Ouch...and....Ouch!

Before I get into Stars-Canucks talk, let me say, if Jon Cheechoo really is only "day-to-day," then the NHL needs to set up some kind of Player Who Had the Best Playoff Series While Horribly Injured Trophy.

A few ideas on such an award:

Even though the injury actually kept him out of the playoffs, they could hand out Peter Forsberg's ruptured spleen, which I assume is currently preserved in a jar somewhere in Sweden. Just imagine the "Stanley Cup at the bottom of Mario Lemieux's pool" type stories that could come from that one.

Since even the most astute hockey fans cannot fondly remember superstars of yore such as Mr. Vezina, the NHL could also go the Kirk Gibson Trophy route, since he famously hit a home run in the 1988 World Series against a Hall of Fame closer who had a Hall of Fame moustache even though he could barely run around the bases.

If all else fails, they could always hand out a crutch made of solid gold.

All joking aside, that was a sickening collision. I cannot say if it was dirty or not, but I can say for sure that I'm glad I'm not Scott Hartnell for the next, oh, two weeks or so. Either way, Cheechoo will deserve oodles of respect if he returns during this year's playoffs and a spleen in a jar if he makes it back to play another shift against the Predators. Forsberg could even be on hand to pass it to Cheech, which I guess would be Hannibal Lecter's answer to the green jacket ceremony at the Master's.

OK, that went on too long. Let's move along now...

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Due to my work schedule, I was only able to see about "half" of the Stars-Canucks game. This, of course, means that I watched three periods of play. After watching those periods alone [since I had to drive home after the third OT, I didn't witness a single goal during real time] I took away a few things:

1. The Stars greatly outclassed the offensively stunted Canucks, as anyone who watched the game could see.

2. Though he might be sloppy every now and then, Roberto Luongo is the real deal.

3. Maybe Marty Turco really can't catch a break.

4. The Stars might somehow win the series after that monumental kick to the groin, but I know this much: fighting back in this series will take so much out of them that winning the Cup might already be a pipe dream.

5. People in the sports media love to complain about big-OT games, as if to say: "Yes, we actually hate our jobs. So what?"

Still, I have to give kudos to the local, quite heralded Ralph Strangis-Darryl Reaugh broadcast team for waiting at least 3 OTs for the "there's sure a lot of overtime" jokes to creep in. Then again, it's not like those guys haven't announced marathon games before (some might remember an 80-minute game against the Ducks and a Cup-clinching marathon against the Sabres).

6. Stu Barnes has to be the Claude Lemieux of playoff OT. He hit a post and just seems to have a knack for scoring those gigantic goals. I'm sure he would have gotten a goal by the 6th OT.

I saw a neat little Sports Illustrated info graphic where they listed 5 star players who usually improve their goal outputs significantly during the playoffs.

In fact, it made me think up a seemingly impossible job for a stat nut. I challenge a hockey stat savant to dig up compelling numbers on players who score an absurdly disproportionate amount of playoff OT points compared to their normal output. (Steve Ott would probably have an unfair advantage since he scored that OT GWG against Colorado in the Stars' last pre-lockout playoff W)

At first I thought the Stars might be screwed, since coming back from a road multi-OT loss is about as deflating as it gets. Still, the silver lining is that the Stars should have won that game. So there's hope. But like Cheechoo's knee, you can't say it doesn't hurt.

Ducks Gameday—Do monkeys hate webbed feet? and other such nonsense

Game Two: (7) Minnesota Wild at (2) Anaheim Ducks
(ANA leads series 1-0, JavaGeek 'Odds': ANA 71%)

What do you do as a fan when you get to game one of the playoffs, and all of a sudden your team's backup goalie skates out for a surprise start? I suppose you just suck it up and take it.

What do you do when it happens two years in a row?

Watch out, Coach Carlyle; I’m on to you. I’ll be ready for this surprise stunt next year.

Thankfully, the Ducks employ a very capable (if not insane) backup in Ilya Bryzgalov, whose career postseason numbers now sit at 7-4 with 3 shutouts, a 1.41 GAA, and a .945 sv%. For those of you scoring at home, those numbers are in fact better than the numbers J.S. Giguere put up during his Conn Smythe year (1.62 GAA, .945 sv%), though it is important to note that JSG faced more dominant teams with a lesser squad in front of him.

I'd guess based on G1 that Breezy continues to play, but I've been wrong before. Just two days ago, in fact.

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Back in 2003, the second-biggest instant celebrity to JSG was Maggie the monkey, a zoological wonder who was able to predict playoff series results with much greater accuracy than any of the TSN 'experts'. As I recall, they would lay two team logos out in front of her, and she would somehow select one of them as her pick, and lo and behold she was quite often right. She got really famous by siding with the Mighty Ducks as they shocked the world by beating 2-seed Detroit and 1-seed Dallas en route to a SCF loss. I haven’t followed her that much since then, but I think she’s got a decent record in years since.

I really thought that Maggie’s fondness for the MD logo was purely graphical—somehow that Disney duck mask captured Maggie’s attention, so this year I was particularly curious how she would react to a new, grown-up webbed-foot-logo re-design. Well this year (for the first time I can recall) Maggie finally picked against the Ducks, which depressed me more than it should have. But then I noticed the picture:

I don’t know when this started, but Maggie’s not picking a thing—instead she’s operating a wheel-of-fortune that's making up her picks. Sorry, but I think that’s bullshit. As soon as you make decisions by spinning a wheel, you’ve taken the monkey out of the equation—I doubt Bob McKenzie or Darren Dreger are waiting their turns on the spinwheel.

Listen, I’ve never really been one for animal activism, but dammit, let's let the damn monkey maker her own choices! Isn't that really what that gimmick is supposed to be?

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The Ducks have been very considerate over the past couple of years not to keep their home fans out too late--multiple OT games are nice and all, but they have their place (hint: the road). Here are the last 10 playoff OT games the Ducks have played, sorted by amount of overtime.

80:48 (R) 2003 Rd2 Gm1 Anaheim 4, Dallas 3
43:18 (R) 2003 Rd1 Gm1 Anaheim 2, Detroit 1
28:06 (R) 2003 Rd3 Gm1 Anaheim 1, Minnesota 0
16:30 (R) 2006 Rd2 Gm3 Anaheim 4, Colorado 3
9:45 (R) 2006 Rd1 Gm1 Anaheim 1, Calgary 2
6:59 (H) 2003 Rd4 Gm3 Anaheim 3, New Jersey 2
6:53 (H) 2003 Rd1 Gm4 Anaheim 3, Detroit 2
1:44 (R) 2003 Rd2 Gm2 Anaheim 3, Dallas 2
1:36 (H) 2006 Rd1 Gm4 Anaheim 3, Calgary 2
0:39 (H) 2003 Rd4 Gm4 Anaheim 1, New Jersey 0

The 5 longest OT games in this stretch were all played on the road; all home OT games were settled in the first seven minutes. Oh by the way, that's a 9-1 OT record. Strange how our playoff OT record bears zero resemblance to our regular-season OT record.

