Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Season (P)Review: Dustin Brown


I am conflicted about Dustin Brown. Intellectually, I think he doesn't deserve a top forward position because his game is so one-dimensional; emotionally, I love him because that one dimension is so awesome. I got tired of the two parts of my psyche constantly bickering about him so I told them to decide the issue once and for all. Here's the transcript of that debate:


Intellectual Rudy

Intellectual Rudy: My dear boy, I’m sorry, but there is just no way Dustin Brown is anything above a replacement level player at this stage in his development. He doesn’t move without the puck well, is constantly out of position on defense, and can’t-

Emotional Rudy


Emotional Rudy: -BOOOO!!!. I don’t want to hear your “facts,” College Boy. Dustin Brown is fuckin’ awesome. Remember that one hit against Joe Thornton?* He was all like, “Boom, Bitch!” Hahahaha… wait, what was I talking about?

IR: Yes, but the hit in question was after Thornton had completed his pass and therefore had little effect on the game. Most of Brown’s hits are like that: visually stunning, but ultimately negligible in value.

ER: Yeah, but… boom! Hahaha!

IR: I fail to see the point in your “argument.” (*Chuckles, stirs brandy)

ER: Yeah, well, I fail to see the point in your face! (*Guffaws, pounds beer)

IR: Why, that doesn’t even make-

ER: -anyway, fuck you. Brown is way cooler than you. Besides, he’s only 23, and most power forwards take longer to develop in the NHL.

IR: Why, yes, that’s true…

ER: Plus, did you hear that last night Brown destroyed Andy McDonald and then kicked Sean O’Donnell’s ass when O’Donnell tried to stand up for his teammate?

IR: No, I hadn’t heard that. That’s pretty… awesome. Perhaps you’re right, my friend. I guess I underestimated you.

ER: Cool...so now what?

IR: Hmmm... I don't know.

ER: ...wanna get drunk?

IR: Indeed. Where's my snifter?

ER: God, you are so gay.




*This Hit:


15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Didn't Bill Waterson say that?

RudyKelly said...

Dammit, yeah. I think it's the one with the Good Calvin where he has a bad thought. I changed it.

Anonymous said...

Re: Brown's hit on Thornton

I can't remember for the life of me whether that hit came in the 7-3 Sharks win at Staples, or the 3-1 Sharks victory, or the 5-2 big SJ 'W'.

And there is another tally in the RudyKelly immature F-Bomb column. Shouldn't even the emotional 'college boy' rudy have grown past the need for such language?

(To avoid being too hypocritical I'll admit that there is a time and a place for a wide variety of language. Kerry Fraser brings out the worst in me!)

Anonymous said...


And there is another tally in the RudyKelly immature F-Bomb column. Shouldn't even the emotional 'college boy' rudy have grown past the need for such language?


Fuck no! Keep 'em coming, Rudy! This shit's awesome!

Anonymous said...

Mature support coming from 'POOKIE'.

Earl Sleek said...

Um, John D., might want to read a newspaper or something. They usually catch those f-bombs that are anguishing you.

RudyKelly said...

I'll try to watch (really, I will) my "f-bombs", but I object to the fact that they're gratuitous. I read over what I write a couple of times and I only keep them there if they convey a tone or effect that I want for the article. I'm not discussing geothermal physics, I'm discussing hockey. That informal attitude (with the occasional curse word) is what separates us from the print guys and I like that. I'm sorry if they offend you and I hope you keep reading the site but that's not going to change.

PJ Swenson said...

No megusta video.

Anonymous said...

Hey Rudy,

Don't apologize. That was a fucking funny post. I gave it an 8 out of 10.

You would have scored a 10, but two points removed for: 1) using a video shot at 8 frames per second. I almost had a seizure. 2) not nearly enough usage of the work "fuck". Let's step that up.

Marie said...

I'm not discussing geothermal physics, I'm discussing hockey.

I have a similar thought process when I write my posts. On one hand I want to sound "professional" (and I'm female and apparently it's slightly more off-putting when a female curses...according to my mother) but on the other, I'm not getting paid for what I write, it's my opinion, and damnit, I'll fucking curse if I want to!!

Keep up the writing, you crack me up!

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