Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Ducks Gameday: Armageddon!

(Hey guys. Earl’s out doing something less important than playoff hockey, so I’m covering for him. Now, I don’t like you and you don’t like me, but for the sake of the site I’m going to try and be a Ducks fan. I’ll try not to use any big words.)

Derek Boogaard is probably the scariest man in the NHL. I get the same feeling watching him that I used to get whenever the general in Willow with the skull helmet came on the screen when I was a kid. He destroyed the Ducks last game; it was like that scene in Lord of the Rings when the cave troll shows up. (Wow, Willow and Lord of the Rings? I'm quite the catch!) He played game 4 with a rage that I’d never seen before, a rage that has definitely not subsided after Brad May’s sucker punch. May was “suspended” (I think of it more as a stay of execution), but I imagine that Boogaard will be ready to kill someone (if I were Ryan Getzlaf, I’d develop a cold real quick). There’s only one guy on the Ducks who can possibly stand up to Boogaard and match his size: George Parros.

Hey, George is going to win- ohgoddammit.

I love George Parros (6-6-6 in fights this year according to hockeyfights.com), but I’ve never really considered him a great fighter. He loses his balance too much and lets guys much smaller than him throw him around. Boogaard’s (8-2) main strategy is to get a guy off balance to where they can’t defend themselves and then pummel them. He’s already broken the face of one Duck this season and I doubt that Boogaard has respect for Parros.

This is a match-up that could really determine Parros’ place in the NHL. Sure, he beats on guys like Darcy Hordichuk and Cam Janssen, but Parros is not yet in the class of Donald Brashear, George Laraque, or Boogard. This game could change all that. To win, however, George is giong to have to fight angry. He needs the match Boogaard's insanity and really let loose. Can he do it? I don't know. We all love Parros, but eventually he is going to have to start winning bouts against guys his own size if he wants to take his place as one of the elite fighters in the NHL.

I don’t know if Parros and Boogaard are actually going to fight tonight; hell, Parros might not even play. I do know that they need to fight, for the sake of their teams. If they fight, I’m expecting nothing less than complete mayhem. I'm talking a building-collapsing, teeth-gnashing, horrifying type of fight. The kind of fight that you initially find awesome, but then realize halfway through that these two men are trying to kill each other. And then it's really, really awesome.

The Wild are desperate and angry after the May punch; the Ducks are in danger of losing the physical advantage they’ve spent all season establishing. Let’s go George; prove you deserve a place in the NHL.


Bethany said...

This really doesn't have to do with anything but I interviewed Jody Shelley and asked him what he thought of Parros and he said "Ah, he's still learning." I just thought that was funny...that's all. You can guarantee I will be watching this game.

Earl Sleek said...

Nice work, RK! I haven't written much about Parros the fighter, but you pretty much nailed it on the head.

Assets: he's not afraid to go after anyone, and will get 5 minutes of respite from the opposition's biggest punch-threat. Immensely popular among the home crowd (I've been to games where the biggest cheer is when Parros says something on the big screen in a game where he's scratched).

Liabilities: tendency to fall over when throwing a punch, so he's not the most useful fighter. That said, he's even more useless between fights.

It will be interesting to see a Boogaard-Parros bout, if it happens. I'm not holding my breath on any Moustache-decision, but if he quells the Boogkneeman's wrath, that'll be doing his job.

Go Ducks.

Bryce said...

Parros's balance has improved noticably from the start of the season. That said, I still don't think he can grapple with the Boogster and not get tossed down.

I imagine they'll fight, but Boogaard's toss around style will put Parros sliding across the rink when he loses his balance.

Bethany said...

SO I feel really dumb asking this but uhm...what does RK mean...haha

Earl Sleek said...

Oops! RK is my shorthand for Rudy Kelly (the Rotten King).

Bethany said...

Haha ok thanks...I felt dumb...haha

RudyKelly said...

Okay, I thought these two guys would fight, but I didn't think it'd happen until the game actually started. This is going to be awesome.

Earl Sleek said...

WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DID I MISS? It sounds like it started awesome, and now I can watch the third :)