I don't understand why defenders don't just get the fuck out of the way, especially in the NHL.

7:46: Jimmy said that Kent Nilsson, father of Robert Nilsson, was called "The Magic Man" when he played. I like to think that only Jimmy called him that and that Kent was creeped out by it.
Jimmy: "Hey there, Magic Man!"
Kent: "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

7:48: Kings on the power play thanks to a too many men penalty. I don't know why the hell Rob Blake is out there.

7:54: Damn, I just realized Ales Hemsky is out tonight. I actually like him; did you know he's only 23? Also, did you know California has a higher population and better economic ranking than all of Canada?

7:58: Aubin makes a save on a bad-percentage shot by Shawn Horcoff, but one thing you don't want to see your goaltender do is flinch on a shot. That's the opposite of what he's supposed to do, actually.

7:51: Kings don't score and didn't get too much pressure, but it was good to see Jack Johnson out there. Of course, this leaves Tom Preissing completely useless, but oh well.

7:54: Seriously, Jimmy's fucking drunk. I think he's taking the Kings' losing ways pretty hard.

7:56: The Willsie-Armstrong-Nagy line makes an impact: Oilers on the power play.

7:59: Mother fucker, Kopitar gets a delay of game for putting the puck over the glass right as Jon Klemm gets out of the box. Good thing the Oilers suck on the power play, otherwise we'd be in trouble.

8:03: John Zeiler tries the ol' "check the guy with your face" technique and ends up hitting the glass. Interesting strategy.

8:04: So far, Jimmy has told us that Lubo and Brad Stuart moved to the right side while Jack Johnson moved to the left. For fuck's sake, Crawford, there's a difference between shaking things up and not knowing what you're doing.

8:05: Holy shit, Calder had a great shot that led to a rebound up high and Handzus almost knocked it in out of mid-air.

8:06: Double holy shit, Brown schooled a Edmonton defender, sped in on a two-on-one with Kopitar, and then... passed it right into Garon. Oh well.

8:07: This is weird, they had the power play and then no breaks in the action for like 6 minutes so they took a TV timeout with :40 seconds left. I don't think I've ever seen that before.

8:09: Okay, now Jimmy's yelling the name of Italian hockey players. I think the 2nd period's going to start and Patrick O'Neal is going to be up there with Bob while Jimmy is en route to the Betty Ford Center.

8:11: The period ends with John Zeiler hitting Fernando Pisani and then Ladislav Smid came over to protect him. If you're Pisani, aren't you kind of embarrassed? Anyway, 1st period over with the Kings leading, 1-0.

8:14: How do you think the conversation where Marc Crawford told Tom Preissing he was benched in favor of Jon Klemm went? "You know, Tom, we think you're doing a great job, but there's just an element to your game that we're missing. It's a certain amount of... what's the word... suck. Yeah, that's it; you don't suck enough. I want you out there during the warm-ups and I want you working on falling down, missing assignments and blowing open nets, and we'll see if you look shitty enough for the next game, okay?"

8:16: I'd like to take this time to inform you that my good friend Bailey has a new website that is purr-rific. Go check it out during the intermission. I'll wait.

8:21: Who's more likely to be shaved, Heidi Androl or Patrick O'Neal? My money's on O'Neal.

8:23: I did think you couldn't do anything lamer than what I'm doing right now, but I glanced over at Meg and he' s currently 20 pages into a 40-page forum thread about some obscure word written on a map in Bio-Shock. So I'm only the 2nd lamest person in the entire world, I guess.

8:29: BOO! Oilers score, so I guess the 2nd period has started. Fucking blast by Pitkanen. That kid is pretty good, hopefully they'll get someone to play with him with their high dra- oh wait, sorry, forgot again.

8:32: Ivanans gets a penalty for holding. You play for like 5 minutes a game, dude, c'mon.

8:34: Wow, Blake is giving Penner a clinic on how to play in front of the net. It's a real battle of NHLers who don't deserve their paychecks.

8:36: God dammit, Brown gets a penalty to put the Kings down 2 men. He's been making great plays and then immediately following up with asshattery. I guess I shouldn't be too hard, what with his mental handicap and everything.

8:38: Some fan got hit in the face with a puck. I don't have much to add except that I am a terrible person for laughing.

8:39: Holy shit, Jack Johnson just made an amazing play to get a breakaway, but was stopped by an even more amazing save by Garon. Wait, goalies can make saves on breakaways? I thought they're supposed to stand straight up and fall backwards into the net?

8:41: I can't stress enough how amazing that play was by Jack Johnson. When was the last time you saw a defenseman take it end to end like that? The last time I remember something like that was Niedermayer two years ago. Of course, Johnson will probably board someone in the next 5 minutes.

8:42: That Willsie-Armstrong-Nagy strikes again, Derek with the high stick. *Sigh

8:43: So that's how the Oilers score on the power play. BOO, Penner gets an empty-netter when the puck takes a funny bounce off the boards. Edmonton up, 2-1. Almost makes those 3 draft picks worth it, huh?

8:45: Raffi Torres, who I hear loves apples and bananas, gets a penalty for hooking Mike Cammalleri. Kings on the power play.

8:46: The puck pinballs around until Brown finds it and slams it home. Hooray, game tied, 2-2. It was actually a nice play by Cammy for passing up the low-percentage shot and giving it back to Brown. Brown's starting to make it where I don't act surprised when he scores. That's a good thing.

8:50: They interview Brian Willsie on the bench because he doesn't have anything else to do. Is it libelous for me to say he looks like a child molestor? I'm just saying he looks like one, there's nothing wrong with that, right?

8:51: Every now and then Blake will get a crazy look in his eye and completely demolish someone; he just did it to Andrew Cogliano. I think it's the Bowlby coming out in him.

8:53: Dammit, Stuart had a great back-door opportunity but was robbed by Garon. A part of me is glad he's doing well but another part of me hopes he tears his groin.

8:54: Fuck, Patrick Thoresen tips the puck in off a turnover by Visnovsky. Boo, Kings down, 3-2. Lubo, you're really making it hard for me to make excuses for you.

8:56: Hey, did you know Chuck Norris is really tough? What a delightfully original idea that hasn't been beaten do grim death at all, Mountain Dew. Please direct me to your products, I'd like to buy some.

8:57: They showed Carrie Underwood sitting right behind the glass, and then I just heard, "Ahhh!" being screamed by my roommate Matt. I think his dick exploded.

