Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Friday, May 19, 2006

When you think about it, apples are kind of like oranges

Easily the worst analysis I have seen about this series comes from today’s L.A. Times, who have taken team comparison to a new all-time low.

“How similar are the Ducks and Oilers?

Both have a popular goal scorer—the Ducks’ Teemu Selanne and the Oilers’ Ryan Smyth.

Both have a franchise defenseman who can control a game—the Ducks’ Niedermayer and the Oilers’ Chris Pronger.

Both have enough speedy forwards to stretch across three lines and both have goaltenders—the Ducks’ Ilya Bryzgalov and his counterpart, Dwayne Roloson—no one dreamed would be starring in these playoffs.”
These comparisons are all horribly brutal; why not point out that both teams like to wear uniforms? Clearly the talented journalists have gone to watch the Clippers.

Now that's not to say that there aren't similarities between these teams, but how the Times decide to call these specific players 'similar' are beyond my comprehension. They could have pointed out, for example, that Smyth and Selanne both lost teeth this year in the line of duty, but no, they draw the line in that they are both popular and both score. Or that both teams have a top defenseman and a goaltender. What a load of crap.

Feel free to contribute your own Times-style similarities; do it well enough and you might land yourself a job as a sucksack L.A. Times reporter.


mudcrutch79 said...

Both teams usually dress 20 players.

Earl Sleek said...

Not clever enough, Tyler.

Try something like this:

"Both teams' fans carry scars--the Ducks fans' emotional letdown from a G7 loss to New Jersey and the Oil fans' puncture wounds from various stabbing following a G6 victory over the Sharks."

Earl Sleek said...

"Both teams were inspired by a crappy concept--the Ducks' lame-ass movie, and the Oiler's shit necklace."

"Both teams have ways to cover gaps on their bluelines--the Duck forwards backchecking, and Pronger's upper lip."

James Mirtle said...

Hey, Earl, good stuff so far, but what's with the tiny type?

PJ Swenson said...

The Ducks are kind of like the Oilers, but different.


Earl Sleek said...

Hey, Earl, good stuff so far, but what's with the tiny type?

Sorry, this is the feedback I kind of need. It looked better on my monitor, but I'll adjust.