Marleau Should Be Mentioned In Trade Rumors All The Time

Yes it is only one game but it looks like something has lit a fire under captain Marleau. If you missed it, internet buzz picked up a possible Sharks/Canadians trade involving Marleau, Bernier, and Pavelski from the Sharks and Koivu, Ryder and others from the Canadians. What made these rumors interesting was that they were attributed to well known hockey insider Bob Mckenzie. Mckenzie even had to come out and refute his involvement in these rumors. Even the newspaper in San Jose had an article on these rumors. Whatever the cause, Marleau really came to play tonight. I made a point of watching him tonight and he did something I yell at him to do nightly....skate. Marleau is at his best when he uses his speed offensively and defensively. Just hope he continues this style of play.

On the other hand, what the hell is wrong with Kyle McLaren? Yes I realize his grandmother just passed away, but he just has not looked like himself this year. I don't remember one time where he has used his trademark hip check this year. Tonight he coughed up the puck at least 4 times that I remembered. Even Ron Wilson made him a healthy scratch for the first time in his Sharks career last week. McLaren needs to be the physical presence that the Sharks are lacking on the backend. Shoot, maybe I should start a rumor about McLaren being shopped to the Penguins to wake him up. McLaren for Ryan Malone...kidding

Drew Remenda's Shark-Thoughts, now in Chen-Style!

(NOTE: The following post was penned by our own Mike Chen, who is battling his workplace's firewall filters and thus e-mailed me his post. Everything past here is pure Chen. --Sleek)

Drew Remenda was just on NHL Live on XM/NHL.com. A quick summary of what he said:

• Jeremy Roenick was surprised at how quiet the Sharks bench was when he first came here. He asked Tim Hunter if that was how it always was and Hunter replied with "Yes, but they play with passion." JR begged to differ and began talking with the young guys to not treat the game as a job but enjoy and relish in being a pro athlete.



• Joe Thornton is the acknowledged team leader on the ice (as the go-to guy) and off it (as the fun social dude) and no one, especially Patrick Marleau, has a problem with him being in that role.



• The Sharks win because of Evgeni Nabokov and Thornton right now. Everyone else has underachieved (duh).



• The team's play is represented by the way they've drafted -- very skilled, very quiet guys. Drew said that that's more or less the bed they made, and that it's really up to players like Mike Grier, JR, and Joe Thornton to change that. He also cited players like Curtis Brown, Marleau, Nabokov, and Kyle McLaren as the ones who have to help the quiet young guys like Marc-Edouard Vlasic become passionate players.



• The issue of Marleau's play came up and I was really surprised at how candid Drew was. He said that the rift between Marleau and Ron Wilson still hasn't healed, despite what they say to the press. Doug Wilson has acted as the intermediary, but Drew says that Doug is leaving it to Marleau and Wilson to find a workable solution. A caller suggested taking the C off Marleau, and Drew's own personal thoughts (not speaking for Doug Wilson -- let's make that clear) is that doing that is a no-win situation because (a) it devalues Marleau if it ultimately leads to a trade (and that's a big IF -- he's NOT suggesting that or advocating that at all) and (b) it loses Patty from a player/coach perspective, though if you look at Dallas, Mike Modano seems to have shaken that off (that's my own input, not Drew's).



• He doesn't anticipate a major shake-up, but if things don't appear to be trending up heading into January, that's when something may happen. However, he doesn't think it will be that way. He couldn't answer whether or not the team will show up in the playoffs, though. Apparently, the philosophy going into this is that it has to start and end with the players. I may be reading too much into this, but it sounds like that ultimately Ron Wilson has the support of his GM.

So, basically what you see is what you get is what we all suspected. And it also sounds like if the team turns it around, the signing of Jeremy Roenick may have been way more valuable off the ice than we all thought.

Kings Gameday: The Kings are Like Candy Corn

Los Angeles Kings (eek) @ Dallas Stars (16-11-4, 4th in West)



I'm the idiot who keeps thinking this time the candy corn will actually be good.


Prediction: We're doomed.

Kings Gameday: Let's Talk Lines

Los Angeles Kings (12-16-2, Last in West) @ Chicago Blackhawks (14-13-2, 12th in West)

5:30 PST, FSN West

I love messing with lines. When I’m bored in class or at a funeral I’ll usually tinker with the Kings’ line-ups from the past, trying to figure out if Vitali Yachmenev’s career could have been saved if only he had played with Kai Nurminen for just a little while longer. (God were we terrible in the late-90s.) With Frolov possibly coming back tonight, I thought it would be a good time to take a look at the options Crawford has going into the game.

***

That's the best line: Kopitar by himself.

The first forward line, in my opinion, should be Brown-Kopitar-O’Sullivan. I’m pretty sure Cammalleri is still working through the groin injury he had a while ago, and besides, I really liked Irish’s hustle when he played with Kopitar. Keep Cammy on the power play, since he’s still effective there, but move him down to play with Frolov. Joining Cammy and Frolov should be Nagy. I know, you’re wondering, “But Rudy, who will play center? Also, I bet your penis is huge!” First of all, thank you, it is. Second of all, I figure just throw Cammy out there on face-offs and then let them figure it out. Cammy takes face-offs for Kopitar sometimes anyway, so I think he could handle it. If Nagy’s still hurt, throw some schmuck like Willsie out there and hope Cammy hits him in the face with a puck.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to do the face-off?" "I thought you were..."

The third line would be constructed with the idea of being a stopper line, since Handzus has been kicking ass at it lately. (He completely shut down the Sedin twins last game, it was awesome.) I’d put him with Calder and Giuliano, who I hate but isn’t that bad if you just forbid him from actually skating with the puck. It doesn’t give Calder that much of an avenue to score, but I think this is the spot that’s best for him right now. The fourth line could be the “Rudy Kelly Memorial All-Stars” and be comprised of Thornton/Ivanans, Armstrong, and Willsie/Zeiler. (Jesus, no wonder this team is sinking with all this dead weight).

Of course, this whole thing could be easier if we called up Teddy Purcell. (I can’t remember another Teddy since Roosevelt, does anyone else? I think it’s pretty cool.) He could play with Kopitar, allowing O’Sullivan to move down and play with Handzus. That third line ain’t nothing to fuck with. Oh well, I guess Crawford needs his unskilled guys.

The defense is pretty good right now, I’d say. Crawford finally moved Lubo back to the right side and put him with Stuart, and I think that’s the right call. Lubo needs a guy like Stuart who is guaranteed to stay back; sometimes, I think him and Blake got confused about who was supposed to be jumping in and it led to odd-numbered attacks for the other team. Meanwhile, Bowlby has been put with Jack Johnson, and I think both have stepped up their physical game because of it. The third line is the traditional hockey fan’s favorite duo, Tom Preissing and Jaroslav Modry. The Kings used them effectively in the last game, though, putting Modry on the penalty kill with Blake and putting Preissing on the power play with Stuart. Stuart and Blake play both special teams while Johnson and Lubo play more 5-on-5, allowing them to make use of their ability to jump in. All in all, good stuff. Nice work, Crawford.

Drunk Fan (okay, me): "Fuck his mouth, Blake! FUCK HIS MOUTH!!!"

I don’t know, I still can’t bring myself to get too worked up about where we are. We’ve been playing pretty well recently without our top scorer and our #1 goaltender; once those two get back, I think the Kings are going to kick a lot of ass. Except for Phoenix, we’ll probably still get stomped by them.

Chicago, meanwhile, is starting to falter after being one of the surprise stories of the early season. They’re just a little too old on defense and a little too young on offense to keep it together over a full season, methinks. Besides, they have this guy as one of their superstars:

Do you think he wears special shoulder pads to protect his supple breasts?

I’m sorry, but there’s no way he’s a real hockey player. He’s more likely to be date raped than to win any battles in the corner. I wouldn't be surprised if there was some sort of Mulan thing going on. You know what he looks like? He looks like a girl Dustin Brown would drunkenly fuck and then never call again when he realized what he'd done. That’s not what you want your best player to look like. (In my experience they should look like a raccoon.)

Prediction: Kings win, 4-3. Goals by Kopitar, Willsie, Preissing and Brown, who gets angrily confronted by Kane after the game; the two will end up sleeping together again tonight. (Now that’s a prediction!)