8:59: GOD DAMMIT GARON. Seriously, the guy is a god damn magician. Why couldn't you stay healthy, you mother fucker???

9:00: Okay, if you're playing hockey, and you have a wide-open net with the goalie off to the right, where do you put it? Oh yeah, and you're Brian Willsie. If you said, "The only spot the goalie can get to it," you are correct. Now please get off my team.

9:03: If goaltenders were characters in Spaceballs, Mathieu Garon would be Lonestar and J.S. Aubin would be Prince Valium. Darren Pang would be Yogurt. Dark Helmet would be Ed Belfour, Princess Vespa would be Martin Brodeur... I'm sorry, I'll stop.

9:04: Dustin Brown creates a turnover and Anze Kopitar gets off a last-second shot, but nothing comes of it and the period ends. Why can't games end after the 1st?

9:12: They have these commercials where people see a guy in a Kings jersey and give him whatever he wants because he's so intimidating... but I think a more accurate portrayal would be if the Kings fan got pantsed and kicked to the ground before everyone took turns pissing on him.

9:21: Just wanted to take a quick second to let you guys know that the Kings are offering 2 tickets to 4 home games, 2 tickets to Universal Studios, and a scarf for $99. I ordinarily wouldn't pimp for the team, but that's an insane deal. The 2 tickets to Universal Studios are probably more than $99, and the scarf... well, we don't have real use for scarves in L.A., but maybe there's a Edmontonian you know that could use it. Oh yeah, the period started up too.

9:23: I was just kidding at first, but that's the 3rd penalty called on the Willsie-Armstrong-Nagy line. I'd rather just give Edmonton a penalty shot rather than put that line out there. Let's just save everyone some time.

9:25: Dustin Brown has been playing really well so far. He's been playing so well that I'm not even going to make a joke about his lack of intelligence.

9:27: Wow, I didn't realize until now but Anaheim lost 2 games to Edmonton by a combined score of 9-1. That's kinda sad and hilarious all at the same time.

9:29: Brad Stuart jumps in and almost scores off a pass by Kyle Calder. Calder did a good job getting past the defender and getting to the net; if he were on a line with Frolov, I think we'd be in pretty good shape.

9:33: Wow, Raffi Torres knocked Dustin Brown off the puck, who then immediately demolished Pitkanen. Is someone holding Dustin's baby hostage tonight? If so, you guys think you could hold onto him for the rest of the season?

9:36: Heh, Stortini (shouldn't he be trying to catch Pinocchio?) tried to jump around Johnson, who held him up long enough for Blake to come over and knock him down. They're like the Bash Brothers!

9:38: Man, the Kings have really been hitting in this period. Even Nagy got into the act; he failed miserably, but maybe that was enough to prevent him from getting benched in the next game. Nah, who am I kidding, he's doomed.

9:41: Jesus, Jimmy stopped huffing on the nitrous long enough to point out that besides Kopitar, the Kings have gotten 1 goal by a center this season; it was an empty-netter by Handzus. That is the most depressing thing I've ever heard.

9:42: Holy fuck, how did that not go in??? Kopitar passed on a shot and slipped it over to Stuart, who somehow managed to miss a wide-open net. This isn't looking like our game, which sucks because it's probably the first game in a while that we deserved to win.

9:45: Okay, it bounced off Cammalleri's stick and almost went in but struck Garon's blocker. Sorry, Stuart, you managed not to fuck up on that play.

9:47: I'm going to have to check later, but I'm pretty sure that Willsie-Armstrong-Nagy have had more ice-time than Calder-Handzus-O'Sullivan. If that's the case then Crawford has to be fired, right? Handzus' line had another great scoring opportunity that just happened to hit Garon. He's fucking good, man.

9:49: Has Ladislav Smid always been a piece of shit, or is the Edmonton influence working on him? For a guy who looks like Sponge on Salute Your Shorts he sure puts himself in some bad situations.

9:52: Hooray, Kings finally get one in thanks to the power of Rob Blake's ass! When Rob Blake goes in front of the net there is absolutely nothing on Earth that will stop him. (He actually kind of interfered with the goalie but shut up.)

9:53: And do you know who scored that goal? That's right, the Willsie-Armstrong-Nagy line. Redemption, thy name is W-A-N. (*drops mic, walks away)

9:55: The refs review it for a while, just to give me a heart attack, but eventually give the Kings the goal. Do you think Crawford will bench Nagy now? Actually, yeah, probably.

9:57: Few seconds left, neither team is allowing anything in front of the net. Oilers get called for icing, giving the Kings a face-off with :08 seconds left. Visnovsky got a shot but put it wide, sending us to OT. God, we're so fucked if we go to a shootout.

9:58: I think the Kings have a definite advantage in OT and should go for the win right now instead of risking a shootout; let's see how much rope Stuart, Johnson and Lubo get to jump in.

10:00: Well, :30 seconds in and Lubo went behind Edmonton's net, so I guess that answers that question.

10:01: The Kings are really hurt in these situations without Frolov; O'Sullivan hits the post with a great shot.

10:03: Bob just said, "Armstrong has had a real strong game tonight." I know you want to encourage him, Bob, but let's not say things that aren't true.

10:03: I think these Edmonton players are going to have nightmares about Dustin Brown. How many hits has he had tonight?

10:04: Nagy+Cammy=Point shot with absolutely no one in front of the net. They need a 5th guy out there.

10:05: Holy shit, Dustin Brown just made an amazing move through his legs. I don't think any King has had a better game this season except for maybe Frolov against Anaheim a few weeks back.

10:06: Steve Staios played an entire season on a broken kneecap? I love hockey.

10:07: Kings take a time-out with :30 seconds left to give Kopitar a rest but it doesn't work; OT ends, 3-3. Shootout coming up and I'd put our chances at approximately nil, right? I mean, Garon is awesome at the shootout and Aubin is about as flexible as my grandpa on a winter night in Edmonton, so we're pretty boned.

It's Cammalleri up for the Kings, who elected to go first. He puts it up high and I thought it went in, but apparently it hit the crossbar. Fuck.

Sam Gagner up for the Oil, who just completely embarrasses Aubin. Basically a single deke with a lot of salad dressing, but it's enough to fool Aubin.

Dustin Brown tries the same fake shot/single deke move, but Garon reads it all the way. Fuck.

