Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Earl Sleek, a mythical hockey player

Hm, more “getting to know ya”, eh? Jes GÅ‘lbez started up another blogger tag game, and Mike Chen then passed it on to me. I’m not sure I understand this game entirely, but as I have zero actual hockey skill, I guess I’m just going to play make-believe and invent some on-ice abilities.

Earl Sleek, if indeed he were an NHL-caliber hockey player

Team: Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (before they sold out to the “man”)
Uniform Number: 8 or 13, whichever one Teemu isn’t currently using
Position: checking line winger
Nickname: Pahlsson-lover, Girl Sleek
Dream Linemates: Sammy Pahlsson and (out of retirement) Stumpy Thomas.
Rounding out the PP: Vitaly Vishnevski and Lubomir Visnovsky, it’s always been a dream of mine to see these two paired up.
Job: I’m the set-up guy; I get the puck to Stumpy while Sammy plays as our defensive conscience.
Signature Move: Square-square-triangle. A real doozy.
Strengths: Offensive zone awareness and a regular willingness to wear a microphone.
Weaknesses: I make Stumpy do the fighting for our line, as well.
Injury Problems: Lower-body.
Equipment: An Adam Oates-style stickblade and for sure a visor.
Nemesis: Later it would be revealed that the only reason I devoted my life to making the NHL was to get close enough to murder Chris Chelios.
Scandal Involvement: Even later it would be revealed that my name was never Earl Sleek at all.
Who I’d face in the Stanley Cup Finals: The Devils. We owe ‘em a little G7 heartbreak.
What I’d do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Oh, it would be one wild party, I can assure you. I suspect I'd get married and divorced within the night.
Would the media love me or hate me? They’d like me all right, until I kill Chelios. Then the good ones would love me.

OK, let’s tag some ladies from the ol’ HLOG (on their own blogs): Sherry, HockeyGirl, and Finny.

8 comments:

zot said...

Vitaly Vishnevski and Lubomir Visnovsky, it’s always been a dream of mine to see these two paired up.
The reason for this wouldn't be to mess with those announcing the game, now would it?
Also, Sammy and Stumpy as your dream linemates is excellent

hockeygirl said...

Signature Move: Square-square-triangle. A real doozy.

Wow. How am I going to top that?

Earl Sleek said...

The reason for this wouldn't be to mess with those announcing the game, now would it?

Well, sure, initially. But I'm convinced it would work on the ice as well. One offensive guy and one defensive guy, you know.

Wow. How am I going to top that?

I think your right analog stick can be used to defend that move.

Jordi said...

More importantly, how the hell are you going to bring that playstation controller on ice?

Pfft - Lower boy is just a pretty name for "embarrassing groin injury".

Sherry said...

Would the media love me or hate me? They’d like me all right, until I kill Chelios. Then the good ones would love me.

oh Sleek, just for that I already love you :P

Team: Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (before they sold out to the “man”)
When would that be? They were created by Disney!

hockeygirl said...

I think your right analog stick can be used to defend that move.

I found the move that beats it.

Jordi said...

Come on baglady Sleek! Hurry up! Yoou're carrying my stuff!

Objectionable Conduct said...

Hey, I technically WAS tagged. Yes! I didn't break meme rules lol.