Update: Okay, everyone needs to go to the Kings website and watch their all-star video, if only to see Lubo say the only two words he knows in English: "Vote" and "Cookie."

Ducks Gameday—Ironman Streaks on both sides of the puck

Vancouver Canucks (16-11-3, 4th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (15-13-4, t-5th in west)

Sorry if I got your hopes up, but word is there will be only one Niedermayer playing tonight, and his name is Rob. Also, nobody's been moved yet to create tag space for Scott (Varius has done the math here), so there's still a trade a-coming, and I'll add an update if anything happens today.

At any rate, the bigger stories are probably on the other end of the ice, as both Roberto Luongo and Brendan Morrison are unavailable tonight. Luongo shut out the Ducks in Vancouver two weeks ago, and a rib injury will keep him day-to-day. As for Morrison, he snaps what was the reigning NHL ironman streak at 542 consecutive games.

Somewhat ironically, tonight diminutive center Andy McDonald will take sole possession of the Anaheim franchise ironman streak. Currently he is tied with the 275-consecutive-game streak that Sammy Pahlsson had set before missing the first five games this year (hernia surgery).

I don't really want to knock BevMo or Andy Mac, but really, if these are the guys who are going to be setting the consecutive game records these days, we should probably stop calling it an "ironman" streak. More realistically, it's a "won't go into the corners" man streak. Still, congrats to both of them for their achievements; it is nice to know that little guys can survive and thrive in a big-bodied sport.

As for the game, you might think that I'd be excited that Luongo's unavailable, and I guess I am. Still, the Ducks have seemingly always had trouble with 2nd-string goalies, whereas they've had pretty good success against Bobby Lou of late; I don't this game's going to be easy, even with the dropoff in netminding. Still, we might get to see a rarity: the Ducks might get to score first, something they haven't done in ten straight games.

Prediction: Let's say Ducks 3, Canucks 2. Goals by Getzlaf, Pahlsson, and a (farewell?) goal by Schneidermayer.

p.s. I have been remiss on my congratulations to James Mirtle, Tom Benjamin, Tyler Dellow, and others for their mentions in the HNIC feature on hockey bloggers a few weeks ago (follow that last link to see the video). It was awesome to see Ron MacLean paging through the blog-link sidebar at Canucks Corner, talking up some of the blogs he reads, and skipping right past BoC. Way to keep it on the level, Ron; we're not legitimizing anybody in the blog business.

p.p.s. I have been also advised that a BoC reader has two lower bowl (Row R) tickets available for this game, and is looking to get face value on the tickets. He's got a Paypal set up and e-mailable tickets, so if you're interested, shoot me an e-mail and I'll get you hooked up. Probably a limited time offer. (The tickets have been bought).

Oh yeah, and Go Ducks.

That Ref's a Jackass

For all the complaints that we’ve heard about the Kings not having any fire, Rob Blake sure isn’t getting any credit for letting his inner Bowlby come out. This didn’t bother me at first, but the more I think about that Phoenix game and Blake's ejection the more pissed I get. Personally, I think the ref is completely, totally, 100% at fault. In a game like hockey, you absolutely not kick a guy out of a game for something he said. Ever. This is hockey. I don’t know what Blake said, but I guarantee you the ref heard worse on his way out for the warm-up skate. I don’t care if Blake said that the ref was being paid by the Coyotes; I don’t care if Blake told him to go fuck himself; I don’t even care if Blake said, “I'm going to take your wife and...[Ed. Note: This is being censored because it’s gross. Seriously, he goes off for like 2 pages. I almost vomited. Wait, I think he's done] ... including the horse!” Guys don’t get kicked out of games in hockey when they fight, but Blake gets the boot because this ref’s delicate sensibilities were hurt by words? Give me a break.

I also think Blake should get a little credit for being the captain of the Kings. If it had been someone like Jack Johnson or Ivanans, I could at least kind of understand because they’re not really allowed to talk to the officials. Blake is, because he’s the captain of the team. Also, and this may not be fair, but I have to believe that Blake deserves a little more credit because he’s a future hall-of-famer with a record for being a pretty decent dude. If Rob Blake tells you you’re fucking up at your job, then you probably are.

This brings me to a larger topic: what the hell is up with refs these days? In just this calendar year, we’ve had a basketball referee challenge a multiple-MVP winner to a fight, a baseball umpire call a player a “piece of shit,” a football umpire call a black player “boy,” and now this. I think the problem is that around the time athletes started getting endorsement deals and whatnot, they started taking liberties with the officials. The major leagues saw this and tried to curb this behavior. Problem is, now the pendulum is swinging the other way. Instead of asshole athletes taking advantage of their power over refs, now asshole referees are taking advantage of athletes. It is worse when a ref does it, though, because their job is to be impartial. Losing Rob Blake because of some dickhead ref didn’t cost us the game against the Coyotes, but it sure as fuck didn’t help.

(This was written before Blake went all crazy on Matt Cooke, to which I say: Bowlby.)

***

My brother pointed out this quote by Crawford after the Phoenix game, included in the TSN account:

“We knew we would have to dig down and play the other five defencemen [Ed. Note: Stupid Canadians, learn how to spell!] as much as we had to, and it should have served to fire up our group,” Crawford said. “In the end, we just didn’t have good enough players.”

My brother replied with this:

"There is a reason Jimmy kept talking about how Phoenix was using a 5 man unit to skate the puck up, and that’s because we don't do it. We have too much separation between the forwards and defensemen, and that’s why we get so many odd man attacks against us when our breakout passes get stolen. The defensemen also aren't involved enough coming through the neutral zone or activating in the high slot. When was the last time you saw Lubo rip one in the high slot? All you see is Brad Stuart and Blake shooting from the blue line. And if we don't have "good enough players" to beat Phoenix, then how do we beat San Jose and Buffalo?"

Since he wrote this Lubo got moved back to the right side and responded with his best game of the season against Vancouver. Anyway, I thought this was interesting enough to throw out there.

Kings Gameday: The Golden Age of Enforcers?

(Busy day here at BoC, so make sure you check out Earl's gameday post below. It's got analysis, or some shit like that. Whatever, analysts say you can't drink at 9 in the morning, so what do they know?)

Los Angeles Kings (11-16-2) vs. Vancouver Canucks (16-10-3)

7:30 PST, FSN West

Yeah, yeah, the Kings can’t beat Phoenix, whatever. I haven’t been worrying about it too much; instead, I’ve been considering that we might be living in the Golden Age of enforcers in the Pacific division. Every team has someone awesome who can fight, and each guy has a little something about him that makes him significantly cooler than the average hockey player. Look:

I think Parros is making that kid uncomfortable. Look how he's leaning away.

George Parros, Anaheim Ducks. The legacy of this guy is overblown, but there’s a reason people liked him in the first place. Moustache. Princeton degree. Long, wild hair. Comically bad balance. Likes Night Ranger, which is kind of like an even gayer version of Nelson. It’s kinda bandwagon now, but George Parros is still a pretty awesome guy.

Don't bite his face, Raitis! Bad Raitis!

Raitis Ivanans, Los Angeles Kings. Raitis Ivanans took a Rob Blake slap shot to the face and did not get knocked out. He didn’t even fall down. He’s like Colossus if Colossus couldn’t turn into metal. I’d be afraid to talk to him, lest I somehow offend him and wake up trying to pick my teeth out of my crap. He can’t fight right now, but don’t worry, he’s making notes. He’ll be back.

"Did you hit his knees? You mother fucker!"

Douglas Fucking Murray, San Jose Sharks. I’ve been a fan of Dog Murray before he realized he needed to fight for his food, but he’s taken his awesomeness to a whole new level. Douglas Fucking Murray (as Meg pointed out, that sounds like two guys are having sex) owns a company, is Swedish, has a cool nickname (“Crankshaft”), and is unique because he doesn’t go around looking for fights. Dog Murray generally fights when one of his teammates has been wronged, usually when someone goes after their knees (Dog Murray HATES it when people go after knees). He’s a noble guy, and I dig that.

I'm half-expecting him to pull out a gun any second.

