Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Season (P)Review: Dustin Brown


I am conflicted about Dustin Brown. Intellectually, I think he doesn't deserve a top forward position because his game is so one-dimensional; emotionally, I love him because that one dimension is so awesome. I got tired of the two parts of my psyche constantly bickering about him so I told them to decide the issue once and for all. Here's the transcript of that debate:


Intellectual Rudy

Intellectual Rudy: My dear boy, I’m sorry, but there is just no way Dustin Brown is anything above a replacement level player at this stage in his development. He doesn’t move without the puck well, is constantly out of position on defense, and can’t-

Emotional Rudy


Emotional Rudy: -BOOOO!!!. I don’t want to hear your “facts,” College Boy. Dustin Brown is fuckin’ awesome. Remember that one hit against Joe Thornton?* He was all like, “Boom, Bitch!” Hahahaha… wait, what was I talking about?

IR: Yes, but the hit in question was after Thornton had completed his pass and therefore had little effect on the game. Most of Brown’s hits are like that: visually stunning, but ultimately negligible in value.

ER: Yeah, but… boom! Hahaha!

IR: I fail to see the point in your “argument.” (*Chuckles, stirs brandy)

ER: Yeah, well, I fail to see the point in your face! (*Guffaws, pounds beer)

IR: Why, that doesn’t even make-

ER: -anyway, fuck you. Brown is way cooler than you. Besides, he’s only 23, and most power forwards take longer to develop in the NHL.

IR: Why, yes, that’s true…

ER: Plus, did you hear that last night Brown destroyed Andy McDonald and then kicked Sean O’Donnell’s ass when O’Donnell tried to stand up for his teammate?

IR: No, I hadn’t heard that. That’s pretty… awesome. Perhaps you’re right, my friend. I guess I underestimated you.

ER: Cool...so now what?

IR: Hmmm... I don't know.

ER: ...wanna get drunk?

IR: Indeed. Where's my snifter?

ER: God, you are so gay.




*This Hit:


10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Didn't Bill Waterson say that?

RudyKelly said...

Dammit, yeah. I think it's the one with the Good Calvin where he has a bad thought. I changed it.

John D said...

Re: Brown's hit on Thornton

I can't remember for the life of me whether that hit came in the 7-3 Sharks win at Staples, or the 3-1 Sharks victory, or the 5-2 big SJ 'W'.

And there is another tally in the RudyKelly immature F-Bomb column. Shouldn't even the emotional 'college boy' rudy have grown past the need for such language?

(To avoid being too hypocritical I'll admit that there is a time and a place for a wide variety of language. Kerry Fraser brings out the worst in me!)

Pookie said...


And there is another tally in the RudyKelly immature F-Bomb column. Shouldn't even the emotional 'college boy' rudy have grown past the need for such language?


Fuck no! Keep 'em coming, Rudy! This shit's awesome!

John D said...

Mature support coming from 'POOKIE'.

Earl Sleek said...

Um, John D., might want to read a newspaper or something. They usually catch those f-bombs that are anguishing you.

RudyKelly said...

I'll try to watch (really, I will) my "f-bombs", but I object to the fact that they're gratuitous. I read over what I write a couple of times and I only keep them there if they convey a tone or effect that I want for the article. I'm not discussing geothermal physics, I'm discussing hockey. That informal attitude (with the occasional curse word) is what separates us from the print guys and I like that. I'm sorry if they offend you and I hope you keep reading the site but that's not going to change.

PJ Swenson said...

No megusta video.

andrew said...

Hey Rudy,

Don't apologize. That was a fucking funny post. I gave it an 8 out of 10.

You would have scored a 10, but two points removed for: 1) using a video shot at 8 frames per second. I almost had a seizure. 2) not nearly enough usage of the work "fuck". Let's step that up.

KMS2 said...

I'm not discussing geothermal physics, I'm discussing hockey.

I have a similar thought process when I write my posts. On one hand I want to sound "professional" (and I'm female and apparently it's slightly more off-putting when a female curses...according to my mother) but on the other, I'm not getting paid for what I write, it's my opinion, and damnit, I'll fucking curse if I want to!!

Keep up the writing, you crack me up!