Prediction: Ducks 3, Wild 1. Goals by Pronger, Pahlsson, and Kunitz. Go Ducks.

p.s. Happy Friday the 13th. Dare I add to the jinx by mentioning that the Ducks have never lost a series in which it has won at least one of the first two games?

Predators right wing Scott Hartnell takes out Jonathan Cheechoo with knee-on-knee hit

Nine minutes into the second period of the Sharks 5-4 double OT win over the Nashville Predators, right wing Scott Hartnell took out San Jose's leading scorer with a knee-on-knee hit, and an elbow to the head, on the same play.

Intentional? Of course not, just a hard working effort to skate through an opposing player, even after he no longer had the puck. Just like hitting a tennis ball. Intent to injure? Bleep no. His knee and face just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The fact that no one in the NHL has been able to stop the Thornton-Cheechoo tandem the last month also has nothing to do with it.

The injury did shine a spotlight on a major question mark for the Sharks. San Jose has the depth to bring in quality players, with center Joe Pavelski and agitator Mark Smith in reserve, but the hit on Cheechoo seemed to shake off a lot of the confidence the Sharks spent the last month and a half building. They need Rivet and Guerin, and Brown/Grier to step in and provide leadership when they feel the momentum start to swing. That momentum carried San Jose out of the playoffs in 4 games against Edmonton last year.

More on the Cheechoo hit here.

Ducks Gameday—Wild logo: Separated at birth?

Game One: (7) Minnesota Wild at (2) Anaheim Ducks

I've put some candidates together, but I can't quite decide. Which handsome fellow (or logo) below represents the Wild’s long lost twin?

Cast your vote in the comments!
Anyway, tonight will be the only game of the series I'll be attending; section 201, Row N. New seats to me, but as I understand it I’ll be directly behind the net that Giguere defends in the 1st and 3rd periods (possibly the 2nd OT as well).

There's really not much to preview; these teams played four games this season, none of which occurred in this calendar year and almost entirely played without Marian Gaborik or Niklas Backstrom, so in a lot of ways we’ll be seeing this Wild team for the first time.

As such, my keys to the game are fairly straightforward: J.S. Giguere has to be great, Sammy Pahlsson has to be awesome, and the less I notice Dipenta and Huskins, the better.

Jim Kelley on why Sammy deserves the Selke Trophy:

There are a lot of candidates, many of whom go unnoticed or don't get the hype from PR machines and writers who think that it's for a good all-around guy who didn't win one of the other majors, but we here at Sportsnet.ca keep an eye on guys who play great D at the forward ranks, win faceoffs on a regular basis and do the things for which this award was created and that's Pahlsson who is a shut-down kind of guy and one of the best faceoff men in the game.

Prediction: Ducks 4, Wild 2.

• Minnesota sets a franchise record for goals in a postseason game against Anaheim, but still ends up with a loss.
• I set a personal record for least beers at a postseason game against Minnesota, but still wake up with a hangover.
• Goals by Teemu x2, Pahlsson, and Getzlaf.

Go Ducks.

Stars vs. Canucks: Yes, I AM trying to crash your dialup computer

3. Vancouver vs. 6. Dallas

Damn Scott Burnside. The guy covered a lot of the same bases I was going to, including using the phrase "The Nagy Factor." Dammit.

While Burnside did a great job with his preview, I figured the series could use a "Dr. Z" from Sports Illustrated-style breakdown. Of course, this will probably make me look an idiot.

Matchup #1: Canucks O vs. Stars D

Meet the Sedin twins. After the Canucks oddly drafted the twins with back-to-back picks, they quickly drew the mocking attention of anyone who loves to make fun of Gingers and twins [read: anyone who is neither a Ginger, nor a twin].

Is it me or is there an unspoken list of OK groups to discriminate against? To my knowledge, there are three key groups of people.

1. Too-tall-to-be-coordinated people such as George Muresan.

2. Poor, defenseless bald men [special kudos to bald-in-denial icons such as Hulk Hogan and Clippers center Chris Kaman - who to my disgust shaved his head]

3. And finally, awkward male twins.

I think it says something about our society. OK, that's not really true.

What was I talking about again? Oh, right...the Canucks under-powered offense v. the Stars clingy defense.

As Burnside beat me to saying, the Canucks certainly don't have a ton of offense beyond the puck cycling mania of the Sedin twins. It's kind of amazing that people were raving about the "package deal" possibility of Forsberg-Naslund, when the superior Swede duo was right under their nose. [At least when you consider Foppa's health issues and Naslund's decline]

Naslund is not quite the factor he used to be, and even in his gravy days the Canucks did little in the playoffs.

The Stars D might not have the same kind of muscle that the Canucks D does, but do you really need much beef against the dainty Canucks?

Edge: Stars D

Funny commercial edge: Sedin twins

Matchup #2: Stars O v. Canucks D

The Stars haven't exactly been the poster-children for the New NHL. This is my way of saying that they, for the most part, have the aesthetic drawing power of Wet T-Shirt contest between Rosie O'Donnell and John Goodman.

They did make things a little bit less agonizing by adding oomph in Ladislav Nagy and Mike Ribeiro, but that won't make people confuse them with the Buffalo Sabres.

The Stars O needs to continue their positive trend of being one of the best teams at coming back from deficits, but even more important, they need to protect Turco with the occasional early lead.

Sadly for the Stars, this is not very likely.

Edge: Canucks D

Matchup #3: Special teams

OK, I'll level with you on this one: I don't have a clue. The Canucks have a fantastic PK and so do the Stars. The Stars have a slightly better powerplay, with two defensemen in Boucher and Zubov who can light it up.

Slight Edge: Stars

Real Edge: Bloggers who research and use statistics

Matchup #4: Goaltending

On some level, I cannot help but think: Turco's a good goalie, right? Sooner or later, much like the Ottawa Senators, something has to go right. Right?

I mean, really, Turco was great at the All-Star game when he was mic'd up. You feel bad for the guy, especially since the Stars playoff seeding didn't always reflect the talent on their roster for the past few runs.

But man, Turco didn't get the hot chick hanging out with eyesore treatment with this one. With all that pressure on Turco not to choke, the sad fact is that he could stand on his head and still very likely be the inferior goalie.

Luongo is a playoff newbie, but with all the hype he's encountered over the years, who would have thought that the other guy would be on the hot seat?

Edge: Luongo gets the nod while the Stars suffocate Turco with "When will the other shoe drop?" talk.