Danny Carcillo, Phoenix Coyotes. I don’t know much about this guy, other than he’s smaller than anyone else on this list and that he’s a fucking lunatic. Seriously, I’ve watched Sean Avery, and this guy makes Sean Avery look like Jari Kurri. He belongs on the plane in Con Air, not on the ice. He may never fight any of the other big boys on this list, but I imagine he would in a heartbeat. Get this man some therapy.

The Rifle, unloading on a Red Wing.

Brad Winchester, Dallas Stars. I almost didn’t put this guy on the list since he’s not really as cool as the other guys, but I needed him to finish the list. Plus, his name is Brad Winchester. I can’t hear his name without blurting out, “Awesome!” Winchester. That’s his last name. Even better, his nickname is “The Rifle.” I would give either nut for the opportunity to be nicknamed “The Rifle.” He could be a florist and I bet he’d be the baddest assed florist in the world. Work with blood orchids, or something.

So yeah, we're doin' pretty well in terms of enforcers. Who would you guys want on your team?

Prediction: Kings win, 4-3. Goals by... I don't know, these things don't matter anyway. Sammy Pahlsson, with all 7 goals.

Ducks Gameday—Giving opponents an early lead

Anaheim Ducks (14-13-4, 8th in west) at Columbus Blue Jackets (13-11-5, 9th in west)

The third guest-art installment inthe spade-in-victorhell series.
Well, so far this is the last submission I've gotten from Spade, and a rather solid one, as it captures the drinky spirit of this blog. I've got to say that the timing of these guest cartoons has been splendid; my hockey attention span took a big hit this weekend with the unveiling of an Xbox 360 in the Sleek household. We don't have any hockey titles yet (heck, we haven't even gotten the thing online yet), but that doesn't mean I didn't spend the bulk of the weekend rolling objects up in the new Katamari Damacy.

As for the Ducks, lately the troubling trend has been giving up the first goal; the last time the Ducks scored first in a game was ten games ago in Dallas. The table below shows how games have opened since then; included is the time of the opening goal and also how many goals each opponent scored before the Ducks got on the board (if they got on the board):

Opponent	Opp first goal	Opp lead built
PHX	9:46 1st EV	1-0
LAK	12:56 1st EV	2-0
@VAN	13:20 2nd EV	4-0
@CGY	3:08 1st PP	1-0
@EDM	2:12 1st PP	1-0
EDM	9:29 1st EV	4-0
BUF	4:07 1st EV	1-0
@CHI	1:07 1st PP	1-0
@NSH	5:52 1st EV	3-0

The Ducks' record in that stretch has been pretty good (4-4-1), considering their refusal to score first, as well as a huge disparity in power plays (ANA: 5 of 33, OPP: 10 of 56). Probably a better concentration in the opening ten minutes could greatly help the Ducks' record, and obviously if the power plays could be less lopsided that should help things out also.

Prediction (Katamari-style): Nah nah, na-na-na-na-na-na-na, Ducks win 4 to 3.
Nah nah, na-na-na-na-na-na-na, Pahlsson and Perry x3.

Go Ducks.

Ron Wilson: Yay or Nay

I find myself flip-flopping on the whole Ron Wilson debate, especially after listening to Washington GM George McPhee talk about how and why Glen Hanlon was fired. If you didn't know, Hanlon himself felt that the atmosphere in the room wasn't right and there was nothing further he could try to change it; he felt only some sort of shake up could do it and he offered his head to McPhee. McPhee told him to try one more game to see if he could get the team back; they lost and he was fired.

Now, I don't see Ron Wilson as the type to stick his neck out like that, but it does bear the question -- has he lost this team or are they merely going through an offensive slump?

I don't think anyone has the answer to that question.

Look, a team doesn't have to be perfect to win the Stanley Cup. However, few teams play inconsistent for the whole season before turning it on in the playoffs. Take the 2004 Lightning, for example. After a killer October, the Bolts had a decent November before an awful December that dropped the team to around .500 and created trade rumors around everyone on the team, as well as bringing up the idea of firing coach John Tortorella. Then in January, the team turned it on and kept it going for the rest of the season.

Now, let's look at these Sharks. If you look at their record, you'd think, "Hey, that's not bad." And if you look at Evgeni Nabokov's play, it's been the one consistent standout all season. And the defense? Well, we all thought it'd be a huge problem, but the team is paying attention to details for the most part, and players like Douglas Murray and Christian Ehrhoff are actually stepping up while Sandis Ozolinsh has been a nice surprise.

Ok, so now what? Ron Wilson points out that if he didn't have the ear of the team, they'd be terrible defensively, and he's probably got a point there. But is it possible for the offense to just be filled with bad luck from top to bottom, minus Joe Thornton?

For those people that say that Patrick Marleau's done and should be jettisoned in whatever manner possible, those folks haven't been watching the past few weeks. For whatever reason, Marleau's shown a marked difference from mid-November on; he's using his speed a lot more -- and a lot smarter -- and he's generating his share of scoring chances. Now, for whatever reason, they're just not going in. The same can't be said for Jonathan Cheechoo, who can't seem to get a shot off to save his life, though logically, if you think about coming off a double-sports hernia surgey (essentially ripping apart both your groins), it makes sense that his timing, speed, and strength are all off.

So, you have the best defensive team in the league and a bunch of underachieving superstars who are lucky to put up two or three goals per night. Are things really that bad? There's a fine line between winning and losing, and if you can trust your defense and goaltending, most of the time, you'll wind up on the better side of that. And if the offense wakes up, then you should be dominant in the league.

Would firing Ron Wilson change things up? I don't know. I do know that Marleau and Cheechoo are going through the proverbial "squeezing the stick too hard" thing while Devin Setoguchi's initial hot streak has cooled off (which is really to be expected), and I'm not sure if a shake up behind the bench is the answer to firing up the offense. Because really, the offense is the only inconsistent thing the team's dealing with; the numbers show that from the blueline in, the team's doing ok (sans last night against Buffalo).

But on the other hand, look at what happened in Atlanta -- the same group of guys started to catch fire right after Bob Hartley was fired. And it doesn't really mean that the right guy or wrong guy went in behind the bench for Atlanta, it just means from all accounts that Don Waddell went in with the attitude of "work hard, have fun" instead of Hartley's "work hard or else" tactics.

Maybe changes of scenery would help this team out. Maybe not. I think that's the problem; the issues are easy to point out on the surface (Marleau, Cheechoo), but what lies beneath that? I don't think anyone can pinpoint that exactly.

Ducks Gameday—Who would you move to make Niederroom?

Anaheim Ducks (14-12-4, t-6th in west) at Nashville Predators (13-11-2, 11th in west)

The second guest-art installment
in the spade-in-victorhell series.
I don't have much to say about last night's game against Chicago, except (a) the Ducks won despite being outshot 42 - 22, and (b) Andy McDonald and Todd Bertuzzi went back to being invisible again. I regularly told my roommate, "Man, I can't believe we're winning this game," but whatever--I'm happy enough with the two points that I won't raise a stink. I'm guessing the same strategy won't work nearly as well in Nashville, though.

NIEDERWATCH: Here's my un-scientific listing of who's most likely to be moved to make tag room for Scotty, a list that shuffles quite regularly and isn't based on much more than my mood. I've included each player's next-year-cap figure, per NHLSCAP.com.

1. Matthieu Schneider ($5.625 M): I think logically, Schneider's paid way too much for a third-highest-paid defenseman. Even with goals in each of his last two games, I think the only reason that Schneidermayer would stay is if Burke is dead-set on icing the best blueline in NHL history, or if he's determined that Scott won't play next year and wants to pro-actively address that. As a bonus, moving Schneider might make enough tag room to sign Corey Perry to an early extension (provided Perry is willing to stay in the $4 M range).

2. Todd Marchant ($2.518 M): Even though the Ducks are forward-thin and Marchant has proved his value and versatility (especially in the last playoffs), it is a lot of salary for a guy to anchor a fourth line. Moving Marchant might involve moving a draft pick as well, though we'll see how cagey Burke can be. I'd certainly miss "Stone Hands" Marchant, as he has the highest PS2-to-Actual talent ratio on the team, but I feel that a kid like Petteri Wirtanen could play the fourth-line center role responsibly enough in limited minutes.