Robert Nilsson has a chance to ice it; he goes wide and tries to leave it on the right side, but Aubin is actually too inflexible to get moved across the ice and stops it.

Kopitar to keep the Kings alive: Garon is amazing at the shootout and just reads it from the moment Kopitar touched the puck. I can't stress how amazing Garon is at these things. Fuck.

So, the Kings lose to the Edmonton Garons, 4-3. You could tell Garon was pretty excited to beat the Kings, and I have to give him credit for playing really well. The Oilers look like a pretty good team; they have a lot of good young guys who can someday lose to the Kings in the playoffs. This wasn't a total disaster for the Kings, though. They played really well and came back from being down, 3-2. Hopefully they can build on this to have a great December that they'll need to stay in the playoff hunt. That's it for me; now, I get drunk.

Kings Gameday: Tape-Delayed Blog

Los Angeles Kings (10-14-1, Last in West) vs. Edmonton Oilers (12-14-1, 12th in West)



7:30 PST, FSN West

Cammy is listed at 5'9" and Hlinka is listed as 5'10". One of those is wrong.

I promised a live-blog tonight so you guys can look forward to that, but first I wanted to tide you over with a few quick-hits:

-The Kings called up forward Gabe Gauthier and goaltender Johnathan Quick and sent down Matt Moulson; they also retroactively put Frolov on the IR just to try to confuse everyone a little more. Basically, Frolov and Labarbera will be back after tonight's game but they wanted Quick to back up Aubin tonight. Gauthier is probably up instead of Moulson because they wanted someone with more defensive presence since Moulson had been playing with Handzus and Calder.

-There's a quick little review of the Kings' junior prospects up over at Hockey's Future if you're interested. You get a lot of good little nuggets of information, including, "Josh Kidd was diagnosed with 'osteitis pubis' in November, which is an inflammation of the tissue connecting the two bones that make up the pelvis, and will miss at least a month of action." Okay, so I guess there's 3 injuries you can miss hockey with. Christ.

This picture is irrelevant, it just makes me laugh.

-The last game against Colorado was a good example of why it's sometimes a better idea to just sit a game out. Both Mike Cammalleri and Jaroslav Modry played despite extenuating circumstances (Cammy's groin, Modry's dad). Both played poorly, with Cammy ineffective and Modry responsible for 2 goals against. (Not the breakaway, though; I'm pretty sure that was Moulson's fault.) I know they just wanted to help the team and a big part of hockey is playing when you're not 100%, but ultimately they hurt the team. I just want them to understand that.

-I was at work today and we had cake for some unexplained reason. I work with pretty much all girls (it's not nearly as awesome as it sounds) and we were talking about some Secret Santa bullshit they want to do again this year. One girl mentioned that last year I got this chick Melissa that I work with Midol. Melissa has since moved back home because she got knocked up, so I replied, "Apparently I should have gotten her birth control." For some reason, that makes me an asshole. I don't get women. Anyway, here's Jim Gaffigan talking about cake and other delicious foods if you're bored. My favorite:

Every now and then I'll read a book, I'll be so proud of myself, I'll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, "Hey Jim, how ya do-" "I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages!" "That's great, what was it about?" "No idea! Took me two years!"

I Hate Ryan Smyth

"I want you to get this fuck where he breathes! I want you to find this nancy-boy Eliot Ness, I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS ASHES!"
-Al Capone, The Untouchables

I hate Ryan Smyth. He's Exhibit A for why the whole concept of "being tough" is completely fucked in the NHL. Everyone acts like he's some sort of noble beast for standing in front of the next and being ugly, but he wears a flak jacket. A fucking flak jacket. You know, a jacket that stops flak. The thing is meant to stop shards of metal from embedding into someone's flesh, I'm pretty sure it'll stop a cross-check or a puck. So no, he's not tough. He's a cheap-shotting little bitch and I fucking hate him. What kind of a man refuses to sign a contract for a team, forces a trade, and then has the fucking cojones to cry when he goes back. At least Chris Pronger didn't try to pretend like he was the victim, you nosed bastard. That's another thing: Smyth looks like... you know in Beetle Juice, where Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin have to get into the afterworld so they pull their faces out about three feet? Or Pyramid Head in Silent Hill. That's what Smyth looks like. Fuck him.

In case you didn't see it tonight, Jason Labarbera had to leave the game because he got speared by Smyth. Smyth came in and dug his stick into "Nolte," then fell on top of it until it broke after Blake barely touched him. (What the hell, Blake? Cross check him in the back of the head, what are you doing?) It was a bullshit play, and for it he deserves to die. I don't understand why a play like that would be a 5-minute major if it had been Blake on top of the puck but it gets nothing when it's a goalie. I'm biased because I'm both a Kings fan and a goalie, but the 7th cirle of Hell is reserved for guys who hit a goalie after he's covered the puck. Labarbera was completely exposed and unable to defend himself, and Smyth knew it. After that play, I didn't care at all about the rest of the game; I just wanted to see Ryan Smyth buried. I wanted Raitis Ivanans to pick him up by the feet and throw him clear out of the rink. I wanted him... well, I wanted him dead. I'm not one to call for a boarding, but I'm officially calling for a boarding. Congratulations, Ryan Smyth: in a league with Sean Avery, Corey Perry, and Derek Armstrong, you are now my least favorite player in the NHL. Die.

Kings Gameday: Hittin' the Stretch Drive

I'm hungover and feeling bad about how much I enjoy making fun of the people on MTV's Return to Fat Camp, so I'm going to take a look around the NHL and give biased, uninformed opinions. I'll make it up to you guys with a live-blog on Monday, though.

Kids fight while playing hockey, world ends

Honestly, who cares? There's no way they could hurt one another on account of their helmets and gloves, and besides, little kids are indestructible. Those kids could have had machine guns and nobody would have gotten hurt. And so what if the coaches emptied the benches, it teaches the team camaraderie. I wish the two coaches would have fought. I'm more concerned about #9 on the white team for not being able to stand while he's fighting... wait, is that George Parros? They have about the same skill level, anyway.

(Also, do you guys remember when that parent sucker punched a little kid because he was going after his son? I can't find the video, but that was hilarious.)

NHL Decides 6 Games is Enough

One thing that hasn't been covered too much is how this will affect the games on Versus. I'm not going to go through the schedule and actually add it up, but it definitely seems like Versus shows primarily east-coast teams (the Philadelphia Flyers are on more than the California teams combined). If teams from the West are going over to the lesser coast, maybe our teams will get a little more exposure. This would make sense seeing how, you know, the Western Conference is way better than the East. I know this a big disappointment to all you people who love watching the Rangers, but it's good for hockey.