Fearful prediction: I don't know why, but I can't help but pick the Stars 4-2, since a game 7 might make Turco implode. Pass the antacid.

And Now For Something Really Important...

The draft lottery was this morning. The Chicago Blackhawks won, jumping from 5th place up to 1st. With their win, the Kings drop down to 4th. That's the life of a Kings fan, I guess: even when we lose, we still can't win.

It's not all bad, though. There are generally considered to be five good offensive talents in this year's draft: Pat Kane, Alexei Cherepanov (contingent on getting him to come to the U.S.), Jakub Voracek, Kyle Turris, and James VanRiemsdyk. At least with the 4th pick, the Kings are likely to get one of them. They could also continue stockpiling defensemen and select Karl Alzner. I wouldn't rule out a trade up (or down) to get a player that Lombardi really wants, either.

Also, today is the 25th anniversary of the Miracle on Manchester. Here's a recap of the game for all you youngsters out there. If you want to celebrate, come on over to my place; I'm celebrating with a shrine to Daryl Evans. Well, I'm really more just hanging out with the actual Daryl Evans. (Apparently, he didn't have anything better to do.)

And now, enjoy the playoffs. I hope all teams involved suffer terrible fates.

Ducks/Wild Opening Thoughts: Injuries Likely!

One reason why this Ducks-Wild matchup is particularly scary is that even though these two teams haven't met since Dec. 31st, arguably the biggest injuries of the year for each team took place in the other team’s arena:

1. In the first game in Anaheim, Marian Gaborik suffered a third-period groin injury that would keep him out of the lineup for the next 34 games. He would miss all the rest of the games in the Anaheim season series. The table below demonstrates how badly Gabby was missed, and how well the team has responded upon his return:

Marian Gaborik (groin)	Games	Record	Win Pct.	GF/gm	GA/gm
Before injury	6	6-0-0	1.000	3.2	1.8
Without player	35	15-18-2	0.471	2.6	2.8
Since return	41	27-8-6	0.732	2.8	1.8

2. In the second game in Minnesota (a week later), Todd Fedoruk got destroyed in a fight with Derek Boogaard and would not suit up for the Ducks again (later traded to Philly before being re-destroyed by Colton Orr). I still maintain that this was a huge setback for the Ducks, as none of Fedoruk's replacements have been able to contribute as much between fights as Todd did playing with Corey Perry and Ryan Getzlaf.

Todd Fedoruk (orbital)	Games	Record	Win Pct.	GF/gm	GA/gm
Before injury	10	7-0-3	0.850	3.1	1.9

3. In the fourth game in Minnesota, Chris Pronger broke his foot blocking a shot and would end up missing the next 9 games recovering from that injury. This of course was two games after J.S. Giguere and Francois Beauchemin suffered long-term injuries in a game against the Sharks, making the injury all the more devastating.

Chris Pronger (foot)	Games	Record	Win Pct.	GF/gm	GA/gm
Before injury	40	28-6-6	0.775	3.5	2.3
Without player	10	2-6-2	0.300	2.7	3.3
Since return	32	18-8-6	0.656	2.8	2.3

Note that both the Wild without Gaborik and the Ducks without Pronger (and friends) allowed an extra goal-against-per-game and pretty much sucked in the standings (the Wild less so because of OT/SO success). But that's three pretty huge injuries over the four-game series--yikes.

Looking for other potential heroes in this series? Here's some candidates from either side:

• J.S. Giguere, G, ANA: Aside from Giguere's ridiculous previous playoff series against the Wild in the '03 WC Finals, he's also played Minnesota very well in this season's series (2-0-1, with a 1.62 GAA and a .943 Sv%). The Wild scored zero power play goals in 13 chances against Giguere.
• Niklas Backstrom, G, MIN: Though Backstrom lost his only time playing the Ducks this season, he has been a huge reason for the Wild's strong finish. Since he took over the #1 goalie position on 2/1, he has gone 18-3-3 with a 1.95 GAA and a .929 Sv%. Also, the last time he allowed more than 2 goals in a game was more than a month ago.
• Scott Niedermayer, D, ANA: Scotty led all Ducks with 3 goals and 3 assists in the 4-game series; his offensive wandering seems to give the Wild's system some fits. SNieds was first star of the game for both games in Anaheim, and also was second star of the game for the first game in St. Paul.
• Pierre-Marc Bouchard, C, MIN: This guy may score moderately on the rest of the league, but he's murder against the Ducks. This year, he scored his 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 7th, and 8th goal of the season (plus one assist) in four games against Anaheim. Oh, and just as a side note, he did assist on the only goal that the Wild scored against the Ducks in the '03 postseason.

Wild Puck Banter has provided 6 reasons why he likes the Wild's chances--definitely worth a read, but you should note that I am definitely not overlooking one of the hottest second-half teams in the league this series--especially one that's still got the sting of '03 over its head.

To be fair, though, not that many players from the '03 series are left on either side: Anaheim still has J.S. Giguere, Rob Niedermayer, and Sammy Pahlsson, while Minnesota still has Marian Gaborik, P.M. Bouchard, Wes Walz, Nick Schultz, Manny Fernandez, and then-Mighty-Duck Keith Carney.

On a side note, I definitely have a couple of personal conflicts with this series. I will have real trouble posting about Gm 5 as that coincides with my brother's wedding rehearsal, and Gm 6 is the same day as his actual wedding day. Not to get greedy, but another series sweep would really make that weekend a lot less hectic for this best man.

More to come later, but that should suffice for now; definitely this is a series that could go either way, but I got no choice: GO DUCKS!

Western Conference Playoff Matchups

EDIT: The western conference is all set now, and because I am such a Hockey Numbers fan, I'm linking to JG's calculated "odds" for each western series. He does an excellent job excluding results from games against non-playoff teams in his stats:

Here's the matchups:

1. Detroit Red Wings vs. 8. Calgary Flames
JavaGeek's "odds": Detroit 62%

2. Anaheim Ducks vs. 7. Minnesota Wild
JavaGeek's "odds": Anaheim 58%

3. Vancouver Canucks vs. 6. Dallas Stars
JavaGeek's "odds": Vancouver 51%

4. Nashville Predators vs. 5. San Jose Sharks
JavaGeek's "odds": Nashville 52%

Anyone want to make some early predictions?

Ducks Gameday—Game 82: still relevant (for now)

Anaheim Ducks (47-20-14, t-2nd in the west) at Columbus Blue Jackets (33-41-7, 11th in the west)

Well, the Ducks were 7 seconds (or one shootout) away from clinching their first Pacific title and the 2nd seed yesterday, but apparently the powers that be want me to watch today’s game with interest as well. The loser point guarantees that Dallas cannot win the Pacific or start with home ice, but the Sharks are still within reach.

