Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Friday, March 09, 2007

C'mon, NHL. Am I the only one with a brain for marketing?

I can't believe I'm giving the NHL a lesson in 'spin', but why all the negativity for Chris Simon the criminal? Why not instead celebrate Chris Simon the bloodthirsty warrior?

This is where we fight.

This is where they die.

Check theaters and NHL arenas for movie and game times near you!

NEW YORK (AP)--The NHL, in conjunction with Warner Brothers' release of the film '300', arranged a publicity stunt on the ice the other night during its Rangers-Islanders game to further promote both the movie's opening weekend and the notion that hockey is an modern on-ice version of the battle of Sparta. Aspiring Spartan Chris Simon of the New York Islanders was able to offer a sneak peek at one of the movie's several battle stunts on Hollywood extra Jason Hollweg, causing several onlookers to gush about the over-the-top choreography and drama that characterize both the film and the on-ice product.

"The NHL has been spending millions of dollars to convince me that players are gladiators doing blood-battle," said one observer, "but I didn't believe it until now. Gosh I can't wait to see this movie!" The league responded by saying that more such publicity stunts would be unveiled in the near future to correspond with America's fascination for body-count films.


Let's start milking that Hollywood synergy, Bettman. It can't be any tougher than telling us that the lockout benefited fans or that Ryan Smyth was a hockey deal, can it?

Feel free to leave your own NHL spin-doctoring in the comments. (If it's good enough, maybe you'll get hired for the job!)


Mike Chen said...

It all makes perfect sense now! It's just too bad they didn't have this synergy when Braveheart came out.

suze said...

According to the Onion they are taking the marketing in a slightly different direction...

Jordi said...

My idea is a romantic comedy... Where in a super special corner of a scene, I stab Jordan Staal in the knee.

Too radical?

Earl Sleek said...

Nah, that sounds sweet. As a spinoff to TV's Crossing Jordan, the NHL (and Jordi) present Crippling Jordan.

Tapeleg said...

Sorry, wrong year. It was last season they were warriors, this year they are regular people. I hear next year, they are Care Bears, and then after that, Transformers.

Objectionable Conduct said...

They need to be He-Man and She-Ra somewhere in that 80's and 90's cartoon extravaganza. Or Rainbow Bright. Why not Jem and the Holograms?

RudyKelly said...

I'd just like to say that Matty Nortstrom would have made a good Spartan.