Nikolai Khabibulin is an Idiot

I don't have much to say other than what the fuck. I can pretty much guarantee that if you had told me that there was an NHL player who thought it was a good idea to drink a ton of coffee before playing, I could have told you that he was:

1) Russian.
2) A goalie.
3) Crazy.

My money would have been on Brzygalov, by the way.

Who's Better, Yzerman or Sakic?

I won't speak on the numbers, but I personally think that Steve Yzerman is a god and Joe Sakic is kind of a schmuck. The only reason I have a semi-positive opinion on Sakic is because I usually think about Yzerman when I hear Sakic's name. Joe Sakic is like Steve Yzerman if Yzerman was mortal. Sakic looks like he had a hairlip when he was a kid; Steve Yzerman did this:


Sorry, but it's not close.

Prediction: Kings win, 4-2. Goals by Kopitar, O'Sullivan, Stuart and Steve Yzerman.

Ducks Gameday—Oh, you Oilers

Anaheim Ducks (12-10-4, t-4th in west) at Edmonton Oilers (10-14-1, t-14th in west)

I made this poster earlier this summer, but it was a pretty flimsy concept: "Hm, doesn't the name 'Penner' look kind of like the name 'Potter'?" It's not the strongest graphic to ever make its way to this blog, but considering I got nothing else ready today, it seems more than appropriate.

Dustin Penner's counting stats thus far this season have been fairly mediocre: 25 gp, 4 g, 7 a, -1. Of course, it might not be that surprising if you took a look at his last 25 games in a Duck uniform (mostly playoffs): 25 gp, 4 g, 5 a, +3. That Anaheim stretch includes Penner going scoreless throughout the month of May, something that's likely to be repeated this year unless the Oilers get some magical boost in the standings.

It's not really that Penner's useless on the ice, but he's got to be played very carefully—he's a big-bodied passenger, one who will neither be very useful in backchecking nor will be the catalyst in the offensive end. He's incredibly strong along the boards and somewhat capable with the puck, but in terms of his overall contribution, it is pretty reliant on his linemates' ability to do most of the skating, defense, and puckhandling for him, and is best utilized against pretty soft competition. These drawbacks are pretty overlookable when the big guy plays for league minimum; however with a huge paycheck in a salary-capped league, the flaws get a lot more scrutiny (see also: Bertuzzi).

Often-ignored upside: Dustin Penner kills terrorists!
I don't really want to get too critical of Oiler management (the Oilosphere has that more than covered), but the one aspect that strikes me the most about the Penner offer sheet: if I'm a GM that has publicly admitted his team's inability to attract UFAs, I wouldn't be in the business of driving up RFA salaries at the expense of UFA salaries. Sure, with the CBA being what it is, I'm sure eventually the stigma around offer sheets would have eventually disappeared, but still, it is significant that Kevin Lowe did trigger this market shift. Probably the best thing Edmonton has going for it is a solid group of young, entry-level talent; jumping the offer-sheet gun seems only to paint a dark future for keeping it together. And heck, thanks to Lowe getting desperate in the Pronger deal and the Penner deal, even a bottom finish by the $50M-payroll, injury-plagued Oilers won't yield them anything—the Ducks hold the Oiler's 1st round pick, while Lowe will pick based on Anaheim's finish.

To be fair, nothing really should be judged on the Penner offer sheet until year three or so; the five-year contract was more a long-term gamble than a short-term one, and it's entirely possible that Hemsky and friends learn to use the big body of Penner effectively or that he improves on his weaknesses and gets much more worth his salary (he still is rather new at this league). Also, it will be better gauged after we see what Burke does with his picks—I've seen little evidence so far that Burke is a draft wizard; at least nobody he's drafted so far seems willing to make the big league roster.

Anyway, I'm getting rambly; feel free to offer your Penner-thoughts or Edmonton-reaction in the comments. Meanwhile, from the Oilblog angle (one that you have to respect--nobody's had a fall from grace like they have), Covered in Oil put together a nice Oiler-drinking game for tonight; I especially like the suggestion in the comments: "Drink every time Dustin Penner looks tired."

Prediction: Ducks 3, Oilers 2. The CinO-reading crowd gets filthy drunk. Goals by McDonald, Pahlsson, and Getzlaf.

Go Ducks.

Battle of California, Kings-Sharks photos

Here are a few photos from the Kings 3-2 OT shootout win over the Sharks last night at HP Pavilion. There was a lot of negative comments made after the shootout loss, but the Sharks did come back late in recent games against Anaheim and LA, they just can't get it done in the shootout.

San Jose is 1-4 this season in shootouts, and 4-13 all time (worst in the NHL). Evgeni Nabokov has to get over the poke check strategy in a shootout, it rarely works, and head coach Ron Wilson needs to get creative with who he selects to take shots. If the big guns are not firing, ice Rob Davison, Sandis Ozolinsh and Curtis Brown. Try anything, because what they are trying now is not working.

There were reporters from ESPN, the Canadian Press, the Globe and Mail, and a few other national sources, and Toronto Maple Leafs GM John Ferguson Jr. was in the press box. After this type of loss, with this amount of media and the Board of Governors meeting today and tomorrow in Pebble Beach, expect the Sharks rumor mill to hit the fan.

A few more notes from the game are up here. War Rudy Kelly's blog posts without f-bombs.

The San Jose Sharks Have the Worst Fans in Hockey

Couldn't they just give San Jose the loss and save everyone some time?

Right? Remember when they were winning at home all the time and everyone was saying how great their fans were? I do. I couldn’t go 5 feet without listening to some San Joseer bragging about how great they were and how San Jose fans are more cultured and understood how to support their team better than the fans in Los Angeles and Anaheim. Now that they have fewest wins at home in the NHL (along with 3 losses to the Kings there this season), that means that their fans suck now, right? I mean, it’s not like you can take credit when your team wins and then blame them when they lose, right? That would be crazy and illogical.* Tough break, San Jose.