Still, the Ducks' playoff picture got a lot clearer—we are now down to three potential first-round opponents:

• If the Ducks hold the Pacific (get at least one point at CBJ, or SJS fails to win vs. VAN), then they will host either Minnesota or Vancouver (most likely the Wild) in round 1.
• If the Sharks take the Pacific (they beat VAN while the Ducks get zero points out of CBJ), then the Ducks will start on the road as the 5th seed against Nashville.

Prediction: Ducks 4, Blue Jackets 2. Last goals of the year for Pahlsson, Kunitz, Beauchemin, and Getzlaf.

p.s. One of our similar-themed blogs, the Battle of New York (focusing on the NYR/NYI/NJD tri-valry) is doing a marathon liveblog on most of today’s end-of-the-season games. Check it out!

San Jose vs Calgary Flames photos

The line for Miikka Kiprusoff after his 73rd game of the season: 38 saves on 42 shots, the loss drops his record to 40-23-9.



#7 Mark Bell slams the puck past a sprawling #34 Miikka Kiprusoff and #22 Daymond Langkow for his 11th goal of the year.



A bloodied Scott Hannan prepares for a faceoff after taking a big hit earlier in the second period.



Former Shark Brad Stuart checks Marcel Goc against the end boards. The Sharks 4-3 win over Calgary improved their point total to 106, good for 5th place in a tight Western Conference playoff sprint. More from the game will be posted here.

The big huge oversized playoff beard thread

There are few things in life that are as unnecessary but awesome as growing a playoff beard. It's been covered over and over and over again, but unlike most hockey cliches, it doesn't get old.

So since I'm practically foaming at the mouth about the fact that the NHL playoffs are coming up oh-so soon, and playoff beards are naturally going to come up repeatedly, I thought it would be a good idea to keep a regularly updated playoff beard thread for the playoffs.

PJ, Chen, Sleek and Rudy: feel free to add your own links and such to this. Let's make this one-stop playoff beard shopping. (One of the most gratifying sentences I've ever written for this blog).

Reading about the young 'uns on the Pittsburgh Penguins gave me the idea. And no, I cannot grow a playoff beard. I am poor and need to keep my job, OK?

Pittsburgh Penguins:

Worst: Me, or [Malkin]. I haven't seen him with anything going on [with facial hair]. I think [Staal] has a few billy goat hairs growing on his chin. Sid's got a couple of little sideburns. I can't even get that.

Own: It will be a 'throatee,' pretty much a goatee on my throat. That's all I've got. Or the 'neard,' the neck beard. We'll have to see what it looks like. I don't know if I'll let it sprout or not.

-Colby Armstrong


Own: Pretty good. I just can't grow anything [in the middle of the upper lip]. ... It looks like a reverse Hitler.

-Erik Christensen

Interview taken from The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, story by great Pittsburgh hockey columnist Dave Molinari.

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Of course, it would be a sin to ignore the greatest moment in beard bloggery, sacramano from The Battle of Alberta's sequential de-bearding. Here are a few of the best photos from that spectacular post:

Seriously, read that post.

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Indeed, the hockey blogosphere has some big shoes to fill. And there certainly will be some old friends who we'll miss: Mike Commodore and the Carolina Hurricanes were eliminated from the playoffs recently. And most sadly, the Edmonton blogosphere has been reduced to writing hilarious, but depressing posts about the Oilers' jarring drop to the bottom.

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An interesting take [and intelligent purchase of a domain name] comes in the form of www.playoffbeard.com. The site features hockey news and impressive and expressive portraits of certain hockey players. The highlight of the site is its guide to grading playoff beards.

It features this doozy about former Duck Jeff Friesen:

"WHEN BEARDS GO WRONG: The Freisen

Oh Jeff. Oh no. Perhaps the worst attempt ever at a playoff beard was the porn star / Wyatt Earp special that Jeff Freisen tried to pull off a few years ago. The effort was there. The genetics however...ooooh......in another line of work, his facial hair could have been put to good use. In the NHL however, it was misplaced. Better luck next time Officer Freisen!"

Artwork from playoffbeard.com

More playoff beard-y goodness to come in the weeks and months that pass. Again, this post is intended to get bloated and ridiculous so please leave your favorite beard-related sites in the comments section.

BoC beard-related comments are especially recommended. My current playoff beard BoC favorite: Scott Niedermayer, whose gray-and-black scruff promoted me to nickname him "Lightningbeard."

Are you excited yet???

Stars and the playoffs: what's changed and what hasn't

Whenever my friend and I discuss the Dallas Stars, there's almost always an early playoff exit-related punchline. The Stars seem to be a well-run franchise, but much like their old rivals in Detroit, they limp out of the postseason with their hands around their throats.

And looking at this year, there's the natural question: What makes you think that anything will be different?

Fresh Faces

1. Mike Ribeiro

I've already described Ribeiro's addition in glowing terms. That being said, the talented but enigmatic winger fits the well-worn Stars punchline: great before the games really matter.

Still, the nice thing is that Ribeiro doesn't need to be a Conn Smythe candidate for the Stars to be successful. If Ribeiro fits into a Doug Weight in Carolina type role for the playoffs, or hell, even a Cory Stillman in Carolina role then the Stars will greatly benefit.

Either way, he's going to have to show up for the playoffs. And not just with a bag full of golf clubs.

2. Ladislav Nagy

Some people are saying that Nagy has been a bust in Dallas, including respectable ESPN.com writer Scott Burnside. Statistically speaking, it's hard to disagree.

Still, I can only tell you what I've seen and felt from watching the occasional Stars telecast. And my immediate thought from watching Nagy was: "Wow, the Stars are borderline watchable now!"

He's not really a "force" and it's certainly possible that the Stars overpaid for him. That being said, every team needs guys who are natural scorers. That's the one thing the Stars have been missing over the years. They've had hardworking, likable guys from the top of their order in Brendan Morrow and Jere Lehtinen to elbow grease guys such as Stu Barnes.

These players are great for character and timely goals, but Nagy and Ribeiro are two guys that make it look easy. It's true that the playoffs are a time where pretty goals evaporate, but the Stars were severely lacking that finesse game outside of American Hero Mike Modano.

3. Mattias Norstrom

So far, this trade reminds me of a lot of the pre-lockout small market salary dumps, even if L.A. isn't exactly a small-market. It captures that spirit because, on a gut level, it seems like the trade hurt the Kings more than it helped the Stars.

I've watched some Stars games, and I can't lie: I never really notice him. He's never put up many points and that hasn't changed in Dallas. He's averaging around 18-20 minutes a game, so he's apparently not irrelevant. The real place the Norstrom trade will be a boon or bust will be in playoffs.