3. Andy McDonald ($3.333 M): Andy Mac has certainly had it rough this young season, though the dropoff in linemate talent is astronomical between Teemu Selanne last year and Mark Mowers earlier this year. Still, I don't know if to my eyes he's lost any speed or ability; he just seems to be more effective when opponents have to focus on his wingers more. Burke had better be more in tune with Teemu's mindset than I am; if Selanne is coming back, then Andy Mac drops to the bottom of this list; he was our best forward in the cup finals.

4. Francois Beauchemin ($1.650 M): Frenchie is another enigma of sorts; his goals-against rates were much better back when Scotty was covering his back. He is certainly underpaid for the amount of minutes that he plays, and thus should be fairly easy to move (in fact, I would expect some return in a Frenchie trade). Still, we shouldn't forget Frenchie's impact on the '06 playoffs; his fist-fight with Iginla and shoulder-hit on Brunette were enormous factors in advancing past Calgary and Colorado.

5. Sean O'Donnell ($1.250 M): Probably O'Donnell should be higher on this list, but I'll tell you: I think O.D. has been a tremendous team-first guy on this roster. I mean, the guy was an unrestricted free agent defenseman in a zany marketplace who had just won the Stanley Cup, and he signed back on the team for a PAY CUT. That is pretty huge in my books, and I hope that fact isn't lost on Burke. You know exactly what you are going to get on the ice with O.D.--the safest play he's capable of--but there's always a role for that kind of guy.

6. Some combination of Travis Moen ($913 K), Shane Hnidy ($718 K), Kent Huskins ($625 K), Brad May ($600 K), or George Parros ($550 K): I think dollarwise, this means Moen plus another guy. Moen (or as I call him, "the Omen") has had rough counting numbers but is still contributing defensively on the Pahlsson line. Plus he was HUGE in the playoffs, t-2nd on the team in goals and t-1st on the team in game-winners. Hnidy has been better of late, though his first instinct always seems to be to grab a guy with his free hand. The other three have all been improvements on last year's versions. There seems to be some possibility here (all these guys seem replaceable enough), but I don't think it's going to happen--it adds to the trade complexity and starts removing too many parts of an already-thin roster.

7. Todd Bertuzzi ($4.000 M): I talk trash on Bertuzzi more than most Duck fans, but given Bert's salary, I don't think there's many GMs that will easily take the guy--he'll probably cost the EDM first-rounder to move, I'd guess. But I'm not sure I'm entirely pessimistic about keeping Bertuzzi. Sure he's a floater who needs limited puck exposure, but as we saw with Penner last year, there's a way that Bertuzzi can be played effectively--essentially he'll be as good as his linemates can make him. Bert will probably look really bad on a bad team but may look really good on a good one, and if this team does take a step forward, I'm willing to stay on the Bertuzzi bet a little while longer.

So that's my list, based on zero inside sources and just my gut feel. Two things to note: (a) Burke has made his trade-timeframe public, and will not be bargaining from a position of strength. As we've seen in the case of Ilya Bryzgalov, it doesn't seem to be the case that rival GMs are in any hurry to do Burke any favors. (b) Going for Burke, though, is the fact that there isn't any real need to get any return for whichever player gets moved. Scotty (with the possibility of some Teemu) is plenty of return already. It wouldn't even be that bad if a player got on the waiver train to Phoenix.

So, just for fun, if you were Burke, which player would you look to unload? Unleash your fantasy GM skills in the comments.

Prediction: I'm not that optimistic; I'm guessing Nashville carries a lot of the play today. Still, Ducks 3, Preds 2. Goals by Platt, Pahlsson, and Pronger.

Go Ducks.

Will Patzold Ever Start a Game?

Tonight looked like the perfect chance for Rwilson to start Patzold with a home game tomorrow night versus Buffalo. But once again, the Sharks dominated the Coyotes (even though the score was only 1-0). No local television but the Sharks radio announcers mentioned several times how boring this game was. 4 games versus the Yotes and 4 wins. The Coyotes scored the 1st goal of the series only to see the Sharks score the next 16 with 3 straight shutouts for Nabby. Enough about the game, what is there to say about a 1-0 game.

Random thoughts:

-Mark Recchi was put on re-entry waivers by Pittsburgh. Any team that claims him only owes him 1/2 of his 1.75 million salary. Worth the risk?

-I was gonna write asking who is playing better right now than Joe Thornton?....then Zetterberg goes and gets a hat trick. Who would you rather have right now?

Kings Gameday: All-Star Voting

The last game was awesome. I'm starting to think that the Kings should move to the East. Seriously, with their offense and shaky defense, they'd fit right in. Anyway, I'm still busy so I'm going give you guys the opportunity to discuss who you're voting for in the All-Star game. I usually vote for guys in the Pacific because the Central tends to dominate these things, and in the East I try to pick a line that I want to see. Anyway, here's mine:

Western Conference

Anze Kopitar: He's 7th in points in the West, so I don't think I'm being a homer by picking him.

Joe Thornton: He's on pace to score 107 points this year and is actually scoring goals. Who's the asshole who told him he's allowed to shoot?

Ryan Getzlaf: He has the same number of points as Kopitar, plus I want to see them play together again after they destroyed last year during the Young Stars Game.

Sergei Zubov: He deserves it just because he's awesome and nobody seems to care.
Chris Pronger: Just kidding, I'd rather pass a hammer through my small intestine than vote for Pronger on anything. I actually voted for Lubomir Visnovsky. I know he doesn't deserve it and I apologize for being completely biased, but I don't care; I love the little guy. If your kid was in the NHL, would you vote for him? I thought so.

Pascal Leclaire: I was tempted to write in Johnathan Quick, but cooler heads prevailed. Leclaire looks ridiculous but the guy is insanely awesome.

Eastern Conference

Ilya Kovalchuk: I already wrote about him, but he's seriously one of the better players you're ever going to see.

Vinny Lecavelier: This isn't so much a vote for his play, but for the fact that he donated $3 million to sick kids with cancer,and I'm all for giving kids cancer... wait, he wants to stop it? Dammit, I already submitted my ballot!

Alexander Ovechkin: I want to see Kovalchuk play with Ovechkin. I'm not sure it would work, but I sure as hell want to find out.

Zdeno Chara: Sure, why not.

Jay Bouwmeester: I just want to see the kid play, and I figure this is the only way I'm going to get to see him.
Tim Thomas: The fact that I had to write in the league leader in save percentage is dumb.

Prediction: The Kings are 3-1 when I predict they will lose. It would be easy for me to pick them to lose now, so that's what I'm going to do. Kings lose, 4-1. Goal by Johnathan Quick. Hey, he's quick.

Ducks Gameday—Blackhawks inspire new local artist

Anaheim Ducks (13-12-4, t-8th in west) at Chicago Blackhawks (14-11-2, t-8th in west)

In BoC comment-land, you know him as spade-in-victorhell. You know, the guy who can't be bothered with capitalization, punctuation or spelling, but somehow gets his message across loud and clear. Little known fact about Spade, though--this cat can cartoon!

Check out this submission, a web-foot kicking through a Blackhawk stomach! Ouch! That guy needs some fire water, pronto!

I don't want to get all mushy, but this is a very awesome development; obviously I'm a big proponent of zany cartoons, and I'd been wondering if the Sleek legacy would start rubbing off on the blogosphere. I'll warn you now--Spade's already got some fantastic cartoons to carry me through the weekend, and being a particularly lazy guy, I couldn't be happier.

---------------------------------------
Like it or not, Niedermayer's announcement Wednesday means that one Duck player is starting his last road trip of his Anaheim career. Interesting how the players responded to this Niedervelopment in the Buffalo game right after the announcement:

Andy McDonald -- 1 goal, 1 assist
Matthieu Schneider -- 1 goal, 1 assist
Francois Beauchemin -- 1 assist
Todd Bertuzzi -- 1 goal, 1 fight, on the ice for all four Anaheim goals

Todd Marchant and Sean O'Donnell both had solid games as well, and in fact, it was really the first time I've seen this year's Ducks really resemble last year's. It's amazing how good a team can play when guys are playing for their jobs.

Then again, the hard-luck Kings went on to smoke the Sabres 8-2 the next night, so maybe it was just a Buffallusion.


Your turn, Sharks.
As for tonight's opponent, one thing that worries me about the Blackhawks is how they have turned the tables on Detroit, a team that's murdered them in the past. The young Blackhawks are 4-0-0 against the Red Wings this year, after going 2-13-1 against them the previous two seasons.

