Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

An Open Letter to Edmonton Fans

(SPECIAL GUEST COLUMNIST: ROB NIEDERMAYER!)

A special thanks to Earl Sleek for allowing me this opportunity to address hardcore Oiler fans.

My name is Rob Niedermayer, sometimes called "RNieds", or "the other Niedermayer". You might remember me from the last western conference finals, although you probably had to be paying pretty good attention to notice little old me.

At any rate, I am not here to chastise the Edmonton faithful for feeling betrayed by last offseason’s mysterious Pronger departure, nor even to try to plead for a well-behaved Rexall crowd tonight. I remember when I was traded how hard it was on my fans, when later they learned that I was actually Scott Niedermayer’s brother.

No, I am writing today to emphasize a fact that I’m not sure has gotten enough publicity in the Edmonton area: Chris Pronger no longer wears number 44. Because of my impressive stature on this Anaheim team (again, Scott’s brother), I was allowed to keep the number, and Prongs instead chose number 25.

This is very important tonight, as you are stuffing your socks with loonies and pulling batteries out of your iPods, THINK BEFORE YOU THROW! For now, and for the foreseeable future, #44 is not public enemy #1 in Edmonton; it would be a shame if a well-aimed beer toss got sent to the wrong recipient tonight.

Prediction: Ducks 5, Oilers 3. Despite my efforts, I still get hit by a misguided Pronger projectile.

26 comments:

Andy Grabia said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Andy Grabia said...

Plus, the Niedermayers are from Edmonton. Maybe Rob and Scott will throw stuff at Pronger, actually.

Anonymous said...

can you pull batteries out of ipods? i've never tried... ahhaha.

Doogie said...

You can't. They're designed so that only Apple can change the batteries. Lame, but meh.

I think we'll be able to figure out which one's which. Considering Pronger will be the largest target on the ice...

Anonymous said...

You forget "the shitty Niedermayer" and "the untalented Niedermayer."

Earl Sleek said...

Oops, I guess it's evident that I, er, Rob doesn't have an actual iPod.

Hell, just throw your whole gizmo then. If your iPod is large enough to make a dent in Pronger's helmet, then it should be obsolete by Christmas any way.

Julian said...

Word is, it was an ipod mini that did the number on his teeth.

leannewu said...

Aren't the Niedermayers from around Cranbrook? Though TSN lists Scott as being born in Edmonton.

On the other hand, they might trade you for Rob...

Anonymous said...

from what I understand, the Niedermayers family resides in Cranbrook, BC... and apparently they vacation there in the off-season (which I think was in the Ducks game program in the October issues where they ask the players what they did over the summer).

Lowetide said...

Chris Pronger can kiss my ass. That is all.

anaheimduckfan said...

Does everyone feel he is the lesser brother. I thought it was just me. He is cuter, but less of a hockey player.

Earl Sleek said...

Does everyone feel he is the lesser brother?

The question is not so much is he the lesser player (unanimous "yes"), but is he really even his brother, or is that just a ploy to get a 4-year, $8 M contract?

Ender said...

The Niedermayers are indeed from Cranbrook, and at least their father still practices medicine there.

Which is a shame really, because he's a horrible doctor who indirectly almost killed my father, and was the cause of me getting a bone graft and a pin in my wrist (no, I'm not joking). Seriously, never go see him.

But yea, Cranbrook boys.

Rick said...

Rob Niedermayer is not as good as Scott. No shit. Neither is anyone else currently playing.

But he's not a throw away player, either. He's a lot better than Fedor Fedorov, Marcel Hossa, Steve Kariya, Sean Pronger, Eric Messier, Ryan Suter, and Rene Bourque combined.

He was a fifth overall first round draft pick. He's been to the finals twice, and did damn good in each of those playoff runs.

What made him suck in the past was the idea that he had to score. Ever since his conversion to a defensive forward, he's executed his role well enough to get recognition for that.