Oddly enough, that makes his add opposite from the previous two. While Rib and Nagy are potential playoff ghosts, Norstrom's the type of defensive stalwart that can make a big difference in three OT slugfests.

4. Mike Smith

Smith shouldn't be a big factor, but in the ham handed tradition of playoff previews, I am forced to point out any possible parallels to last year's big stories. So if Marty Turco has another playoff flameout, it is an extremely remote possibility - EXTREMELY REMOTE - that Smith could be "this year's Cam Ward." Or Ty Conklin. [Although he's a much better puckhandler, if not for anything than the fact that he gets to watch Turco in practice].

He's a solid enough goalie, but this scenario is even less likely than Turco resurrecting the spirit of Cup Run Giguere.

Minuses

1. Jason Arnott

Some people thought that losing Arnott would hurt the Stars dearly, but I've always categorized him as just another interchangeable Devils Cup era forward. Some nights he wears a crimson mask and seems like a force of nature. But just as often he is not a factor.

For some reason, I just don't really like him so maybe that clouds my opinion.

2. Bill Guerin

While Arnott wasn't worth the money, the Guerin era in Dallas was simply cursed. It's too harsh to say that his success depended solely on Jumbo Joe, but that didn't keep him from being a disappointment. And, OK, his success did have a thing or do with Big Bird.

He's one of those guys that could come back to haunt Dallas, though. Or maybe he's another Devils Cup era forward of questionable merit.

3. Ed Belfour

OK, I know he left a long time ago, but are you going to argue with my decision to run the FUBU jersey arrest photo? Better not.

Still, all of these changes - both plus and minus - are not as important as answering the biggest question:

Will Marty Turco have another shaky playoff run?

San Jose beats Anaheim with a stick, 3-2 shootout win after Selanne called for a width violation

Beautiful exterior of the Honda Center in Anaheim. Inside the fans are right on the ice, stacked high in three levels with a sight line similar to that in San Jose. The boards and glass were worn, surprisingly so, and the condition of the ice was a concern on a very warm day.



Joe Thornton taking a faceoff in the second period. The Sharks dominated on the draw, winning 35 of 54. Anaheim scored the lone power play goal (Scott Niedermayer) of the game in the first period.



Ron Wilson called for Teemu Selanne's stick to be measured for an illegal (width) at the start of overtime. Craig Rivet had a minute 24 seconds left to serve in a late third period hooking penalty, and the teams would be even up for most of OT. Selanne asked for his stick back at the end of regulation and the referees repeatedly said no.

The Ducks outshot San Jose 6-2 in overtime, and all 6 were solid scoring chances in front of the Sharks net. Evgeni Nabokov came up huge on several point blank saves, often with a number of bodies in front of him.



Teemu Selanne lining up his overtime shootout attempt, which missed the net wide. The next Anaheim shooter, Andy McDonald, deked the puck right and then lost it off his stick trying to reverse the direction. Only one player got a shot on net for the home team.

Ryan Getzlaf scored the first goal on the first attempt for Anaheim. Evgeni Nabokov closed his legs early, and Getzlaf fired in an easy goal with no reaction. Jonathan Cheechoo and Ryane Clowe scored 2 shootout goals in 2 attempts for San Jose. Game over, 3-2 win for the Sharks. Anaheim wins the season series, but San Jose wins one for NoCal and gains a huge momentum boost heading into the second season.

[Update] "We had an inkling his stick might be too wide. When you look at it, it's almost the width of a goalie stick." - Ron Wilson

Earl Sleek made me famous

Thursday I noticed this Getty Images photo from Anaheim-SJ on the front page of Yahoo NHL. Earl Sleek and friends hosted yours truely for a game at the Honda Center, and a familiar person popped up in the background of this shot.

Shawn Thornton is pictured in the midst of a long brawl with Ryane Clowe that took place in the second period. A full blow-by-blow recap is available from hockeyfights.com, or you can view this brief youtube clip of the first 30 seconds of the fight. The video ends before the refs stopped the action.



More on the game soon.

Head-scratcher of the day

It's kind of fluky that the Ducks lost in a shootout last night to the Sharks, because earlier yesterday I had been chatting with Mike Chen about his treatment of shootouts in his proposed standings post. Mostly I was just telling Mike that I have been keeping spreadsheets of game results over the past two seasons, so whereas he was having some trouble separating regulation wins from overtime wins from shootout wins, I had that stuff pretty available at my fingertips.

At any rate, I took a quick look at some of these results, and there are two major trends (comparing this year to last year) to note:

1. Fewer games that are going to overtime are being decided within the 5-minute 4-on-4 extra session. Last year, 281 games ended with two teams tied at the end of regulation, and 136 (48%) were decided before a shootout. This year, 274 games have been regulation ties, and only 113 (41%) were ended before the sideshow. That's not really the head-scratcher, but I thought it was worth mentioning that on the surface, teams appear to be getting more conservative in their 4-on-4 defense.

2. Home teams are less successful this year in the shootout than they were last year. The main difference between shootouts last year and shootouts this year is that last year, home teams always shot second, and this year, home teams have the option of whether to shoot first or second. You'd figure that the option would enable home teams to improve their shootout success, but the numbers don't really bear that out. Last year, home teams won 75 of 145 shootouts (52%); this year, home teams won 76 of 161 shootouts (47%).

Now I don't really have data about whether home teams opted to shoot first or second in shootouts this year (JavaGeek?), but it is awfully suspect that giving home teams this option has in fact decreased their success rate.

So, if this really is the case, why do home teams opt to shoot first? Or maybe more to the point, why did Randy Carlyle decide to have the Ducks shoot first last night (and lose)?

Liveblogging: Sharks/Ducks...make it so!

9:44: Final thoughts...well, I had a ton of fun during my first liveblogging experience. Thanks to all of the people tracking along in the comments. I'm sure PJ and Sleek will have stories and photos to share. They picked a hell of a game to go to. I think the sports mojo has the white jersey working for in-arena viewing and the Bell jersey working for at-home viewing. This is critical to know for the playoffs.

Maybe some day I'll try doing this drunk like Alanah does.

[Quick update]: It looks like we were getting about 100 page views and 30 visitors per hour during the game (if I'm reading the Google Analytics chart right), so a big thank you to all of you who joined in the fun. We should do this again in the Western Conference Finals. Go California!

9:42: Screw you Andy MacDonald and your diving and your goaltender running. Serves you right for flubbing the shootout. We've got a photo finish for the Pacific Division.

9:42: RYAN CLOWE -- I'll stop calling him CLOWN from now on.

9:41: Nice split move by Nabby to take away the low part of the net.

9:41: YES! Cheech, thanks for getting hot during the stretch run.

9:40: God damn it, it's the same old Nabby shootout style on Getzlaf. That is, stand still.

