Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Friday, August 24, 2007

You've Got To Be Kidding Me

Mike Myers has a terrible new movie in production where he plays some sort of love guru who grew up in India or some shit, I don't know. Anyway, he serves as a counselor to a hockey player (who plays for the Maple Leafs) and his wife. The hockey player's wife tries to hurt her husband by dating a rival hockey player, played by Justin Timberlake. That's bad enough, but that's not even the worst part: Justin Timberlake's character will be a member of the Los Angeles Kings. I know some of your brains might not have been able to process that information (I know mine couldn't), so let me say it again: Justin Timberlake will be wearing a Kings' uniform. It's all over folks. Make your peace with relatives and with God, because the end times are upon us.

Fuck.



I thought "Dick in a Box" was kind of funny, but there's no way Justin Timberlake has nearly enough credibility to play a hockey player. He looks like a hot chick for fuck's sake. Have you seen him in a picture where he doesn't look like he's about to cry? I'm doubly outraged because I know the Kings are in the movie because Myers is still pissed about the '93 Western Conference finals. (He's a Leafs fan.) And now I'm going to have to watch as my team's jersey is soiled by the chairman & CEO of Douche Bags, Inc.? Fuck that. I will do everything in my power (read: type angrily) to prevent the release of this filth. Who's with me?





Damn you, Mike Myers: first you cause my dad to imitate Austin Powers (which was probably the scariest thing I've ever seen), and now this. Fuck!

18 comments:

Shmee said...

This movie makes no sense whatsoever. Mike Myers could have made a funny hockey movie (or at least a movie with some good fart jokes and midgets) but instead he has to cheapen hockey by making Justina a hockey player? Justina makes Eric Lindros (circa 2006) look like a badass.

Steve (Newark) said...

Have you seen the rest of his 2 SNL Episodes? He's genuinelly funny.

C'mon, when I first saw Sid the Kid I could've sworn he wore lipstick.

And Austin Powers must have seemed like a bad idea at some point, and now they're making a 4th one of those.

It's best to get as much mention of hockey as possible. Anywhere.

Earl Sleek said...

This has sparked a bit of a one-sided debate at IPB. What's worse, to be a Hollywood joke before you become an NHL franchise, or to be an NHL franchise for 40 years before becoming a Hollywood joke?

I haven't seen him play, but I'd imagine Timberlake is already L.A.'s second-best goalie.

westcoast_ray said...

Perhaps Justin can play on Zakk Wyldes line?

PPP said...

It's only a joke if you aren't in on it.

It's some measure of revenge for 1993 I guess. He'll fit in with the rest of the Kings.

Sherry said...

Look on the bright side Rudy, if he plays the 'villain' in the movie, there's a good chance the Ultimate Hockey Showdown (because you know there will be one) between the two teams will feature JT getting run over repeatedly.

Nick S. said...

I heard the original draft of the script had Mike Myers as an enchanted piece of pie that speaks with a Scottish accent that traveled through time to change history so that the LA Kings were never created, and Timberlake was supposed to play the villain, the evil Dr. Barry Melrose.

Luckily this version of the script was rejected because it made too much sense.

RudyKelly said...

It would be cool if Justin Timberlake got his ass kicked, but then it's someone in a King's jersey getting destroyed, and I can't be happy with that either. I can only hope that he emerges triumphant.

The Forechecker said...

Don't feel too bad, Rudy - at least it sounds like JT scores in this film, which is more than the Kings can hope for in 90 minutes of action.

Kate said...

Oh poor, Rudy. This is a no win situation.

BreAnn said...

Only time I ever see JT on tv is on MUN2. The movie sound stupid, Mike Meyers is making worse and worse movies, Adam Sandler is starting to go that way as well. So sad, all that comedy and not enough entertainment to make me watch any of them now.

Gautham Ganesan said...

So does Justin Timberlake resemble a hockey player more or less than Mike Cammalleri?

RudyKelly said...

Less, because at least Cammy still has the Canadian bad haircut and the lack of style.

KMS2 said...

Cammy has really bad fashion sense as well. Have you seen the pics of him at the Kings Golf tourney? He needs to find a nice SoCal girl who will dress him up nicely, someone like, me.

This movie is going to be so bad I refuse to think about it.

Icing said...

Hilarious post.
I love the picture with just "Fuck." as the caption.

Finny said...

JT... as a hockey player?

When I was 14, I would've thought that was hot.

Uhhh... yeah, no. Not anymore.

hoopsjunky said...

Any chance the Kings will use "Sexy Back" as their pre-game intro music?

Anonymous said...

I am a hockey player and if i see JT score a goal in an movie about hockey i will quit. the only way he could be in this movie is if he is an extra whose roll is getting bundled. He shoulda stayed with Brit but i guess he's sucking off Mike Myers now.