I'm no Detroit fan, so why does that stat scare me? Well, since the lockout only one western team has dominated Chicago more than Detroit--Anaheim, of course. The Ducks have gone 7-0-1 against Chicago over the last two years. If the Blackhawks really have turned a corner, maybe this source of easy standings points is running dry, too.

Too bad they have to run into a Ducks team trying to play their way off the trading block.

Prediction: Ducks 6, Blackhawks 3. Everyone tries to keep their jobs--goals scored by Marchant, McDonald, O'Donnell, Beauchemin, Bertuzzi, and Schneider. Pahlsson kicks his way out of the Blackhawk stomach with six assists.

Go Ducks.

Kings Gameday: Canadians Can Overreact to News Too

Los Angeles Kings (groan) vs. Buffalo Sabres (12-12-1, 13th in East)

7:30 PST, FSN West

When I read the headline, "Report: Crawford Ordered Attack on Moore," I was confused; why would Crawford want to kill Steve Moore? Isn't ending his career enough? Then I realized it was talking about the hit 2 years ago that Todd Bertuzzi laid on Moore and I was excited; maybe Crawford will get fired because of it! Then I realized that article only said, "Crawford pointed to Moore's name and number on a board in the Canucks' locker room during the second intermission of that game and said "... [Moore] must pay the price." Really? That's it? He didn't tell Bertuzzi to jump on top of him and drive his neck into the ice? He didn't even tell Bertuzzi individually that he had to hurt Moore? He said Moore had to pay the price. That doesn't sound like much.

Look, I don't particularly like Marc Crawford, but let's not act like he's somehow culpable in this whole thing. I'm sure 1,000 coaches have said those exact words 1,000 times and nothing has ever come of it. He saw his best player get injured by some 4th-line scrub and told his team to respond to it; that one player responded irresponsibly isn't his fault. Hell, if nobody had responded to it the very same media that is stringing him up would have lambasted the club as soft and unwilling to defend their teammate. You know why it was Todd Bertuzzi and not some 4th-liner on the Vancouver Canucks at the time that attacked Moore? Because Todd Bertuzzi is an asshole. That's basically it. He was an asshole who jumped Moore from behind and then an accident happened. I'm not trying to explain away the incident, and I hope I don't sound like I'm making Moore out to be the bad guy, but let's call it what it was: an accident. Let's not try to make this some sort of racketeering case.

***

Hooray, Scott Niedermayer is back! I know I should probably be upset, seeing as how he is really good and plays for our biggest rival and all, but I don't care. I love Scott Niedermayer. He's definitely one of the most entertaining hockey players I've ever seen and I'm looking forward to watching him play. The league needs as many Scott Niedermayer's it can get. (Not so many Rob's though; his head has an odd shape.)

***

Prediction: Kings lose, 4-2, and yet the people of Buffalo still manage to whine about something. (Seriously, expecting either Drury or Briere to accept fair market value, let alone a fucking discount, to stay in Buffalo is ludicrously insane. I'd rather go over Niagara Falls in a barrel than live in Buffalo.)

Welcome Back Scotter!

Let's cover the key points about the press conference, though I'm not going to add too much just yet.

• The announcement was strictly that Scott would play for the Ducks this year, but the timing is still up in the air. One of the main complications comes from a CBA thing called 'tagging'--I'm not going to do the proper research here, so here's Bob McKenzie's description:
  
  With Niedermayer potentially returning, and with another year left on his contract after this season, the Ducks could not add him to the roster now without freeing up cap room for next season. In the new CBA, it's called 'tagging' room and the Ducks don't have enough of it next season to allow Niedermayer back on the roster this season – unless they move a player who is under contract for next season.
  
  Basically, Scott cannot play a game for the Ducks until a roster player is moved--one who is paid well enough next year. Again, I don't really know the dollars required, but I'd guess the eligible list probably looks as follows: Schneider, Bertuzzi, McDonald, Beauchemin, O'Donnell, and Marchant. I'm excluding Pronger and Pahlsson because of their on-ice value, Giguere because of his no-trade clause, and Rob Niedermayer because of nepotism.



• Despite acknowledging the need to move a player, Burke was adamant that he was determined to shake up his roster after the 20-game mark (9-8-3). Burke says he went and talked to the team about the trade that is yet to happen. He offered them this classic Burkish wake-up-call:
  
  If anyone wants to blame this on Scott's return, feel free. Fact of the matter is that we've looked at making changes based on the performance of the team since the 20-game mark.



• In terms of timeframe, Burke said that as an NHL player, Scott "owes" the Ducks 21 days of training camp, though the team is free to put Scott in the lineup at its own discretion during that time. Up until Scott is activated, he still is in suspended status, even though he'll practice with the team. Burke says his guess is that given Scott's conditioning, he could make his debut in 7 - 10 days.
  
  Why's that significant? Because I'm going to a game against the Wild. In SEVEN FUCKING DAYS. Get it going, Scott.

Man oh man. It should be an interesting end to the year for these crazy Ducks, who haven't even strayed into Teemu territory yet--stay tuned!

p.s. Anybody interested in starting a campaign to write Scott Niedermayer into the All Star game?

Kings Gameday: Do My Work For Me

Los Angeles Kings (10-14-2, T-Last in West) @ Phoenix Coyotes (11-14, T-Last in West)

6:30 PST, 1150 AM

The Kings are playing the Coyotes tonight for the chance to get out of the Western Conference basement. The Kings need to tread water while Labarbera and Frolov are out, and beating a team like the Coyotes (losers of 4 straight) will give them 2 needed points.

I'm going to be swamped with work from now until the end of the month basically, so here's an opportunity for you people to do my work for me. Here's a topic to ponder:

If you could pick one person in the Pacific Division to build a team around, who would you pick?

Prediction: Kings win, 5-3. Goals by Brown (x2), O'Sullivan, Armstrong, and Lubo.

Ducks Gameday—Better know your Sabres

Buffalo Sabres (12-11-1, t-12th in east) at Anaheim Ducks (12-12-4, t-10th in west)

Boy, talk about staging a game one year too late. Last year at this point, the Sabres and Ducks combined for a 39-5-8 record; this year both teams seem much more bent towards short-term nostalgia.

As is usually the case, though, fans of each franchise probably suffer from own-conference myopia; it's only natural that fans concentrate their attention on their team's direct opponents in the standings. What happens in the other conference is some other team's problem. Last year, before the cup finals, I ran a nice feature with Ben from Sens Army where we answered each other's questions about the comming opponent (Ben's questions / my questions); this year I got contacted to do a similar exercise by D.O. from the Sabres blog Die by the Blade.

So, without further ado, here are five questions I asked D.O. about the Sabres this year. You'll note that in the fifth question, I'm sort of an asshole.

1. The obvious starter: now that the season's past the quarter-pole, time to reflect--who's more missed, Danny Briere or Chris Drury? Salary notwithstanding, who would fit in on today's Sabre roster better?

The easy answer would be Danny Briere, he had 95 points last season and he already has 30 this year. The correct answer, however, is Chris Drury. Drury was the heart and soul of this team last year and it has been obvious that he has been missed both on and off the ice. The effect that Chris Drury had on this team ranged beyond goals and assists and was measured in wins and losses.

2. I've read some pieces in passing suggesting that the loss of Teppo Numminen is really having a strong effect on the team--his importance maybe is more evident in his absence than things you'd notice during the game. How much is the Repo Man missed on the ice and in the lockerroom? Who's making up for that?

Teppo was the clear choice to be the captain of this team so that should give you an idea of how much he is missed. In the absence of Drury and Briere the Sabres made it a point to get Teppo signed but unfortunately his heart condition re-emerged and he has been shelved all season. It was evident early in the season how much he was missed on the ice when the Sabres were struggling mightily on defense. Brian Campbell has emerged as true leader on this team and has actually been named the captain for the month of December. Jaroslav Spacek has recommitted himself and it has been very evident to see in his stats (6G-9A-15P in 16 games played). The Sabres have also got good play out of young guys like Andrej Sekera and Mike Weber.