9:37: God damn it, it's going to a shootout. I think Ron Wilson's going to go Michalek, Cheechoo, Bernier.

9:35: Hey, I think I see Sleek's green shirt on TV.

9:33: DAMN YOU NIEDERMAYER AND BRYZGALOV.

9:33: MacDonald runs into Nabby for the millionth time tonight. Why the hell aren't the Sharks using their speed?

9:31: 3 on 3. Pond hockey boys!

9:31: Teemu feels shame. Ron Wilson looks smart. Teemu off the ice in OT.

9:30: Stick measurement for Selanne. Ironic that Randy says "Marty, they're measuring a stick." Interesting strategy in that the Ducks can't get a 2-man advantage.

9:29: OVERTIME. I'm out of breath and I'm just typing. I don't know about you guys, but I am READY for the playoffs. You gotta hope these two teams play each other. I hope this game doesn't end in a shootout (or a Ducks goal).

9:28: Holy fucking shit, Selanne on a breakaway is NOT good. Power plays going into OT (if they make it there)...not good either.

9:26: One minute left...

9:24: I'm right -- Matt Carle hasn't played since midway through the third period.

9:23: I think it's funny that Randy Hahn still refers to Selanne by his first name on TV broadcasts. I know everybody loved Teemu's personality when he was here, but let's remember that we're duck hunting, huh Randy?

9:21: I don't think Matt Carle's been on the ice in a very long time.

9:20: Jesus, does Chris Pronger EVER leave the ice? He's everywhere. Good scoring chances on both sides. This is some entertaining hockey.

9:14: Icing, TV timeout, and SJ Sharkie is on the couch with me.

9:13: Who's going to stand up for Patty? If Pronger fights, he'll be pretty dumb, but that'd really help out to get him in the box for 5 minutes.

9:11: Monster hit by Pronger on Marleau. This is playoff-esque here. It's also one of the loudest Anaheim crowds I've heard on TV.

9:08: Bryzgalov matches Nabokov by stealing one from the Thornton-Cheechoo connection. I think I might need to bust out the Sharkie doll to get some more sports mojo going.

9:04: I find it ironic that Marty McSorely is talking about how you don't want any of the after-the-whistle stuff in the game.

9:01: Holy crap, MacDonald came close. Why the hell did the D decide NOT to pick up MacDonald in the crease? Even my beer league team knows to play better D than that.

8:59: Both teams seem fired up to hit hard at the beginning of the period. The TV broadcast shows their keys to the game, one of them is work the Anaheim D. That means DiPenta has to be out there all the time.

8:56: And we're off for the third period...

8:44: And we've got a call from PJ and Sleek. Sleek's at five drinks right now, but he points out that three of them were "very large Guinesses before the game." PJ says he got lost and hit a ton of traffic. Sleek says his boy Sami is playing Thornton tough, and notice that DiPenta was out there for both goals (as his -2 suggests). I tell Sleek that he's gotta be worried since the Sharks big lines haven't scored yet. It should be a good third period.

My girlfriend also just came home and suggested that I bring down her SJ Sharkie doll to add to the sports mojo. She also just got me a random puck guy penholder from a novelty store. I'll take the puck guy and save Sharkie for emergency mojo purposes.

[update]: I asked PJ and Sleek about the ice conditions and they say that they see puddles all over the ice. So it's not just us TV viewers, it really is shitty out there.

8:38: A furious pace to that final 4-on-4. At the end of 2, we've got a tie game. Since putting on the Bell jersey, the Sharks scored two goals and outshot the Ducks.

8:35: 3-on-1's are bad. Thank you crappy Honda Center ice. Ehrhoff goes crazy-German on Corey Perry.

8:32: STEVE BERNIER TIES THE GAME AS I'M TYPING! A broken play, but a goal is a goal. Oui oui says the French power forward.

8:31: Holy crap, the Sharks have won faceoffs 27-8. Remember last season when the Sharks couldn't win a faceoff against a pee-wee team?

8:28: Mark Bell's feeling inspired by my jersey. Nice give-and-go with Marleau. Momentum is a good thing, boys -- keep it up!

8:24: Marcel Goc fans on an awful Anaheim turnover in the slot. I'm not just being snarky but the ice looks god-awful tonight. When Joe Thornton has trouble stickhandling, you know there's an issue. Sleek and PJ will have to report on the ice conditions from their 2nd-row seats.

8:18: Rob Niedermayer gets up slowly. That's the wrong Niedermayer to get injured. Come on, Sharks power play!

8:17: Marty McSorely says that the Ducks almost had Matty Norstrom at the deadline. I didn't know that. That'd be a nice way to kick the Kings fans when they're down.

8:16: FINALLY...a lucky bounce makes its way to Scott Hannan and a shot from the point. Nice feed from Marcel Goc. Nice traffic from Grier and Bernier in front of Bryzgalov. The Bell jersey is now +1.

8:12: Mark Bell's back. Randy Hahn rips the Anaheim ice. Matt Carle makes a bad turnover. Nice dive by Andy MacDonald.

8:09: Ryane Clowe vs. Shawn "Don't Call Me Joe" Thornton. Close's hat pops off, then Thornton's. A lot of misses and jersey grabbing. These guys look tired. Thornton misses with some slow-motion punches, and both guys mutually give up. No Mortal Kombat-esque fatality. No shot of Sleek/PJ either from the camera angle by the penalty box.

8:06: Mark Bell heads into the locker room. The jersey curse lives on!

8:04: I have a simple strategy for success. Don't shoot wide or high and play defense in front of Nabby. This, however, is not happening yet.

8:01: YES! The Warriors game is over. We're switching over to Sharks hockey!

7:54: No word from Sleek or PJ. I hope they're not too drunk! I've tried to change the sports mojo by changing into the cursed Mark Bell jersey (hoping the reverse watching-at-tv anti curse is in effect) and giving my dogs cookies.

7:50: God I hate how long the last two minutes of basketball games take.

7:44: End of the 1st. 4 minutes left in the Warriors game. Hopefully I should get the start of the 2nd here. We'll see if Sleek or PJ have any intermission thoughts via text.

7:43: Jamie Baker says "Sami Paulson is getting more chances than Joe Thornton. That's not good."

7:39: Mark Bell shoots high. What else is new?

7:36: The Sharks are on the Barracuda Networks penalty kill. Has anyone else noticed that the Barracuda logo (prominent on the HP ice) is very phallic?

7:33: God damn it. Scott Niedermayer makes it 2-0. I can't see it, but it sounds like Scott Hannan got pulled down. Jamie Baker's saying that Hannan's non-call doesn't matter because the Sharks aren't playing the PK right. Two points for Andy MacDonald so far. That's one point each for Pronger and Niedermayer. God I hate those two. Now Joe Thornton's going in the box after Patty Marleau just came out. Not good. I sense a jersey change coming at intermission.

