Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Ducks Gameday—the Taunt-Turned-Pledge, a Confessional Post

Nashville Predators (44-18-4, 1st in west) at Anaheim Ducks (38-17-11, 3rd in west)

SON OF A BITCH!!! I’ve been looking forward to today’s matchup for more than a month, because my friend the Demon had gotten me a free lower-bowl ticket, even before the notion of Peter Forsberg had entered the picture. Everything was looking rosy until early last week, when my employer decided to ship me off to Seattle to visit with clients tomorrow morning, and no airline had a flight that could have me in Anaheim Sunday night and in Seattle Monday morning, so basically, I got screwed. Instead of seeing the current top two seeds in the west battle it out (live and in the flesh), I’ll instead be cut off from the scoreboard in the interior of a plane cursing the work/hockey gods for their cruel little schedule conflict.

I was really looking forward to testing my perfect record when in attendance against the "best" team in the west, also. Here is a list of games I’ve been to this year, and their outcomes (I've linked to earlier posts; the Row B ones are particularly fun):

September 20, 2006 – Row B – Ducks 6, Sharks 3 (preseason)
October 4, 2006 – Row B – Ducks 4, Kings 3
November 3, 2006 – Upper Bowl – Ducks 6, Coyotes 2
November 21, 2006 – Row B – Ducks 5, Sharks 0
December 20, 2006 – Row B – Ducks 4, Stars 1

So that’s it—a perfect 5-0 record against each of the Pacific foes by a combined score of 25-9. I haven’t been to a game in a while, and now my planned Nashville excursion is shot through the heart, so unless things change, my only remaining game will be the last home game of the season on April 4th, once again against the neighborhood Sharks. I have to apologize for not following through on the contest, though. It wasn’t a well-thought out idea, and I basically just chickened out. It’ll be me and PJ and two of my friends now, so it still should be a blast.

Anyway, I did want to tell a little side story that involves two of tonight’s prominent stars I’ll be missing, Paul Kariya and Teemu Selanne, a little confessional, if you will. I had previously mentioned in an earlier Nashville post that I, personally, never could bring myself to boo PK after he left Anaheim. I went to last year's Nashville game with the full intention of letting him have it, but when it came time I couldn't do it; I was too overwhelmed with great memories of the guy. But really, that is only half the story; I didn’t tell about the time that I did boo TS during his Anaheim hiatus.

Back in 03/04, following the Mighty Ducks’ miracle SCF run and the departure of PK, I went ahead and bought tickets for the first Colorado game in Anaheim, to boo the hell out of traitors PK and TS, who both accepted lesser offers from the Avs to play for a ‘legitimate cup contender’. By the time the game rolled around, though, PK was on the injured list, so there was only one target for my verbal abuse that night—Teemu Selanne.

Of course I was drunk, and I don’t remember a lot of what I threw out that night, except one particularly bright taunt has always stayed with me: “Hey, Selanne, ya sissy! I’m gonna name my daughter ‘Teemu’!”

So there you have it. Since then, though, I have certainly regretted the incident, and have resolved to make up for it by actually turning the mean joke into a solemn pledge—now in honor of the great Finnish Flash, I am going to name my daughter 'Teemu' (whenever THAT happens!). I will turn what was once a vicious insult into a lasting token of my respect to one of the great scorers of our generation.

Just hope it’s OK with the future wife (gulp). At any rate, go get 'em, Ketchup.

Prediction: Ducks 4, Predators 2. Goals by Pahlsson, Penner, McDonald, and Teemu (the hockey player, not my fictitious daughter).

Anyone else want to tell a story of a time they’ve regretted badmouthing a player? Comments are open.


Alexander Dubcek said...

Wow, what a stupid story. I'm sure Teemu will now feel honored rather than insulted that you're still planning to name a daughter after him.

And you should continue -- or in your case commence -- booing Paul Kariya. Or applauding him for leaving town, since he was invisible in the postseason in 2003 until Scott Stevens rang his bell, and could've actually won you a Cup if he were a clutch player at all.