***

How badass is Jason Labarbera? Lost in the Kings’ woes the past two weeks has been the stellar play of… Labs? Labby? This guy needs a good nickname. I prefer “Nolte,” after his profile shot, but that’s just me. I mean, the guy’s sporting stats like 2.49 GAA and a .917 SV%, and it’s not because of the Kings’ defensive play or anything like that. The craziest thing is that he’s posting those stats and still has a sub-.500 record. If I told you at the beginning of the season that the Kings would get good goaltending and still lose, what would you have said? Well, you probably would have called me gay, because you’re a dick. Fuck you man, I don’t even know why I hang out with you sometimes.

Nice game Jas- oh, I'm sorry sir, I thought you were someone else.

***

What do you guys think of Michal Handzus? I think he’s kinda getting dicked over. Sure, he hasn’t played great so far (although I think he’s picked up his game of late), but I saw that the guys on Versus said he was the biggest free-agent bust of the year so far. The guy is coming off major knee surgery and hadn’t played in a year! There are two injuries I accept in hockey: injuries to your knee and your head. I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be to walk confidently after wrecking your knee, let alone skate. I know he’s getting paid $4 million this year and that’s probably too much, but I’ll give him this year to get back into shape. If he’s leading team in penalty minutes this time next year then I’ll be first in line to flagellate the son of a bitch. (No, FLAGELLATE. Look it up and get your mind out of the gutter.)

***

I don’t really have any hard evidence to back this up or anything, but I’m convinced that Milan Michalek did vile things to Jack Johnson’s mother some time in the past. That’s the only way to explain Jack’s actions every time we play the Sharks. He tried to kill Michalek two weeks ago by jumping at his head, and last night he gave Michalek the mother of all face washings because Michalek… stood there? It’s nice to see Jack play with a little bit of an edge, but why is it only against Milan?

*My craaazy friend Megalodon thinks the Sharks aren’t playing well at home because they’re young and nervous to play in front of the home crowd. Sure why not.

Ducks Flameday—Misery loves company

Anaheim Ducks (11-10-4, t-8th in west) at Calgary Flames (10-12-3, 12th in west)

As rotten as things feel in Duckland, I still gotta take comfort that the Ducks remain ahead in the standings of the other two most recent western conference champions (and next two opponents)—the Flames and the Oilers—for now, at least. Talk to fans of any of these recent-glory teams and you'll find a sad tale of disappointment, inconsistency, and general frustration.

I guess I should qualify, as to the naked eye, the Ducks seem to have had an excellent November thus far (7-3-2), but it is a very deceptive record. In the last six weeks (16 games), the Ducks have managed to beat only two teams in regulation—the Kings twice (in three tries) and the Coyotes once (in four tries). Sure, they are finding ways to sneak standings points, but it doesn't appear to be sustainable nor does it suggest anything positive for any playoff success, should they even qualify.

Meanwhile, the Flames have suffered a rotten month of November, both on the ice as well as in the standings. They are 4-8-0 so far this month, and have allowed the 2nd-most 3rd period goals during that stretch (16 3rd period GA over 12 games). Kiprusoff has been a big problem, it seems, though his November stats (2.94 GAA, .879 sv%) aren't very much different from his whole-season stats (2.96 GAA, .886 sv%).

Did you see how angry Mike Keenan got when he had to yank Kipper from the last game?
Anyway, for some Flames perspective, you can always check out the Flame-o-sphere: Matt at Battle of Alberta, Metrognome & friends at Five Hole Fanatics, RealDeal Hockey, HG at double d(ion), Completely Hammered, and Open Ice Hits. One of these days I'll organize our unhelpful sidebar, but that promise is as flimsy as Scott Niedermayer telling us he'll reveal his retirement plans by the end of November (uh, tomorrow, I guess?).

Hey, but somebody's got to win tonight. Maybe it will even be a turn-around game for one of these two squads. In fact, I've got an idea of how everyone can come away a winner.

Prediction: Flames 24, Ducks 2. Calgary comes away with a monumental win, starting its stretch of 12-straight unbeaten. But the real winner is Anaheim, whose pitiful play finally earns a sympathy unretirement from Scott (and if we're really lucky, a sympathy retirement from Bertuzzi). Ducks goals by Pahlsson and Moen.

Go Ducks.

This is Like Deja Vu All Over Again....Yogi Berra

I turn on the game tonight and basically predicted what would happen. No Frolov, Cammalleri, or Modry. Sharks come out strong and only score 1 goal. They decide to take the 2nd period off and lose in a shootout. Anyone else seen this movie before? I could not believe it but I actually got off the couch at the end of OT since I knew what would happen. I swear other teams get to OT and think to themselves "why should we push forward when we have this game already in hand once we get to the shootout." At this point I say just throw 3 forwards and Ozo on the ice during OT and go for it. Hell, pull Nabby and play 5 forwards in OT...ok I'm kidding (sorta)

If you missed it, President and CEO Greg Jamison pulled RWilson aside after practice and had a closed door meeting after practice. Why was this unusual you ask? First, Jamison decided to do this right before Rwilson was to speak to the media leading to speculation of a tongue lashing. For the record, both Wilson and Jamison said they spoke about possible rules changes they would talk about during the Board of Governor's meeting going on Thurs/Fri at Pebble Beach. The more interesting fact to me was the timing of this meeting and that is occurred while the hockey world and hockey writers converged on the Bay Area. It will be interesting to see what comes of these meetings especially regarding the scheduling issue. Interesting things usually happen when all the GM's get together. The Sharks have cap space, an inconsistent team and a coach on shaky ground. You never know what will happen in between rounds of golf. Heck, if Brett Hull can be a co-GM, why can't we bring in Pat Falloon to coach?

Random Impromptu Liveblog: Kings @ Sharks

10:13 PM: Never mind. Another shootout loss. Well, that's it for me and my impromptu liveblog. So far this new Roenick jersey isn't that lucky. Hopefully I got out all the bad mojo before I wear it at a game.

10:12 PM: God damn it, I hate the shootout when the Sharks are in it. It's fun every other time to watch. Thank you Little Joe for tying it up.

10:11 PM: Nabby's stupid poke check move only works like 1% of the time. Sure, it looks cool when it does, but it still never works. No fivehole for Michalek.

10:09 PM: JR channels the power of my jersey and SCORES! And he didn't even do the beanpot move he and Tony Amonte always did.

10:08 PM: Oh man, Randy and Drew are referencing the Seinfeld episode when George Costanza decided to do everything Bizarro and he started getting things his way. That's why I love these guys.