7:29: From the radio broadcast (10 minutes left in the stupid Warriors game), it sounds like the Marleau/Guerin/Bell line is creating good chances. I might switch to the cursed Mark Bell jersey in the second period if the Sharks are still losing to try and switch around the sports mojo. The Bell jersey curses the team when worn live, but perhaps it's reversed for away games.

7:24: Here's an interesting stat. According to Yahoo, the Sharks are up on faceoffs 9-1. Not sure who it is, but it's the usual Thornton/Marleau/Goc/Brown lineup up the middle.

7:18: Fuck, Andy MacDonald makes it 1-0. Between Nabby's legs as it bounced around...They showed the clip in between the Warrior's game. I love how Nabby falls over like a sniper took him out after the puck went in.

7:15: Christian Ehrhoff's taking on the Selanne line? He must have gotten out of Ron's doghouse really fast over the past few games.

7:13: Dan Rusonowsky rolls his R's over Ilya Bryzgalov like he's saying Ruffles Chips. Somehow, I don't think it's pronounced with such a Spaish flair.

7:08: DAMN YOU FOX SPORTS! They split-screened for 10 seconds, then went back to the stupid Warriors game. 5 minutes left in the 3rd quarter in that.

7:05: Puck's dropping after the commercial break. Anyone want to bet how many drinks Sleek and PJ will consume tonight at the Honda Center? Leave your prediction in the comments and we'll get a post-game report from our dynamic duo.

7:02: Ron Wilson's on Coach's Chaulkboard right now with Dan Rusonowsky. Lots of noise in the background. It sounds like a frat party with all sorts of random "OHHHHHHHHHH!" by enthusiastic loud guys. I bet that's Joe Thornton.

7:00: Bill Guerin's back after a groin injury. Joe Pavelski's out. J-S Giguere's riding the pine because his wife gave birth to Maxim Olivier Giguere. Last time I remember seeing Ilya Bryzgalov, he was leaking in goals. With no Giguere and Todd Marchant out, things are off to a good start.

6:57: For those who care, Tracy McGrady won't return to the Warriors game. I think that means they should just cancel it and show the Sharks game.

6:53: Jesus, my radio won't come in. It's live streaming for me. John Schrader just popped in to say they will have live goal updates. Please Center Ice, please be nice to me!

6:47: The fucking Warriors game just went into halftime a few minutes ago. So it looks like I'll be listening to the first period on the radio and blogging using that unless Center Ice is miraculously unblocked.

For luck, I am wearing my white Sharks jersey. For luck, I am sure Earl Sleek is wearing a margarita at this point. Not sure how much of a drinker PJ is, but I'm sure our BoC all-stars are having plenty of fun down at the Honda Center. I'm leaving the cursed Mark Bell jersey in the closet for now and the rest of the playoffs.

Live blogging Sharks/Ducks here tonight

So, PJ and Earl Sleek are going to be live and in-person drinking at the Duck Pond. To hold down the fort for the biggest regular season game of the year, I'll be liveblogging the game tonight right here at the BoC. The only caveat is Fox Sports is going to be joining the game after the Warriors game finishes up so the first 15 minutes may just me bitching. Check back tonight and join in the fun!

BoC Gameday—Ducks vs. Sharks or Sleek vs. Swenson?

San Jose Sharks (49-26-4, t-5th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (47-20-12, t-2nd in west)

Well, I'm not going to waste a lot of ink on this pre-game post, since today is both the last regular season meeting between the Sharks and Ducks, and the first meeting ever between PJ Swenson and Earl Sleek. We'll be chillin' in the awesome Row B seats, taunting whichever Duck decides to take their turn in the penalty box, and hopefully will have some cool postgame material to share (though I should warn you: depending on our consumption, postgame posts may appear days later).

The Ducks will clinch the Pacific today if both the Sharks and Stars lose (even in OT). Failing that, the Ducks can still own their destiny by gaining at least three points before the season is out, or at least some combination where points-earned by the Ducks and points-lost by the Sharks/Stars adds up to three.

Dare I point out that the Ducks are 6-0 when Sleek is in attendance this year (counting a 6-3 preseason win over the Sharks), having seen 4-3 win over L.A., a 6-2 win over Phoenix, a 5-0 win over the Sharks, a 4-1 win over the Stars, and a 4-2 win over Vancouver. 29 GF, 11 GA. Pretty damn solid.

Prediction: Ducks 5, Sharks 2. PJ nets a pair, but Sleek has a rare 5-pint night.

Joe Thornton Conference Call Transcript April 3, 2007

The NHL held a media conference call with San Jose Sharks center Joe Thornton today after he was named the NHL's second star of the month for March.

DAVID KEON: Good afternoon, everyone. I'm David Keon of the National Hockey League's public relations department, and I'd like to welcome you to today's call. Today's guest is San Jose Sharks' center Joe Thornton. Thanks to Joe for taking the time today to answer your questions, and thanks to Scott Emmert of the Sharks' public relations department for arranging the call.

Yesterday Joe was named "Second Star" for the month of March after leading all players in scoring with 24 points in 14 games. His season total of 109 points leads the Sharks and ranks him second in the National Hockey League behind Pittsburgh's Sidney Crosby, who has 117.

Joe needs two assists to become only the third player in NHL history to post consecutive 90-assist seasons, the other two being Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux.
With 102 points the Sharks are tied with Dallas and trail Anaheim by four points in the race for top spot in the Pacific Division. They visit Anaheim tomorrow, host Calgary Thursday and finish the regular season at home against Vancouver Saturday.
Thanks to Joe for joining us today. We'll open it up for questions now.

[Q] Could you just address the impact that the acquisition of Bill Guerin and Craig Rivet have had on the team?

[JOE THORNTON] Well, obviously, we're pretty young in the back, so Rivet just brings us some more toughness back there. He's pretty rugged. He plays the power plays, the right-handed shot, which we needed, as well. So he fills so many voids that we didn't have before. He's a guy that's been there, done that, and he's going to be great going to the playoffs.

Obviously Billy winning the Cup I think in '95 or '96, he's a good, veteran guy that works really well with Patty Marleau, and he’s another right-handed shot. He's physical, he's big, he's strong and just two very, very valuable pickups that we definitely needed coming down the stretch here.

[Q] I'd like to ask another question. I've got to ask you, last season late you just went on an amazing rampage, and you've done it again this season. How do you explain the late season surges that you have?

[JOE THORNTON] I don't know, it's just -- obviously especially this year, playing with Milan Michalek, he's been playing great lately, and Cheech has been putting the puck in the back of the net. But I don't really know the rhyme or reason that it happens. But like you said, it happened last year and again this year, but I don't know the reason why.

