Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Belated Memories of Game One

Sorry I haven’t reported in with my at-the-game antics from last Friday’s BoC-inaugural Kings-Ducks matchup, but I was pretty drunk while at the game, and was cut off from my computer for the weekend.

At any rate, my three highlights from the game (aside from anything really on the ice) were:

1. Meeting Girl with a puck after the game and impressing her with my slurred speech and general tallness

Now I got it easy sitting up front three games a year and yelling at players and all, but she’s a real dedicated Duck fan-blogger. If I’m not mistaken, she was in the very last row of Honda Center Friday night yelling at passing planes. In fact, stop reading my site and go see how a real fan feels.

She could not, however, produce an actual puck upon request. She had good enough excuses (“It’s in my purse, which is in the car”), but I’ve still got my doubts as to the validity of her blogger name.

Then again, my name’s not really Earl Sleek, so I guess I’m fucking bullshit (see below).

2. Sitting one row back and a few seats over from baseball scandal legend Mark McGwire.

I’m very bad with sports that don’t rhyme with “bockey”, but even I know the Big Mac when I see him (not to be confused with Andy Mac). As my photo-shooting friend Damndaze learned during an intermission “chat”, Big Mac was in the house to support his St. Louis buddy Chris Pronger, and to sip his beer and enjoy the strange ice-sport before his eyes.

Hey, maybe the guy is a hockey fan. He never really seemed distracted or disinterested, but I strongly suggest his front-row presence and his Pronger jersey had more to do with a personal invitation than, say, an interest in the sport or the team.

I even got in on a shot with him, though (mostly because it’s a bad shot and I've still got a day job) I’m maintaining Eklund-level anonymity at this point.

So that was cool, but I’m stalling. For me, these things paled in comparison to…

3. Teemu shocks us all with his dirty diving mouth

Now I didn’t really see the play very well where he got called, but once we heard it was a diving call, we naturally tried to cheer up our good buddy Teemu. “Baloney call!”, “No way, ref!”, and things like that.

But then Teemu (who I think wasn’t drinking) decided to take it up a notch.

I shit you not. God’s honest truth. E5. Not under his breath, either; he belted it.

Don’t get me wrong. I see plenty of swearing in the box, and I’ve been admonished by security about controlling my own beer-inspired tongue, but I've never heard a dirty peep from Teemu. Teemu's a nun with a wicked wrist shot.

Here’s a list of things I would expect to say “fucking bullshit” before Teemu would: a newborn baby, an unwatered plant, a passage in the bible, a freshly-lit cigarette.

You get the idea. We were fucking floored.

Our little Teemu is now an adult. Welcome to the twenty-first motherfucking century.


Jordi said...

Easy, that's not Selanne. Merely a demon has overtaken his soul in exchange for his talent.

Black Dog said...

Wow, you are tall.

Unless Big Mac has shrunk even more so now that he is off the juice.

Mike Chen said...

Pronger and Man-Boobs McGwire are buddies dating back to their St. Louis days. I remember an SI article interviewing Pronger and Man-Boobs kept calling him to invite him to do banned substances or feed his fat kid or something.

Anonymous said...

HIL-AR-I-OUS! Seriously. God, I'm so jealous that you write with such wit. I'm so boring in comparison. LOL. Anyway, whatever, maybe it'll inspire me to write more humor(ously). Nevertheless, I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for you to post up the Teemu dirty mouth comments, and of course, with the expected accompanying photo from your buddy, whose name I've (sadly) forgotten but whose team I still remember (Wings) -- and, btw, does that make me evil that I can't remember his name but I remember what team he roots for? -- anyway, as I ramble, I just wanted to say I'm green with jealousy that you can write wit and I can't. If this blog thing allowed for kudos, I'd give you two. Peace, E-Sleek... talk to ya soon.

Anonymous said...

oh, and I forgot to mention. E-Sleek *IS* tall. At least, he was certainly a giant in comparison to me, the mere 5'1" chick with librarian glasses.

Miss. Scarlett said...

Your question mark is clearly superior to Eklund's anyways :P

I'm shocked at Teemu. I didn't think he knew such a dirty phrase.

Now I personally have not done extensive research on the effects of steriods [shocker, I know] but how old is Big Mac supposed to be anyways? He's looking real ragged.

Anonymous said...

I am absolutely shocked that Teemu would utter suck a nasty word. I would never expect it from him, O' Brien "OB" yes, Teemu no!

Game one was great and I was so glad that I had the oppurtunity to meet you.

I can honestly say that girl with a puck, does carry a puck with her. It is always in her purse.

Anonymous said...

Teemu stil has a soul, dammit. LOL.

And Cassie--"suck a nasty word" cracked me up... I know what you meant, but I find humor in the oddest of things.

Anonymous said...

Oh DAMN... I misspelled a word myself. that's what I get for getting a kick out of your typo, Cass. LOL... and thx for sticking by my puck-in-purse story! *conspiratorial wink*

Sean Zandberg said...

Chest to chest with Big Mac, how romantic.
Did he try to sell you any Corticosteroids? yuk yuk.

Brushback said...

"..an unwatered plant, a passage in the bible, a freshly-lit cigarette...

Welcome to the twenty-first motherfucking century"

This cracked me up. This blog is becoming one brilliant post after another.

Temujin said...

You couldn't have worn a nicer shirt, could you? Gads! My eyes!

It's too bad the Canucks are going to win in our little bet, because you obviously need some new threads!

Anonymous said...

During the first lock-out, when he played in Finland, Teemu's team Jokerit was playing the local rival HIFK. Esa Tikkanen was playing for HIFK and had an on-ice microphone the whole game (if his english was mostly b-s, so was/is his finnish).

Anyway, at some point Selanne and Tikkanen got into a "discussion" (the game was shown later with Tikkanen's "commentary"). The discussion ended with Selanne shouting to Tikkanen something along the line of:

"Speak finnish, you fuck!"

Knowing Tikkanen's reputation as a shit-talker, this was hilarious.

Even a kindergarden teacher sometimes shows his true feelings on the ice. :)