10:06 PM: My shooters if I'm Ron Wilson -- throw everyone off and go with Roenick, Ozolinsh, and Mitchell.

10:04 PM: I get the sense that Torrey Mitchell can't quite control himself at top speed. He always looks like he's about to just fly off in a random direction or pull off the sweetest move off all time. As Yoda once said, control, control, you must learn control!

10:03 PM: Sandis Ozolinsh, master forechecker.

10:01 PM: Hey, Wilson's listening to me, pairing Marleau and Michalek together.

9:59 PM: Drew Remenda's talking about electrolytes in Gatorade. If you ever want a really funny take on that, rent a movie called Idiocracy by Mike Judge.

9:57 PM: Doh. Stupid overtime. Please oh please, no shootout.

9:55 PM: If I'm Wilson, I let Marleau and Thornton skate together for the last minute.

9:51 PM: For you LA fans, Drew Remenda REALLY likes the nickname Anze Kopi-STAR.

9:49 PM: Another power play. Let's bring it home, boys. Seriously. No more shootouts. Please.

9:48 PM: Stupid Marleau and his stupid deke move that never works. Try something different, Patty!

9:46 PM: In my beginner hockey class way back when, they taught us to only have one forechecker in during a shorthanded situation. But I'm guessing that Mike Grier and Joe Thornton are a little better than the guys in that class.

9:43 PM: Is "plethora of stupid penalties" synonymous with "mental toughness"?

9:41 PM: I can't believe I'm saying this but...good tough 5 on 3 kill by Christian Ehrhoff.

9:40 PM: 5 on 3. This isn't good.

9:38 PM: Bad penalty by Craig Rivet. Selfish, stupid, undisciplined. That's it, he's off the Fellowship of the Leadership Council.

9:35 PM: Tim Hunter is waving his arms behind the bench. He's probably saying, "Jesus, JR, don't you know Mike bought your jersey and is wearing it as he liveblogs? Give him a point!"

9:33 PM: A Quiet Riot/hockey story to share. When I went to Toronto with my buddies, we sat behind some angry old Leaf fans at the ACC. I was saying something about the game when the old dude turned to me and said, "What do YOU know about hockey? Try putting on some skates before you say anything." To which I said, "Actually, I DO play hockey," and promptly got the guy to shut up. A few minutes later, Quiet Riot came over the PA and my buddy said in his loudest voice possible, "Mike, what do YOU know about Quiet Riot?" I still chuckle about that to this day.

9:32 PM: They're playing Quiet Riot on the PA. Do you think they had a moment of silence for the lead singer who died?

9:30 PM: Forward Rob Davison goes offside. His excuse? "I'm just doing what Nils Ekman told me to do."

9:28 PM: YES! Finally woke up -- and Cheechoo and Marleau are actually on the ice for a goal. Too bad they don't get help for their +/- rating, but whatever. Ever notice how Craig Rivet always looks sad even when he scores?

9:26 PM: Big Johnson hits the box. Time to score.

9:25 PM: God damn it Cheech. Keep going, boys.

9:23 PM: Penalty to ex-Shark Brad Stuart. Here's the chance. Sidenote -- one of my buddies used to sit next to an obsessed Brad Stuart fan who painted her nails "7BRAD STUART". She was known as the "Brad Stuart Ho".

9:22 PM: 3rd Period, here we go...

9:21 PM: I'm really sick of the term "mental toughness." Probably because the Sharks don't seem to have any.

9:17 PM: How I'm changing the mojo: I realize that I was wearing a sweater UNDER my JR jersey. That's a no-no. Now it's just a t-shirt and the Roenick jersey. I've also scooted my laptop over to a different position and got a soda.

9:14 PM: Right now, I'd try a few shifts of Thornton/Seto/JR and Marleau/Michalek/Pavelski. When Marleau and Michalek get their legs pumping, they're at their best, and Pavelski's much more savvy than I usually give him credit for.

9:10 PM: NHLPA head honcho Paul Kelly's being interviewed: "I think we owe it to the fans to work out problems as professionally as possible." Professionally = negotiation, communication, partnership, compromise, NOT name calling and finger pointing.

9:05 PM: Intermission -- time to check on the sick wife. Be right back.

9:04 PM: I think Patrick Marleau's like one of those video game characters where you only have so many points to distribute in his attributes. You increase his faceoffs and his offensive attributes decrease.

9:02 PM: God freakin' damn it. Am I psychic or do the Sharks just fall into bad patterns?

8:59 PM: FYI, right after the game, I'm going to watch Project Runway on Tivo. I love that show -- and I bet those contestants could design a better jersey than the Sharks designers.

8:58 PM: Come on Patty, do something besides turn it over or bobble the freakin' puck.

8:57 PM: Sharks strategy: Get the puck. Pass around the perimeter. Hold it at the point. Pass around the perimeter. Turn it over. Repeat.

8:55 PM: You know, Pebble Beach is within driving distance. Maybe I need to make some suggestions...

8:55 PM: Drew Remenda and I agree -- put Curtis Brown in the lineup every night, even just for PK/4th line minutes.

8:53 PM: Hooking calls require the stick to actually hook the guy rather than just brushing by him, right? I know, I know, hindsight and instant replay are 20/20.

8:53 PM: Is Jack Johnson going to earn the nickname Big Johnson or is that too late 80's/early 90's to be funny?

8:52 PM: Craig Rivet on the bench: "Bla bla bla work hard, stay positive bla bla bla bad bounce keep working bla bla bla generic cliche #15"

8:51 PM: If Rob Davison can be a forward, I have some guys on my beer league team who should get a shot at playing left wing.

8:48 PM: Oh, bloody hell. You idiots.

8:47 PM: I love how Sandis Freakin' Ozolinsh spends more time in the slot area than any forward.

8:45 PM: Well, that was a useless shift. However, even though Cheech has never exactly been a smooth skater, his crossovers and turns look totally awkward (yes, even worse than usual), like he's playing beginner beer league down at Logitech Ice. There were those rumblings about his groin/hernia not fully recovering, and I'm beginning to believe it. You don't just lose that sort of innate scoring ability and shot unless something's REALLY jacking up your timing and ability to create space.

8:44 PM: Here comes Cheechoo...

8:43 PM: Random fact: one of my best friends has a man-crush on Milan Michalek.

8:40 PM: HOLDING? How does Murray hold him if he never takes his hands off his stick? Not to sound like a homer, but just sayin'...