In fact, contrary to the CW that he has been overrated because of Scott, I think he's underrated because of Scott. I think people dismiss him as being just like most of the other throw away immediate-family-of-NHL-superstar players.

That said, that was a damn funny post.

Jordi said...

Damn it, don't some people have vintage phones they can throw? I know I have millions.

hockeygirl said...

The Niedermayers are from Cranbrook for sure. As one who grew up in that town, EVERYONE knows that. I'm surprised the name of some streets or the actual town haven't be renamed in "honour" of them. I concurr with Ender re: the dad.

case said...

i'm pretty sure that the edmonton fans will be able to pick out pronger. about 100% sure.

Temujin said...

Could someone please point out that Rob was born in Cassiar? Someone? Anyone?

Oh, nevermind.

Sleek you seem to forget that Rob Niedermayer was the shiznit during the cup run of '03. For that alone he deserves some love!

Earl Sleek said...

The Niedermayers are indeed from Cranbrook, and at least their father still practices medicine there. Which is a shame really, because he's a horrible doctor who indirectly almost killed my father, and was the cause of me getting a bone graft and a pin in my wrist (no, I'm not joking). Seriously, never go see him.

OK, this was explained during the telecast.

The dad was the only doctor in their part of town, but didn't want to be responsible for delivering his own children (he at least recognized his deficiency), so when Scott was due his mother went to stay with relatives and thus he was born in Edmonton.

Rob, however, was born two weeks early, and Dr. N. had no choice but to perform the delivery (in Cranbrook).

His shoddy doctoring skills must be the reason why Scott became a superstar while Rob became a plugger.

Sleek you seem to forget that Rob Niedermayer was the shiznit during the cup run of '03. For that alone he deserves some love!

That is true. When Rob gets a responsible centerman (Rucchin or Pahlsson) and doesn't need to score, he's pretty valuable, especially along the offensive boards.

VeryProudofYa said...

In a shocking turn of events, Pahlsson caught some misfired hate. That's what you get for wearing a similar jersey.

I've also read a report that a drunken streaker was apprehended before he got to the ice. Unfortunate, really.

VeryProudofYa said...

similar number, rather.

Temujin said...

Rob, however, was born two weeks early, and Dr. N. had no choice but to perform the delivery (in Cranbrook).


IN CASSIAR, ASSCLOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I hear he was born in Cranbrook one more time, I'll shit a brick!

Note: the "assclown" remark is not to be taken personally.

MetroGnome said...

Sleek, a little segment from a recent Buccigross piece I thought you might enjoy:

There is no skin behind George Parros' 'stache. There is only another fist.

Anonymous said...

But he's not a throw away player, either. He's a lot better than Fedor Fedorov, Marcel Hossa, Steve Kariya, Sean Pronger, Eric Messier, Ryan Suter, and Rene Bourque combined.

AHAHAHA, oh damn. Steve Kariya even MADE that list? Sorry, I couldn't resist. I wonder were Martin Kariya is... last I heard, he was playing in an ASIAN hockey league... possibly for a Chinese team... how's that for some national pride? The boy's Japanese-Scot, Canadian-born. *shakes head*

There is no skin behind George Parros' 'stache. There is only another fist.

seriously, I don't doubt it.

The dad was the only doctor in their part of town, but didn't want to be responsible for delivering his own children (he at least recognized his deficiency), so when Scott was due his mother went to stay with relatives and thus he was born in Edmonton.

Rob, however, was born two weeks early, and Dr. N. had no choice but to perform the delivery (in Cranbrook).

His shoddy doctoring skills must be the reason why Scott became a superstar while Rob became a plugger.


I thought that story was hilarious... though, it really does give that theory some merit.

Bank Shot said...

Dear Rob,

I can see why you are concerned. After years of playing in front of the Anaheim faithful you have learned that 95% of those fans don't know the difference between a forward and a defenceman.;)

Rest assured, Oiler fans have that aspect of the game figured out.

Lowetide said...

Wow. Rob was born in Cranbrook? Cool.