3. A year ago after 24 games, the Sabres were 19-3-2, outscoring opponents 101 - 70. A year ago after 28 games, the Ducks were 20-2-6, outscoring opponents 98 - 64. It strongly suggests that there is a large lesson about trying to replace top-line talent with 2nd-line talent, and the pain that comes from doing so. Everyone sees a higher level of competition. Is that pretty much what we're seeing with the Sabres, or do you have other theories?

The Sabres lost only two players in the offseason (Drury and Briere); beyond that this is pretty much the same team. Tim Connolly was immediately inserted into Danny Briere's old spot (remember that Connolly only played the final two games of last season). I think the biggest difference between this season and last season is a change in philosophy. Lindy Ruff continuously talked about being more defensively reponsible without changing their style. I don't think the players really understood what he meant and quite frankly I have no idea what he is talking about either. It appears that the team gets it now because they have won six of their last seven including a 8-1 victory over the Carolina Hurricanes on Saturday.

4. On this year's team, who has been a surprising standout? Who has delivered on their salary? And who is the goat? Answer as often as you like.

Unfortunately there are more goats than guys playing well but we'll start out on the positive side. Jaro Spacek has been incredible this season after struggling through last season. Spacek had five goals and 16 assists in 65 games last year and he already has six goals and nine assists this year. Daniel Paille has also been a pleasant surprise as a third and fourth line player. He has five goals, six assists and a plus seven rating to lead the team.

The list of goats is numerous...I guess it has to start with Thomas Vanek because of his huge salary. He has played a little better as of late but he has seven goals and 10 assists which is well below his totals for last year. It appears that Vanek is trying to hard to live up to his contract, I believe the phrase is "he's gripping the stick" too much. Maxim Afinogenov has been nonexistent this season, except when he's going to the penalty box. Afinogenov is one of the Sabres' most talented offensive players and he has been awful.

5. OK, let's go back in the time machine. What if the Sabres advanced past the Senators in the playoffs and were up against the Ducks in the Cup Finals? Who'd win the make-believe series, and who'd win the Conn Smythe? Bear in mind that the series would start in Buffalo, not Anaheim.

It pains me to go back to last season but since you ask...the Sabres would not have been able to compete with the Ducks. The Sabres were physically manhandled by the Ottawa Senators in the Conference Finals and that was the reason for them being eliminated. In watching the Stanley Cup I saw the Ducks do the same thing to Ottawa. The Ducks were a really talented and more importantly a physical team while the Sabres relied on speed and skill to win games. The Sabres may have been able to squeak out one game but the Ducks were a team of destiny last year and they were not going to be stopped.

I'm a little bit surprised by D.O.'s last answer, to tell the truth. It seems to me that the Sabres were unlike any other opponent that the Ducks beat last spring, in that they weren't nearly as top-heavy in terms of their production. Minnesota had a Gaborik-Demitra line that needed to be stopped, Vancouver had a Sedin-Sedin line, Detroit had its Zetterberg-Datsyuk, and Ottawa had its Alfredsson-Spezza-Heatley trio. In all those cases, stopping those specific lines usually meant beating the opposing team, but I didn't think the same sort of approach could be as effective on last year's Sabres squad. I really don't know how that hypothetical series would have played out myself, but I'm sure that the Sabres' multi-line offense would have been tougher for the Ducks to defend--at the very least it wouldn't make sense to team up Pronger and Niedermayer against that sort of team.

At any rate, you can go check out my answers to D.O.'s questions. You'll note that there are some common themes between these two disappointing teams, mostly along the lines of failing to replace top-line production and the trickle-down effect it has on team success.

Prediction: Well, maybe D.O. has given me some confidence on this "Battle of the Cream of Last Year's Crop"; let's say Ducks 4, Sabres 1. Goals by May, Perry, Pahlsson, and Drew Miller with a rare brother-on-brother goal.

Go Ducks.

Earl answers his mail: Forward Lines, a year-to-year comparison

Sleek,

The Ducks play so far has me frustrated. And you seem like the guy to help explain the frustration. I'm curious about ES TOI this year versus last year for the Duck's containment line. As yourself, I'm a huge fan of Pahlsson, but it seems like that line is getting more ES TOI this year. Could just be my imagination.

However, if it's true, then it might explain some of the drop off in scoring. And also point to a coaching phylosophy that needs to change. The Ducks need to dictate play, rather than react (by over-using the containment line).
Keep up the great work on the blog.

Jeremy

I'm a sucker for flattery, and yeah, I do have been keeping some spreadsheets for this sort of question, so without further ado, let's take a look at the forward lines for Anaheim, this year compared to last year. In a lazy move, I'm just using screen captures of Excel tables; hopefully they are all legible.

For the Ducks, it really makes sense to compare forwards by their on-ice responsibility, because I think context matters a great deal in Carlyle's strategy. The Ducks play a top scoring line against the opposition's top defenders, a stopper line against the opposition's top scorers, and a sheltered line that for the most part doesn't carry either responsibility. The tables below are meant to reflect that, and show each line's even-strength minutes per game, even-strength points per 60 minutes, and even-strength goal-differential per 60 minutes. I'll try to indicate numbers that stand out to me after each table.

The Top Line:
With the departure of Teemu Selanne, the top line minutes this year have gone to the kids--Getzlaf and Perry. In terms of even-strength TOI, it seems the top line is playing more than it did last year. The thing about this year's top line is that while their point production seems adequate when compared against last year, this year's version bleeds goals-against at a higher level than Selanne's line ever did. It's a fair concern, as it does put a lot of the burden of outscoring onto the other lines.

The Stopper Line:
Unlike the other lines in this analysis, the stopper line continues this year without any change in personnel. In terms of Jeremy's question, we can note that the even-strength minutes-per-game have increased, and also noticeable is that the stopper line is scoring at a lower rate than they were last year. Even so, the rate at which the line gets outscored (quite a reasonable outcome considering the difficulty of minutes) hasn't changed a whole lot--the stopper line is still contributing like they did last year, though with a lower offensive output.

The Shelter Line:
This is where things get a little shady, as this "second line" personnel has been fairly shifty this year, and even Dustin Penner last year wasn't a full-time member of the Getzlaf line. Still, this gives a sense of who's getting the easier minutes on the team and what's being done with them. A big reason for last year's success can be pinned on the fact that Getzlaf and Perry were able to dominate these minutes, something that McDonald and Bertuzzi, in particular, seem unable to do. These players, too, seem to have picked up some minutes-per-game, something we've seen on every line thus far.

A quick look at special teams:
Here are each year's top minute-men on the power play and on the penalty kill. The power play scoring rates are obviously lower this year than last year, and a lot of that can be pinned on the 2nd unit's personnel--giving Mark Mowers and Rob Niedermayer power play time isn't in any winning coach's strategy book. Going by minutes, it seems that the Ducks have less power play time per game than last year, which probably correlates to the additional even-strength ice time we've seen on every line.

As for the penalty kill, the top pairing of Pahlsson and Rob Niedermayer seem to be as effective as last year, but the secondary unit of Marchant and Moen has seen a steep drop-off in goal prevention.

Conclusions:

I think this analysis has been useful in seeing which minutes, in particular, seem to be preventing the Ducks from experiencing success similar to last year's. The problems that I can see are that the shelter line isn't finding a way to outscore soft competition, the top line is allowing more goals-against, and the stopper line could score some more goals. However, on an overall level I can't say that overplaying the Pahlsson line looks to be the Ducks' problem--that line, at least, has differential rates similar enough to last year.

Really, though, the Ducks' problem isn't really one that's explained through the forward minutes, I think. Certainly there are effects that come from personnel changes, but I think what's causing the dropoff more is the lack of a second Norris defenseman; last year these lines either had the benefit of usually a Pronger or a Niedermayer on their blueline, but nowadays Pronger minutes can only be distributed so far (usually in a defensive setting, as nobody else is really trustworthy).

The Ducks' movie theme thus far.
I have no idea what sort of team the Ducks would become if or when Scott Niedermayer rejoins the team, but I gotta think that a lot of these issues could be compensated by a blueline that's better at retrieving the puck and creating offense through transition. In that regard, TSN's Bob McKenzie has fantastic news for Ducks fans; Scott may be returning to the roster very soon.