[Q] Just wondering, if what way do you think you're a better player right now than you were last season at this time of the season in which you won the Hart Trophy?

[JOE THORNTON] Well, I think -- I'm having pretty much similar years. Individually I'd like to think I've gotten better each and every year. You know, that's a tough question to answer. I just feel good, I feel confident, and I feel good with my surroundings out here now. Just whoever I play with, I feel very comfortable with who I'm playing with.

[Q] Just one more question. In the last month or so Jonathan has also been a quite a tear. Do you feel like you got him going or he got you going, or do you think it was a bit of a combination?

[JOE THORNTON] It could have been a combination of both things, an also you can throw in Milan Michalek. He's playing great hockey, as well. He's brings so much speed to our line that is so valuable to us. I think we kind of miss Nils Ekman because we had so much speed with him.

But yeah, Cheech has been putting the puck in the back of the net for me, and it just makes my job a lot easier, that's for sure.

[Q] You got to play with Bill Guerin. I want to follow up on that. You got to play with him in Boston, and I wanted to know what influence he had on you maturing as a player and also a person off the ice, too.

[JOE THORNTON] Billy is just a great guy. Obviously I played with him a couple years there in Boston. He's a bubbly guy, a good guy to have in the locker room. He's a veteran guy. We never really played the same position.

I think you can just learn -- he plays that rugged style, but he's got -- he's such a nice goal scorer. But I think I definitely learned a lot as a player from him and as a person. It's good to have him here because we definitely have a young team and he can definitely look at some young guys and point out some pointers that he's seen in the past and help these young guys to become better players.

[Q] And just a follow-up question, what do you want to do to shut down the naysayers of you in the Playoffs and people saying you'll lose again in the Playoffs? What do you want to do? Is that motivating you this year?

[JOE THORNTON] I don't know, I don't really listen to any of that stuff. I think we definitely have a good team, that we can really go for the Stanley Cup this year, and I feel comfortable with this team and I have a lot of confidence in this team. Hockey is a team sport and it always will be, and I think it's a good shot. If we win the Cup, then I don't know if there will be any more of that.

[Q] What did you learn from last year's experience having that two game lead over Edmonton and seeing it disappear and then you guys disappear? What did you take from that and take into this upcoming post-season?

[JOE THORNTON] Well, the team is not done until they're done, until they've lost that fourth game. I think as a young team last year, we all learned together, and I think it just makes us better as a team as a whole.

But you can't take a team too lightly even though they're down 2-0 because the momentum can switch just like that in that triple overtime game that they beat us. Just never take your opponent too lightly, and we won't this year.

[Q] This is playing off a previous question, but do you feel a pressure just to have that like big bust-out Playoff run, both individually and as a team? Does that weigh on you at all?

[JOE THORNTON] Not at all, no, not at all.

[Q] And how do you then carry your -- and another question was the late season surge, so you're on one right now, you're enjoying one. How do you carry that into the post-season?

[JOE THORNTON] Just keep doing the same things, keep doing the same things in practice, and eventually it will spill over into games. Just play consistent. I think as a team we've been playing consistent, as for myself, individually just being consistent each and every night and working hard each and every night. So just keep on doing the little things that I've been doing and hopefully carry it over and hopefully it works in the Playoffs.

NHL offers new support hotline

New York (AP) - Have you been unjustly fired from your job?

Have you done everything asked or expected of you, and without warning been given the ol' pink slip?

Have you found yourself suddenly replaced by an underling or even replaced by your boss himself, as if you were not even a necessary contributor in a corporate system?

Sometimes life throws you a tough break like that; it can be demeaning and discouraging, and often there is nowhere to direct your resulting anger: "Why? What did I do wrong? Am I just not good enough?"

The NHL, ever sympathetic to its money-spending fans, has decided to respond with its new Canned! Hotline.

For a small fee, you can listen to real people who can tell even worse stories about workplace injustice. People who excelled in their position but found themselves suddenly exiled. People who were fired after only 40 days, never having a chance to prove themselves.

Your problems will feel slight in comparison, and you'll be much more adjusted to your crappy unemployment situation.

Call now!

(Note: For a slightly larger fee, they will also listen to your sob story.)

Welcome to the NHL, Kid

I know, I should be mad or afraid for his safety, but I can't; that was an awesome hit. Well done, Jan Bulis.

One thing I’ve never liked, though: why does Scott Thornton have to fight Jan Bulis for hitting Johnson? I know it’s Johnson’s first game and Thornton is just standing up for his teammate, but I don’t like how guys have to defend themselves for making a good hockey play. This is why Dustin Brown always has that scared look on his face after he rails someone. I’m not sure why Brown looks like he has Down’s syndrome, though.

The Kings concluded their season series with the Sharks (thank God) and predictably got destroyed. With the loss, the Kings’ final record against the Sharks was 2-6. They ended their series against the Stars by going 0-6-2. Like I said before, the Kings went 4-2-2 against the Ducks, so it’s not the Kings fault that the Ducks are going to win the division. As Earl points out below, the Ducks are currently ahead of the Stars and Sharks by 4 points; they would likely have the division wrapped up by now if it weren’t for the Kings. That’s awesome. If the Kings are going to suck, at least they can have the dignity to screw over the Ducks in the process.

Why were the Kings able to hang with the Ducks while being completely and utterly destroyed by the Sharks and the Stars? I could come up with a theory about systems matching up or personnel differences, but ultimately I think it was dumb luck. Sometimes bad teams beat good ones; there’s no magic answer that can explain when things like that happen.

I’m out this week (I have a life… well, not really), so you guys are by yourselves for the rest of the season. I’ll probably have a post recapping the Kings’ season (I imagine there will be a lot of cursing), but I’ll mostly be saving my snide remarks for the comments. Make sure you keep up here at Battle of California, though, as I'm sure there will be a lot of good content up. Good luck to the Ducks, Stars and Sharks; beat Nashville, will you?

For my fellow Kings fans, please remember to enjoy these last few games. There’s going to be a lot of draft talk (hopefully we’ll have a top-3 pick) and rumors about who we’re going to sign in the off-season (more on that later), but right now just relax and enjoy the hockey. We have a rare opportunity to simply savor each pass and enjoy the game for what it is, rather than who wins. The Kings play the Coyotes twice; watch the match-ups and note who plays against whom. Remember, the only thing worse than poor Kings hockey is no hockey at all.

A quick story: I had a friend who told me that only a lunatic would put themselves through the amount of misery I went through every hockey season and that any sane person would simply change teams or at least not care so much. Why put myself through this, all for a team that doesn’t care about me individually at all? I had no rational answer for that; the only response I could muster was, “Because, Kings rule.”

I must be crazy.