8:39 PM: Sharks/Avs promo. Do we really need to see all billion Colorado goals against the Sharks again?

8:37 PM: Big Murray goes to the box. On Tivo instant replay, I see that he DIDN'T take his hand off the stick. He did, however, wave his arms in disgust.

8:35 PM: On Jonathan Cheechoo's next shift, I'm going to just focus on him and see if I can get a sense of an injury.

8:34 PM: Jebus, Joe Thornton can make a tape-to-tape pass while flying through the air a la Bobby Orr. How the hell do you pull that shit off?

8:33 PM: The rush you DON'T want to see: Patrick Rissmiller leading Douglas Murray.

8:32 PM:Is the Sharks Leadership Council like the Council of Old Guys in Lord of the Rings?

8:30 PM: Nice move by Ladislav Nagy. I was watching the Yotes/Ducks game the other day and the Anaheim guys couldn't remember that Nagy was no longer in Phoenix. You think of all the other teams they'd know, it'd be LA's roster.

8:28 PM: Second period, here we go.

8:27 PM: Now I'm really multi-tasking -- liveblogging AND chatting with Earl Sleek at the same time. Technology rules!

8:24 PM: Randy and Drew are talking about the tongue-lashing Ron Wilson gave today. What hasn't RWilson tried? He's been nice, he's been a jerk, he's mashed lines together. George McPhee was talking about Glen Hanlon being fired and he said that at one point, it's not that you have a bad coach, it's just that everyone gets so nervous that nothing works out.

8:22 PM: Second period should start in a few minutes. I've decided to try and change the Sharks' second-period mojo by putting on my never-before-worn Jeremy Roenick jersey. Just ripped the tags off and put it on. Here goes nothing.

8:20 PM: On a whim, I decided to liveblog this game starting from the second period (the dogs are fed, wife's feeling sick and went to bed early). Initial impressions: I've seen this trick before by the Sharks -- play hard for the first period, shoot the crap out of the opponent, and only walk out with one goal. If things follow the typical Sharks pattern, they'll only get four shots this period and give up two.

Kings Gameday: For Eff's Sake....

Los Angeles Kings (9-13-1, last in West) @ San Jose Sharks (11-8-3, 1st in gay)

7:30 PST, FSN West

Kings' Record in November: 3-6-1

Will everyone please calm the fuck down? I know the Kings are on a little bit of a losing streak, but still, there’s no reason to panic. For all the gloom and doom, they’re only 7 points out of a playoff spot because the West is the weirdest thing this noble writer has ever seen. (Seriously, look at the Central and tell me there’s not some sort of voodoo going on there.) If the Kings win 4 games in a row and all of a sudden they’re back in the thick of it and everyone starts making reservations for the playoffs. Breathe, people; it’s a long season.

What bothers me more than people who overreact to the ups and downs of the season are the people who try to give a team fatal flaws like they’re in some sort of Goddamned Greek tragedy. The Kings’ fatal flaw? They’re “soft.” What does that even mean? Do teams enjoy checking Lubo because he’s all cuddly? (I like to think he actually is, by the way.) This perception is only reinforced when the Kings play the rogues to the South because they led the league in fighting last year and won a Cup, so that of course was the reason they won. For the last time, and this can’t be stressed enough: FIGHTING HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DUCKS’ STANLEY CUP. If I had to rank it somewhere, I’d put it right below Earl’s cartoons and right above George Parros’ moustache. The Ducks didn’t win the Cup because they fought; they won because they were good at hockey.

"His skin is so soft I could punch all day!"

Besides, who cares if the Kings aren't tough? I mean, it’s not like John Zeiler is getting hit and then immediately crying on the bench. I tend to think the whole emotional impact of checks and fights are overrated among fans anyway, but even if it is real, the Sharks, Red Wings, and Senators all manage to do just fine. You only really hear about teams being soft when they lose; why is that?

Now, I’m not a world-renowned psychologist (I’m only renowned in the former Yugoslavia), but I think it’s because fans (and writers) get mad when a team loses a game and want the team to retaliate in some way. They want an indication that the team is as mad as they are, shown through a check or a fight; when that doesn’t happen, they decide the team has no “heart.” It’s an easy reaction, but just because it’s easy doesn’t mean we have to go with it. The Kings are all hockey players and they’ve all bled and sweat more than we’ll ever be able to fathom to get to where they are. Now, if someone wants to deride a player’s actual ability at the sport of hockey (Jon Klemm comes to mind; seriously, Nagy wouldn’t have helped us in that game?), then I’m all for it. These little psychological profiles from afar, though, are getting really, really annoying.

***

Jaroslav Modry is gone for a while as he has gone back to Slovakia or the Moon or wherever the fuck he’s from to see his sick dad. That okay, I guess. Jon Klemm will be taking his place, and I can pretty much guarantee that after tonight Jon Klemm will be my least favorite person on the planet. Let’s run down the checklist:

Not good at hockey? Check.

Old, and therefore unlikely to improve the team long-term? Check.

Old, and therefore a beneficiary of the ol’ “Veteran Presence” card? Check.

One of Crawford’s buddies? Check.

He sucks, but Goddammit he sucks with HEART.

Yeah, that should about cover it. If I were Peter Harrold, and I just got passed over by Jon Klemm to go to the NHL, I’d be pretty pissed right now.

***

The Kings play the Sharks again this month up in San Jose, where they’ve already won 2 games this season. The Sharks are well-versed in this whole “this team is soft” mantra, which always seemed ridiculous to me because they’re usually one of the biggest teams in the NHL. Why is it that making a run at someone when there head is down makes you tough, but being able to hold off a defender while also making a beautiful pass does not? I will bet 10,000 Sleek bucks that if the Sharks win the Stanley Cup this year credit will go not to Joe Thornton or Patrick Marleau or Milan Michalek or Evgeni Nabokov, but to Craig Rivet and Doug “Don’t Call Me Doug” Murray. When that happens, my head will explode.

Prediction: Kings lose, 2-3. They will be up 2-1, but then the Jon Klemm effect will take hold. That’s how he rolls, baby: shittily.