If that happens, I'll gladly re-run these numbers after several games to see what effect another Norris defender has on the forward minutes. I'm not sure it can get back to last year's numbers, but I'll be happy for any improvement to what's become a rather mediocre team. In the meantime, I'll probably throw another post up pretty soon to show the defenseman minutes, where the Ducks' year-to-year dropoff will probably be more apparent.

Thanks for the question, Jeremy. As always, Go Ducks.

Kings Live-Blog: Pretend This Isn't Boring

What's up ya dirty dogs? The Kings are playing fellow derelicts the Edmonton Oilers tonight in what is sure to be a match-up that causes Lord Stanley to ask for his cup back. Both teams are young, fairly talented, and sure to have high draft pick next- what's that? For Dustin Penner? Really? Oh. Sorry, Edmonton.

Anyway, Jason Labarbera is out tonight thanks to former Oiler and all-round jerkass Ryan Smyth, so J.S. Aubin gets the call with Johnathan Quick backing him up in case Aubin does poorly. So I guess what I'm saying is look for the NHL debut of Johnathan Quick tonight. Isn't it the fate of the Kings that Jason Labarbera seemingly claims the #1 position and then immediately gets hurt, while on the other end of the ice Mathieu Garon looks rejuvenated? I swear, it's enough to make me suicidal. No wait, what's the thing where you want to kill someone else? That's what it makes me.

So, Kings-Oilers tonight. Hopefully the Kings can put in a solid effort; if not, I'll probably just resort to pointing out how much better Los Angeles is than Edmonton. Like this: today it was 74 degrees in Los Angeles. In Edmonton? 5. Kinda makes you want to let them win, doesn't it?

Prediction: Kings win, 4-3. Goals by Pisani, Torres (x2) and Penner, who score on their own goalie in the hopes that the Kings won't make them go back to Edmonton.

7:27: I don't know if you guys have ever heard the Sharks' radio play-by-play guy, but he kind of sounds like a guy who'd report the exploits of Dick Tracy.

7:30: They just took us inside the Kings locker room; those of you hoping Ivanans was going to pass by the camera completely nude were disappointed.

7:32: Ha, Patrick O'Neal is balding. I don't know why, but that makes me happy.

7:34: Does anyone want to make a bet that there will be a story about Dustin Penner being lazy and out-of-shape in about 2 years?

7:36: Jimmy needs to calm the fuck down. Bob needs to take away his chocolate, or coffee, or cocaine, or whatever he's on.

7:38: Oh good, they put Cammy back on the top line. I was beginning to think that O'Sullivan was starting to get chemistry with Kopitar. Can't let that happen.

7:40: Aubin is not one that inspires confidence, is he? He looks like they got Ricky Gervais to play net. He kinda just looks like Ricky Gervais, doesn't he?

7:42: Torres just got the first real good hit I've seen on Kopitar this season. I would imagine Dustin Brown will have a response to that.

7:43: Wow, this Willsie-Armstrong-Nagy line is just a comedy of errors. I actually felt myself rooting for the Oilers when that line was out there.

7:44: Nevermind, I guess Kopitar can respond on his own. HOORAY, Kings score, 1-0. It got deflected off the stick of the Oilers defenseman. I don't understand why defenders don't just get the fuck out of the way, especially in the NHL.

7:46: Jimmy said that Kent Nilsson, father of Robert Nilsson, was called "The Magic Man" when he played. I like to think that only Jimmy called him that and that Kent was creeped out by it.
Jimmy: "Hey there, Magic Man!"
Kent: "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

7:48: Kings on the power play thanks to a too many men penalty. I don't know why the hell Rob Blake is out there.

7:54: Damn, I just realized Ales Hemsky is out tonight. I actually like him; did you know he's only 23? Also, did you know California has a higher population and better economic ranking than all of Canada?

7:58: Aubin makes a save on a bad-percentage shot by Shawn Horcoff, but one thing you don't want to see your goaltender do is flinch on a shot. That's the opposite of what he's supposed to do, actually.

7:51: Kings don't score and didn't get too much pressure, but it was good to see Jack Johnson out there. Of course, this leaves Tom Preissing completely useless, but oh well.

7:54: Seriously, Jimmy's fucking drunk. I think he's taking the Kings' losing ways pretty hard.

7:56: The Willsie-Armstrong-Nagy line makes an impact: Oilers on the power play.

7:59: Mother fucker, Kopitar gets a delay of game for putting the puck over the glass right as Jon Klemm gets out of the box. Good thing the Oilers suck on the power play, otherwise we'd be in trouble.

8:03: John Zeiler tries the ol' "check the guy with your face" technique and ends up hitting the glass. Interesting strategy.

8:04: So far, Jimmy has told us that Lubo and Brad Stuart moved to the right side while Jack Johnson moved to the left. For fuck's sake, Crawford, there's a difference between shaking things up and not knowing what you're doing.

8:05: Holy shit, Calder had a great shot that led to a rebound up high and Handzus almost knocked it in out of mid-air.

8:06: Double holy shit, Brown schooled a Edmonton defender, sped in on a two-on-one with Kopitar, and then... passed it right into Garon. Oh well.

8:07: This is weird, they had the power play and then no breaks in the action for like 6 minutes so they took a TV timeout with :40 seconds left. I don't think I've ever seen that before.

8:09: Okay, now Jimmy's yelling the name of Italian hockey players. I think the 2nd period's going to start and Patrick O'Neal is going to be up there with Bob while Jimmy is en route to the Betty Ford Center.

8:11: The period ends with John Zeiler hitting Fernando Pisani and then Ladislav Smid came over to protect him. If you're Pisani, aren't you kind of embarrassed? Anyway, 1st period over with the Kings leading, 1-0.

8:14: How do you think the conversation where Marc Crawford told Tom Preissing he was benched in favor of Jon Klemm went? "You know, Tom, we think you're doing a great job, but there's just an element to your game that we're missing. It's a certain amount of... what's the word... suck. Yeah, that's it; you don't suck enough. I want you out there during the warm-ups and I want you working on falling down, missing assignments and blowing open nets, and we'll see if you look shitty enough for the next game, okay?"

8:16: I'd like to take this time to inform you that my good friend Bailey has a new website that is purr-rific. Go check it out during the intermission. I'll wait.

8:21: Who's more likely to be shaved, Heidi Androl or Patrick O'Neal? My money's on O'Neal.

8:23: I did think you couldn't do anything lamer than what I'm doing right now, but I glanced over at Meg and he' s currently 20 pages into a 40-page forum thread about some obscure word written on a map in Bio-Shock. So I'm only the 2nd lamest person in the entire world, I guess.

8:29: BOO! Oilers score, so I guess the 2nd period has started. Fucking blast by Pitkanen. That kid is pretty good, hopefully they'll get someone to play with him with their high dra- oh wait, sorry, forgot again.

8:32: Ivanans gets a penalty for holding. You play for like 5 minutes a game, dude, c'mon.

8:34: Wow, Blake is giving Penner a clinic on how to play in front of the net. It's a real battle of NHLers who don't deserve their paychecks.

8:36: God dammit, Brown gets a penalty to put the Kings down 2 men. He's been making great plays and then immediately following up with asshattery. I guess I shouldn't be too hard, what with his mental handicap and everything.

8:38: Some fan got hit in the face with a puck. I don't have much to add except that I am a terrible person for laughing.

8:39: Holy shit, Jack Johnson just made an amazing play to get a breakaway, but was stopped by an even more amazing save by Garon. Wait, goalies can make saves on breakaways? I thought they're supposed to stand straight up and fall backwards into the net?

8:41: I can't stress enough how amazing that play was by Jack Johnson. When was the last time you saw a defenseman take it end to end like that? The last time I remember something like that was Niedermayer two years ago. Of course, Johnson will probably board someone in the next 5 minutes.

8:42: That Willsie-Armstrong-Nagy strikes again, Derek with the high stick. *Sigh

8:43: So that's how the Oilers score on the power play. BOO, Penner gets an empty-netter when the puck takes a funny bounce off the boards. Edmonton up, 2-1. Almost makes those 3 draft picks worth it, huh?

8:45: Raffi Torres, who I hear loves apples and bananas, gets a penalty for hooking Mike Cammalleri. Kings on the power play.

