Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Kings Gameday: Red Dawn 2

LA Kings vs. Washington Bolsheviks

7:30 PST, Fox Sports West


Tonight is Russian Heritage Night at Staples Center, which is a great idea because it gets all of them in one spot so we can capture them. I stopped paying attention to politics in 1989, so I don't know too much, but I do know that commies are bad and I hate them. They tried to trick me with that whole Glasnost thing, but I know what's up: Russians, having failed to take over the world economically, are now trying to take over through hockey. They've infiltrated our nation's capital, led by their furry leader, Alex Ovechkin. His comrades Alex Semin (hehe) and Sergei Fedorov are probably "out" tonight, but I'm pretty sure it's all a ruse for some sort of un-American activity.* Standing in their way? The good, solid, American squad of Los Angeles Kings, led by Drew Doughty, Anze Kopitar and Erik Ersberg. The Kings are the only thing standing in the way of a Russian invasion, and I'll be damned if they're going to fail. "Wolverines!"


*We really should start some sort of committee to investigate all these Un-American activities. I think the House of Representatives should get on this.


***

As part of Russian Heritage Night, the Kings are offering a ticket that allows you to get two free vodka drinks. Does that seem offensive to anyone else? Are they going to have a African-American heritage night and offer Kool-Aid? I don't get why we as a society let stuff like that slide and yet when I offer my penis to the girls' soccer team I'm the asshole. Geez, you've never seen 10 year-olds create such a commotion.

***

As promised, here's your chance to vote on a new nickname for the Patrick O'Sullivan-Anze Kopitar-Dustin Brown line. I vow to call this line whatever nickname you pick for the rest of the season or until I get bored. The popular option in the comments was Danzick O'Brownitar, and commenter Reeces came up with this picture (I think he used Kopitar's eyes):


Weird that you can take three ugly guys, combine them, and the result is James Marsden.


21 comments:

Earl Sleek said...

Are they going to have a African-American heritage night and offer Kool-Aid?

I would definitely go to an event that was Irish-themed. Two Irish Car-Bombs and an after-party with O'Sullivan, O'Donnell, O'Barbera, and O'Pitar -- it sounds fantastic!

Joe said...

Don't forget about the free fried chicken on African heritage night too!

I wish everyone wrote like you, Rudy. Can you imagine Don Cherry talking about offering his penis to a girls soccer team?

pepper said...

I appreciate the reference to one of the most important films of my youth :)

Earl Sleek said...

Can you imagine Don Cherry talking about offering his penis to a girls soccer team?

I can now, though I'm not happy about it.

Ian said...

Can you imagine Don Cherry talking about offering his penis to a girls soccer team?

You want to know the weirdest thing about this? Matching, miniature colorful suit.

cristobal said...

I'm going to combine your ideas and mine and go with:

Danzick Brosullitar. It just rolls off the toungue.

murphy o'larry said...

Terry Murray: All that hate's gonna burn you up, kid!

Dustin Brown: It keeps me warm, sir.

Jordan said...

I'm pretty sure this is the first hockey post to reference Glasnost. Well done.

RudyKelly said...

My poll: 36 votes.

Rich Hammond's poll about the Kings' 3rd jersey: 770 votes.

Nut said...

Can you imagine Jimmy trying to say Danzick O'Brownitar? Maybe we should make it french sounding so he could really fuck it up.

Anonymous said...

Line 1

or

OK Brownline

Nut said...

How about the Fro-Sto-and-Mo line?

Earl Sleek said...

Line 1

Whoa, slow down. Let's not get overboard on the creativity. :)

I forgot to suggest it yesterday, but maybe the line should temporarily be called "The two most recent guys who wish Kopitar would bury his chances."

Jdc said...

The Slove-Am Connection

Raccoon Sandwich on American

or

http://www.cyber-cinema.com/gallery/ThreeKings.jpg

Ksy92003 said...

Danzick O'Brownitar is just an awesome combination of the three. But I like Maxi-PAD, also.

I feel very against the LAPD Line, Central Division because.. well, remember what happened to our other LAPD line? All three players, who were our best players, suffered pretty much career-ending injuries and threw our entire franchise in disarray.

Also, the players' names makes me think of Danica Patrick. Any chance you could post a picture of her here, Rudy?

Earl Sleek said...

Also, the players' names makes me think of Danica Patrick. Any chance you could post a picture of her here, Rudy?

O'Brien posted a Danica picture last playoffs. How I remembered that and found it so fast, I'll never know.

Andrew Harkins said...

Can we just call it the Danica Patrick line? That would be hot...I mean fitting.

Andrew Harkins said...

Jdc said...
"The Slove-Am Connection"

Ok so lakings.com has POS born in the US, but wikipedia has him born in canada...which is it? If wikipedia is right, it's more like:

The Slove-Can-Am Connection

Anonymous said...

Dam- OV just elbowed Brown in the head,then dove and faked like he was the victim... Brown come back 1 min later on the pp and scored. Soo Cooo.... the more I see of the kings this year, the more I like them. When Johnson comes back, they may just be better than the ducks.

brokeyard said...

Is it just me or does the image of the three dudes combined look like Bill Hader (from SNL and Seth Rogen's sidekick in Superbad)

Louis Ames said...

Ovechkin sure reminded me of Paul Kariya Thursday night with that hissy-fit he threw after his penalty on Brown...