Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Letter from a Stars fan

Dallas! Stars!

Dallas!

Stars!

(Air guitars to Pantera's Stars theme song)

Howdy there hockey fans. With all these Cal-ee-forn-ee queers throwin' their two bits in this there here blogger thang I was fixin' to spit the damn bit! I reckon it's time for me to list the reasons why us Stars fans are the best god damn ice hockey fans in the world!

For one thang, we've been around longer than any of those stupid Cal-ee-forn-ee teams 'cept I guess those Los Angle-ess Queens. They started that dumb ass team in '88 with Dwayne Gretzky, right?

Second thang, the Stars gave those treehuggin' pinko California teams a good old fashioned ass-whuppin' in the playoffs this year. And why not? We got the best team with the most talent.

Mike Modano skates like a god damn rooster in a chicken coup, unlike Billy Joe Thornton or whateverthefuck his name is. Then we got Brenden Morrow. He kicks way more ass than that Teamo Salami guy.

Too bad Tony Romo don't got half the heart of Brenden Morrow – if them Cowboys just learn from the Stars and think with they dicks AFTER the season we'd win a god damn SuperBowl.

Shit, look at our goalie, fuckers. We got Ed Belfour. That drunken sumbitch is a better goalie than any of those LA Queens goalies … and he's usually seein' four pucks by the dadgum third period.

Really, I reckon my only problem with them Stars is that they got so many dadgum people from other countries. Shit, Hull, gimme more last names I can understand! Jokinen – Niskanen – fuckin' hokeypokinen.

Awww shit, son, you got me so worked up I lost track of time and 'ah burned my god damn steak! Oh, welp, I guess I better go.

Go Cowboys!

Regards,

Willie Ray Hunter

9 comments:

RudyKelly said...

I love that the nerds couldn't find a 5th person to hang out with them so the biggest douche bag had to put two letters on his chest.

Well done.

jamestobrien said...

Yes, and for the record folks, Mr. RK found two of the rather hysterical photos in this "letter" (the Stars fanatic making it rain and the Cowboys fan giving us some middle finger tude).

Mina said...

The genius in the letter is only surpassed by the genius of the photos. Well done sir.

Patty (in Dallas) said...

Geez, I can't go ANYWHERE without hearing about the stupid Cowboys!

(Great as usual, Rudy.)

Patty (in Dallas) said...

Woops. Sorry, james! Didn't notice it was you. Still very funny.

Cheechew said...

I never got further after being blinded by the buttcrack

Mike in OC said...

yeah, hows that for a monday!

Doogie2K said...

So wait, who gets the rival team's tattoo on their ass? I mean, I see what you did there, but dude, you still have a fucking Oilers logo on your butt for the rest of your life. Congratulations, twatmonkey, you win the Retard Award; you can pick it up in /b/ on your way out of the gene pool.

Joe said...

XMFD

FUCKIN HOKEYPOKINEN

HAHAHAHAHA

I that one makes this the best letter, that cracked my up goooooood.