Ducks Gameday—Bertuzzi: more notorious than productive

Anaheim Ducks (11-9-4, t-3rd in west) at Vancouver Canucks (12-9-2, t-3rd in west)

I am sick as a dog today, so I'll try to keep this short and sweet. Tonight will be Todd Bertuzzi's first game against Vancouver since he was traded away for Luongo, plus it will be Anaheim's first game against the Canucks since eliminating them in five games last spring. Of course there's plenty of reaction from the Vancouver side of things: Canucks and Beyond, Canucks Hockey Blog, the Yankee Canuck, Orland Kurtenblog, and Waiting for Stanley all have some pregame that's much less congested.

While I understand why Todd Bertuzzi gets the spotlight today, it should be noted that Duck fans are still waiting to get some acceptable production out of the $4 M monster; despite playing the easiest 5-on-5 minutes on the Ducks, Bertuzzi has the team's worst 5-on-5 goals-against rate. Here's a comparison to the guy with the toughest 5-on-5 minutes in the league (source: Behind the Net, min. games = 5, min. TOI = 5).

Todd Bertuzzi, 10 games played
EVEN STRENGTH:
Strength of Opposition: -0.18 (589 / 628)
Strength of Teammates: -0.31 (565 / 628)
Plus per hour: +2.44, Minus per hour: -3.05, Diff per hour: -0.61

Sammy Pahlsson, 19 games played
EVEN STRENGTH:
Strength of Opposition: +0.33 (1 / 628)
Strength of Teammates: -0.23 (510 / 628)
Plus per hour: +1.69, Minus per hour: -1.44, Diff per hour: +0.24

We'll see how well Bertuzzi is able to pull a season together, but at this point, he's got a lot of improving to do. Carlyle has sheltered his minutes as best as he can, now Bert has got to find a way to start outscoring some of the worst opposition in the league.

See also: my poem about Bertuzzi's concussion and my Bertuzzi-inspired comic book series.

Prediction: Lost a little bit in this preview is the fact that Roberto Luongo has only managed to beat J.S. Giguere once in eight tries last year, and that victory took two overtime periods to achieve. He's still the only goaltender to beat Giguere in a playoff OT game, but other than that has had a real difficult time being the better goaltender when going head-to-head. Giguere keeps the Luongdomination going tonight: Ducks 4, Canucks 2. Goals by Kunitz, Sutherby, Pahlsson, and Schneider; Bertuzzi finishes a -2.

Go Ducks.

BoC Gameday—Sitting on One-Goal Leads

Los Angeles Kings (9-12-1, t-14th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (10-9-4, t-8th in west)

Not too much to add today, though it is striking how tight the west has become: 4 points separate the 2nd seed from the 13th seed. Still, I wonder how it might look for the Ducks if they hadn't blown 3rd period leads in 5 of their last 6 games?

You do know what happens when you try to sit on a one-goal lead for too long, right?

Prediction: Ducks 3, Kings 2. Goals by Perry, Pahlsson, and the invisible ghost-of-a-player we call Bertuzzi.

Go Ducks.

Kings Gameday: Uh-oh

(I went ahead and combined these two gamedays because I figure I’m going to be too upset to write one after tonight’s Sharks game. Also, this computer sucks so there's no pictures today; maybe if Earl is drunk again he can help me out. Wait, what am I saying? When Earl gets drunk again maybe he can help me out.)

Los Angeles Kings (ugh) @ San Jose Sharks (good) and Anaheim Ducks (also good)

7:30 & 5:00 PST, FSN West & FSN Prime Ticket

Kings’ Record in November: 2-5-1


[EARL EDIT: Two of the better-dressed Kings fans on their way to Staples...]
Bender: I can’t see what’s happening, are we boned?

Leela: Yeah, we’re boned.


Wow are the Kings playing bad right now. I fortunately missed the last game, but apparently the Kings were about as spry as an aging hound dog with no teeth. Also, the dog is dead. The Kings have lost 5 in a row and have been outscored, 18-7 in the process. (Weren’t we just on a winning streak? What the hell happened?) Now, the Kings have back-to-back games against the two top teams in the Pacific Division. Oh, and Alexander Frolov is out at least a week with a groin pull.

Yeah, we’re pretty boned.

Both Calder and Raitis Ivanans might play this weekend, but that’s kinda like leaving a hospital after finding out you’re HIV+ and then discovering a twenty on the ground; it’s like hey, cool, you have twenty bucks, but you also still have AIDS.

I don’t know what happened with the Kings. I still feel like this is just a down cycle and they’ll pick it back up soon. I mean, they played very well against Anaheim a week ago, the puck just didn’t bounce for them. On the other hand, they just got their asses handed to them by PHOENIX. Do you realize we’re tied for last in the Western Conference? That’s insane!



[EARL EDIT: If Rudy's writing doesn't melt your heart, this is all I can offer.]

I don’t know, maybe the Kings pull out a win this weekend. Maybe Kopitar picks his game back up, and maybe we get a few bounces that go our way. Maybe this can be the start of a turnaround that leads us to a playoff birth (which is only 7 points away). Maybe. But I’m not optimistic.

Prediction: Aggregate Score: Durks 8, Kings 5. Goals by… I don’t know, who’s scoring on this team right now?

(Oh, what am I thankful for? I guess that the Kings have a 22 year-old rookie currently leading the AHL in points. Teddy Purcell was picked up by Lombardi last year as a free agent. Can’t remember that happening when Dave Taylor was our GM.)

Thank You Kevin Lowe

This Thanksgiving weekend all Sharks and Ducks fan are thankful. Sharks fans and Ducks fans agreeing on the same thing you ask? Ever since Kevin Lowe's ultra aggressive actions during free agency, NHL general managers have had to be pro-active with their Restricted Free Agents. Ever since Lowe signed Dustin Penner away with an outrageous contract offer, both Brian Burke and Doug Wilson have been busy signing their own RFA's before another GM pulls a Lowe and offers an unmatchable offer. Burke has signed both Getzlaf and Kunitz (don't worry Perry you are next) and Wilson has done the same with Michalek and Carle. In past years, GM's would look at their UFA's knowing their RFA's would not be in danger of signing since they could match any offer and the penalty for signing anyone was costly (4 1st round picks?) This has made GM's look at the core of their team and make sure they are signed before they reach Restricted status.

[SLEEK EDIT: I added this picture because I'm drunk!]
Will the Sharks ever play another game? Once again the Sharks are on an extended break. This time an unusual 1 week break between games once again allows Ron Wilson to start Nabby in every game this year and I don't see this changing anytime soon. After the game tomorrow, the Sharks have another 3 days off so no reason to rest Nabby for at least another week.