Now here's some eye candy for you.

Sherry said...

That's pretty hilarious because I do know a girl named "Teemu" except it's spelt "Timu". Pronounced the same way though.

What happens if you never have a daughter? What if you only always ever have sons?

I'm pretty horrible at badmouthing and trash talking in general. Whenever I try it's something akin to that figure skater kid in D2:

"Hey! Hey you! You don't play real good!"

The worst thing I've ever said was "You hit like a girl!" and when I went to the ACC: "Leafs? Way to do grammar!"

RudyKelly said...

I don't usually yell at players because I'm too far away from the ice, but I do enjoy saying, "[Player's name]? More like Prima-donnakhov!" Then I giggle like an idiot.

E said...

oh, i don't think i'll ever regret it. but then again, i only trash-talk bad players. yes, they're all bad bad men and i'll hate them forever. i'm sure.
[insert emoticon here]

zot said...

I guess you were there in spirit, since the record is now 6-0. :D
If or when you do name your daughter, make Teemu the middle name or nickname. Otherwise the poor thing will hate you forever for making her an easy target for insults.

zot said...

Oh, and yay Pahlsson for being back in the prediction. :P

Earl Sleek said...

Well, here I am in Seattle, as promised, reading all about the win I didn't get to see (well, I did see the first period, but that was pretty forgettable). Good to see that Forsberg's already taking nights off.

As for the viability of naming a daughter Teemu, I think it might fly. It's got a nice ring to it, after all.

Oh, and booing PK? Can't do it. Not even just for the playoff run, but really for all the years he stood by this joke franchise. Plus, like me, he's half-Asian. We're practically brothers.

Jordi said...

Oh god. I don't like it. Keep the females away from the name Teemu! Name her good virtuous names!

Or you're one day going to get mad at her and say that she was a mistake and make her cry.

I think anyone who talks to me during a game knows all my insults. It usually ends with "JUMP UP YOUR OWN ASS AND DIE."

Anonymous said...

Earl, who's doing all the driving after you're doing all this drinking?

Earl Sleek said...

Oh, I haven't driven myself to a game in a long while. Generally the pattern has been: I get the tickets, and my invitees handle the beer-buying and the driving.

That said, probably the last five times I have engaged in some sort of drinking/driving combination, the Mighty Ducks were always involved.

Kids: don't do it (drive, I mean). Drink all you want.

Sherry said...

"Plus, like me, he's half-Asian. We're practically brothers."

Are you saying all Asians are the same? That's racist!

Totally kidding by the way.

LoneSharks said...

I have only really heckled 2 people that I can remember. Actually that's not true. 2 that I regret. No, actually that's not true either. 2 that I know heard me. Hey, that works!

In the season before his rookie year Mike Piazza was a late season Dodger's call up. A friend took me to the game and he had seats about 10 rows behind the visiting batters box at Candlestick and by the end of the game we moved to the front row. He couldn't have been more than 15 feet away and i couldn't have been more than 10 or 11 years old calling him "Pizza Boy, can he deliver?"

I can't remember exactly what year it was, but it was the season after the Sharks were ousted in consecutive years on dubious goals that were allowed by Kery Fraser. Needless to say the coif was not a popular figure in the Tank. That season I had my one time experience with front row glass seats for a game vs the Ducks officiated by Kery Fraser himself. I heckled his ass all night (I must have been about 16 so I'm sure my stuff was getting better) and at one point someone tried to clear a puck around the glass. It whiped around the endboards and was heading right for Kery Fraser's grill. Unfortunately he avoided the puck, and I'm sure I shared a similar sentiment with him because he looked right at me immediately. I still say he hosed us on some of those goals.

Anonymous said...

PK is one of the most amazing players ive ever seen. Yur comment proves u have no right to watch hockey. If anyone should burn in hell, its you, u fat piece of shit

Kate said...

Ahh. I understand the story now. You totally owe Teemu a daughter.