8:46: The puck pinballs around until Brown finds it and slams it home. Hooray, game tied, 2-2. It was actually a nice play by Cammy for passing up the low-percentage shot and giving it back to Brown. Brown's starting to make it where I don't act surprised when he scores. That's a good thing.

8:50: They interview Brian Willsie on the bench because he doesn't have anything else to do. Is it libelous for me to say he looks like a child molestor? I'm just saying he looks like one, there's nothing wrong with that, right?

8:51: Every now and then Blake will get a crazy look in his eye and completely demolish someone; he just did it to Andrew Cogliano. I think it's the Bowlby coming out in him.

8:53: Dammit, Stuart had a great back-door opportunity but was robbed by Garon. A part of me is glad he's doing well but another part of me hopes he tears his groin.

8:54: Fuck, Patrick Thoresen tips the puck in off a turnover by Visnovsky. Boo, Kings down, 3-2. Lubo, you're really making it hard for me to make excuses for you.

8:56: Hey, did you know Chuck Norris is really tough? What a delightfully original idea that hasn't been beaten do grim death at all, Mountain Dew. Please direct me to your products, I'd like to buy some.

8:57: They showed Carrie Underwood sitting right behind the glass, and then I just heard, "Ahhh!" being screamed by my roommate Matt. I think his dick exploded.

8:59: GOD DAMMIT GARON. Seriously, the guy is a god damn magician. Why couldn't you stay healthy, you mother fucker???

9:00: Okay, if you're playing hockey, and you have a wide-open net with the goalie off to the right, where do you put it? Oh yeah, and you're Brian Willsie. If you said, "The only spot the goalie can get to it," you are correct. Now please get off my team.

9:03: If goaltenders were characters in Spaceballs, Mathieu Garon would be Lonestar and J.S. Aubin would be Prince Valium. Darren Pang would be Yogurt. Dark Helmet would be Ed Belfour, Princess Vespa would be Martin Brodeur... I'm sorry, I'll stop.

9:04: Dustin Brown creates a turnover and Anze Kopitar gets off a last-second shot, but nothing comes of it and the period ends. Why can't games end after the 1st?

9:12: They have these commercials where people see a guy in a Kings jersey and give him whatever he wants because he's so intimidating... but I think a more accurate portrayal would be if the Kings fan got pantsed and kicked to the ground before everyone took turns pissing on him.

9:21: Just wanted to take a quick second to let you guys know that the Kings are offering 2 tickets to 4 home games, 2 tickets to Universal Studios, and a scarf for $99. I ordinarily wouldn't pimp for the team, but that's an insane deal. The 2 tickets to Universal Studios are probably more than $99, and the scarf... well, we don't have real use for scarves in L.A., but maybe there's a Edmontonian you know that could use it. Oh yeah, the period started up too.

9:23: I was just kidding at first, but that's the 3rd penalty called on the Willsie-Armstrong-Nagy line. I'd rather just give Edmonton a penalty shot rather than put that line out there. Let's just save everyone some time.

9:25: Dustin Brown has been playing really well so far. He's been playing so well that I'm not even going to make a joke about his lack of intelligence.

9:27: Wow, I didn't realize until now but Anaheim lost 2 games to Edmonton by a combined score of 9-1. That's kinda sad and hilarious all at the same time.

9:29: Brad Stuart jumps in and almost scores off a pass by Kyle Calder. Calder did a good job getting past the defender and getting to the net; if he were on a line with Frolov, I think we'd be in pretty good shape.

9:33: Wow, Raffi Torres knocked Dustin Brown off the puck, who then immediately demolished Pitkanen. Is someone holding Dustin's baby hostage tonight? If so, you guys think you could hold onto him for the rest of the season?

9:36: Heh, Stortini (shouldn't he be trying to catch Pinocchio?) tried to jump around Johnson, who held him up long enough for Blake to come over and knock him down. They're like the Bash Brothers!

9:38: Man, the Kings have really been hitting in this period. Even Nagy got into the act; he failed miserably, but maybe that was enough to prevent him from getting benched in the next game. Nah, who am I kidding, he's doomed.

9:41: Jesus, Jimmy stopped huffing on the nitrous long enough to point out that besides Kopitar, the Kings have gotten 1 goal by a center this season; it was an empty-netter by Handzus. That is the most depressing thing I've ever heard.

9:42: Holy fuck, how did that not go in??? Kopitar passed on a shot and slipped it over to Stuart, who somehow managed to miss a wide-open net. This isn't looking like our game, which sucks because it's probably the first game in a while that we deserved to win.

9:45: Okay, it bounced off Cammalleri's stick and almost went in but struck Garon's blocker. Sorry, Stuart, you managed not to fuck up on that play.

9:47: I'm going to have to check later, but I'm pretty sure that Willsie-Armstrong-Nagy have had more ice-time than Calder-Handzus-O'Sullivan. If that's the case then Crawford has to be fired, right? Handzus' line had another great scoring opportunity that just happened to hit Garon. He's fucking good, man.

9:49: Has Ladislav Smid always been a piece of shit, or is the Edmonton influence working on him? For a guy who looks like Sponge on Salute Your Shorts he sure puts himself in some bad situations.

9:52: Hooray, Kings finally get one in thanks to the power of Rob Blake's ass! When Rob Blake goes in front of the net there is absolutely nothing on Earth that will stop him. (He actually kind of interfered with the goalie but shut up.)

9:53: And do you know who scored that goal? That's right, the Willsie-Armstrong-Nagy line. Redemption, thy name is W-A-N. (*drops mic, walks away)

9:55: The refs review it for a while, just to give me a heart attack, but eventually give the Kings the goal. Do you think Crawford will bench Nagy now? Actually, yeah, probably.

9:57: Few seconds left, neither team is allowing anything in front of the net. Oilers get called for icing, giving the Kings a face-off with :08 seconds left. Visnovsky got a shot but put it wide, sending us to OT. God, we're so fucked if we go to a shootout.

9:58: I think the Kings have a definite advantage in OT and should go for the win right now instead of risking a shootout; let's see how much rope Stuart, Johnson and Lubo get to jump in.

10:00: Well, :30 seconds in and Lubo went behind Edmonton's net, so I guess that answers that question.

10:01: The Kings are really hurt in these situations without Frolov; O'Sullivan hits the post with a great shot.

10:03: Bob just said, "Armstrong has had a real strong game tonight." I know you want to encourage him, Bob, but let's not say things that aren't true.

10:03: I think these Edmonton players are going to have nightmares about Dustin Brown. How many hits has he had tonight?

10:04: Nagy+Cammy=Point shot with absolutely no one in front of the net. They need a 5th guy out there.

10:05: Holy shit, Dustin Brown just made an amazing move through his legs. I don't think any King has had a better game this season except for maybe Frolov against Anaheim a few weeks back.

10:06: Steve Staios played an entire season on a broken kneecap? I love hockey.

10:07: Kings take a time-out with :30 seconds left to give Kopitar a rest but it doesn't work; OT ends, 3-3. Shootout coming up and I'd put our chances at approximately nil, right? I mean, Garon is awesome at the shootout and Aubin is about as flexible as my grandpa on a winter night in Edmonton, so we're pretty boned.

It's Cammalleri up for the Kings, who elected to go first. He puts it up high and I thought it went in, but apparently it hit the crossbar. Fuck.

Sam Gagner up for the Oil, who just completely embarrasses Aubin. Basically a single deke with a lot of salad dressing, but it's enough to fool Aubin.

Dustin Brown tries the same fake shot/single deke move, but Garon reads it all the way. Fuck.

Robert Nilsson has a chance to ice it; he goes wide and tries to leave it on the right side, but Aubin is actually too inflexible to get moved across the ice and stops it.

Kopitar to keep the Kings alive: Garon is amazing at the shootout and just reads it from the moment Kopitar touched the puck. I can't stress how amazing Garon is at these things. Fuck.

So, the Kings lose to the Edmonton Garons, 4-3. You could tell Garon was pretty excited to beat the Kings, and I have to give him credit for playing really well. The Oilers look like a pretty good team; they have a lot of good young guys who can someday lose to the Kings in the playoffs. This wasn't a total disaster for the Kings, though. They played really well and came back from being down, 3-2. Hopefully they can build on this to have a great December that they'll need to stay in the playoff hunt. That's it for me; now, I get drunk.